2 weeks after (Sunday)
"(Nickname), do you want this?" Your mother asked as she took out a (favourite chocolate) bar from the shelves, you both were in the chocolate section of the supermarket.
You nodded happily, those chocolates are like your energizer for you to do work and stuff, so if you don't have any at home, it felt like your life is incomplete.
You know that type of disappointment when you open your food shelf or fridge just to see nothing of your favourites in it and you were left to starve until your mother prepares you a proper meal.
You were the one that was pushing the trolley around the supermarket which was situated in the middle of your neighbourhood. The place you live sure was convenient because if there was a shortage of food or there are new ingredients that your mother wanted to buy, it will be no biggie since it takes less than 3 minutes to go there from your house.
The goods in your trolley started to pile up and the list of stuff that your mother wanted to buy had all been checked. So, there's no need to waste time anymore so you both headed to the counter.
Worried that your father at home might have waited for you two to come back and prepare dinner together (what I mean are your mom and dad...you don't know how to cook till this very day).
Your mom paid for all the goods while you were busy putting the plastic bags filled with goods back into the trolley, most of them were quite heavy so it's best to just bring the trolley to your car and put it back later.
As you two were exiting the supermarket, not wasting any time going back to the car. With you pushing the trolley while your mother was pulling the front of it just to make it go faster.
You suddenly gasped.
Automatically, you halted the trolley which made your mother jolt her body backwards.
Your mother looked at you in confusion, "What?"
You don't know how to say this but this happens all the time...because you're always forgetful. And you bet that one specific sentence will come out from your mother since it will always be the constant response for this situation.
"I forgot to buy (favourite drink)." you nervously laughed, trying to not sound scared.
Your mother sighed and took out her wallet, shoving the money in her hand to you, "How many times did I tell you to make your own shopping list?"
See...just like you predicted, that will always be the response she gives.
"Okay, okay. I'll do it next time."
Your mother sure has no energy to get angry and it seems like she's already numb to this situation. And also, your mother also predicted about you saying 'next time' and still you do the same mistake.
Because the 'next time' that you'll be doing is forgetting what you wanted to buy instead of making your own shopping list.
Well, it's not just you though, even your father will tend to forget to buy things and the only person that's organized and efficient in your family will always be your mother. Guess you never inherited that part of her but instead you get a forgetful gene trait from your father instead.
You rushed back into the supermarket and moved your feet to the drink section. You were trying your best to be fast but as usual, the drink section is filled with people and it's quite cramped. There was even a worker with a ladder that was busy putting more drinks that were decreasing on the shelves.
Lucky for you, the shelves that have (favourite drink) are not filled by people and you have nothing to worry about wasting time.
Just as you took one and rushed yourself back to the counter and the most unfortunate part is that the queue was long. When you were queuing to buy the goods with your mother before, the queue also took time too.
This is so annoying.
You were the only one there that wanted to buy one drink and here you are queuing after people that might buy stuff that can last for about one month. Some even had two trollies for fucks sake, that may last forever if you want to exaggerate.
But just like a miracle, the counter beside that was not occupied by an employee finally opened and the worker was nice enough to call for you as the first person to use the counter. Since he saw that you were just about to buy one drink, it's a waste of time for you to wait so long for that.
You walked happily to the counter but something interrupted the supermarket.
A loud scream for help.
The screaming was not once, but the person was constantly screaming. It sounded like it was an endless one.
Your happy steps before died down and it became slower. You were frightened that someone might have gotten injured and you sure weren't ready to go outside.
Spine-chilling scenarios like this never happened near you, it's usually happen when you read the news or watch it in thriller movies.
But witnessing one in real life?
Never.
This was petrifying and if you have a choice, you surely just want to stay in the supermarket for eternity. You don't even want to know what was going on outside.
Speaking of outside...that's where your mother is.
It couldn't be your mother, right?
You believe that your mother was safe and is busy putting stuff into the car boot but somehow your mother will just be in a startling state after hearing someone screaming and she might as mind her own business, since your mother is not the type to take risks, she usually avoids conflicts and it could be because she doesn't want anything happens to you so it's best for her to not get involved
.
"What's going on?" you muttered softly, as you put the drink onto the counter. Your eyes are still fixated on the exit door, not knowing what was happening beyond that door.
"Probably someone getting mugged again. It's happening often lately." The worker answered your question, while his eyes were also on the exit door before but then he focused back on scanning your drink price tag.
"Lately? Since when?" Your eyes pierced on him, not knowing what's happening currently is something not good. It's like you're proving to yourself how ignorant you are.
"Last week." he put your drink into a small plastic bag. "The delinquents are causing more trouble these days."
Delinquents?
You swallowed your saliva in your throat harshly, that word. You just can't help it.
Because your brain will automatically think of Rindou.
Since you two have been starting to be 'friends' for the last 2 weeks, you just sometimes forgot how actually dangerous he is. And of course, you can't picture him on a motorcycle and starting to steal a random woman's handbag or even injuring them, it doesn't sit right with you.
It feels so weird to think that it might be him.
But why are you doubting this now?
You just known him for 2 weeks and it was never enough for you to prove that he was a nice person, it could be that he's hiding his true colours all this time and you never knew who he really is and all of the things that you seen him done was all just an act.
Fuck.
I'm trusting him too quickly, aren't I?
You were starting to get afraid of him. Guess you have been too comfortable with Rindou all this time. Too comfortable that you even forgot to be wary.
You paid the drink and head your way back to the exit door, the cashier was nice to ask you to be careful.
It was heartwarming but the fear in you was overtaking every fibre of your body. So in the end that kind gesture from the cashier instantly fades away from your mind like it never happens.
Your mind was starting to be in a mess like it was a bunch of squiggles in it. You don't want to think that your mother was the victim because you don't want to jinx it.
And you felt like an incident like that happening to you sounds impossible. Your family will mostly be witnesses of the accidents on the road or even hear stories from people that experienced this type of traumatizing situation.
But it never happens to you.
Sometimes, you do wonder what will it be like if you were in their shoes, the ones that are suffering from this unwanted incidents. Surely, it's not because you desperately want it to happen to you but you wonder how will you react?
How can you even handle that situation?
Are you mature enough to stay calm and not panic?
You just can't imagine yourself being in that type of misfortune, because if you do...it could be that you aren't able to control your emotions or even think straight.
As many people will always label you for having a strong personality, you never liked to agree with that statement. You pretend that you didn't hear it and you always change the topic whenever someone comes up with it.
Because you know damn well how mentally weak you are and you're just good at hiding it, by acting like you are unfazed by anything.
But if that type of incident happens to you, that 'strong personality' you kept masking on yourself will vanish in an instant and you will show nothing but your intense vulnerability, which you hate the most to show.
As you walked outside of the supermarket, you saw many cars that were on the road stopped and it seems that a traffic jam happen.
You even saw many people surrounding a car that was on the other side of the parking lot and they were encircling it to the point that you can't even see whose car was it.
You continued to search for your mother's car, not remembering much where she parked it but coincidentally they were on the same side of the car you stated before. The car that everyone was busy having their attention on.
You searched from afar trying to remember your mother's car plate number and the color of the car. It was dark already, so you have a hard time searching for it.
But you believe that your mother didn't park the car far away from the supermarket and you still remember when she said, "Today is our lucky day!" when she got to park the car near the supermarket.
You roam your eyes on the parking lot and only stayed to look at the cars nearby, there's no need to waste your energy searching the whole parking lot.
But still, no sign of your mother's car.
Well...there is still one car that you avoided looking at.
And it was none other than the car of the person that you assumed that got mugged.
No...
...it can't be your mother's car.
The only very image that was instilled in your mind is your mother already finished putting the stuff in the trolley and she is waiting for you in her car seat while singing to her (favourite singer) album that you somehow already gotten sick of listening to since she will repeat it..every goddamn time.
So there's nothing to worry about, right?
There's no need for you to check that car if it's your mother's or not. It can't be.
It's impossible.
You just talked to her before and she was just in an annoyed state. Everything is just going on normal.
Your mother is okay.
That's what you kept on believing though.
But somehow, there's a part inside you that kept on convincing you to go on and look at the car, even if it doesn't have to do with you. Take a glimpse of it, just to make sure. Just so you can confirm what you were believing in.
So you sauntered your way to the car, walked pass the first section parking lot and went through the traffic jam.
Your heart was pounding inside of your chest. Your clutch on the small plastic bag becomes tighter so that it can calm your nerves.
It was a mix of fear and calm because there was a part in you that kept on convincing you that it was going to be okay and it could never be your mom. And there was part in you saying that it can be her and you totally have no idea how you can handle this situation.
As you got nearer to the people that were encircling the car, you finally were standing behind someone taller than you.
You took a peek from the front person's shoulder...
...in an instant...
...the plastic bag in your hand dropped.
You shivered out of fear.
No.
This can't be real.
This can't be happening.
This is just a dream, right?
You might be in your bed, squirming on it like crazy and sweating profusely just because of a horrible nightmare.
You're going to wake up soon and relief will swarm into you because all of that horror wasn't real.
But no.
You just don't want to say this was real. The word is too hard to be uttered.
You can't even think straight anymore and it was all so hard for you to take in as your vision started to get blurry. You pushed anyone in front of you, making yourself through to that very person because you have no time to be polite or courteous.
It was only fear, anger, sadness and confusion mixed up in one in yourself.
"MOM!" you screamed your heart out. Not giving a damn if it gives embarrassment to you because there's no time to feel that way, your eyes were only filled with the very image of your mother's unconscious state.
Your eyes roamed around her surroundings, trying to find your mother's handbag but it seems that it is nowhere to be found.
So it is true.
Your mother was the one that was screaming all this time, trying to save herself from some fucking delinquents even if for a fact she was already helpless. While you did nothing and even planned to stay in the supermarket for a while because you wanted to save yourself.
You didn't even think about your mother's safety that much. You thought about yourself first.
You were selfish.
If only you just bravely walked outside and stop all this from happening, maybe your mother wouldn't be in this horrifying state.
And now you can't decide if she's alive or not. The thought of your mother...dying and leaving you on a day that you thought was normal...you just can't live with that fact. Your mother doesn't deserve all of this happening to her.
Your knees that are weak to make you stand still had made you kneel on the ground near your mother. You pulled her upper body so that she can lay on your thighs.
All you see was her unconscious expression, blood was dripping slowly from her forehead as you saw a large wound painted on it and you can't think of what could have been caused by it.
Her eyes and mouth were closed shut, it feels like she wasn't there anymore and you can't imagine the possibility of not being able to look at her eyes or even hearing her voice again.
No, that's not going to happen.
Your mother can't die like this.
You weren't ready to let her go yet.
"Mom..." You tapped her cheek a few times, hoping that action can wake her up. "Mom...mom..." your voice started to crack.
"You can't leave me like this. Mom...mom...please wake up." You shook her body a few times and the words that you say were so difficult to enunciate that they come out as mumblings for you.
"MOM! Please don't do this to me...please..." You started to cry your heart out and you hiccuped multiple times, you can't properly breathe anymore.
People around you only looked at you like you were a show, not knowing what to say to you since they don't want to get near you because that'll just cause more problems and it will be difficult for your mother to breathe due to the suffocating crowd.
But a middle-aged man approaches you, he has his flip phone in his hand and you didn't notice that he has been standing near you all this time.
He put his hand on your shoulder, trying to give you reassurance, "Calm down, kid. I already called the ambulance. They're on their way, okay? Please stay calm."
He looked into your eyes, a pity expression was on his features as he saw how they were streaming with endless tears and you can't control yourself in this situation. And he can see how your body is jolting up and down consistently, you were panting and trying your best to regain your breathing, you were in such an intense state that no one can ever describe how horrible you felt at this moment.
You're the one that suffered the most in this scenario.
"My mom... is going to be... alright....right, sir?..." You stared into his eyes deeply, desperately wanting an answer and you can't suppress your hiccups, so you talk between them.
The man stayed silent and he was hesitant to give you an answer, probably because he doesn't even know if your mother can survive or not.
"Answer me, sir." You pleaded.
"I..."
Your hiccups started to get louder than usual, and the way that the man was hesitant to answer anything was making your heart clench.
"I have no right to answer that."
"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LIE TO ME?!" you lashed out at him and you know that what you're doing is rude to a man that's trying to help but still...your common sense was nonexistent on you.
"Why can't just lie to me that my mother's going to be alright? Because I rather you lie to me that she's going to live than you..." Your sniffles and hiccups were stopping you to form the very next sentence.
"No...my mother's going...my mother's going to be alright." The tears that were falling from your eyes dropped on your mother's (skin colour) cheeks. Your grip on her upper body was firm but you held her gently, not wanting to hurt her further.
"My mother promised to cook (favourite food) for me. So don't you dare try to tell me that she's going to..."
Your hiccups were getting more intense than usual, the ambulance was still not arriving and you have never felt a moment that feels like an eternity. Why is the ambulance so late?
Your mother is in a risky state and you can't accept the possibility that she might have died only because she got her treatment late.
"Okay kid, I understand. But right now, you need to stay calm."
You don't want to respond to anything that the man has said, you don't want to care anymore about anybody that's surrounding you. They will never understand what you're going through right now.
Stay calm? Easy for him to say.
And also why would they feel the same way anyways?
It's not like someone that they're closed with just gotten hurt.
They're nothing but the audience...which are the ones that you have always been before...
...but right now...
...you are the victim that everyone is pitying.
"Mom...It's going to be okay..." you were calmer than before, probably because you were too exhausted from wailing like crazy. "...After all of this, we're going to go shopping again...like we used to...and I promised..."
Your hiccups interrupted your words again, "I'll write my own shopping list, okay?... I promise I'll listen to every word you say. I promise I'll say more of how much I love you ...I promise...I'll be a good daughter...so please...stay with me, mom..."
You hugged your mother tightly, not wanting to let her go and you're still believing that this was just a bad day for you and you get to hear your mother's laugh, your mother's nagging, your mother's constant sarcastic remarks, your mother's tears of joy when you told her that you got first place in your batch and every little thing about your mother...you were confident that you get to witness all of that again.
This can't be the end for you and your mother.
Your mother can't die in this type of situation that she never asked to be in. She is such a responsible and reliable mother, everyone will kill to get a mother like her, she was one in a million to the point that you just can't live normally if she's gone.
To think that this was a delinquent doings. You can't accept the fact that your mother will die only because of the ruckus that they have caused.
You will never forgive them to death.
You will never see them redeemable forever and your resentment might have caused you to go berserk.
Forgiving people was never in your dictionary and it never will be.
You clung to your mother for dear life, praying for any miracle to happen and hoping that God will not take your mother away. You're not ready to live without her.
You kept on believing that she'll survive this incident. Think about all the positive possibilities for your mother later on.
Never even once...
...you thought that your mother is going to die.
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You were walking back and forth in front of the emergency room. Waiting patiently for your father's arrival and your hands were bloody from holding your mother's bloody state.
This moment was too nerve-wracking.
What if the doctor announced your mother's death right before your father can even arrive?
You can't blame your father for being late since right now is the hours when most people coming back home. Traffic jams will be inevitable, even if you're in a desperate situation.
Your hand were getting sweatier and your body shivers like you were in winter. You don't know what to feel or what to do, you just kept on thinking the possibilities after this.
Mixed emotions crept inside of you. As much as you desperately wanted to know what will happen to your mother and wanted the doctor to announce it real quick but at the same time, you don't want the moment to happen to you...
...because you were too scared that you have gotten your hopes up all this time.
But yet again, you still believe that your mother can survive this incident. This is just a life lesson that God decided to test your family to become better and more caring about each later.
This is not the time for your mother to go to where humans actually belong.
You have lots of things to say, lots of things you wanted to do with her and a piece of you regretted not doing all those things sooner. Why will you think all of this in this circumstance?
Wouldn't it just hurt you more if the possibility of you not having the chance to do all that happens?
So it's best for you to not think anything deeply and focused on what's happening in the present, praying endlessly to God to save your mother.
"(Nickname)!"
You snapped your head towards the very familiar voice, you should feel grateful that he had finally came but yet a pang of guilt started forming inside you.
How can you face him?
When all the sadness in you at this very moment was all because you can't stop blaming yourself for being forgetful.
Probably he's going to resent you for the rest of your life if it turns out later that your mother can't be safe.
So you stay in your spot.
Frozen.
It was like your toes are nailed to the hospital floor, unable to move an inch.
But he moved to your direction, a sad smile written on his face. It was obvious that he was trying to stay calm and strong just so he will not worsen your emotions.
Well, it wasn't helpful actually.
Because the closer he was getting to you, the more teary-eyed you were getting.
Everything starts to get blurry in your eyes again. It's like your eyes did this on purpose so that you can't see a clear view of your father's expression sooner.
"Dad..." your voice cracked as you tried to call for him.
As your father finally reached to you, he held both of your shoulders gently.
"Are you okay? Did you get hurt anywhere?" He starts checking on your face and every part of you, trying to find if there was any slight injury on you.
Those questions.
It just made you hurt even more inside.
Why he's busy concerning about you?
When all this situation have went this far was only because you weren't there with your mother.
You might not be Wonder Woman that has immaculate strength to fight villains but you know that if you were with your mother's side when she was getting mugged, you can at least save her from any injuries even if her handbag might have got taken away at that moment.
But still...the handbag...you don't fucking care about it.
Right now, your mother is in critical condition only because she doesn't want her handbag to get stolen away.
And you know why.
It was all because of you.
Your mother does prioritize money, but it wasn't because it benefit her, actually it was so you can be happy and eat well. She doesn't buy things much for herself, you don't know when was the last time she does that anyways.
Because every time you two went shopping for clothes, it'll just turn out to buy yours only and even if you saw your mother having clothes that she's interested in, she just let it slide because she wanted to save up the money and spoil you instead.
Even when you and your family are having meals, your mother will always eat the least amount because deep inside her will feel guilty to eat a lot. Because the very statement that was forming in her head was 'If I eat more, (Father's name) and (Nickname) will get less, these meals are their favourite even.'
She sacrifices a lot.
She gave her everything.
She put everyone else before her.
She's an angel indeed.
So the way that your father asked about your condition first...
..had made you wailed like crazy out of the sudden.
"W-what's the matter? Are you really hurt somewhere? Did I say some-"
You shook your head aggressively, your eyes are closed shut tightly as the tears in your eyes cascaded endlessly that they dropped to the end of your shoes.
"It's all my fault...If only...If only I was..." Your words weren't able to come out of your mouth and as your father saw you in such a messy state, he automatically pulled you into a hug and the tears that were streaming down your face made his shirt wet.
"I shouldn't let her.... walk alone....I should've just stayed with her..." You hugged your dad tighter and your cries were getting louder than usual. "Dad, I'm sorry. I'm so-"
"(Nickname)...I will never blame all of this on you. All of this happened not because of you. And to me...what matters is that you're safe, okay?" your father stroked your hair softly as he say the reassuring words.
It was difficult for him to stay in this 'calm' role that he was doing. He just wanted to sit on the floor and cry his heart out to the point there was no tears left in him.
Why wouldn't he?
Knowing the fact that his wife is in the ER and it might be a possibility that she wouldn't be here anymore.
But he stayed strong for you. Acting like all of this unaffected him. Because if he was to act on his emotions, what will happen to you then?
If you weren't able to stay strong in this situation, then he will.
Even if it was all just fake.
Your father unhugged you and had his hands back on your shoulder as he face you properly. "Don't worry. Mom has always been the strongest person that I adore the most...so all of this...is not going to make her leave us..." He moved his right hand to your cheeks and wiped the tears that were still running down from your eyes, "She's going to live, okay? So please...don't cry..."
A reassuring smile worn on his face.
See?
Your father knows how to lie to you, unlike the middle-aged guy before. Although his words sound too hopeful which then will crush your heart into pieces if you found out that your mother can't survive, you wanted to believe that lie, you wanted believe that your father's reassuring words will be the exact same words with the doctor's soon.
Your father and you sat on the hospital chairs right in front of the ER that were joined onto each other. The chairs were metal so you can't help but feel the coldness of the chairs on your skin.
Well that didn't stop you to be sound asleep with your head rested on your father's shoulder while he patted you gently.
It has been around 30 minutes after your father's arrival.
Still no sign of doctor.
No announcements.
Not a person coming out from the ER's door.
Then there were you that was too exhausted with all of the things that just happened to you. You just wanted to fast forward onto what was about to happen later, you don't want to anticipate it or even go through it.
You want it to pass by like you were never there.
But it seems like it will forever be impossible.
It is something inevitable.
Because the doctor finally exited the ER and your father shook your shoulder to wake you up.
"(Nickname), the doctor's here." your father whispered.
You felt a little drowsy from getting up from your sleep so quick but your father's words before made you stood up from your seat instantly, you father did too.
The doctor walked closer to the two of you, with his hands in his pocket. His expression was too hard to understand, because they always put on a neutral face if they want to give good or bad news since they were trying to be professional.
So you can't determine...
...if your mother is okay or not.
"How is she?"
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A/N: Yeah. This is first angsty chap on this fic T.T And this definitely my first time writing about an accident , so sorry if the depiction was quite inaccurate. I tried my best! Anyways, thank you so much for 10K! The next chapters also gonna be heavy and it's going to be Rindouless for a while since I want to focus (First Name)'s story first. But don't worry! Because I believe I have planned Rindou's backstory is going to be wayyy worse than (First Name)'s. I'm sorry , I'm literally traumatizing the characters in this fic because to me it's fun. I sometimes also understand Isayama PFFT. Okay, sorry that's so cringey. Well, that's all for now :) Thanks for reading!
-zuu