April 3
Have you ever had a day where you're just... there? Like, you go about your day normally, but after the whole day is over, you don't know what you even did? Like, you just existed that day, but that's about it?
What even is there? Is this even real?
This wasn't meant to get philosophical or anything. Is that how you spell it? Philosophical? Whatever.
The past few days have felt kinda... off. Like I'm just watching myself through a screen.
Like, I was watching a boring movie at night and I fell asleep, except the movie was myself.
I do it sometimes, but it's becoming more often. I dunno if people usually feel this way or if something is going terribly wrong in my mind.
Or, I guess, since I'm technically just my brain, something is wrong with me.
~~~
Marcy was sitting alone in their room. Sighing to themself, they stood up and picked some of the broken pencils off of their floor.
Throwing them in the trash felt relieving but also incredibly wrong.
"Those are people..." Marcy muttered to themself as they sat back down on their bed, conflicted by their act of murder(?) to the pencils now in the trashcan. "It doesn't matter, though," they continued. "They were shitty people."
"Should I be concerned?" Sasha asked, appearing in the doorway, apparently having heard all of Marcy's short one-sided conversation.
"Oh! You're back? Already?" Marcy asked, a bit flustered.
"Yeah? I just went to get some water. You knew that."
"Yeah... I did know that, I think... I- I've just been spacing out a bit."
"You alright? Wanna talk about it?"
"No, no, I'm fine, don't worry. I was just tired of the pencils... How long have you been here?"
"About twenty minutes?"
"I could've sworn... whatever. Um, do you wanna play a game or something? Like a video game or board game or whatever you want really."
"It's your house, you can decide. I'm fine with whatever."
"But... what do you want?"
"Whatever you want. Don't you have an opinion?"
"I stopped having opinions a long time ago."
"I feel like I've heard a toad say that to me before..." Sasha started. Marcy looked at her with a confused look, which was probably justified. "I dunno, that was probably a dream or something."
"I once wrote a poem about a weird dream I had. It was kinda fun, actually."
"Oh really? Can I hear it?"
"I mean, I haven't memorized it or anything, and I don't know where it is."
"That's a shame," Sasha said. "Perhaps... we could write poems about the dreams we had last night. That'd be fun, right?"
"It sounds intriguing. I don't see you as the type of person who enjoys poetry, though."
"I hate it, but I like sharing things with you, and maybe sharing my weird poetry of my weird dreams could help us, I don't know, bond?"
Marcy gasped with glee. "You want to do a weird bonding activity?" They were smiling widely, inching closer and closer to Sasha's face.
"...Y-yes?"
"Great, I'll go get some paper for us to write our poems on."
It was about twenty minutes later. Sasha had been done with her poem for a few minutes, but Marcy was struggling. The poem was fine, technically, but it was empty; had no meaning. It was a lot of words, but emotionless. It didn't properly display what their dream had been.
What had their dream been? When was last night?
"I guess I'm done now," Marcy said with a sigh. "Do you wanna share yours first?"
Sasha nodded. "Behold, the glory of my poem!
"I see it every night
Its eyes stare into my soul
The glee it feels in my fright
It cries if I ignore it at all
It screams at yells
It seems like hell
I wish it would end
But the wish goes unanswered
I try to sleep but it continously weeps
So instead I threw it away
It reappeared in my room, I'm sure that I'm doomed
Oh God, why is it this way?
I hate my life and I fear
I'll have to live this way 'til I'm thirty
I feel my death drawing near
Why did anyone ever invent this furby?"
Marcy hesitated for a few seconds. Then burst into laughter. "Did you seriously have a nightmare about a furby?! All of that... for a frickin' chickin' furby!"
"Those things are terrifying," Sasha huffed, defending herself from humiliation, which ultimately backfired as Marcy started laughing more.
Sasha grumbled, uttering something under her breath, probably some ungodly curse that'll make Marcy turn into an owl beast every once in a while, or something like that.
"Whatever, nerd. My fears are valid. And I've yet to hear your poem," Sasha said.
"Ah, well... mine isn't very good. I don't even understand the shit that I wrote. I just kinda scribbled out words. I don't know what any of it means."
"Does it look like I care if it's good or not? I just wrote an angsty poem about a furby."
"That's true... well...
"The watery sands of a foreign time
The ancient ruins of a life once mine
The embrace of heat against my skin
People around me, where they've never been
The glow of the light as it reaches my eyes
The star in the sky slowly fades out and dies
My soul slowly taken in the twilight's great reach
It leads my gaze wandering to the corrupted beach
My breath held and thinking nothing but night
My head tumbling slowly, seemingly trite
Calling for answers when no one responds
Asking for help in the brace of my bonds
Surely I'm free if I learn to escape
Disassociate into a mountainscape
Basking in moonlight and grace up above
Thinking of chances and the risk of true love"
"Wow," was all Sasha managed to say. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't know how to respond to that. What was your dream?"
"I don't even know. I can't remember, I just recall the general vibe of it."
"The vibe seems cool. You could make a fantabulous song out of it... or like a really dope video game."
"Firstly, dope is quite literally just a drug, and secondly, there is nothing there to even make a video game; it's just a bunch of words."
"I disagree. You described something. It sounds like you're in a place that doesn't exist, something ancient and old; long forgotten. You're trapped there, with nothing but memories of who you used to be, and you're not quite sure who you are anymore. You try to call for help, but no one is there, so you try to pretend that you're in a place that you enjoy. And perhaps, maybe you do enjoy it."
"You sound like an English teacher."
"Listen, all I'm saying is that it has a lot of imagery to it. Maybe the twist is that you were stuck in your mind all along. You can't leave and you're unsure of who you are. It could be a really cool game about self-discovery."
"Do you want to make a game like that?"
"No, I can't code at all. And I don't know where to begin."
"Fortunately for you, I have a sponsorship with skillshare, so if you use the code 'Sasha'sADweeb', you can get a free Python lesson."
"I'm not a dweeb, thank you very little."
"Perchance, but I have a feeling Anne will agree with me."
"Oh, for sure. Sasha's a total dweeb," Anne said, nodding her head.
"I am shocked. I am appalled. I am deeply hurt. I am bleeding internally. I am dead." Sasha dramatically flopped onto the floor of the trio's math classroom. Anne rolled her eyes and sighed immensely.
"Stay dead," Anne replied, showing no signs of mercy.
"Oh c'mon, Boonchuy, I thought we were friends."
"We were never friends, just acquaintances. Honestly, it's strange to assume that we ever had any sort of kinship. Just imagine: you and me, hanging out, enjoying life together. How strange is that?"
Sasha inhaled deeply. "The fittnesgram pacer test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues."
"Sasha, why do you know all of that?"
"I don't, I just know the first line."
Marcy decided to show off their unmatched talent and prestige. "The twenty meter pacer test will begin in thirty seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly, but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start."
"Marcy, dear lord, why do you know that entire thing."
"Trauma."
Of course, the bell felt the need to ring, so class was officially in session, rendering the trio's conversation forever closed.
If there were ever a time to stop procrastinating, this would not be that time, for Marcy was hurriedly scrawling down notes in their notebook, hoping to not fail their Biology final. Equipped with nothing but a mechanical pencil, a college-rule notebook, and a note card from their classmate, they felt prepared to cram any and all information into their brain.
"You good, Marce?" Sasha asked, watching Marcy frantically scribble words.
The graphite continuously scraped against the lined paper, permanently etching itself into the notebook. Over and over again, Marcy marked the page with a fancy word that they didn't quite understand, completely forgetting to respond to their girlfriend.
"I think Marcy broke," Anne responded for Marcy.
"That's a shame, I liked them," Sasha mused.
Anne hummed. "Yeah, me too."
Ignoring the feeling of heat rush to their cheeks, Marcy stayed focused on the task at hand: not failing Biology.
"Hey, Marcy." A figure approached the lunch table that the three were sitting at.
Marcy looked up, confused as to why anyone other than Sasha or Anne was talking to them. Upon looking at the person, however, it became all too clear why they were there.
"Hey," Marcy started, panicked by the situation that had just presented itself.
"Can I have my note card back? I need to study it."
"...fine," Marcy said, reluctantly handing back the note card.
"Who are you?" Sasha asked bluntly, to which Anne elbowed her. "Ow, geez, I was just asking a question."
"I'm Sara, Marcy's lab partner. She stole my note card, so I'm getting it back."
"They," Anne and Sasha stated at the same time. Marcy couldn't help but softly smile.
"Hm? Oh sorry. They stole my note card," Sara corrected herself. "Goddammit Sara, why do you always do this."
They all sat in silence for a few seconds, unsure of what to do next.
"Well, anyway, I'm gonna go back to my table now. Have a nice lunch." Sara promptly walked away, ascending further into the depths of the chaotic mess known as the cafeteria.
"Okay, then..." Anne started. "So Marcy, are you really going to spend all of lunch studying for Biology? That sounds like a sad existence."
"Sad is the only world I've ever known. I'm fourteen, and this is deep."
"You spend too much time on Reddit," Sasha remarked.
"You understood my reference because of your own knowledge and experience in the subject, therefore in exposing me, you have exposed yourself."
"Caught in 4k, lmao, get dunked on, L+ratio." Anne decided to voice her opinion on the matter.
"I hate you all, and consequently, I shall shun myself from society and live in the woods, scheming my revenge on the both of you. In the end, it will be me who will get the last laugh, for your vocal cords will be so mangled that you will be unable to laugh, scream, or even cry. You shall wish for death, but no death shall come, for I will never grant you the sweet relief of losing your life. You will endure neverending torture for all of eternity. Maybe, you should've thought twice before humiliating me in front of the world."
"Sasha, I mean this in the most respectful of ways, but what the fuck is wrong with you?"
"There's nothing wrong with me at all. In fact, I am simply acting in a way that this society has raised me. In this society, you must do what it takes to survive. I am willing to play by those rules, and seeing as you fall short on this tall order that society has placed, I can see that I am leagues ahead of you."
"Are you listening to yourself?" Anne asked in disbelief.
"Sasha, are you... y'know?" Marcy began.
"Am I what?"
"A Capricorn. You're a Capricorn, right?"
"Oh my God."
Marcy was almost astonished.
Scoring a 94% on their Biology final was not something they expected to ever do.
And yet, displayed on the screen of their chromebook was the score that they earned, 94/100.
It was strange, Marcy didn't even remember most of the test. It all went by in a blur and then it was over.
Though, it probably didn't matter.
What did matter was that Marcy had officially passed all of their finals, meaning that they felt accomplished, once again.
Actually, they felt like shit, but they didn't know why.
Throughout several stressful weeks, they were finally able to move on from the anxiety that had been plaguing them.
But now, it felt more like they had just completed a game that took years to finish. They finally did it, but now it's over. It feels more empty, than anything.
Almost like it didn't even happen.
Almost like it's not even there.
Almost like they're not even there.