ROXANNE
Roxanne could barely handle the scrutiny of her two best friends as they stared at her, as if assessing a lab rat, and shook their heads in dissatisfaction, each for different reasons. Brenda sat cross-legged on the floor while Addy rocked in the office chair in front of her table.
Brenda flung her blonde locks over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes, "I absolutely cannot believe you stayed for breakfast."
Roxanne inhaled sharply and pulled herself further on the bed, "Not everyone has the ancient knowledge in slut."
"Mean." Brenda murmured.
The dorm room they were in was plain and sort of soulless, nothing but a wooden bed, table and closet, with only a regular black rug covering the floor. Roxanne always wondered why Addy hadn't bothered to decorate. Her favourite thing to do when coming to a new space was adding colour and detail.
"She's right, though. Not everyone knows the rules." Addison turned away from staring at Roxanne and typed away on her computer.
As always, her dark, shoulder-length hair was in a tight ponytail on the top of her head, her eyelids jumped left and right as they tracked the text on the screen and a beam of anxious sweat formed on her forehead.
Addison was in a perpetual state of hurry, ever since high school. She was also incredibly good at multitasking, or so she claimed, and she did not mind people lounging in her dorm room while she wrote her essays.
"You shouldn't have slept with him." Addy murmured. "Bad idea."
Brenda rolled her eyes, "Write your essays, nerd."
"Oh, wow, nerd? So original." Addy's expression remained deadpan.
Brenda ignored her, "You should have absolutely slept with him. God knows you needed it after Mike."
Roxanne's glance fell on the lonesome phone screen. A part of her expected Mike's instant reply. She thought he regretted their breakup and called last night to tell her that. The more likely explanation for the wayward phone call was Mike getting drunk and just calling for drunkenness's sake.
Roxanne sighed, "It was good, though."
"Good?" Brenda raised her eyebrow. "Or better?"
"Better." Roxanne let out a chuckle.
She would have been much more eager to share everything that's happened if she hadn't ruined it all by overstaying her welcome.
"Well, that's good, then." Brenda said. "You had fun, that's what matters."
Roxanne looked at her, "He kicked me out of his apartment."
Brenda laughed, "What the hell did you expect? It was a one night stand! Men don't like it when you read into stuff."
"You would know." Addy still typed, her fingers gliding over the keyboard. "You've tried them all."
"And you've tried none." Brenda sneered. "Seriously, though, you shouldn't feel bad. It's not like you're going to see him ever again."
Roxanne's eyes widened on their own and she realised, like a stupid school girl, that she had in fact hoped she would see him again.
"What makes you say that?" She whispered.
"The fact he kicked you out of his apartment?" Brenda offered. "Plus, we're talking about Damien Douglas."
"So?" Roxanne murmured.
Brenda raised her eyebrow, "He's an eternal bachelor."
"He's twenty nine." Roxanne said. "That's hardly eternity."
"Honey, guys like that never change." Brenda shook her head. "Seriously, have you looked him up at all?"
"Ugh, you and stalking." Roxanne leaned her head against the cool wall. "Why would I look up a guy immediately? Where's the mystery in that?"
"He's not all that mysterious, trust me." Brenda took her phone, her long nails tapping against the screen. "US Weekly posts about him every now and then while he's travelling the world with a different girl every time. He's basically a certified party boy, he's not even pretending to do something else with his life. He's fine for a rebound, but you shouldn't seriously consider him. He's going to break your heart worse than Mike."
Roxanne banged her head against the wall as frustration began to gather in her temples, causing numb pain. No matter what she did, she always seemed to choose wrong.
"Fine." She sighed eventually. "I screwed up. Can we not add on to my shame?"
"You didn't screw up." Brenda put the phone down. "I told you he's good for a rebound. Go through a few more and you'll forget all about Mike. Everyone knows that the best way to forget about a dick is to find another dick."
Addison turned away from the screen, "Don't listen to her. You need time to process the breakup and other guys are only going to confuse you."
Brenda rolled her eyes, "No. Other guys are going to help her realise there's plenty of fish in the sea."
"No, she's going to end up making huge mistakes. It's not going to help in the long run." Addison said. "Not everyone can go through guys the same way you do, some of us are actually looking for something meaningful. We can't just sleep around without getting attached."
"Ugh, that's such a stereotype." Brenda grunted. "You're basically saying women can't participate in casual sex because our poor fragile hearts can't handle it."
"Well, it's true!" Addison raised her voice. "On average, at least. Sure, there are women like you who seem to like it, but I'd rather not sleep with anything with a cock. Seriously, how good can they be?"
Brenda shrugged, "They tend to surprise you."
"I'm willing to bet that for every good dick, you've had at least ten underwhelming ones." Addison chuckled.
"Uh, I don't go through with what reeks of underwhelming." Brenda said. "Plus, do you have any idea how many men are waiting on my call at every moment? I'm casual, fun and I'm never going to bother them. I have marriage proposals in my DMs."
"And I have been in a loving relationship for the past ten years." Addison cut in. "With one man. And I didn't have to risk STDs to get him."
"Well, I'm not looking for a relationship." Brenda's gaze finally jumped to Roxanne. "You shouldn't either. You've been with Mike for three years, it's time to be single for a while. There's no need to jump from relationship to relationship."
Roxanne sighed, "Excuse me for actually hoping there are good guys out there."
"You're not wrong." Addison quickly jumped in, as if sensing Roxanne agreed with her. "You just need to find him. Trust me, he's out there."
"Bull-shit." Brenda laughed. "The idea that everyone has a soulmate is the biggest lie ever told and every girl past the age of twenty should understand that. The one is a lie."
Roxanne nodded and began to paraphrase their opinions, "Alright, so what the two of you are saying is that either you have to find the one and everything will make sense or you have to go through a string of casual relationships throughout your life and you'll never find someone who actually fulfils your needs."
When neither said anything, Roxanne continued, "What if you never find the one? What if he's stuck in some shit end of the world and you never meet? What if the string of casual hook-ups leaves you alone and lonely for the rest of your life?"
Both girls suddenly grew quiet and Roxanne sighed.
"You're worrying about it too much." Brenda spoke. "Seriously, you're twenty-three, it's not like your biological clock is ticking."
"For once, I agree with her." Addison jumped in. "And you definitely should be single for a while, but that doesn't mean you should sleep around."
Brenda squinted, "Being single isn't fun if you're not sleeping around."
Addison rolled her eyes, "Anyway, you should definitely stay away from guys like Damien Douglas. Mike is nothing compared to rich assholes like Damien."
Roxanne chuckled, "You don't even know this guy, you've never even seen him."
"But I did." Brenda said. "And I know the type. Spare yourself the pain and stay away."
"Once again, he kicked me out of his apartment, I'm pretty sure he'll stay away from me." Roxanne laughed. "It doesn't matter anyway, because Mike called last night."
Addison and Brenda grunted at the same time, as if their opinions finally aligned. Roxanne took in a sharp breath, foreseeing their reaction.
"What the hell?" Brenda frowned. "You didn't answer, did you?"
"He's such a jerk." Addison added. "Him leaving you was the best thing he's ever done to you."
Roxanne's eyes fell on the plain, white sheets. Yes, Mike could be a jerk, but he wasn't the worst boyfriend in the world. For the most part, he was sweet, especially the first year of their relationship.
"I didn't answer."
"Good!" Both girls said at the same time.
"But I asked him why he called this morning." Roxanne sighed and the girls grunted again.
"Girl, why?" Brenda whined. "You should have blocked his phone number and erased it."
Roxanne took a breath, "I know it by heart."
"You'd forget it eventually!" Brenda said.
"I agree." Addison nodded. "He was not right for you. You shouldn't have texted him. He's only going to drag you back into that relationship and we all know you aren't capable of leaving him for good."
Roxanne flinched, "Excuse me?"
"Oh, come on." Addison's gaze cut through her. "You didn't leave him when he cheated on you. Why would you leave him for any other reason?"
"I wanted to leave him, but-"
"But he came back and apologized." Brenda raised her perfect eyebrow. "I swear that's your default setting. As long as they apologize, all's good. God forbid they actually changed their behaviour."
Roxanne's lips tightened into a line.
"She's right." Addy nodded. "Did he stop cheating on you when you caught him?"
"Yes!"
"Are you sure?" Brenda asked. "I mean, why would he stop cheating on you? You already forgave him once."
The hangover and the shame built up within Roxanne and she felt tears blurring her vision. She loved Mike deeply and when he cheated he broke her heart into pieces, but it did not compare to him leaving her because he didn't love her anymore.
That hurt far worse.
"It's easy for you." Roxanne mumbled while looking at Addy. "Your soulmate walked into your kindergarten group when you were three. Some of us aren't so lucky."
"Hey, hey." Brenda jumped in. "Just because you didn't meet your soulmate when you were three doesn't mean you have to forgive people for cheating on you."
Roxanne pushed herself off the bed, "You know what? I have to go, my shift is starting."
"Oh, come on." Addy cut in. "We're just telling the truth!"
"Nothing I do is ever fine." Roxanne stood up. "If I dare to think my one night stand is more than that, you call me naive. If I talk to my ex-boyfriend, you call me stupid."
Brenda looked at her nails, "No one called you stupid. But you are naive and kind of desperate for male attention."
Roxanne laughed, "Right. Says the girl with the OnlyFans account."
"That is my job, missy." Brenda said through her teeth.
"Your parents must be proud." Roxanne mumbled.
Brenda gasped, "Oh, fuck you."
"I have to go." Roxanne picked up her bag. "Good luck with your essays, Addy."
Her best friend sighed, "I'll talk to you later."
Without sparing another glance in Brenda's direction, Roxanne left the room. She was still recovering from the hangover and she desperately needed a shower before her shift.
She should have known her friends wouldn't understand. Addy has already found what she was looking for and Brenda wasn't looking for anything.
They didn't know what it felt like to hope for love and have your hopes crushed day in and day out. It left one with a deep need to take bits and pieces of whatever someone offered.
Like an ex-boyfriend calling in the middle of the night.