Trust is something built with time and effort.
It can also erode with time and effort.
Penelope had nightmares sometimes.
In those nightmares, she'd find the tentative trust she tried to build shaken with fears out of control. Alone late at night she'd try to eat because she was so hungry and she was tired and it hurt.
And the foul taste in her mouth was too much to be normal. Too much to simply be rotten. Someone had messed with her food.
Someone wanted to hurt her.
And as the malice of that act settled deep inside of her heart like another jagged spike, she'd turn to see the culprit sneering at her.
Brother.
And just as she thought that, she saw Cale and Roksu. Sneering and delighting in her pain.
With a jolt, she'd wake up. Breathing heavily and sweating profusely.
Penelope made a habit of sneaking out of bed when she woke up like this.
She didn't want the comfort of her siblings. Not right now.
Staring out into the night from the window she thought she could see rain.
'One, Roksu and Cale have never done that.'
She breathed in and out, slowly and painfully, unable to understand the incongruent memory or why the word brother was such a menace to her.
'Two, it was just a dream.'
The clouds hid the moon behind their mass, hiding Penelope from the light and the comfort it might offer her.
'Three, my food isn't poisoned.'
She needed to remind herself as facts because if she focused on fantasy too much, she could still taste the foul flavor of the disgusting meal.
She touched her chubby toddler tummy, reflecting that it was nice to feel the distended chub. She was healthy and she was able to eat well. She didn't need to sneak out late at night to eat.
Penelope Henituse was well fed.
'...but I haven't always been well fed.'
Penelope was starting to understand that there was an ever so slight difference between I and Penelope Henituse. While Penelope Henituse was always I, I was not always Penelope Henituse.
She still hadn't gotten a full handle on the facts of the matter but she was starting to differentiate those matters in that simple logical equation.
Penelope trusted and loved her brothers, she had no reason to feel otherwise.
I didn't trust the concept known as brothers, the trust eroding away like so much rot inside of her damaged heart.
And as that affection inside of her grew stronger, so did the growing fear that it would one day be betrayed. How long before they decided it would be fun to hurt her? Before they took malicious joy in causing her harm?
How long could she indulge in the lie that brothers weren't dangerous and cruel?
"...Penelope?"
Penelope jolted fearfully, flinching away from the approaching sibling.
Roksu frowned in his unique way, he was concerned but he wouldn't admit to that. He was a dishonest punk but Penelope didn't have any trouble reading him.
Perhaps it was a triplet thing.
She calmed down a bit with the knowledge. Her siblings were likely to broadcast their intentions unintentionally to her long before they could do her harm.
"Go to bed." She said, looking back into the night. "I'm fine."
'Liar.' She heard him not say it very loudly and her scowl deepened. Sometimes it was a pain to be able to read her sibling so well.
Roksu stood at her side, keeping a carefully respectful distance between them and looking out onto the sky. "I can't sleep." He lied.
Roksu could sleep at the snap of a finger. Insomnia was not his enemy.
They stood in quiet contemplation.
Penelope wondered if I would have been happier if she'd had a brother like Roksu in her life before.
The thought caused her eyes to sting strangely and she realized with rueful resentment that she wanted to cry.
For trust to erode, there had to be hope that the trust initially grew from. A seedling of hope that wanted to grow into a strong tree of trust, stomped down by careless malice.
Penelope had wanted a family. Brother's who cared about her. A life where she didn't have to struggle for her basic needs to be met.
But the gnarled tree that had grown inside of her was bent and rotten, full of fearful nooks and unable to handle the weight of even a climbing child.
It wouldn't take much at all to crush her tentative trust.
Roksu placed a gentle hand on her shoulder in comfort and Penelope sniffled despite herself.
The tree needed to be watered every day, supportive structures to stop its bent and rotting branches from collapsing under its own weight, it needed sunlight and a supportive touch.
"I'm not crying." Penelope said stubbornly, glaring into her reflection in the window that lied and blurred by the tears in her eyes.
"Yeah." Roksu said calmly, pulling his little sister into a gentle hug. "You're not."
She sniffled, strangely relieved to hear the blatant lie. A strangled sob escaped her throat unbidden and her shoulders shook. "I'm not scared." She said with a shaking voice.
"That's right. You're brave." Roksu said, gently patting her hair as she dissolved into miserable choking sobs.
Penelope hated crying. It didn't solve anything. It didn't make anything better. It was an expression of weakness that was more likely to result in apathy or ridicule than to actually give you comfort.
So she wasn't crying. She refused to so childishly let go of her inhibitions and break down in such a useless way.
And if she was allowed to accept that lie, just for the moment, maybe her branches wouldn't break under the pressure of the rain.
When another set of arms wrapped around her, Penelope let out another wretched sob as the pain hit her all at once.
What had she ever done to deserve that?
She wanted a family. She wanted to be loved. She wanted to eat well and live well. She wanted to be treated like she mattered.
Why couldn't she have had the simple kindness of a comforting hug?
Cale patted her gently, yawning sleepily as he did so. "So long as Penelope's not crying, I'm going to not sleep, okay?" He said, leaning his weight against them as a small snore came from him.
He was so tired and he still made his way over to her.
Penelope thought that if she ever ate something so foul in the dead of night and turned around to find Roksu and Cale, they probably wouldn't sneer at her or mock her. She let out a shaking laugh as she hugged her brothers back.
Roksu would have her spit it out while Cale summoned the chefs to make her a proper meal, the pair determined to find and destroy the culprit behind the food contamination after they'd made sure she was okay.
Trust could grow like this. Even when her tree was so gnarled and rotten on the inside. It had been a strong seedling, after all, to be able to grow at all under such conditions.
Maybe she could trust her brothers. Just a little bit.
When the three finally made their sleepy and snotty trudge back to bed, Penelope felt just a bit braver.
Maybe if she had that nightmare again, she'd force the bastard to eat that poison instead.
She'd run out of patience for injustice. She liked things to be fair, even if that was impossible.
–
Cale trailed absently after Ron. It was what he normally did when he was feeling bored or aimless.
"You're going to leave one day, huh?" Cale said casually, his tiny toddles hardly able to keep up with Ron's pace as the butler went about his duties.
Ron stopped in his work, looking down to the child curiously. "Why do you say that, young master Cale?"
"Because you're going to." Cale said confidently. "One day you'll find something you want to do and you'll leave me."
It wasn't a wretched or miserable statement. It sounded so factual and simple that it was concerning.
Ron kneeled down before the pup, intrigued by the strange statement. "How do you know?"
"Everyone will leave me." Cale said confidently. "Some will die, some will leave me and then die, some will just leave me."
It was an eerie statement from a child that was hardly even four years old. Ron had thought that he'd gotten used to the unique nature of his young masters but sometimes they still managed to throw him for a loop.
It was true that Ron didn't hold the deepest loyalty towards the Henituse household. They were a means to an end. He needed a place to hide with his son away from the scum who had murdered his family. He didn't have any intention of growing attached to anyone here other than his own son. He had vague aspirations of someday destroying the garbage who'd broken the Molan household but he was aware that the possibility of actually doing so was unlikely.
He hadn't been able to face them even with the full strength of the Molan household. Now that it was only him and his son, the possibility dwindled away with every year he aged.
"You're confident about this." Ron said contemplatively. "Doesn't it make you sad?"
Cale smiled at him and it was a strange smile, unlike the ones he'd seen the boy wear before.
"Of course. It always hurts to be left behind."
"So you'd like me not to leave?" Ron asked curiously.
Cale shook his head. "No. It doesn't matter what I want."
It struck Ron why the boy was disturbing him so much.
Hopelessness.
It wasn't so strong as despair or dramatic as misery.
This child simply held no hope in his heart at all. It was rather difficult to be disappointed by others or upset over abandonment when you had no hope at all to begin with.
'...how upsetting.' Ron's benign smile melted away into a frown without him even realizing it. Ron had been by the young masters side his entire life, he knew better than anyone else that Cale had very few struggles in his short life that ought to have created such a hole inside of him.
Perhaps it was the abandonment of his father and the death of his mother. It made sense when Ron thought about it like that.
All the same, the twisted acceptance inside of Cale felt deeper than that.
A chubby hand reached out, touching his cheek. "Don't frown. I like your smile."
Ron's eyes widened and he looked down at the strange child who looked far more upset over Ron's frown than his predictions of future loneliness.
Ron adjusted his expression accordingly. "And what will you do, young master Cale? When you're left alone?"
"I'll fight." Cale said. "And then I'll die too."
Ron's heart sank.
The silly puppy of a young master wasn't all that important to him. He was just a strange child born into the Henituse household. But the idea of him dying alone stirred up Ron's emotions.
Ron was used to death. Many people died miserable and alone. Plenty of people who were assassinated had been first abandoned by all those who they loved, those individuals being the ones who paid the commission.
Ron could kill a person easier than save a person.
Cale didn't sound scared when he said his grim words, but his eyes did drift to the ground.
Perhaps he'd let himself grow too attached to the young master but Ron absolutely didn't want to let such a grim future come into reality.
"What if I don't leave?" Ron asked, curious how the puppy would respond.
Cale's shoulders flinched and strange brown eyes looked up at him with incomprehension. "That's impossible." He said factually. "Everyone leaves."
"What if I don't?"
What a cruel thing to ask. Ron truly might leave one day and the hopelessness in this child's heart was what comforted him through the knowledge of his lonely fate.
Cale's pupils shook and his lip trembled, he actually looked like the child he actually was for was. "You'll leave!" He said stubbornly, clearly shaken by Ron's hypothetical.
Ron patted the young master's head gently. "I think that perhaps I'll stay." He said, his true cold smile overtaking the benign one.
Cale's face broke down spectacularly. "Ron's a liar." He sniffed, his tiny fists trembling at his sides.
"Have I ever lied to you before?" Ron asked curiously.
"Yes! Lots!" Cale said. His bright brown eyes alight with emotion. "You always lie!"
"Then shouldn't it be fine if I lie about this?" Ron asked gently. The puppy was barking again without any idea what to do with himself. What a troublesome puppy indeed.
"It's not fine." Cale sniffed, wiping at his eyes with the back of his fists. "I might believe you."
"Do you want me to leave then?"
Cale shook his head, a small hiccup shaking his tiny body.
Forty years of trauma inside of a barely four year old body and an inability to understand what his memories truly meant due to the limitations of the higher functions of his brain at such an age. It was a cruel thing for anyone to endure.
Cale handled it the best he could. He faced his reality and he planted his feet on the ground.
Everyone and everything would abandon him but the ground was always there. Holding him up and giving him strength.
Gentle arms scooped him up, taking him away from the comfort of the ground and into the butler's arms.
"I wonder where you get such strange ideas, young master Cale." Ron said, his benign gentility shaking Cale's broken heart.
He didn't struggle though.
Ron's feet were also planted on the ground.
Just sometimes, he could be separated from the strength of the ground with the support of others. And maybe he could survive just a little while longer with that strength holding him up.
"I just know." He sniffed defensively.
"Ho." Ron chuckled, carrying Cale along with him as he continued his duties. "You're quite a stubborn child."
Cale hid his face in Ron's uniform. "...is that why you'll leave?" His voice was so small and weak and Ron reflected that this was perhaps why the young master brought up the topic to begin with.
He wanted to know he was abandoned.
What a miserable thing.
"I think I won't be leaving." Ron said, curious as to why he would leave to begin with.
He didn't have any loyalty to the Henituse household but he also had no strong inclination to leave.
"Liar." Cale's tiny hands wrinkled his uniform as the child clung to him.
He should warn the boy not to look for a father in him. Ron wasn't planning to be his father. He had one son already and Beacrox was more than enough for him.
He had no intention of adopting an abandoned noble child. Certainly not triplets who were nearly inseparable.
Ron reflected that Cale only ever chose to spend time away from his siblings if he was spending time with Ron. He felt a bit strange at the thought.
Yes. Perhaps he'd stay. Just to see how this foolish puppy would grow up. What sort of man would be created from this lonely, hopeless, and broken child?
It was difficult to say.
There was an intriguing strength there though. The ability to look into a lonely and bleak future without blinking indeed took a formidable fortitude.
Whoever Cale grew into, he would be a stubborn punk who did things at his own pace. Regardless of how broken he was on the inside.
It was a good thing that Cale had siblings. Ron had a suspicion that the young master could become rather inclined to destructive behavior if he wasn't careful.
And it was hard to imagine his siblings allowing him to do so.
With a child nestled gently in his arm, Ron went about his day like the flawless butler he was.
Cale allowed himself to be lulled to sleep gently by the going ons around him, every foot step assuring him that Ron's feet were still planted firmly on the ground.
He didn't want Ron to leave him.
He didn't want to see Ron buried in the ground again.
Old and taken before his time by an insidious poison that rotted away at his flesh.
Cale didn't want to face the day when Ron would leave him without a word.
He'd never be able to convince the elderly butler to stick around though. He knew that Ron would follow his own path, living life at his own pace.
In a great many ways, Cale Henituse had grown up to be similar to his primary caretaker.
Two dishonest and stubborn men.
–
"I'm not going to call you hyung." Roksu said without looking up from his book.
Cale pouted. "But I'm older than you!"
"By a few minutes." Roksu pointed out. "I'm older than Penelope and I'm not going to force her to call me oppa."
"...she should call me oppa." Cale said, crossing his arms over his chest. "At least oraboni."
Roksu shook his head, allowing Cale to continue his tirade about how unfair it all was until Penelope coldly told him she wouldn't ever call him that either.
Roksu's thoughts drifted by to the term hyung as he found himself unable to keep reading the novel in front of him.
He didn't hate the word. It was a bit embarrassing for an only child such as himself. And it was a difficult word to wrap his lips around.
He'd remember Lee Soo Hyuk, smiling at him with eyes as bright as his heart and assuring him that his hyung would always be there.
Roksu hadn't wound up calling Lee Soo Hyuk hyung and his heart had regretted that decision when it was too late to do anything about it.
Theoretically, this meant that he should loosen his restrictions on the word. To avoid future regrets and just maybe he could find peace with the word.
It was just a word after all.
In a different situation perhaps he would have flung it around without a single care in the world.
If calling Cale hyung would make the boy happy, why did it even matter?
Roksu looked up into the large expanse of the sky. The three of them were having a picnic in the garden, ants threatening to invade their basket full of goodies while they debated such a simple and silly word.
Perhaps it would make it too real for Roksu.
He thought he'd already settled his grief over the loss of his second family. The loss of his beloved hyung and closest friend.
Except for him, the grief was always as new and fresh as the day it happened. His perfect memory allowed him the ability to relive the final moments of their life over and over again.
Roksu had a lot of time to think as a toddler.
One of the things he thought about was the transient nature of all the relationships he'd ever had.
The consistency across them all was the sure knowledge that he would lose that person. It was one of the many reasons he always liked to keep an emotional distance between himself and his team.
Roksu would be alone. And the people he loved normally died.
It was a lot easier to call a strong adult hyung with that knowledge that his affection could lead to their death than it was to call a comparatively defenseless child.
Roksu knew that it wouldn't make any difference whether he used the word or not, it hadn't with Lee Soo Hyuk, but sometimes when he allowed his imagination to do something cruel with his memories, he could see Cale and Penelope's corpses alongside Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo.
There was a thick and painful fear inside of him that should he accept the word, he would be dooming the children to death.
It was pure paranoia and far more superstitious than Roksu was comfortable with being. But Cale Henituse's ultimate fate hadn't been written about in the five novels Roksu had read.
Cale was a momentary villain who had helped to kick off the hero's journey. That role didn't speak to longevity.
"Why do you want me to?" Roksu asked finally after a long and pensive silence.
Cale turned away from his argument with Penelope, arms crossed over his chest as he looked down on Roksu with all of his noble arrogance. "Because you're my dongsaeng."
Ah.
So it was that simple.
Roksu's lips twitched gently.
Despite a memory that was so perfect that it hurt and flayed him raw, Roksu was able to forget about the simple and important things inside of the clutter.
Affection wasn't a one way street.
Well, he would just have to protect his hyung. Roksu let out a small scoff as he looked Cale up and down critically.
'Seems doable.'
He turned the page in his book. "Okay, hyung-nim."
Cale opened his mouth with an argument doubtlessly on his lips before he blinked owlishly, surprised by Roksu's reply. "...so long as you know." He said sourly, a smile threatening to overtake his face and he re-asserted his energy towards the stubborn pain in the ass that was Penelope. "See? It's not that hard."
A foolhardy and villainous hyung wasn't so bad. Roksu rather liked him.
He liked his new family a lot, even if sometimes he tried not to.
His eyes drifted up to the endless expanse of the sky.
He wouldn't wish for Cale's safety. It was a pointless endeavor to do so. He had no desire to make a deal with the god's above.
He didn't need their strength.
Roksu felt a weight lighten his heart as a small wish he hadn't even acknowledged up until now came true.
It was better to grant wishes with one's own strength.
The sky was a fickle and cruel thing that only carried wishes on the wind without the intention of ever saving anyone who begged for its benevolence.
A reluctant and grumpy "...oraboni." reached his ears and he returned his attention to the other two as Penelope was also persuaded by Cale's rather insistent demands.
Perhaps all three of them had their own demons to face.
Roksu would stay by their side.
It was no good to face those demons alone.