Khael asked me for a favor, something I myself don't think I can fulfill.
Bago siya nagpaalam sa akin that day, he asked me something big, I don't want to leave him with promises and give him false hope so I just said "If it's God's will".
"Aika, listen, I'll be entering the seminary next week, I have to stay there for a long time, I have to find myself there, I have to seek what God wants me to become, and if I don't succeed, and if God really wants us to be together, I'll marry you"
This exactly what Khael have said before he left.
There is a 50% chance of him going out there and staying with me for the rest of our lives.
I prayed and prayed that whatever God plans to do in our lives, I hope we can accept it wholeheartedly, if God really wants Khael to serve him for the rest of his life, let it be done and if God wants us to be together eternally, I will submit myself to him. I'll love him forever.
He saved my phone number and left a promise of texting or calling me often, whenever there's a chance and I watched him leave together with other men.
In my life full of uncertainties, this time I am sure, maybe this time it will all be sure.
I waited for him every day, those times of seeking himself, I will seek him, those times of finding his path, I'll follow and guide him.
I'm glad we found each other again before he enters the seminary, God really has plans, I am confident, he is just preparing us for something great and we just have to go with the flow and wait patiently.
This is not a coincidence....
We met when we are still young, he was the person I admired first, I met him again after years, he became my comfort zone and my go-to person when I feel bad about myself.
I fell in love with another person and he became supportive, Then I realized I was wrong with that person and there he fetches me again, I decided to choose myself and he let me do it, and here we are again met each other and he still have the same feelings for me. I believe he is the ONE.
He needs reassurance of me waiting for him, he is hoping that whatever his decision will be, I will still be here, and when the time comes that he will choose me, he is hoping that I still love him.
After a week, I received a message coming from Khael.
He sent me a picture of him together with his classmates in the seminary, it was during their music class when he was holding an acoustic guitar and smiled so sweet.
Napaka gwapo niya parin talaga. Bagay na bagay sa kanya ang kanilang uniporme, napaka respected ng get-up niya.
I just reacted heart emoji sa mismong picture and replied "Please take care, eat well and sleep well too"
After that wala na siyang reply, for two weeks that was his last message, never naman ako nakaramdam ng something bad, I understood that he was so busy and their phones are collected during classes.
Every night I pray for him, his health, his happiness even his vocation.
I continued my profession and decided to apply in five different public schools for more chances for getting a job.
But I failed..
Another school year passed, and there were no calls regarding my application.
I did not lose hope and strive again to earn more points para tumaas pa yung current rank ko which is 11th. You just have to give it a try everytime, meron at meron ding time na magkakaroon ng item for me, ang mahalaga, nakapila na ako, qualified na ako.
1-year na nga ang lumipas I haven't heard about him since then.
I never flirted with another man, I never entertained someone. Without assurance of us being together, here I am again parang bumalik sa umpisa, waiting and hoping for someone. But I will not let it fail this time.
Hanggang sa isang araw, someone called me asking me to report to their office, it was a bit far from my place but I rushed there immediately after a day just to talk to them.
I was hired as a substitute teacher in a public school, a very large and a very populated school.
I was assigned to be a MATH, Values teacher and a Guidance Counselor designate.
I thought this will be a good opportunity for me, this will be a good point to be added on my teaching experience.
I signed the contract right there and then and it was a three-month substitution.
Those months became so stressing, I lost a little bit of weight and I realized how hard my dream job is.
I had this thought of shifting careers, from an educator to a Fire officer.
But during my substitution I did a good job yet it took a lot of pain, effort, sleepless nights, blood and sweat, I tried applying for a Fire Officer I but I failed because my body was weak and I did not pass the medical due to my Acute Urinary Tract Infection.
As I explore what I really want in life, I experienced a lot of hardships and confusion. I learned that adulting life really sucks! Most especially of becoming a teacher. But thankfully I was able to love teaching during my last weeks of substitution.
Not long after, my substitution has ended and I got my salary after a month.
I want to treat my family for a travel so I planned a trip for my family in Sagada, it was the month of December when we go for some vacation in the mountains of Sagada.
It was 5 AM and we are preparing for a very long and adventurous ride going in the mountainous areas of Sagada, I updated Khael, I tried to call him even knowing he was still asleep that hour. But I still tried.
I just want to inform him of my whereabouts, alam naman natin na kapag mountainous areas wala ng internet connection, wala ng signal.
I called him twice already pero nagriring lang siya,
I tried it for the third time and he answered the call, I thought nagising ko siya nang napaka-aga.
No one was talking so I spoke first and said "Good morning"
Then he answered
"Good morning po, sino po sila?"
I was speechless, I doubled-check the number and it was him but.
"Uhm, Aika ito, Khael?"
"Ah! Nasa morning prayer po ang mga boys namin, (he was referring to the seminaries). We collected their phones para maka focus po sila sa morning devotion"
"I see, can I ask kung sino po ito?"
"I am Father Jorge, ako po yung naka assign sakanila this morning, you can call later po after the session, are you a relative po?"
"Ah sorry po Father, uhm hindi po, I am just a friend of him father"
I realized hindi naka save ang contact number ko sa kanya, I thought he saved it before ☹
"I will call again one day po Father, thank you so much"
"Ikaw siguro si Aika, but you said you are Khael's friend, different from what he shared, he said you are his longtime lover"
"He said that Father?"
"Yes, he even bragged about you about being a smart and dedicated girl, he told us that you made his childhood life memorable"
Tears suddenly fell from my eyes without even realizing it, I was touched to the bones, I can't believe that man still talk about me even in that place and situation
"How is he Father? Is he doing fine? Is he going to stay there for a very long time?"
"It is up to him, he is a very smart man with visions in life, I can see his determination in their classes but he is not happy with what he is doing. I can feel something is bothering him and he kept on talking about you here so I'm worried that he everything he learned and he's doing will be for nothing, so darling please don't destruct him, encourage him instead, God has better plans for him and for you too"
"I understand Father, but can you please tell him I'm going on a long vacation and I cannot call or text him from there?"
"Sure, don't worry about him here, he's doing fine"
"Thank you Father, God bless you po"
I realized what the priest have said, Am I being a destruction for him? Or it's him that is really destructed?
I remembered what the priest said that Khael was bothered so I thought what if it's not what he really wants?
I cried a bit and packed my things in the luggage.
No matter what, whatever his decision will be, I'll wait for him...
It's what I assure of him...