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CLENG
JOON's emerald eyes were my inspiration as I picked my dress for the Bal Masque party tonight. It was a strapless princess-type emerald cocktail dress with a fluffy tulle skirt that fell halfway over my thighs. It had a sheen type of fabric, making it look like deep cobalt blue at certain angles.
Funny, it's kind of like how we're stuck in the middle of green and blue in our current situation.
My friends gifted me with the black feathery masquerade mask we saw at the mall that covered the skin around my eyes. I put on a nude pink lipstick and curled my short hair. Nagsuot ako ngayon ng colorless contact lens para hindi ko na kailangang magsalamin. I spray-coated my skin with glitters above my chest and over my shoulders.
Habang naghihintay na sunduin nina Bey ay kinakabahan ako. Sabi nila sa akin ay paniguradong dadalo ang buong Blue Sharks dahil selebrasyon nila ito. Kung makikita ko man ulit si Joon, iiwasan niya kaya ulit ako? I touched my flushed cheeks. It's okay, it's worth taking another risk.
The event hall of Yuchengco University's auditorium was turned into a grand ball. Konektado ito sa football field kung saan may malaking bonfire at umaabot din doon ang tunog ng music. Pagkalabas namin mula sa kotse ay nakaramdam ako bigla ng deja vu, sapagkat naalala kong sa isang party ko rin unang nakilala si Joon. Ganito rin ang pakiramdam dahil malakas ang pagtugtog ng musika't lahat ay nakagayak nang maganda.
"Free-flowing cocktails, here we come!" sabik na tili ni Jeb nang makita ang bar area. Tumakbo na siya't hindi man lang kami niyaya.
"Free-flowing boys, come to Bey-Bey!" paghiyaw naman ni Bey na dumiretso naman agad sa dance floor.
W-What happened to friendship?! Wala pang isang minuto ay iniwan na nila akong mag-isa! Napahawak ako sa dibdib at huminga nang malalim.
Nilibot ko ang tingin sa paligid, lahat ay nakasuot ng mga maskara kaya mahirap kilalanin ang mga tao. I wonder if he's here already? Kung sakali man, paano niya kaya ako mamumukhaan nang nakamaskara?
"Ahh! It's the Blue Sharks!" sabay-sabay na pagtili ng mga estudyante nang bumukas ang malaking pintuan at may nagsidatingan na matatangkad na lalaki. Lahat sila'y magaganda ang tindig at may matitikas na pangangatawan. They're the Blue Sharks, no doubt. Nakasuot din sila ng mga maskara kaya nahirapan akong mahanap si Joon. Ang sigurado lamang ako ay ang nasa bungad na team captain nilang si Loujay.
Lalapit pa lang sana ako para sulyapan sila nang magtakbuhan agad ang ilang mga estudyante papunta sa kanila. Naging masikip na masiyado, imposible nang makalapit pa ako. Once again, my hand found my nervous chest. I started to become anxious, wondering if trying to look pretty tonight actually had any bearing. Maybe I should just try to enjoy the party instead?
***
I SPENT most of the night at the buffet table area, grabbing finger food and drowning myself in the sweetness of non-alcoholic fruit punch. Ayokong magpakalasing ngayon, lalo na't mahina ang signal at hirap na akong ma-contact sina Bey at Jeb. While everyone was busy dancing, I was busy munching. Paborito ko ang mini wagyu sliders na may pretzel buns.
"Panay kain ko! Baka mamaya ay hindi na kasiya itong suot kong dress," reklamo ko sa 'king sarili.
"Miss, can I ask you for a dance?" singit bigla ng isang boses mula sa 'king likuran.
Paglingon ko ay nagulat ako nang makilala ang bumulong. Nakasuot siya ng knee-length evening gown na nakayakap sa kaniyang katawan. Ang mahaba niyang buhok ay straight na straight, at pinalamutian ng jewelry butterfly clip sa likod. She was wearing a simple pearl pendant, making her look regal yet innocent.
"Cherry!" pagbati ko sa nakamaskarang babae na lumapit sa 'kin.
"Cleng, tara! Sayang naman kung hindi ka sasayaw!" Hinila niya ang braso ko papunta sa dance floor.
We danced like happy little girls, coming up with random dance moves and not caring about what others would think. Dahil kay Cherry ay naging masaya kahit papaano ang pagpunta ko. We bobbed our heads, strummed some air guitars, and took a lot of TikTok videos.
My wide smile stopped midway when the song suddenly changed. The DJ started playing Enchanted by Taylor Swift. Napatigil ako sa pagsayaw dahil naalala ko kung paano namin ito sinayaw ni Joon habang lasing kami sa condo niya.
"Cleng, you okay?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Cherry na sinagot ko ng marahang pagtango. Ngumiti siya't hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Just close your eyes and keep dancing."
Sinunod ko ang sinabi niya. I closed my eyes and let the music take over my mind. While dancing with Cherry, I imagined that it was Joon I was dancing with. I pictured his warm hand embracing me as we swayed along with the notes of the song.
Cherry raised my arm and made me twirl. I spun two times before landing back again in her arms... wait. It suddenly feels different. Cherry's tiny hand was replaced by a huge, rough palm that's cupping the side of my waist.
Sa gulat ko ay napadilat ako—at lalo pa akong nagulat nang matagpuan ang isang matangkad na lalaki sa 'king harapan. I immediately looked around, but Cherry was no longer anywhere near. Bakit lahat na lang ng mga kaibigan ko ay iniiwan ako?
My gaze went back to this stranger in front of me. Ang maskara niya'y nakatakip sa halos buong mukha niya—mga singkit na mata't mapupulang labi na lamang ang kita. My heart started to beat wildly.
Napunta ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang nakahawak sa kamay ko. We were both wearing makeshift rings made from the flimsy wire of a soju bottle cap.
"J-Joo—"
"Shh." He immediately stopped me by placing his long finger over my lips.
Lumapit ang mainit niyang paghinga sa namumula kong tainga. "Can I dance with you somewhere else? Somewhere more . . . private?"
Napasinghap ako't tumango na may naluluhang mga mata. "Y-Yes, please."
***
JOON held my hand warmly, and guided me towards the stairs. The loud music was suddenly muted as soon as the door closed. Inalalayan niya ako paakyat hanggang sa makarating kami sa pinakamataas na palapag kung saan isang kandadong pintuan ang aming naabutan.
He turned around and once again placed his finger over his lips. "Shh, this will be our little secret." Pagkabulong niya no'n ay naglabas siya ng maliit na susi mula sa kaniyang bulsa na kaniyang ipinasok sa busol ng pintuan.
"Bakit ka may susi?" I asked with an amazed frown.
Ngumisi lamang siya't nagsabing, "Well, the Villamontanos donated this building to Yuchengco University . . ."
Pagbukas ay sumalubong sa amin ang malamig na simoy ng hangin. Kahit walang tao ay bukas ang mga ilaw sa rooftop. My eyes widened when I saw the sparkling lights from the little buildings merging with the stars from the night sky.
"Grabe, ang ganda!" I gasped with both my hands over my mouth.
Lalo akong napanganga nang yakapin ako ni Joon mula sa likuran at dinantay ang kaniyang ulo sa'king balikat. "I missed you so much, Clestiana. . ."
Nakaramdam ako ng pagpatak ng luha sa'king balat. Umikot ako para harapin siya, at dahan-dahan kong tinanggal ang kaniyang maskara. My heart didn't know how to react when I saw his gorgeous yet sorrowful face.
"Joonie. . ." Hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya't dinampian ng mabagal na halik ang kaniyang mga labi.
Naramdaman kong tinanggal niya rin saglit ang pagkakatali ng maskara ko. Pagkahulog nito sa sahig ay agad niyang hinalikan ang aking noo, kaliwang talukap, at kanang talukap. It's our triangle kiss.
"I love you. . ." he quietly whispered in between his soft pecks. "Thank you for coming with me here."
Hindi tumitigil ang pag-iyak niya kaya panay punas ko sa kaniyang mga pisngi. "What's going on, Joonie? What's wrong? Tell me."
Umiling lamang siya't hinalikan ako muli. I opened my mouth and kissed back, our lips moving in between each other. I moaned a bit when he swirled his tongue inside. Sinuklay ko ang mga daliri ko sa pagitan ng mga buhok niya. I missed my Joonie so much. I closed my eyes as I tasted the sadness in his lips.
"Joon, kung may problema, gusto kong sabihin mo—"
"Shhh." Muli ay hinarangan niya ng daliri ang mga labi ko. I realized at that point that maybe he's going through something he doesn't want me to know.
I gave him a silent nod, letting him know that I trust him. Napansin kong matagal siyang nakatitig sa'kin kaya namula agad ang mga pisngi ko. "S-Stop looking at me like that," sambit ko sabay takip sa mukha ko, kaso lamang ay pinigilan niya ako.
"Let me look at you, Cleng." His voice was as serious as his eyes. "God . . . You're so beautiful that I don't even want to blink." His thumb caressed my cheek as he mouthed, "I don't want to waste any second, I just want to stare at my Clestiana Anastacia."
Joon turned on his phone to play some music from Spotify. He offered his hand to me and we danced to the low-quality music coming out from his semi-broken speakers.
It wasn't as clear as the music downstairs, but it felt more intimate, more memorable, and more romantic.
He gave my hand a kiss and bowed down as we finished our waltz. Pagtayo niya muli ay may sumagi sa isip ko habang napapatingin sa tahimik na paligid.
"J-Joonie, I've been thinking about it a lot," nahihiya kong sabi. "And I, I want you to be my first—no, I want you to be my first, my last, and my only."
Huminga siya nang malalim, alam kong alam niya kung ano ang tinutukoy ko. Nagtaasan ang mga balahibo ko nang mabagal siyang bumulong, his lips brushing against my ear. "Did you drink any alcohol downstairs?"
I bit my lip as I shook my head with closed eyes. "N-No. I'm one hundred percent sober."
"Good girl." Napadilat ako nang bigla niyang hinila pababa ang zipper sa likuran ng dress ko. "Because I want your body to be completely aware of how good I'm going to make it feel . . ."
Halos mapaso ako nang maramdaman ang mainit niyang dila sa ibabaw ng hubad kong dibdib. Marahan niya itong dinidilaan at sinisipsip kaya napakagat na lamang ako sa'king labi dahil sa sobrang sarap. His other hand made sure my other mound was kept warm and occupied. "J-Joonie... Ah..."
Hiniga niya 'ko sa isa sa mga bench sa rooftop. Naramdaman ko ang paglakbay ng mga mainit niyang kamay paakyat sa'king mga hita. Hinila ng mga ito ang suot kong panties pababa.
"Ah! N-Nakakahiya!" Napatakip ako ng mukha nang makitang basang-basa na agad ito.
"What are you talking about? Everything about you is just so damn beautiful, Cleng." He chuckled while petting my head. "It's my pleasure to serve you."
Niluwagan niya ang suot niyang necktie at napalunok ako nang magsimula siyang mag-unbuckle ng pantalon. Joon looked so hot as he licked his lip while positioning his member in front of my entrance.
"Ready?"
"Ready." A hot tear lingered on my lower eyelid as I felt him slowly entering inside me.
He kissed my cheek and caressed my wet bangs. "Tap my shoulder if you want me to stop."
Mabilis akong umiling. "N-No! I want you . . . to make love to me," I told him with a set of weak eyes. "I-I want to feel you inside, Joonie."
He gritted his teeth and thrusted further inside. "Fuck, Cleng. If you look at me like that, you're going to make it harder."
Nanggigigil na umulos ulit siya papasok. Namilog ang mga mata ko nang maramdaman siyang buo sa loob. Hindi ko maintindihan ang pakiramdam. Masakit pero sobrang sarap, para bang masarap mismo 'yong sakit?
"Ugh, Cleng. Fuck, you're so tight and it's making me too excited," hinihingal niyang sambit habang kumakagat sa balikat ko.
Maya-maya ay bumibilis na ang paggalaw niya sa loob ko. Umaangat na ang likuran ko, kusa na akong napapanganga't napapakapit nang maigi sa bangko. I felt so hot, so high, and so happy all at the same time.
"I-I don't say b-bad words, but . . ." I struggled to speak, "M-My mind has said it many times, J-Joonie!"
Tila ba natuwa siya sa kaniyang narinig kayo lalo pang naging mapusok ang pag-ulos ni Joon sa looban ko. Hindi siya nagbibiro dahil ahas nga sa laki ang kaniyang alaga. It was not a mere mouse! Tumatama na ang dulo nito sa pinakasensitibong parte ng aking pagkababae.
My toes started curling in ecstasy as I came. Hindi ko na sigurado kung mga totoong bituin pa ba ang mga nakikita ko sa langit, o sadyang nadeliryo na ako sa sarap.
***
JOON was cleaning my body at the nearest comfort room, and I saw him looking sad once again. "H-Hindi mo ba nagustuhan kaya ka malungkot?" pagklaro ko.
"What? No! I loved every bit of it, Cleng! You were wonderful, and absolutely beautiful," kaniyang paglinaw kasabay ng pagbuntonghininga. "Listen... Cleng, I... I have to protect you from this hellfire I am in."
"Please tell me, Joon. What's happening?" Hinaplos ko ang kaniyang pisngi na namamasa na dahil sa mga nahuhulog na luha.
"I don't want to drag you to hell with me," he said so weakly yet sincerely. Umiling lamang siya. "Kaya ko rin pinahubad sa 'yo ang varsity jacket ko noong game. Hindi dapat tayo makitang magkasama. Kaya nang malaman kong masquerade party ito ay kinuha ko agad ang oportunidad na walang makakakilala sa 'tin habang nakamaskara. Just... trust me, Cleng. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry..."
"But..." The conviction in his eyes told me how serious he was about my safety. I just pinched his cute cheek and leaned my forehead against his. "I understand, Joonie. But if it becomes too much for you to handle, please remember that you have me. Okay, Joonie?"
Napatitig siya nang matagal sa mga mata ko, hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko. "You're really an angel, Clestiana."
Inangat niya ang mukha ko at dinampian ng halik ang noo ko, sunod ang magkabilang talukap ko. Our triangle kiss. He's silently telling me that he loves me. Joon put on his mask over his face, and at that instant, his expression turned cold once again.
"You go first, babantayan kita mula sa malayo," bilin niya. Nang tumango ako't naglakad palayo ay bigla niyang hinablot ang braso ko. Niyakap niya 'ko muli mula sa likuran at binago ang kaniyang huling mga salita. "Clestiana . . ."
A warm tear fell on my shoulder as he whispered his last words.
"Mamahalin kita mula sa malayo."
#DrunkDiaryWP