Alana
"The Federal District Court for the Southern District of New York. Closed session. A hearing is underway on a case of assault with the intent to do harm, with some of the actions life-threatening to the victim..." I'll never forget this day, as well as the Christmas school ball. No matter how well our attorney argued our case, money decides everything — the bastard got only a suspended sentence. However, he and his family left the city.
The gaze. That intense, insane gaze that was focused on me continuously while the session was going on, and then haunted me in nightmares for a long time.
"We'll meet again, mouse. Love you." Those were his last words when he left the courtroom.
It's cold... Why's it so damn cold? It's August but my teeth are chattering. Voices... Somebody's calling at me. I can't hear properly, as if I'm under water. Everything's blurred with tears; I can't even see my shaking hands. Pills. I need my pills... Breathe...
Alana, gather your strength...
Someone knelt down in front of me and put a capsule in my mouth, forcing me to take a couple of sips of water. If they want to kill me, then I'm unable to resist.
I can't live like this anymore...
Then he gently patted my shoulders. I opened my eyes and looked through him with a detached expression. Feelings slowly returned to me. Alex. He, like an angel, tore the canvas of darkness and saved me.
"Thank you," I croaked. I leaned back exhaustedly against the wall of the fountain, which was located in the campus square. "It's been a long time since I've experienced something like this. What did you give me?"
"Jess handed over these pills and said they would help. Who was that guy?" asked my savior with concern.
"He's my past. Although I still hope that this is just someone's idea of a bad joke."
"Lana," Alex paused, waiting for my look, "did he hurt you?"
"You have no idea how close you are to the truth," I smiled sadly. "He destroyed me in the most primal meaning of this word, and I'm not yet ready to stir those memories up."
"Sorry. Let's go and have some hot tea, you're still shivering," said Alex, getting me back on my feet and leading the way to the nearest café.
"Mousy, mousy, mousy, stop running from me! One, two – I'll bring you; three, four – we'll be behind the same door; finally, number five – I'll help you raise your thighs."
No matter how far I run away, that voice is always close, as if the pursuer is breathing in my neck. This voice, which I used to love so much, now more akin to a metal screeching.
Maneuvering between the trunks of tall pines, I ran out to the cliff, from where the only way on is down, into the arms of the raging ocean. I took a step back and bumped into someone with my body. There is no need to guess who that person was, because the energy emanating from him made my blood through my veins in an alarming way.
He pinned me down with one hand, with another one he tightly squeezed my neck, cutting off my oxygen supply. A gallows with three faceless bodies appeared in front of me.
"Look, my little mouse," he said, pointing at the first body, "this is your hope for a happy future." He pointed to the second body, "This is your belief in justice, collapsed like a house of cards, hasn't it? And, finally, this is love... You won't be happy with anyone, I won't allow it... I am your air! And we'll burn together in this hell. I love you."
Then a knife appeared in his hand, and he pierced my heart...
I came to with a wild scream. It was my scream, and the first thing I saw were Jess's frightened eyes. The girl was desperately trying to wake me up all that time. Before I just tossed and turned, covered in cold sweat, but now my previous condition returned. Did that note open my recently healed wounds?
I'm going mad... And I'm driving all those around me crazy as well... It shouldn't be like this, there is no place for problematic people in polite society...
A knock on the door distracted Jessica from her questions and when she opened it to explain why the night's silence got shattered, I burst into tears, not holding it back. I don't want anyone to see me in this condition, so I decided to take up Amanda's offer and move to the apartment.
"The beginning of the school year party is tomorrow. I want you to go and relax properly. You need to get emotionally distracted, to not to close yourself inside your shell. We'll be nearby, nothing bad will happen," said Jessica quietly, sitting down next to me.
"We'll talk tomorrow, then." I turned my face to the wall, but I couldn't fall sleep for a very long time.
I spend all morning in bed, getting up only once to change my clothes in advance, because my unexpected guest did not make me wait long. But even Norton, sprawled next to me, could not get a rise out of me. Absolute apathy took hold of me. I was so tired of everything. I wanted to fall asleep and not wake up. The nightmare did not let me go, and the feeling of anxiety was getting stronger at a staggering rate.
What is he doing up so early?
While the brunette was there, one question had to be solved. Even if I would look like a complete fool, I don't like to be owe anyone.
"Mike," I said very quietly, turning to face him, "how much money did you spent at that restaurant for my birthday? Listen, we're strangers to each other, and I can't be in indebted to anyone. I have money and I would like to repay you."
Norton lay motionless. His body was so tense that the mattress sagged even more under this weight. Clenching his hands, he took up a sitting position, and gave me a death stare.
"Did I hear you right, Moore?"
The pressure of his stare was so intense, I started feeling like a Thumbelina, who would be crushed by the tension in the air. Without waiting for an answer Mike turned sideways, closed his eyes and sat in silence for a while. The flexing muscle in his jaw betrayed his anger, but it was clear from the deliberately breathing that he was fighting an inner battle.
Why was he so hurt by my words?
Norton opened his eyes and dropped a heavy glance at Milton, who lifted her head from her book and silently watched us in complete incomprehension. Jessica looked at me in amazement, a little disturbed by her friend's mood swings - a few minutes ago he was quite at ease.
"Guys, what happened?" However, she couldn't figure out the reason for the emotional outburst, and I felt like a real dullard.
What was I supposed to say? I want to return money that doesn't even count as a debt? I understood the absurdity of the situation, but I could not do otherwise. There was an oppressive silence in the room, and it drove me crazy after the nightmare. It would be better to have them all talking non-stop, filling my head with their chatter, instead of me laying here in silence, burdening myself.
Norton sighed heavily and rubbed face with his hands, as though getting rid of his inner tension. Then he turned and looked at me thoughtfully. It was obvious that he wanted to say or ask something, but did not dare, and I can't stand it when someone stares at me for a long time. I find it very unnerving.
"Mike..." I started, but his next words silenced me.
"Let's go for a walk..." His voice sounded soft, without any reproach or demand.
"I'm sorry... What?" For a second I thought I misheard, but no...
"Would you care to take a walk with me?"
Am I okay with it? I don't know. Am I scared? Definitely. However, Jess said he was not a bad guy, and for some reason I wanted to take her at her word. But I'm not ready yet to go with him alone to who knows where... On the other hand, how can I find out what kind of person he is if I don't try? Tell me who your friend is and I'll tell you who you are, right? Alex, Jess and Amanda are wonderful, kind and sincere people; if Norton's soul was empty, they wouldn't be able to get along. Or?...
God, this was a really hard.
"We'll just go to walk," whispered his lips, capturing my attention completely.
"Okay." The words left me before I could weigh up all the pros and cons. "How much time do I have to get ready?"
"I hope half an hour is enough. Put on something comfortable, and no heels." Mike got out of bed and headed for the door. "I'll be waiting downstairs in the living room."
What heels? I don't have any...
"Wait," I shouted out before he left the room. "Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise..."
Alone with Jessica, I still couldn't understand her reaction: the girl was constantly hiding a smile with her hand, and her eyebrows kept climbing up on her forehead, showing her amazement.
"Tell me the truth, should I have said no?"
"Alana, I'm a little shocked right now..." Milton put down her book and looked at me.
"Why?"
"Mike have never invited anyone for a walk..."
We met downstairs and went to his car. Norton tried to keep a distance between us and I was insanely grateful for that. We got on the highway and went in a direction unknown to me. The further we drove, the further we left the city left behind, and eventually the road led us into a forest.
"I hope you didn't bring me here to kill." To be honest, I panicked, because there was not a soul around.
"Don't be silly. Do I look like a maniac?" He gave me a fleeting glance, and it was enough to make everything inside me shrink.
I just can't make out why...
"I remind you; you did kidnap me few weeks ago."
"I don't remember it, so it didn't happen."
"Indeed, nice excuse." I turned away to the window, clutching my backpack.
"Moore, if I wanted to kill you, I would have gone with something a lot more subtle. Besides, burying a body somewhere in the forest is tedious and boring... Messing around in the mud, getting dirty. Do you really think I need that? Also, do you know who my friend is? She'll kill me if something happens to you, and I enjoy living too much."
Car was comfortable, but our journey still seemed to drag on eternally. Long trips always exhausted me, but it still took us about an hour to get to the place.
"Here we are," said Norton, parking.
He went outside and walked around the car. Before I knew it, he opened the door and gave me his hand. We had already touched each other, but for some reason I still hesitated. I sat there, looking at his fingers, as if no one was waiting for me at all, but Mike got resourceful.
"Let me hold the backpack, then you get out with all the speed of a racing tortoise." He took a step to the side, opening the door wider for me. "Come on, Moore, I won't bite, I just want to show you something. There isn't much time, I promised Milton I'd have you back by evening."
A few meters from the car Mike led me down the hill. We could clearly hear the water from there.
Not to bury, but to drown me... Right, Norton?
I followed him along the rough path; there was a high probability I would twist my ankle and roll down the hill.
But that way I'd get there faster...
The closer we got to the water, the more its outlines were revealed.
I can't believe Mike brought me to the waterfall!
I couldn't enjoy this wonderful view as we were approached. The tension and awkwardness did not allow me to appreciate the beauty of the forest and to feel the heady, fresh aroma at first. We were surrounded by rich shades of green, yellow and orange. The palette of late summer and early autumn was astonishing. Looking around, I was speechless, and there was no need to say anything; at that moment I just wanted to disappear into nature.
An amazing view opened up in front of us. The bridge we crossed was like a viaduct, made with decorative stone. A mountain river flowed under it, turning into five cascades that made up a beautiful waterfall. We were surrounded by a dense forest and the sounds of nature. The sun rays played through the thick foliage, with birdsong, insects chirping, the sound of the water... I closed my eyes and gave myself up to this magical symphony, forgetting about all bad things in my life. A magical place...
I wish I could stay here forever...
"Thank you," I mouthed, unaware that he had been watching me all that time.
"I come here sometimes to get my mind off of things... Thought you might need it, too."
"Did you hear me scream?" I looked at him anxiously, praying to God to get a negative answer.
"I think the whole dorm heard you..."
Groaning in despair, I turned away. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I had to make an incredible effort not to cry.
I don' t want him to see this. I don't want him to see my pain. I'm strong... stronger than I think... I can handle it.
"Alana," Mike came closer to me and I could smell his scent, which I will remember for a long time. "Nightmares are normal, and no one's immune from them."
"You don't understand, it's not just nightmares..."
I'm terribly afraid of superfluous questions. I don't want to talk about the past. I don't want to remember him...
But I can't do it...
Surprisingly, Norton turned out to be an understanding man, or I just wanted to think so. At least, he didn't make any inquiries, but just silently thought about something.
"Hi, how did you get here?" His words came as a surprise to me.
I looked around, searching for the person he spoke to. My fear was showed itself with a sticky layer of sweat on my palms, the dread rising higher in my throat. I knew something was wrong here, but I agreed anyway.
Didn't life teach you anything, Alana?
However, nothing happened and I didn't see anyone around. Mike was squatting, resting his palm on a huge stone at the waterline. When he rose again, it was clear he was hiding something in his fist.
Straightening up, he said, "Give me your hand." His tone was friendly and his smile was disarming.
I like Norton this way more... Like? Alana, what's wrong with you...
"Come on, be brave. Where's that Alana Moore who tried to strangle me?"
"What is it?"
"Just something. Don't be scared, I'm holding it."
That was strong argument. I held out my hand, palm up, to receive this 'gift'. I shut my eyes and held my breath, and my heart began to tap dance in my eardrums. That was both scary and exciting. What's there? However, as soon as something cold and prickly touched my skin, I pulled my hand back and screamed loudly. My heart almost stopped from the horror and excitement, and this jerk started laughing at my reaction.
"You obviously want me to die!!! Idiot! What was that?" I attacked him with my fists, realizing how pathetic I looked.
"Psst..." Norton grabbed me in a bear hug, and being so close to him made me hold my breath. "Calm down, I didn't know you'd react like that. You chose to close your eyes. Did you want a thrill? Then I have an idea. Honestly, I didn't realize you're afraid of river crabs."
"What?" I turned my head and looked down, checking the stones.
"You scared him. Look how bad he's trembling," he pointed with his finger at the little arthropod, and with his other hand he kept holding me, as if he was afraid that I would run away.
"I hate you," I whispered very quietly, burying in his shoulder, to which he only grinned.
"We'll get back to that later." His husky voice was calming. "Now I need to take you back. You, girls, still have to go to the party today."
"What do you mean, 'you'? You won't be there?"
For some reason I didn't like the idea. Norton is not an easy person, but right now I feel somewhat safe with him.
"My father called and asked me to come over. So, you'll have to take a break from me today." Mike gently took my hand and turned to go.
I stretched out my hand, although I didn't want to do it at all; it was clear my attraction to him was abnormal.
"Alana, there's a steep slope here, and I don't want you to fall. I promise I'll let you go once we're past it."
I better not fall for him... Alana! What are you thinking?
Evening was approaching and my friend was getting ready for the party in earnest. Mike, as promised, brought me back on time. I didn't manage to get out of it, so I would have to go too, but I had a bad feeling about it. When will I learn to listen to my inner voice?
"Are you really going in those clothes?" She gave me one look, then took out some dress from her closet, and flung it toward me. "Get changed."
"I'm either going like this, or not at all." I was in casual clothes: jeans, black T-shirt and white sneakers. "I'm not going to make 'friends' there, I'm even wearing underwear from different sets as a safety net." Jess just rolled her eyes and snorted that I was insufferable.
The party was at a rich guy's country house, and almost everyone in our dorm was invited. I decided not to drink alcohol and, following Alex's advice, not to accept drinks from other people.
My friends were constantly hung around me, and I got why Jess promised, but they did not have to patronize me. I had to get away, and under the pretext of getting a drink, I slipped into the kitchen.
I found a soda in the fridge. Standing at the table facing the window, I tried to open the bottle, but the stubborn cap did not want to budge in any way. I was so absorbed with this, I did not notice at first how someone closed the door, drowning out the music from the living room.
"Hello, my lovely."
I was paralyzed by those words. Pain shot up through every muscle, every cell. My breathing got faster, and my brain desperately searched for escape routes, which vanished like smoke as someone's hands leaned on both sides of the table from behind me, trapping my trembling body.
"You smell so good," he said as he sniffed at my hair. "It's driving me crazy." He got closer.
I shrank back to the edge of the table top and couldn't move... The fear became so palpable it seemed I could touch it. All I could do was scream for help in my head.
"How did you find me?" I didn't recognize my own trembling voice.
"I've been keeping tabs on you all this time, and besides, my people are everywhere." He said it in a half-whisper, casually touching my lobe with his lips.
"W-why are you doing this? Is it a revenge?"
"No, not at all. I need you, and I won't let you be happy with anyone else..." It was like an electric shock. I pushed him away, turning to face the source of all my troubles.
With eyes full of fear, I looked at my nightmare. He was older and more handsome than before. His blond hair was in the same mess as I remembered. He still had that cheeky half smile, fluttering my heart, just like before. He had a sly but cold and arrogant expression, showing me where I belonged. In his presence I wanted to shrink to microscopic size and disappear. His eyes... They were radiating madness. It was the look of a maniac.
What happened to you? Why don't you leave me alone?
Like a predator, he came closer slowly, and I grabbed the first thing on the table and held it defensively in front of me. It was a small kitchen knife.
"Put it right here." He came close, touching the knife's tip with his chest. "You don't need to be a medic to predict the outcome, do you, mousy? It's only fair, as I did much worse to your heart..."
Kitchen door opened and Alex appeared in the doorway, astonishment etched on his face.
"What's going on here, Alana?" He looked at him and then back to me and the 'weapon' in my hands.
"Is this your boyfriend?" asked the monster.
"Just a friend," answered Alex instead, analyzing my assailant.
"Oh, have you made friends now, mousy? well, well. I see you've grown up," guy said through his grin. "See you around." He winked at me and walked away.
"Did he say 'mousy'? Alana, is Wood that bastard?" hissed Alex, glaring to the door.
"I'm leaving." I tried to control my shaking hands, but I still dropped the knife on the floor. "Call me a taxi, please." My voice was trembling, and my tears were unstoppable, as if a dam had burst. I'm such a weakling. I left that house and, in the taxi, realized that Farrell had called him by his last name. Do they know each other?
When I got to the campus, the first thing I did was start packing. Thank goodness, I was alone and I didn't have to report to anyone. I ran outside, looking for Amanda's card in my pockets. It took me a long time to decide whether or not to call, because it was already night-time. The desire to get away from there prevailed, and after a while I was standing in front of an elite apartment complex, where salvation waited for me at the entrance.