Alana
"Alana," Dr. Spence said, "what method do you use to restore your emotional state after an outburst of inner anxiety?"
"I take the tablets prescribed by my doctor."
The answer was a little unsure, but it was understandable – I had not trusted the woman yet. It was only my second appointment with the doctor at the Harry Melz Psychiatric Hospital in New York City.
"Good," she continued, without taking her amber eyes off me. "Before we try to do an exercise that should help us extract your deepest, most intimate and strongest feelings, I would like to share a piece of advice, for your pills may not always be at hand.
"Sit down as comfortably as possible. Let nothing worry you. If you like, you can lie down or put your head on the table and close your eyes.
"Take a deep breath – very, very deep. Feel your lungs filling up with air. Imagine the air passing into your stomach. Push your stomach out as far as you can... Then breathe out... Take another breath... Imagine the air reaching the tips of your toes and relaxing them... Exhale... Then inhale so that the air reaches your ankles and calves, relaxing them... The next time you inhale, the air should reach your thighs and you should imagine that the air is relaxing your legs...
"Now watch your stomach. Is it tense? Having breathed in, imagine that the air is relaxing its muscles. Exhale... And let all the tension leave with the air... Keep using your breath to relax: back, neck, arms, shoulders, head...
"Take your deepest breath last, so that your whole body relaxes. Allow yourself to assess how you feel in the moment. Do you feel at peace?"
Sitting on the floor of my room with Jess, I remembered the expert advice from my psychologist, which had bailed me out repeatedly in difficult moments.
I can feel it... I can feel it, Dr. Spence... Thank you for partially bringing me back to life...
I did not know how long I have been sitting in total darkness, but the sudden bright light cut savagely across my eyes. The blonde kneeled, looking at my tear-stained face, and I could not even move after the nervous breakdown. Despite the late hour and her inebriated state, she was ready to make a colossal scandal of Norton for ruining the evening.
"He had nothing to do with it." I squeezed out the words in a hoarse voice, returning my neighbor to the seat next to me.
"Then what happened? You left the club alive, unlike the state I see now."
"I bumped into a girl on the way out and she reminded me of someone, even though we don't know each other. It's just paranoia from emotional excitement, never mind."
We sat in silence in our own minds. In analyzing the last words, I concluded that I really thought it was a very difficult evening: first the struggle within myself and the support of the girls, then the difficult performance, which was very stressful because I had never danced in front of a live audience, and finally Norton...
A slight chuckle attracted my attention, and then the full-fledged laughing of my friend. She turned her happy eyes to me and put a friendly hand on my knee.
"So you're the girl the guys were talking about, like some gossiping teenage girls," her laughter echoed across the room again, and I waited with a half-smile on my face for her to go on. "Mike was chatting with Alex about some girl he thought was crazy and blowing off a great guy. I had to admit, it pissed me off... Norton was always dragging him around..."
A doomed sigh put an end to my beliefs about this couple. I wondered why they were not together, since he had a soft spot for her, too. It is probably something personal, and I should mind my own business.
"Now I understand why the guy flipped his lid. It's so funny! Fate has pushed you two together again. You know what I saw in his eyes back there at the club?"
"Contempt?" I asked and shuddered, remembering with what hatred he looked at me.
"A grudge, Alana... Pain and misunderstanding. In front of me stood a boy of thirteen who had experienced his first disappointment."
"What was so terrible that happened in the life of the golden boy?"
"A golden girl. She couldn't make up her mind, but ended up staying with someone else. After that incident, Norton became a creepy jerk, not allowing rejection in his life. It's common knowledge - girls like bad guys. Although the truth is that Mike is different."
"Oh, really," I said the words, stroking the throat he had applied himself to without causing any pain.
"He's real with you, Lana. I can see that, and I can't deny the sympathy. I know him like the back of my hand because we've been friends since we were in diapers. This man won't cause you any heartache, but will strive to make you the happiest you can be. Trust me, and trust him. Mike is not a danger to you. And I'm not even going to mention Alex, the dandelion of God. "
I could not believe this girl's words, as I had been clearly told in the past that no one would ever like someone like me...
After talking for a while, we went back to our beds.
Rising early was not part of our plans, especially after last night's noisy event, which made my head hurt. But, unfortunately, your opinion means nothing if a man like Mike Norton comes into your life. He unceremoniously opened the door and slammed it so that Jess and I jumped into our beds. He walked over to the sofa and lay down with his legs stretched out in front of him.
"Birds, get up!" he said as he looked at each of us, smiling mischievously. "How did you sleep?"
"Player, what the fuck? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
"Oh, stop giving me the runaround! You and your future profession. Unlikely."
"What if we were getting dressed? Next time I'll lock the door," my roommate muttered in a disgruntled voice and flopped down onto her pillow.
"What haven't I seen? How is underwear different from, say, swimwear? The same places are covered. It's nothing interesting... And anyway, Milton, you're like my sister. Did you really think I'd gawk at you?"
The girl only snorted, and Norton had already shifted his attention. He gazed at me, as if trying to get my soul out, then his eyes dropped to my bare shoulders, studying them. His expression was thoughtful, and you could feel at a distance how actively his brain worked. Under such a piercing stare, I wanted to hide somewhere. Not knowing where to put myself, I bent my knees and pulled the duvet up to my ears.
Jess was wrong about him. There's something different here... I need to find a tactful way to ask how much I owe for the restaurant. I'm sure it's not a small amount, but I'll earn it and pay it back. In parts...
Jess, noticing my confusion, saved the situation.
"What brings you here so early, Norton? You don't get up before lunch!" But he didn't react to his friend's words, continuing to burn me with his gaze. "Player, look at me when I'm talking to you!"
"Practicing a commanding tone, Milton? It suits you," said the guy as he looked at his friend derisively, yet he didn't bother to answer the question.
There was a knock, and the door was pushed ajar.
"Are you girls asleep?" Alex whispered.
"Come in," the blonde muttered angrily.
She, like me, was curious what these two wanted from us at nine o'clock on a weekend morning.
Alex opened the door wider, and there was a look of obvious concern on his face. Of course, Jessica's disgruntled tone would set anyone off. However, when he saw his friend sprawled out on the sofa, he couldn't hold back a laugh.
"I get it," he continued cheerfully, heading in our direction.
He held a cardboard stand with two green cups from Starbucks in one hand and a small paper bag in the other. As he approached Jess, he handed her one cup, then turned in my direction.
"Sorry, I didn't know what kind of coffee you like, so I got a hot chocolate," Farrell said with a warm smile and handed me the second cup.
Surprised and slightly dazed, I accepted the drink he offered, brushing against his palm with my fingers. I tensed in anticipation of the pain, yet experienced nothing but incredible warmth emanating from this man.
"Excellent choice, thank you," I smiled timidly, hiding my eyes because of the awkward moment.
"Eventually it will happen: you will meet people for whom you will be more than an empty shell. They will accept you with all your inner baggage and help you in times of need. You'll know right away when that meeting happens: your souls will merge into one at the first contact." Dr. Spence's words pierced a hole in the armor of my consciousness each time, becoming a reality.
"And I also bought you doughnuts for breakfast," Alex said, as he took two boxes out of the bag and put them on the bedside tables.
"Thank you," we said in unison and then smiled at each other.
The sweet offerings lifted my spirits, but as soon as I looked in the couch's direction, it came crashing down again. Mike was still staring at me, despite his finger hunting across his phone screen. Occasionally, he would turn the phone over in his hands.
"Come on, Alex. Let's not keep the girls from getting ready. I'll meet you in the car park by my car in an hour." Norton jumped up abruptly and stormed out of the room without waiting for his friend.
"Can you at least explain what it all means, Alex?" Jess had only just asked, and I had my ears open.
"We have a new girl - a newcomer," he said as he threw a playful look at me. "We've decided to go for a walk and show her the city."
Unexpected, however...
The weather today was hot. The sun burned my skin mercilessly, so we postponed the full excursion until another time. We rode around town, sat in cafes, had fun, and ate ice cream. For the first time, I felt part of a group. The tension between me and Alex had completely dissipated, but this was not the case with Norton. I answered his questions a little more cautiously and tried to have less contact with him than with the others, although he did his best to get my attention.
The last stop of the day was Copley Square, a square in the Back Bay area. It turned out that my medical school was relatively close to this beautiful place, but even closer was the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, which explained why there were so many young people camping out on the green grassy field.
There really was a lot to see here. The place was breathtaking in its beauty. It was literally surrounded on all sides. Buildings of incredible and varied architectural design competed with each other for the eye, yet created a harmonious ensemble of this cozy square. Trinity Church, a Neo-Romanesque Protestant church, fascinated me with its semi-circular arches on columns and the conciseness of its facade. The Old South Church, in the Neo-Gothic style, delighted with its carved stucco and tracery details from the iron fences to the interior decoration. The large neo-Renaissance building of the Boston Public Library drew attention with its symmetrical pilasters and rustication, and Hancock Tower, a late Art nouveau glass skyscraper, reached skywards with a height of 240 meters, making it the tallest building in New England.
There was an interesting fountain in the park itself. It had an elongated shape, with steps leading to the water instead of tall sides. On one side of the wall were two spires, at the foot of which were protruding drains that released a stream of water into the pool. It was not deep, so many people ventured in to splash around in it.
We watched the merrymaking crowd from the sidelines until we were part of it ourselves. Quietly, with the grace of a predator, Norton came up behind us and whispered in a way that no one but I could hear:
"I am tired of you blowing me off, Moore..."
"What?" I turned around and looked at him, dumbfounded, surprised by such a statement.
Mike stood with his eyes up to the sky, squinting against the bright sun, and then looked at me, his gaze sliding lazily over my body. The smirk from one corner of his lips clearly didn't bode well.
"It's hot today, don't you think? I want to freshen up... Would you care to accompany me?"
I immediately grasped the meaning of the words. I put my hands in front of me, showing him not to come near me, but he swiftly picked up my frail body in his arms and carried me toward the fountain. At first, all the air left my lungs, because no one had been this close to me in a long time, and then I felt fear. Every muscle cramped, and my fingers dug painfully deep into his shoulders.
What does he want to do? Drown me in front of everyone?
Searching for Jessica with my eyes, I saw her sly look telling me not to be afraid. It's easy for her to talk, I can't even relax!
"Norton, let me go! Are you out of your mind?" I tried to break free of his embrace, screaming like a madwoman. It might have looked like we were a couple in love, but we weren't!
Without taking his shoes off, Mike stepped onto the white ledge, which was almost at the surface under the water.
"You'll get wet, you idiot!"
He didn't seem to hear me, making his way to the middle of the fountain. I tried to be still so he wouldn't lose his balance, and both of us won't land in the water. It didn't save me, however.
"It's just rags... There are more important things."
"And which are those?" I didn't quite understand his train of thought at that moment.
He had a strange demeanor. He gave the impression that he was struggling with something.
"We'll do it together," he murmured, turning his head toward me and gazing intently into my eyes. Our faces were unacceptably close, and I could already feel the lump in my throat.
Having grinned, he jumped into the pool, where the water was knee high, and moved towards the flowing streams.
"Mike, this is a bad joke! Take me back out, please!"
Instead, he put our bodies under a small waterfall that instantly drenched us. Anger rose inside me. I was as mad as a hornet and ready to tear his face off!
"I'll strangle you as soon as I touch the ground..." I hissed in his ear, then heard a chuckle.
"Can't wait for you to hang around my neck." Mike gazed at my lips, so I pursed them and turned away.
"I really liked you..."
"I'm disappointed with your behavior..."
"Do you know what I saw in his eyes? ... A grudge..."
"He's real with you, Lana..."
"We'll do it together..."
The voices tore my head like firecrackers on New Year's Eve. I looked at Norton in a daze. His handsome face was expressionless, as if he had put on a mask that concealed his actual personality. I wanted to touch his cheek with my hand and feel his warmth with my fingers, but he erupted into motion, wading out of the shallow pool.
The urge to kill him was gone, but a blow to the head would have been enough. However, a familiar red car caught my attention. It had taken off and was heading in an unknown direction around a bend. I couldn't see its registration, but an invisible hand squeezed my heart with tremendous force, taking away all my life energy.
My eyes glazed over, and my trembling hands found support on Norton's chest. The last thing I remembered was a painful breath.