It was the month of October, a year after the graduation, it's my year! I am turning 18 and of course most of my HS classmates were invited.
And I was already enrolled sa isang university somewhere in the North, with a course of BSE.
I was thinking, who will be the participants in the program, most especially sa candles and roses?.
At dahil nga mahal na mahal ko mga HS classmates ko most of them ay participants including my four bffs, Khael, Ford, and other boys for the roses, and other classmates
I suddenly remembered Chris, I don't know where he is that time, walang communication, I texted him many times but walang response, talagang hindi na daw siya nakita after graduation. I also searched for him on different social media, but not a single trace of him was found.
Heto ang mahirap sa taong walang kaibigan, napakahirap hanapin. I admit, after a year never ako sumukong hanapin siya and I was hoping makita ko siya sa debut ko. That was my only wish during that time.
I sent invitations sa lahat ng mga classmates ko and even sa mga taong malapit sakanila, just hoping na makita o mabasa niya yung invitation.
Isang taon na ang lumipas pero siya padin, I still love him, I still want to see him. Kahit malaman ko lang sana kung okay siya that will be enough.
At ayun na nga, It was October 12, 2011. It will be my first day of being a woman. A lady who will be free to fall in love and make decisions in life.
During my entrance I told the musician to play a certain song, it's his favorite song. Nakita ko sa slum notes ko, naglagay pala siya ng details niya doon at I learned that he loves to sing that song whenever he thinks of me.
As I walk on the carpet with my cousin as my escort, I saw my former classmates on one side, ang dami nila, they were all clapping, they dressed well and they were so happy seeing me again, I was looking for him again, hoping to see him at the back or in an area where there are no people. It's really his asset, he's very dashing kahit nasa likuran o kahit nakatago.
I was hopeless again. I sat on my chair like a princess, dressed with a ball gown and a very high heels, I still have with me the rose he gave me a year ago, it turned brown already, actually patay na pero never ko tinapon. It was placed beside me along with other fresh flowers.
I told myself kailangan kong enjoyin tong moment na ito dahil once in a lifetime and I have my classmates here , some of them came from far places pa.
So thankfully, I convinced myself to enjoy that night and I really did.
My friends gave their wishes and messages during the 18 Candles, they enlightened my path as I go forward for my future and blew away my fears for the coming journey.
Here comes Khael for the 5th rose, we danced gracefully and reminisce the past, we laughed as we remember his kasupladuhan sa akin during our gardening. Tinawanan nalang namin ang aming mga frustrations as he already knew na crush ko siya noon.
I suddenly asked him
"Naalala mo yung nakaaway mo noon? Yung sinabihan kang weird? " sabay tumawa ng malakas
"Ah oo, si badboy Chris, asan na kaya yun? Never ko nang nakita ang anino ng taong yun"
"Kaya nga ee, siya lang ang classmate nating wala dito aside from sa mga galing malalayo, umasa pa man din akong kumpleto tayo"
"Ba't mo kasi hinahanap, nandito naman ako"
Kapag naririnig ko ito nung HS kami dina ako makapagsalita sa kilig but now it sounded like a joke to me hehe
"Echosera ka!, kung gusto mo ako edi sana noon pa hahaha"
So we danced, sang and drank all throughout the night until we become wasted.
Dahil nga 18 na kami that time we are allowed to drink a bit, pero dahil super namiss namin ang isa't isa nasobrahan namin hanggang sa yung iba hindi na makauwi at natulog sa kani kanilang mga upuan.
That was also one of the happiest moments of my life, but I was really incomplete without him.
Okay, until then nalang ang naaalala ko, Fast forward na natin ha?
Nasa Third Year College na kami, I was 20 that time, super busy lang sa school, daming gawain ang isang guro ee, daming materials to prepare, more paperworks and lesson plans.
Doon umikot ang mundo ko ng tatlong taon, pursigido akong makapagtapos at maabot na ang mga pangarap ko, naniniwala kasi ako na after ng college, magtratrabaho kana at yayaman ka na.
I thought before super saya siguro maging adult, may pera kana, nabibili mo na mga gusto mo, mapupuntahan ang ibat ibang lugar at syempre makakapag rest kana dahil hindi kana nag-aaral.
I was a member of the dance troupe before because I was studying arts and performances, I was a suki of different events dahil nga may grupo kami as dancers, I met knew friends and people I get to hang out with.
I suddenly forgot about Chris, since it's been 3 years already and I was so busy with my studies and I haven't heard about him kahit minsan. I thought it was the end of my first love story and I'm not looking for him anymore , Iniisip ko nga kung hinahanap din ba niya ako or nagkaroon na siya ng new life like me.
Yung mga bffs ko nagenroll nadin sa iba't ibang schools, we still have communication dahil may group chat kami pero hindi na kami nagkita for 3 years, we are planning to pero always nadedelay dahil hindi kami match ng scheds
It was so stressing for me, yung studies ko. Wala akong time mag entertain ng mga admirers before and maybe I was still rooting for Chris not until ......
One night, someone rang my phone, it was a notification from my messenger, the name was unfamiliar and the profile picture is an anime character.
"Hai, kamusta na?"
I just ignored him and I'm busy that time preparing for my demonstration
"Hala, nakalimot na siya"
Upon seeing this, nagreply ako kaagad kasi kung kakilala ko man yun ayokong isipin nilang suplada na ako.
"Sino po sila? The name is unfamiliar kasi"
" Mr. Valedictorian"
Madami na akong nakilalang valedictorian that time so I asked for his name.
"Name niyo po?"
"Ano ka ba! Khael eto"
"Ah! Ikaw pala, magpakilala kasi kaagad hehe"
"Oh kamusta na? anong course mo? Saang school ka?"
"Dami namang tanong yan hehe pwede isa isa lang?" dahil diko alam kung anong sasagutin ko dun
Then he suddenly called. His voice, para akong sinaniban sa goosebumps ko, same voice parin nung HS kami hehe very manly and gentle, naalala ko tuloy ang nakaraan .
"Oh ano na, balita ko nag education ka, iba talaga pag matalino a!"
"Ano ka ba! Mas matalino ka parin hehe, oh anong kinuha mo ba?
"Civil engineering, grabe ang hirap , nasira pagiging valedictorian ko, babagsak ata ako neto"
We laughed a lot and talked about some random things, I was just so happy talking to someone from years ago and he still tried to get in touch with me. Si Khael pa na dimo aakalaing iaaproach ka diba? Hehe
So we continued talking for many weeks maybe just to remember things before and share some events in our recent life , hindi ko maitago ang lungkot tuwing naaalala ko si Chris, his boldness, his sweet smiles, his cold aura that makes every girl fall for him.
I still keep on praying for him, his safety, his life and his future.
One day, Khael asked me to go out, hindi date ha? Parang walk around lang daw near my area, so I said yes. At dahil gabi lang ang free time ko I told him to come at 6:00 PM
So we decided to meet at 6 pm in a street near my boarding house, medyo kinakabahan ako kasi after 3years ngayon lang ulit kami magkikita.
And there we met, napaka silent parin niya talaga, aside from tumangkad siya medyo tumaba din siya ng kaunti pero same face, gwapo parin. Napaka weird parin ng kanyang aura, hindi magsasalita kung di mo kakausapin, halatang napaka talino.
He was looking at me for so long na pero hindi siya nagsasalita, so I was wondering kung anong iniisip niya or kung anong purpose niya ba't niya ako niyaya lumabas.
"Faye crush mo ako noon diba?"
He suddenly brought that out, jusko naman! Icocorner na naman ako neto
So I directly said " Yes, noong mga bata pa tayo"
"E ngayon?"
"Hindi na dahil nag matured na tayo" sabay tawa.
"So you mean, gusto lang ako ng youthful thoughts mo? Pero nung nagmatured na wala na, that means hindi mo ako totally gusto"?
"Ay hindi, gusto talaga kita noon, hanga ako sa'yo pero dahil marami ng nangyari sa buhay ko kaya nagbago yung feelings ko"
"bakit may boyfriend kana ba?"
Dina ako sumagot at ngumiti nalang ako bigla..
"Alam ko kung sinong gusto mo noon, hindi naman talaga ako diba?
I'm trying to change the topic kasi ayokong alalahanin na naman yung feelings na yun so nanahimik nalang ako at hinayaan siyang magsalita.
"Si Chris, I saw you looked at each other many times before, nakita ko din na binigyan ka niya ng flowers nung graduation and alam mo ba, nag-iwan siya sa aking ng letter"
I suddenly got emotional, I don't know out of nowhere bigla na akong naluha pero pinipigilan ko, I really miss him, dahil tatlong taon na walang communication, walang balita sa kanya, walang closure? Paano ako makakalimot kung may naiwang question mark sa dulo?
"Anong letter? Anong sabi niya?
"Umiiyak kaba?" tanong niya
"Naaalala ko lang siya, wala na akong balita after graduation, buhay pa kaya yung taong yun?"
"Heto yung letter, pasensya kana kung ngayon ko lang ito ibibigay, I tried giving it to you noong debut mo pero ayokong sirain yung gabi mo e, for sure iisipin mo siya ng todo pag binigay ko"
At dahil nga nag effort yung tao para puntahan ako, medyo malayo din ang binyahe niya just to see and talk to me again.
We ended up eating in a street food stall, same old feeling siya parin talaga si Mr. Valedictorian, nag mature nga lang ng kaunti.
"Aika, gusto na kita noon pa, nung nalaman kong crush mo ako, I immediately grabbed the opportunity but I was a bit late, may gusto kana pala kay Chris noon" Khael said.
"Hindi ko din alam kung paano nadevelop yung feelings ko sa kanya, I know iniisip mo kung bakit siya pa ee basagulero siya" I answered
"I thought about that also, very confident akong ako ang magugustuhan mo compared sa kanya but I was wrong"
I was thinking, paano kung si Khael talaga ang para sa akin kasi siya ang nagbalik, ginamit lang ni God si Chris to teach me a lesson about compassion and maybe that's it. Nadevelop lang yung feelings ko but suddenly bigla din siyang nawala.
Kayo? What are your views on this? 20 years old na ako that time pero umaasa parin ako sa taong never na nagparamdam or nangumusta? Siguro it's about time to let go, move forward and just think of him as my ordinary classmate.
So ayun, dahil lumalalim na ang gabi, need ko nadin umuwi to finish some of my paperworks, we said our goodbyes and promised to meet again some other time.
Naalala ko yung letter ni Chris to Khael, I didn't open it nung magkasama kasi to show respect na din sa kanya so I just hid it in my pocket.
As soon as I arrived sa aking boarding I opened the letter.
Here's what he said
"Bro, Man up! after ng graduation siguro aalis na ako kasama ng kuya ko, chance mo na yan bro. Alam kong may feelings ka din sa kanya, grab it bro, the opportunity, not her. You know what I mean!"
After reading that unti-unti ko nang narerealize na may mga tao pala talagang dadaan lang sa buhay mo, and every person is either a lesson or a blessing pwede ding neither, one thing is certain, I learned to care for someone's feelings, emotions and life, I learned to be compassionate, I did my best to help and comfort someone who's a complete stranger for me. Those moments were magical. I will never forget those memories and even Chris!
I think it's about time to let him go, I kept waiting for three years now and maybe he's in a good life already after all these years.
I am grateful I met him, My first love.