Chapter One
It was a wintry, cold night. Untouched snow, four foot deep lay thickly on the uneven ground like a glacial blanket. The air was dense with a frosty fog that seemed to shelter whole villages for miles. There was a burning smell coming from the forests of the east. The sky was filled with stars, some a blazing orange and others a bright white. The orange ones were no doubt deteriorating into nothingness.
Cloudy figures, shrouded in large, black cloaks swept across the sky, crossing over the enormous orb that was the moon. With a huge gust of wind, they had disappeared into the night. Then there was nothing. It was as if one of the cloaks was closed over my face. No air. No sound. No smell. There was nothing to see but an oblivion of darkness. It was Claustrophobic almost. It seemed to press in from all directions, until it was difficult to breathe…
The horrifying dream concluded with a blood-curdling shriek, apparently my own, which awoke me to more darkness. But this darkness was different to the first. It was the darkness of the children’s home. I sat up swiftly and immediately retched over the side of my bed. My eyes stung and watered as I pulled back into a sitting position.
I shook my head free of the image of terror that was my nightmare and wiped my mouth hurriedly, I abruptly had the sense of being submerged into an icy lake. Cold. I began to shiver just as, so suddenly that I gasped in shock, the cold was replaced with blistering flames which prised the cold from my body, causing me burn instead. It was like the wildfire from hell was ripping me apart from the inside, trying to kill me or just torture me enough to make me wish I were dead. At that moment I wanted to die just to get away from the torment.
Eventually the heat began to subside so that all that was left was my haggard breathing.
I took in deep breaths to calm myself. I did not succeed so I tried listening to my heart instead, which was no good either as it was thrashing against my chest at such force that I honestly believed that it would escape from my ribcage. I placed my hand against my chest and, as it finally began to slow, I looked to my left and right. Mel and Kerri were still asleep, thank God. Unfortunately, the matron wasn’t. My heart picked up again.
The matron is a terrifying woman who cares for orphans like me. Personally, I wouldn’t use the word cares. “Bullies” is a better description. She gets us to wait on her hand and foot, bringing her tea, chocolate and other luxuries. It is the complete opposite when someone from a higher authority comes to inspect or visit. Although she acts nice in front of them, she always points a slight sneer in our direction when their backs are turned.
As the towering matron approaches me through the open door, I tuck my auburn hair behind my ears with shaking hands and sit up straight in my bed. She looked like a giant with her silhouette showing her large, broad body. The fact that I couldn’t see all of her face made her seem scarier. She was right at the foot of my bed, her lip curled with disgust to show her fang-shaped teeth. She surveyed my pale face with black eyes and I felt, for the first time since I came here, pure, undiluted terror.
I came to the all-girls orphanage when I was a mere baby, defenceless and tiny, due to the fact I was born too early. I can’t even remember what my parents looked like as it has been many years since I’ve seen them, if I ever have. There was only one vague memory of my mother that I can recall of. I’m in a cot screaming and I hear raised voices; my mother comes up the stairs and soothes me until I get to sleep. I never saw my father so I have no idea what he was like, although according to the description of my parents in a newspaper clipping, he would have been able to pass as a prince.
The fat matron gestured the door with one pudgy hand and gripped the foot of my bed with the other.
“Come” she growled and my legs seemed to stand up of their own accord to follow her out of the, now silent, room. The matron led me down the flight of stairs. Her, wobbling and me, walking shakily beside her. But, instead of turning to the left after them to her office, she walked straight forward to a locked door. As she removed a little key from her apron, she gave me a sideward glance, her eyes glittering with malice. For a moment I actually thought she was going to kill me right there and then.
“You stay here, Claire” the matron barked as she jammed the key into the lock and turned it, causing it to open with a squeak. Here’s my chance to run, I thought as she stepped into the darkened room. I tried to but my legs ad turned to jelly and I couldn’t move them an inch in any direction, no matter how many commands I sent to them with my mind. I looked around me, hoping for a way out of this but I was on my own in the corridor and I doubt that anyone would be able to hear me if I shouted, but if they did they wouldn’t have been able to help me. The matron had taught all of us that, if one of us were being told off, we were to stay away or face the same punishment, even if they did not commit the crime. The evil woman had slapped us round the face if we did not get her food to her in time. She had even clipped us round the ear if we got out of bed when we were not meant to. If the young baker’s apprentice had come to give the matron the weekly bread loaf, we would stare at him through any window, or we would come downstairs and pretend we were cleaning when he was there. He was very handsome and young-looking. He had a pale, heart-shaped face and sea blue eyes. His hair had a slight curl and he’s always fiddling with it. We never talk to him. One, because we are too shy, and two, because if we got caught doing so, the matron would give us what for and send us to bed with no supper. Mel, Kerri and I are sure that she is secretly courting the baker because every time she goes to see the baker, she makes up some excuse that we are out of bread but, when we checked the pantry there was always a lot in there anyway.
As I had gotten off track, I had all but forgotten how long I had been stood there. When the matron came out again, she had a plastic bag in her hand and an evil glint in her eye. I got suddenly worried. What was in the bag? Why was she looking at me like that? Like she wants to… No. how could she want to do that… I know she’s evil but… Would she actually do that? She wouldn’t… would she? I had a silent debate with myself while she led me back down the hall and to her office, grinning manically.
“Sit down.” she ordered and I obeyed immediately. I could feel the matron’s gaze from right behind me, circling me, eying me closely as I sat there, motionless in the wooden seat in front of her desk. I heard the rustling of the plastic bag and my worry began to creep up again.
“Stand up and bend over the desk. Now!” she shouted the last word and I started. I stood up slowly and placed my stomach against the desk. My heart was stopping and starting and my breathing was ragged and short. My lower garments were roughly yanked away. More rustling. Then, as suddenly as snow in summer, a sharp smack rapped on my skin again and again. The pain was excruciating and, as I wasn’t expecting it, I yelled at the first one and the matron slapped me round the head so I shut up, holding back an onslaught of tears that were threatening to overflow. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to block out what was happening and the pain of it, but the pain was too much for me to handle and I scratched at the desk underneath me tightly to try and move my attention towards that instead of the whipping that I was getting.
*
This treatment went on for what felt like hours but when she finally shooed me out of her office, I was crying and hugging my arms against my chest, only wishing that I could forget about what had happened. Obviously this was going to prove impossible because it felt as if it had been branded on my mind with a hot poker, straight from the fire. Of course I could not get to sleep now. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw and felt the pain I had been in. every time, my breath sped and my stomach ached with a fear that if I had the same dream again, I would die from the next beating. Eventually I got to sleep, having to lie on my stomach, scrunch up my eyes and imagine what I would like life to be like for me. I imagined being out of this place, a big smile on my face and stood beside me, the bakers apprentice, his teeth gleaming and his eyes sparkling as we smile for the camera. I smile as I eventually fall to an uneasy sleep.
*
The next morning I felt horrible. Because of my position whilst sleeping my back was aching and my legs burned like flames pulsating from them. I was paranoid almost that the others would be able to feel it if they stood close enough. I got dresses after everyone, making a scene of losing my things and throwing them all over the floor but secretly waiting for everyone to get out of the bathroom so I could go in there and have a quick wash and get dressed. That day I pretended that nothing had happened the night before. I helped Kerri and Sophie with the garden. I took the matron her tea. I washed up after our miniscule supper and did the washing. My expression never revealed any pain. But on the inside all my muscles were aching and screaming at me with the burn of hell. Even though I was going through o much pain, my façade never slipped … not until we were getting ready for bed.
As I pulled off my skirt, I bit my lip tightly, trying not to cry. My skin stung like a fatal poison seeping through my body, clouding my mind. I had thought no-one was in our communal bathroom when I entered and when I heard a sharp gasp I froze deadly still for a few seconds and then pulled my night skirt up as fast as I could, blushing with sudden heat that had rushed to my cheeks, already smarting from the pain in my lower half.
“Claire!” a voice I recognized as Mel’s exclaimed and I turned to face her, “what the hell happened?!” I suddenly felt hot tears streaking down my face. She took one look and quickly crossed the room in a few strides and wrapped her arms around me, allowing me to put on the rest of my night clothes before steering me into the bedroom, which was filled with a quiet buzz of talking, me crying so much that my breath was coming out in jagged gasps. The whole room fell silent as I walked in and they all began crowding round me like a swarm of flies. Mel told them swiftly that the last thing I needed was nosy people causing ruckus which could get the matron in here. They soon slouched off and the buzz picked up again. I grinned at Mel, wiping my eyes to stem the flow of hot fresh tears that spurted up when I saw that maybe people here did care about me.
Chapter two
After I had finished sobbing my heart out to Mel, I explained. We were getting into our own bed when I told her everything that had happened in the matrons office and I told her why.
Most people seemed to know the gist of what had happened as they gave me sympathetic glances while they were getting under their covers and having a nice, friendly chat with their neighbour. They must have heard when I told Mel. I looked at the clock. We usually had at least five minutes after changing before lights out.
“But what I don’t get is,” Mel began when we were settled, leaning on our elbows to talk to each other. I looked up and gestured for her to go on, “Well, I’ve done some pretty bad things in all the time I’ve been here. Do you remember when I threw a whole bucket of freezing, cold, soapy water at Margaret?” I nodded and smiled while she laughed out loud at the funny memory. “It was worth it, even though I got into deep trouble. But anyway, all I got for doing that was having to do the washing all by myself, going to bed an hour earlier and not having lunch or supper on the day I did it.” she paused and sighed” but you. You get sores on your arse and legs caused by, what the marks look like, a whip. I just don‘t get it!” Mel looked concerned and confused at the same time as she looked at me sympathetically. “That bitch” she exclaimed suddenly, after several moments of silence.
“Well she got the whip out of a bag so that might have been the first time she ever used it. She looked like a maniac. Seriously!” I cried out the last part with a laugh. Mel laughed with me for a moment and then whispered sinisterly, her eyes looking dark and mysterious,
“But if that’s the first time she’s ever used it, and she likes using it, then we all have to be really careful what we say or do from now on. We have to warn everyone!” I nodded fervently but was prevented from speaking by the matron coming in, ordering everyone to go to sleep and turning the light off. I kept my eyes open, terrified that if I shut them, I would suffer from the dream again and, afterwards, the beatings. My heart raced at the thought and I eventually closed my eyes, willing to escape the terror.
*
It felt like I had barely slept when I heard the matron yell for us to wake up. I felt better this morning because, as I was terrified that I would have the same dream, I was extremely relieved that I hadn’t.
I got up drowsily and started to make my bed. As I got dressed, I heard a strained sob. A sob that someone was trying to stop it from escaping her lips. After I got dressed and ready, I waited for all the others to leave the room and I watched them leave. Looking at their faces. Searching for a face that would betray the fact that she had been crying. I found none in the line and had given up by the time I had looked at the faces near the back.
“Kerri” I caught her shoulder as she walked past, the last one. She turned her skinny body away from me and would not show me her face. I tried to pull her hand away and swivel her around at the same time but she was refusing.
When I did manage to succeed, I saw what I had been looking for. Red face, puffy, red eyes and a red nose.
“It’s you!” I exclaimed as fresh tears ran down her face. I put my arm around her shoulders and steered her back to where we were meant to be. It was a good thing that they were not far away and they had not seen the matron who always waits in the large hall, waiting to give us our daily chores and woe betold if any of us were late. I quickly linked my arm into Kerri and Mel’s arms, trying to make it look like we had been there the whole time. Mel looked over to Kerri and sudden understanding crossed her face which blended into sympathy and sorrow. We knew we wouldn’t get a chance to talk to anyone during the time we were in assembly, but we decided to try to warn people whilst we were undertaking our many jobs for the day.
*
I was washing the floor of the atrium when I heard a voice. A voice that made my heart pound and my face grow red just by hearing it. I chanced a glance upwards to see a pale heart-shaped face and a tall, slim body walking towards the matron. To my disgust he kissed her hand and smiled politely at her wretched face.
“I have the bread you ordered, Matron Hilliard. I’ll need a hand for this lot though. There’s a lot of it.” Immediately, I stood up and walked directly towards them. I kept a fake smile on my face as I spoke.
“Matron? Would you like me to give him a hand in carrying them in? And then I’ll get straight back to my chores.” I looked at the apprentice. He was smiling that angelic smile of his. He must be about 17 at the most. My heartbeat was like helicopter blades as I smiled toothily at him.
The matron looked slightly suspicious but blew it off.
“Alright then. But you make me a cup of tea afterwards. I didn’t get a chance as I was waiting for the bread.
“O.K” I replied, eager to leave.
I let the apprentice lead the way as we walked in silence to the waiting cart outside. We looked into it. There was definitely a lot of bread. It filled almost half of the cart.
I lead the way back into the house, silent. He hardly spoke either, probably not wanting the other girls to catch a glimpse of him, or even hear his voice. It was a bit too late for that. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a girl hanging off the banister, apparently cleaning it, but she had her eyes fixed on the apprentice. I would do that too if it were me.
After I placed the loaves of bread in the pantry with all the other cooking ingredients, I turned to leave the room but a hand grabbed my arm. He pulled me close to him and shut the door as quietly as possible, (there wasn’t a light in there). “What is your name?” he asked in a whisper, his warm, sweet-smelling breath on my face.
“C-Claire” I stammered shyly, averting my gaze away from his face, so close to mine. “What is yours?” I looked then and I was surrounded by the sea in his eyes. They were beautiful. I couldn’t stop gazing into them. It was slightly frightening that his eyes could be so hypnotic to me.
He smiled at this childish response. It probably sounded like we were in nursery to him. “Jonathan” he replied softly. Then he let go of my hands.
“Why do you want to know my name?” I asked, “I’m just an orphan” I then wondered if I was being too nosey.
“Because I want to be able to find you again, Claire.” Then he left the room, leaving me breathless. As I walked out of the pantry myself, I almost forgot what I was doing. I hurriedly got to the kitchen and prepared the tea. As the pan of water boiled, I couldn’t help thinking about Jonathan. How it felt when he touched me, how it sounded when he spoke and how nice his breath felt on my face and neck. As I was busy dreaming about him, the kettle started to whistle, which made me jump frightfully out of my daydream and see to it immediately. After taking the Matrons tea to her, I continued with my chores, speaking to others also about “being careful” and “the consequences.”
*
By lunch, I had been able to warn all the girls who I had worked with, but I didn’t know if Mel and Kerri had done as well because they had not come to lunch. In normal circumstances, I would have laughed at the reactions of some of the people’s faces when I told them but these were not “normal” circumstances. I looked and looked for them but Mel and Kerri were no-where to be seen. I didn’t even see the matron at her usual post right at the front of the hall with the biggest table, so she could apparently “keep an eye on us”. More like so she could stuff her face with all the food we “weren’t allowed”.
It was until I saw Kerri that I got really worried about them both. Relief broke across my face when I saw her but it was short-lived as there were fresh tear stains on her face and I started a full-scale panic attack. Where was Mel? Why was Kerri crying? What had happened? I started asking many questions in my head as I stalked up to her and hugged her tightly.
“What happened?” I asked only just holding back tears of my own. She didn’t answer immediately so I got even more worried.
“Kerri, answer me please. Where is Mel and what the hell happened?” Kerri stared at me with pain-stricken eyes.
“She’s with the matron,” her voice cracked as she saw my expression change to horror. She carried on, seeing as it was like I was unable to speak.
“She caught us.” she took a deep breath, “we were in the kitchen and the matron walked in and heard the conversation. She yelled at us for a bit. We didn’t say anything so she just assumed that it was all Mel but she kept me there to watch.” my eyes widened with shock as I replayed what Kerri had said in my head, hoping I had it wrong.
“Watch what?” I whispered. Her answering whisper was a restrained sob.
“She brought the doctor in.” this may sound like a normal statement but the fact that the doctor was in was very bad news.
The doctor is a creepy man who lays hands on young girls in the orphanage. He picks girls which he takes a fancy to and takes them to the matron’s office, where she gives them a good whipping at the same time. He has very oily skin and hair and wandering eyes. Kerri, Mel and I always felt relieved when the amount of visits from the doctor shortened and shortened until he came barely once a month.
*
When we next saw Mel, her lips were taut and swollen. She had bruises and whip marks all over her neck, arms and possibly the rest of her body. She limped on one leg and winced every time someone talked to her. She didn’t look at us as she passed, ignored us as if we did not exist when we called her. As she rounded the corner, I turned back to Kerri.
“Why did she just ignore us?” I questioned her, confused. She looked just as bewildered as I was at Mel’s reaction to us. I thought and thought until my eyebrows creased with concentration. I couldn’t get to sleep that night for trying to comprehend.
I analysed Mel’s behaviour for the reason of her hostility and came up with one possible answer. The matron. The evil woman had beaten one of my best friends and gotten her to ignore me entirely. One day she was going to pay for that. One day. I swear on my mother and father’s graves that I WILL GET REVENGE. I don’t care how long it takes for me to get that strong but I will accomplish it. Even if it’s the last thing I ever do. Now that the matron had found a new way of torturing us, she wasn’t going to stop until it broke us completely. I’ll do it. For Mel. For Kerri. My one, true family in this new form of terror.
Chapter three
We eventually found out the reason for Mel’s animosity. Apparently the doctor and the matron raped and beat her until she was in tears but they carried on, relentless of her terror. After the ordeal, the doctor left with a broad grin on his flushed face and the matron told Mel not to inform us of it or she would kill her and anyone she told.
To find out the reason for the harsh words that came from the matrons’ lips, and the beatings from her and the doctors’ hands and body we bombarded Mel at lunch with heaps of questions that we could not ask under the matrons watchful eyes. She fought at first, struggling against our grip with weak shoves, as we pulled her into a side room and shut the door behind us.
“What the hell are you doing?” Mel stormed at us angrily, as Kerri guarded the door with her body. I placed my hands out in front of me as an apology.
“Mel…” I began in a sympathetic tone, “you can tell us what happened you know. We are your frie-“Mel interrupted me in clipped tones.
“Don’t you dare tell me you’re my friends because I can contradict that. You don’t even know what happened to my parents. I bet you don’t even care!” There was a shocked, ringing silence after this last statement. Of course I didn’t know about her parents. I didn’t want to ask, just in case it was a sensitive subject for her. She continued recklessly.
“You don’t know anything about me. All you know is that I live here and I’m an orphan. That is the end of your knowledge about me.” I squared my shoulders and steadily walked toward her. Our noses were almost touching by the time I stopped.
“Why are you being such a selfish brat” I snapped at her. She cringed backwards from my furious glare and almost fell into a cupboard. “You hardly know anything about me either, or what happened to my parents. Do you want to know what happened? I’ll tell you. They were taken by strangers, who left me where I was in my cot; they were missing for three days and then were found in the river. Well, bits of them were. I don’t know the details but apparently they were cut up in bits and tipped from a box into the river Thames!” I crossed my arms and stared angrily at the shocked Mel who bit her lip, glistening tears tumbling down her face and mumbled “sorry” under her breath.
“What was that? I didn’t quite hear you. Can you repeat what it was that you just said?” she cleared her throat, looked up from the floor and stared deep into my eyes.
“I said I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was being so selfish, always talking about my own problems and not even considering that you two,” her eyes flickered to Kerri, still by the door, “have your own.” Then she broke down and we got the whole story. About her parents, how she had gotten here in this hell-hole and also why. Apparently her parents didn’t want her. They dumped in here as soon as she was born, covered in the blood of her birth and howling so loud that half the street could probably hear.
*
We didn’t know how long we had been there when we got the shock of our lives. Mel, Kerri and I were sat on the wooden, dusty floor of the store cupboard when the door suddenly burst open and, erupting with fury, stood the matron.
“What do you think you’re doing in here!” she exploded, her eyes popping at the outburst. We looked at each other, silently asking who should speak. We decided me.
“Well, me and Kerri wanted to speak to Mel and we lost track of time.” I explained to her as she stared at me with her horrific face turned toward me. Then she suddenly turned on Mel, who was looking alarmed at how unexpected the movement was.
“Right,” she continued with a voice that totally contrasted with her usual booming one. It was sweet and sugary. The one she uses for inspectors. For some reason this voice scared me more than her powerful blows, more than the sound of her footsteps approaching the bedroom and more than my nightmare. The very nightmare that I had dreamt on the night I had my first whipping.
Suddenly, the matron lurched forwards and grabbed Mel and Kerri by the hair in one hand and me in the other, by the throat. She dragged us out of the cupboard, into the hall and into her office which, disastrously, was only a couple of doors from where we were.
When we were safely inside the room, the matron pushed all three of us at the same time into the wall at the other side of the room, strode over to us and kicked us while we were down. As if we were dogs, suffering at the hands of someone not our master. She picked us up one at a time, yelled at us and then chucked us down again. The creams were muffled as if she was holding their face. When it was my turn to have this torture, I could barely understand the words that were being hurled into my face, along with the spit. The only words I could comprehend were the “a” s and the “the” s. she hit us a punched us until we were barely conscious but still continued. Every time she hit Mel or Kerri, a surge of anger hit my stomach and it was until I hard Kerri sobbing with the pain that I staggered up and ran at the evil matron. It knocked her off her feet and onto the floor. She roared like a wounded animal and jumped to her feet and pushed me hard onto the wooden floorboards where I felt a nail head stick into my neck. I touched where it was, a gush of blood was seeping onto my hand and I got up again.
In turn she lifted us up with almighty strength, but also, with absolute ease, by the scruff of our necks and dropped us as if we were dolls she didn’t want any more, or we were covered in some sort of goo. She then laughed loudly at our pain, wiped something from her apron and gave us that sneer we knew so well.
The cruel matron then left the eerily, silent room, locked the door and left, waiting for us to die probably.
We were sprawled on the floor like lifeless objects, crumpled, only faint, flutters of our hearts to prove we were still alive. I laid there for what felt like hours and after a while I felt like I would never get up due to the pains I felt all over my body. My head held the worst pain. It felt as though a brick had been thrown at me by a champion thrower and stuck to my head, leaving a permanent dent and making my thoughts sluggish as I attempted to come up with a plan of how we were going to get out of this torture.
For a while, I looked at the ceiling, wondering. Wondering why this had happened. Had the matron tried to kill us? Or had she just gotten so angry that she lashed out at someone and that someone happened to be us? Then I realized no. She just wanted to beat us. Just for talking to her; Mel. Like she had said to her, if she told anyone, she would die, and anyone else she informed.
But she did not tell us. We figured it out. We figured out what the matron and the greasy, slimy doctor had done to her what she would never have a hope or a prayer of forgetting.
As I tried to get up, I looked around me. The images were fuzzy but somehow clear. I saw no window (which I had never noticed before), the desk was overturned for no reason, and none of us had been thrown at it. Maybe the matron had a fit of anger and did it herself. The next thing I saw was the most horrifying; Mel and Kerri’s bodies still on the carpeted floor, their faces unrecognizable with the blood and, at the same time, realizing that my face must look the same as theirs, I fell back, unconscious.
Chapter four
When I finally awoke, I was freezing and my face ached like hell itself. I had been laid on snowy ground and when I looked at it, it was stained with blood, bright red contrasting against the white. I looked around. Mel was standing uneasily nearby talking anxiously to Kerri. The wind was howling so I could not hear their exact words but it sounded like they were crying. I tried to shout to them but my voice was carried away in the wind. I tried to get up but my frozen legs didn’t seem to want to co-operate. They wouldn’t move an inch. I cleared my throat stiffly. It hurt a little but it was nothing compared to the searing pain in my head.
Mel had heard me clear my throat and tapped Kerri on the shoulder and pointed in my direction. Simultaneously, they limped towards me. As they came closer, I could see their faces clearer and clearer by the second. The bruised puffed up faces were nothing like I remembered from before. Their eyes were black and there were cuts and bruises all over their faces and any other piece of skin I could see.
“Where are we?” I croaked. Mel glanced at Kerri before forming an answer. I waited patiently.
“We’re near Brinton forest. Look over there,” she pointed towards the west, towards the large amount of snow-covered trees. “And look, there’s a river. That’s where we can get our food. We’ll catch fish, build a fire and cook them” a smile came over her heavily beaten face, causing me to see a glimpse of the “old” Mel. It was reassuring to know that we still had faith.
I looked all around, taking in my surroundings. To my left was, indeed, a forest, containing many different kinds of trees, all snow-covered. To my right there was a mountain, only a short way away, about 50 steps. We could shelter under a ridge somewhere over there. There were many of them sticking out from the humungous mountain.as I tried to look behind me, there was a slight twinge in my legs which triggered a question I had yet to ask.
“Hey. By the way, what’s happened to my legs?” they both looked at me curiously then Kerri spoke. Her voice was hoarser than the rest of us, more like the crackling of flames and the sound of a knife scraping on a plate put together. It sounded horribly painful.
“Well…” she started, as if thinking about the best way to put something, “you’ve been laid like that for at least 2 days now. Just a minute ago, we thought your heart stopped beating so obviously we thought you were…you know…dead. That’s probably why you heard us crying over there.” Realisation and knowledge encouraged me to believe this so I started to try and move my legs again. After a while, the feeling began to come back to them and I could do little stretches but I doubted at the time that I would be able to walk for another hour or so.
*
After a while, I began to regain that ability to walk and we started walking around, seeing if there was any civilisation at all. We saw a town in the distance but decided that we should wait until we had eaten and had regained our strength before attempting to walk there. As this was said, my stomach growled. Mel heard this and laughed. Kerri looked around curiously, obviously wondering what the sudden laughter was about. I answered her unspoken question.
“My stomach growled. It was quite loud. I’m surprised you didn’t hear it.” I laughed and this time Kerri joined in with her crackly laugh. All three of us were laughing loudly until we were clutching our stomachs with laughter.
When she had finally calmed down Kerri asked, very seriously, even emotionally; “so what are we going to do now then? We haven’t anything to eat or anything to catch fish with, let alone anything to cook with or anything to keep us warm.” After this sudden outburst, Kerri started crying. With her raspy voice, she sounded so pitiful that me and Mel both knelt down towards her and hugged her tightly, thinking that same worries and hoped that there were answers to our worries.
*
When Mel and Kerri had eventually, after much effort, fallen asleep, I stood up and walked toward the river. It was amazing how much movement it can make just because of a light breeze. It ran towards the east, swilling around pebbles and rocks that lie in the water it was mesmerising. The way it shone with just a glimmer of light from the sky was beautiful. It was as if it was controlled by a beautiful princess, wanting everything to be as glitteringly beautiful as she; however, when the clouds come out and shoot rain here, it shows that she is there at a different river, where the sun shines which makes it glimmer.
I looked up to the sky. As I had imagined, the clouds above began to clump up into black clouds, obviously going to shed their tears on us, as if it was angry at us. I ran back to the others and woke them hurriedly.
“What? What? Ok, Ok, I’m awake.” Mel shrugged out of my shaking hands. I ran to Kerri. The same happened. I screamed. As if an electric jolt ran through them, Mel and Kerri shot up to look at me angrily.
“Why did you wake us up, Claire?” Mel snapped. I pointed upwards. They both looked up and then at me knowingly. I then pointed silently to the mountain and we immediately ran towards and under a ridge. Just in time I thought smugly, as the rain came down like bullets as soon as we were sheltered. If I hadn’t woken them, we would be soaked and colder than we already were. I looked breathlessly towards the others. Mel stared defiantly back.
“Don’t look at me like that Claire, I was going to say thank you anyway. So… thank you.” The sentence ended softly and it was almost drowned out by the storm, which was now host to thunder and lightning also.
After the storm, there was a strong smell of burning coming from the woods, followed by the sounds of shouting and the rushing of water. Obviously, although I couldn’t see it, there was a forest fire and there were people putting it out. Meanwhile, I stared into the night sky with wonder. It looked so beautiful now that the storm had come and gone. It was a deep blue ocean, scattered with stars, and the moon glimmering eerily as a full orb of whiteness, casting light over the tall cliff.
I started suddenly. Something had caught my eye in the moon. I stood up, gazing intently at it, wondering, waiting, hoping that it wouldn’t come back because I feared it. It brought back memories of when we were back in the home. On the first night the whip was brought into our lives. It reminded me of the dream I’d had that caused the whip to become part of my life.
I suddenly saw it again, the swishing of cloaks, the colour contrast of black against white, the cloaked figures that swept across the moon. My breathing rapidly changed from a normal pace to rasping gasps streaming from my mouth. My heart was like a steam train again, it almost hurt. I stared and stared, keeping my eyes on the figures, not wanting to blink. My eyes watered, my lip trembled, my hands, balled into fists, were clammy and sweaty.
When I finally gave up and blinked, I knew what to expect. The figures were gone and in the sky the moon was just a silvery orb again, not trespassed by anything, not even a shadow. I gasped. A hand had grabbed me from behind. It was cold and nails pierced into my skin. I looked around, trembling again. Nothing. There was just the cliff. That was it.
I stumbled my way back to the cliff where Mel and Kerri were sound asleep and sat on the floor, hugging my knees with my sweaty hands. I rocked back and forth; back and forth, until I couldn’t see anything, even though my eyes were open.
Chapter five
“We’ve got to go.” I said solemnly to the others when they had woken up the next morning. They rubbed their eyes, looking confused and worried as I had bags under my eyes and I was still hugging my knees. I loosened them up. They felt stiff and were aching a bit but I didn’t bother about that. All I wanted to do was get away from there and get to civilisation. I didn’t want to see the figures the night before but maybe I had to. Maybe it was my destiny. I had no clue why but I’m sure it’s something important.
“Why?” Mel asked drowsily, yawning and stretching. I didn’t want to tell her why I wanted to leave so I just chose another possible answer.
“Isn’t it obvious? It’s winter and we’re wearing these. That storm last night caused a forest fire and you want to stay?” she shrugged so I continued; “O.K let’s go then.”
The forest trees glistened with a thin layer of ice and snow. In a few days’ time, the whole forest floor will be covered by snow like a giant white blanket. There was hardly any sign of life within the forests’ depths so obviously every animal that lived here would be hibernating away from the chill and awake in the spring when it’s warmer.
The crunching of our feet on the snow was the only sound save for the slight rustling of the remaining leaves in the trees that hadn’t withered with the cold. No-one spoke for a while, we just walked, no idea where we were going just hoping that we find somewhere to stay for the night before it gets darker and colder.
There was a sort of eerie atmosphere about the forest, peaceful even. It gave me time to think. I thought about many things on our trek through the woods; what the others in the orphanage were being put through at this very moment and how they were coping; what we’re going to do when we get out of the forest and about the baker’s apprentice…Jonathan. What’s he doing at this very moment? It seemed like an age ago that he told me he wanted to see me again…I just hope that when he does, he doesn’t feel differently.
“Claire!” Kerri exclaimed, bringing me out from my reverie. I looked up sharply. I could see a town about 500 metres away. My mood lifted and I smiled.
“Great, let’s keep moving. I think we’ll be able to do it before sun goes down.” I looked up at the sky. It was mid-afternoon at the very least. The sun was in the north-east, burning bright and making the scene very beautiful. I could sit there and watch it forever if I had no reason to live.
After a walk that seemed to take five minutes, we were at the small town and I was nearly sunset. People stared at us as we walked past; some children supressing laughter, some with sympathetic glances and others horrified. We walked with no aim until one middle-aged woman came up to us. She had waist-length hair a kind face with laugh lines.
“excuse me, not to be rude and feel free to not answer me and walk away but I just wanted to ask you if you were living anywhere at the moment?” she seemed genuinely worried about us. I looked her in her eyes.
“No we’re not, we’ve just got into own and were looking for a place to stay. Do you know of anywhere?” she smiled at my reply and signalled for us to follow her. As we walked she stared o make conversation.
“Where did you come from anyway? You look a bit underdressed” pointing out our tattered clothes. I looked at both Mel and Kerri in turn and decided that I could tell her without being judged.
“We came from St. Andrews orphanage. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it or-” the woman interrupted me.
“Old Matron Hilliard?” she asked and when I nodded she replied, “ah she was a nasty piece of work when she lived in his town she was.” I was in shock. I never knew the Matron used to live here.
“How far are we away from the orphanage?” Mel asked swiftly, worried obviously. The woman thought for a minute.
“About thirty miles. She comes back a least once a week to get things for the orphanage. There’s the bakery just there.” She pointed towards a small shop to our right. I looked quickly, only to see a closed sign and a plump man walking out from it and locking he door. My heart jumped into my mouth. So that’s where Jonathan will be on his working days. And he’ll be going o he orphanage at least once a week too, delivering bread, probably looking for me, and he won’t find me. I suddenly had a mixture of feelings. Happy that I’ll be so near to him but also sad that he still has to go to that hell-hole. To her.
“This is it” the woman said finally, when we had come to a big house at the end of the road. She must be rich, I thought to myself as we walked up the steps, to have a house like this.
Inside was even better. The living room floor was carpet and immaculately white, like it had never been walked on. The kitchen and bathroom had laminate floorboard and it was so shiny.
The woman turned around to face us in the living room.
“Well, I’ve brought you to my house for a reason. Would you like to live here with me? You can be my guests. It would be my honour and, let’s face it you have nowhere else to go. Please. It’s just, my husband recently left me for another woman and I could use some company. I could give you clothes, food, a roof over your head, anything, if you’ll just stay here.” She looked imploringly at us with hope. I looked at both of hem but before I could answer myself, Kerri found her voice for the first time since we met her.
“Yes, we’d love to. By the way, what should we call you?” The woman smiled gratefully,
“Just call me Amber,” she said “And what are your names?” we gave her them and she nodded to herself. “Right, Claire you’re coming with me. You’re having a bath and getting into some nice warm clothes. Mel, Kerri, go upstairs and pick out a bedroom each. I think you deserve one after being in that orphanage.” They both grinned widely and ran upstairs to pick their bedrooms.
Chapter six
As it turned out, amber was a spectacular host. Every morning we would wake up to freshly laundered clothes at the end of our beds, breakfast already on the table when we get downstairs and someone who talks to you like you’re an equal not an orphan.
Amber was a very pretty woman when she was in her mid-twenties. She showed us some photographs, including the ones of her wedding day. She even appeared in magazines, on the front pages of the most popular ones. She had wavy blonde hair in the photographs, oval blue eyes with plump, rouge lips. She told us that when she was married, there were many modelling agencies after her, willing to pay a lot of money to have her in a single photo-shoot. Even now, she still was beautiful. She had many laugh lines and those sill blue eyes but her once-long hair was now only to her shoulders but the blonde was still dominating it, only a slight trace of grey.
Her ex-husband, Derek was a highly successful business man who apparently was a very charming, appealing man but Amber found when they got married that he was only in the marriage to make his bit on the side jealous (or so she thought) but ignored the signs until it was too late. She caught Derek in bed with a woman a mere 5 months after she had given birth to his child. This was about 20 years prior to our meeting and her chid has already grown up and moved away from the country.
The clothes that she gave us were amazing. Thin petticoats underneath and massive frilly skirts o go on top. Tight corsets and tops to match the skirt so together they look just like a dress. The clothes were smarter than we had to wear for Sunday best back at the orphanage.
“Right,” She started as we sat at the table for our breakfast (consisting of bacon, eggs, beans and toast) “what do you want to do today? Take a tour of the town? Go out of town or just go shopping?” we decided we would go to the shops for a bit of a wander. The reason I wanted to do this was because we would have to go into the bakery and I might see a familiar face…
“Hello Peter” Amber smiled at the man we saw closing the bakery the day before. He warmly greeted her as I looked round. There were many customers waiting for their bread, old and young. I looked eagerly through them, searching for the one I wanted to see most, Jonathan. I searched for what seemed like a century before realising that he wasn’t here. I dropped my face to the floor and a single tear floated down my cheek. I wiped it hurriedly, hoping that no-one had noticed. I looked up again and my heart had a drastic turn. My heart raced into my mouth and I blushed furiously. I turned away quickly, not wanting him to see my colour growing more crimson by the minute. When my face returned to its normal colour I turned back in his direction. He had his puzzled eyes on me, obviously wondering who I was and realisation crossed his face as I looked into his eyes. He rushed forwards, nudging people out of the way to try and get to me. His face looked even more beautiful now that I have the chance to look without feeling scared that if I was seen I would be in trouble with the matron. His blue eyes were more pronounced now that he was close up. They were like looking into the depths of an ocean, thick and beautiful, the sparkles n them like stars in the sky and full of warmth. He opened his mouth, stopped and smiled. My eyebrows creased.
“What?” I asked. I was shocked to hear my voice so quiet. He smiled wider and opened his mouth once more,
“Do you remember me?” he asked. I looked at him again, feigning memory loss for a moment before nodding slowly, “good, then we don’t need any more introductions” and he grabbed me by my waist and hugged me tight against his chest. I suddenly felt happy tears gliding down my face. I had started crying. When he put me down and looked at me he looked alarmed.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded. I shook my head and took several gulps before answering.
“It’s not you, it’s just I’m so happy to see you again and-” I fought with my brain for the words, “I-I didn’t think I was going to see you again” more hot tears ran down my face and I buried my head into Jonathan as he rubbed my arms soothingly until I had calmed down.
As we were talking about all that had happened since our last meeting, Amber, Mel and Kerri came over to us, laden with bread and other products. Both Mel and Kerri had shocked looks upon their faces and Amber seemed inquiring.
“Do you know Jonathan, Claire?” she asked politely. I nodded and quickly said goodbye to him and as we walked out of the shop, Mel sprung in.
“I didn’t know you knew him personally, Claire.” She said in an accusing tone. I quickly explained how we met, not wanting to cause arguments. She looked pacified and walked off. I realised then that she had loved him once and was getting increasingly jealous of my friendship with Jonathan. I immediately felt sorry for her and extremely guilty. I was sure that she had liked him first and it must feel as if I was taking him away from her (even though they have never spoken except for a quick “sorry” after he had tripped her up accidentally. She had stuttered “it’s ok” and went very red as she walked away.) Kerri became very silent at this point. I never thought she liked Jonathan but i would have to ask her about it. I looked at her; she caught my gaze and smiled meekly at me.
When we got back outside the house there was a bit of a problem. There was a gaping hole in the window where it had obviously been smashed. Hurriedly, hearts beating in frenzy, we unlocked the door and got inside to see a brick on the inside of the window. It had presumably been thrown by someone on the outside. I felt relieved but Amber was not so. Her eyes were creased in thought and she looked troubled with something. She looked very scared as to whom had thrown the brick and when she was cooking, I offered to give her a hand, planning to ask her about it.
Amber smiled at me when I offered but I could tell it was forced so I asked her.
“Amber what’s wrong? I can tell that something’s troubling you. You’re not the same. What is it?” she looked at me for an instant and burst into tears.
When she had calmed down enough to speak she told me.
“I think someone’s trying to get to me, steal from me or even kill me! It happened last night as well but it didn’t break the window that time. I looked outside but there was no-one there and then I felt this breeze, like there was someone there standing with me but there wasn’t if you know what I mean” she looked imploringly at me, probably hoping that I didn’t think she was mad. I nodded, not quite knowing but sort-of understanding. I had felt the same feeling when we were in the forest. I had even felt a touch as soft as a feather touch my left arm, causing me to erupt in goose bumps.
I was in shock. Who would want to try and kill such a sweet woman as Amber? This gave me a thought. What if they weren’t trying to get to amber… they were trying to get to me.
Chapter seven
As I lay in bed that night I thought about a lot of things in my head. I thought about Amber mostly. What could it be that throws bricks inside the house, something that obviously doesn’t have a physical being or she would have seen it and felt it not just the latter on its own. I sat up and got out of bed, deciding subconsciously to go outside. The house was eerily silent at night. Every step I took there was a slight creaking noise from the floorboards. Every time I looked round to see nothing there. My heart was beating furiously as I opened the door as softly as I could. The wind was chilly against my bare legs as I stepped out into the chilly night.
At first there was darkness, thick and black, and then I saw the orange, faded glow of the streetlamps, illuminating the quiet empty street before my eyes. Before I knew it, all this had disappeared and I was in total darkness, I couldn’t feel anything but a cold hand on my shoulder, dragging me along with them in an abyss of darkness.
As I awoke, the darkness was replaced by light; not the sunlight that should be expected but a bright white glow. There was only a person with their back to me, head bent. At first I didn’t notice and it was until I reached her that I realised that she wasn’t holding her forearms up to her face…she didn’t have any. Her legs were battered and black from the knee down. From what I could see, there was a scratch on her neck going all the way round and it was until I stood in front of her that I saw that it had been where her head had been chopped off and sewn back on. I looked into her oh-so familiar eyes, now bloodshot and black-rimmed, and I felt so much pity overwhelming me. This woman gave me an apologetic look and smiled to show her missing teeth and tears fell down my face, causing my eyes to go blurry with the cascade. Next thing I knew my mum had what was left of her arms around me, crying with me, her sobs more pitiful with every one coming from her throat.
When we had calmed down, she talked to me quietly, probably not wanting to scare me. She began by telling me the story of what happened to her.
“You were a few weeks old” she sniffed as we sat on the floor, face to face, “your father had gone out to get some baby milk for you. You were screaming your head off. I tried to shush you but it just made you worse. I was so scared that the neighbours would hear the noise and come round; they’d already told us that we had to stay quiet or they’d kill us. They were so dramatic and I didn’t believe them at first but before you were born we had a brick thrown through our window with a note saying “strike one” so basically this meant that we had three strikes and we’re out. The second strike was a fire in our front garden which almost spread to the house and it was because of your fathers’ brother that the third strike happened.
He had come to visit. He was a drunk and all he wanted was money but we never gave it to him and he almost always got violent, depending on how much drink he’d had. On this occasion, he had drunk a lot and was screaming and bawling. Your father wasn’t here and I felt really scared for me and you. I told him that next door had threatened to kill us and he didn’t care. He started shouting so loudly that you had started screaming again, after five minutes peace. It was then that I started screaming. I had seen a face at the window just before it was completely smashed through and a man climbed through, a knife on show. I ran forward and then I felt a searing pain and then nothing. It was as if I was floating away from my body, watching it from a distance as he went for your fathers’ brother. I screamed. I didn’t like him much but I didn’t want him to die also. After the man had killed us he took us with him. I watched out for my husband for a minute and when I saw him I cried and left after the man, only to watch him taking off all of my valuables and shoving them in his pocket. He then got his knife back out from his pocket and began chopping me and my husband’s brother up, shoving us in a bag and driving us to a river, where he emptied it out.”
After this story I finally found my voice. “So my father is alive?” she nodded, more tears forming in her eyes as she said it, as were in mine, “where is he then?” I asked “he’s never come to see me when I was taken away.” Why didn’t he take me with him? He must’ve come back to the house to find me screaming. Was it him that took me to the orphanage, where I was whipped and made to be a slave?” I suddenly remembered the pain of the whipping and collapsed onto the floor, clutching my lower half, as if it was happening to me again. My mother bent down and soothed me as I thrashed and cried until I calmed down. My breathing was still heavy as she began to talk again.
“When he got to the house, all he did was grab you and leave. There were no tears,” there were on her face, “He took you to the orphanage and left to pick up a woman. The woman he was cheating on me with” her voice broke and she broke down and it was my turn to soothe her until she was able to speak coherently.