Gotham, New Jersey
Ashley sighed as she dropped the picnic blanket under the tree near the cliff where she would spend most of her time with Roy, Wally, Garth, Donna, and Dick and took in a deep breath before spreading the blanket on the ground evenly and sat down to read while she listened to the crashing of the waves below. Despite the memories that the area held, Ashley was experiencing a rare moment of peace as she read the book in front of her. The steady crashing of waves calmed her as the wind blew softly and Ashley looked over the area with a smile. The memories filled her mind of playing with Garth and Wally while Roy and Donna would sit apart from them until they were done rambunctious was a sweet memory and one Ashley still cherished to this day. Ashley's attention returned to the book after her heart clenched in sadness as she continued to think about Donna. Ashley sighed and stood up, walking over to the cliff and staring down the cliff of the raging waves crashing against the surface, her heart and stomach clenching as the passing thoughts of following her thoughts down to the cold ocean waters and Ashley shook her head despite the temptation to just jump. Ashley took a step back and looked down to notice her hand shaking, so she ran back over to the picnic blanket and picked up her book and blanket before running back to the Manor as the thoughts continued to overwhelm her. Ashley shook the grass out of the blanket as she folded it up and put it back with the outdoor blankets and made her way back inside and accidentally ran into Dick as she wiped tears from her eyes with shaking hands.
"Oh-" Dick said before looking down and seeing Ashley furiously wiping her eyes. "Ash? What's wrong?" Dick asked her, his brows furrowing together as he looked at her in concern.
"Nothing" Ashley told him, her voice void of emotion as she frantically looked for a way away from him.
"That's not what it looks like" Dick said in concern.
"I'm not your problem anymore, you made sure of that. So stop trying to pretend I am" Ashley said harshly, moving past the stunned man and changing course to her room. Ashley didn't look behind her to see if she would've been followed by him but she made sure to slam the behind her for good measure. Ashley sighed behind the closed door and threw her book onto the bed and climbed into her beloved window seat, locking the window and making herself comfortable as she looked over the grounds. Ashley embraced the quiet loneliness as she sat for hours until she watched the sunset and the eeriness of the Gotham night wash over the property like a comforting blanket to her. She got out of her spot by the window and made her way downstairs after her much-needed quiet session. "Dad?" Ashley called out before she heard voices coming from the library and she shrugged, deciding to go see if he had eaten yet.
"You're father and I had better communication when we were fighting this war" Ashley heard her father say through the closed door of the library. Ashley's face contorted in anger at the implication and her fists balled into anger and she barely contained herself while she waited for the inevitable answer of one of her least favorite people in the world.
"War?" She heard the distinctive voice of Barbara Gordon ask. "You still call it a war?" Barbara asked like she couldn't believe it. Ashley quietly fumed and made her way away from the library as quickly as she made her way into the kitchen against her better judgment. Ashley grabbed her lean cuisine pizza out of the freezer and angrily opened the microwave door and put the offending pizza in and angrily slammed the microwave door before typing the time in on the microwave. Ashley glared at the knife block, her mind racing as she stood in silence, her hands that were still balled into firsts were beginning to bleed from the pressure of her sharp nails on the skin. She unconsciously began rocking back and forth with her heart and mind racing while listening to the sound of her blood dripping on the floor. When the timer sounded let out a sigh of relief and made a disgusted face as she washed the blood off of her hands and scrubbed under her nail and grabbed the bandaids she had hidden in the pantry and covered the spots on her hands until she was sure no blood would get out. She accidentally ripped the door of the microwave off and growled with suppressed anger and betrayal and threw it on the counter before she grabbed the pizza from the appliance and stormed out of the kitchen and began making her way into the foyer to make her way to the garage where she saw Dick standing there with Barbara's coat on his arm and her staring up at him uninterested. "Go back to San Francisco Dick" Barbara told him. Ashley silently agreed but instead of acting on her homicidal thoughts, Ashley stormed out to the garage. Ashley set the pizza in the passenger side of the Hummer she used to be so fond of and quickly climbed in the driver's side before she sped out of the garage, not bothering to care that the Commissioner of the GCPD would be close behind her unless she had decided to try to climb into Dick's newly single pants for the umpteenth time.
Ashley furiously drove through the dark roads, her headlights the only ones she could make out. She slowed to round a corner and refused to let her confusion over her day and her feelings before she floored the pedal to the Hummer as far down as she could go, her tires luckily finding traction in the snow as she sped toward Gotham going to the one person in Gotham who could help her sort herself out while still providing the support Ashley needed in her dark times. Ashley let out a sigh of relief as she entered the expressway into the Trigate bridge. She didn't know what to do when her brain started to scream at her, begging her to drive off the bridge and into the river, further freaking the brunette out as she attempted to refocus herself. Ashley let out a sigh of relief as she eyed Wayne Enterprises looming above the city when she realized she was off of the bridge before her heart started pounding her stomach felt like it was in her throat as she remembered her feelings from the morning, the memory tormenting her as she exited the high way and pulled into the parking garage of her and Dick's former highrise building and left the vehicle, locking it before she rushed toward the elevator and put in the key for the penthouse. Ashley's heart was still beating out of her chest as she tried to get herself under control. The elevator opened and Ashley rushed into the entry hallway, and rang the doorbell, and hoped her Grandmother would answer as she usually did. Dinah Drake's slowly aging face opened the door but her expression sank as she saw the state Ashley was in. "Come in dear, we obviously need to talk" Ashley nodded in a panic and jumped in shock as her Grandmother touched her shoulder and guided her to sit on the couch. "What's wrong dear? And where's that boy of yours, he's usually following you around?" Her grandmother asked.
"Dick? That's such a long story grams" Ashley told her, barely consoling herself. The elder Dinah nodded and rubbed the upper portion of Ashley's back.
"See, that's the wonder of your old Gran being a former hero. I have all the time in the world to listen" Dinah told her and wiped the stray tear that fell from Ashley's eye. "And once we've talked about this, we can talk about what happened to make you act in such a way."
"You're not old, Nonna" Ashley told her as she took in a breath. "You're only sixty-two."
"Nonsense, that's plenty old in my book" Her Grandmother laughed. "When I was your age, I was calling sixty-year-olds Geezers" Her Nonna smiled at the memory. "Well come on Dear, just because we have all night doesn't mean we should waste it talking about my youth. Why don't we talk about you?" Her grandmother said worriedly and moved the hair from Ashley's face and took the seat next to her. "After all, it takes a great deal to get you to the point you're at."
"Where to start?" Ashley sighed and leaned back into the plush couch. "Well you see, it all started when we back to San Francisco. I thought it was gonna be great, I sighed the adoption papers for Gar and Rachel, Dick and I were back together and I was happy for the first time in over a year. I really thought it was solid for us" Ashley smiled at the memory. "God, I was ecstatic, things felt really great then" Ashley smiled as she remembered. "I was still reeling though because literally a week beforehand we had fought a space demon who had killed me for all of five minutes. Doesn't sound like much but" Ashley shrugged. "I had nightmares of it for months, just nothing but darkness and screams and then I'm waking up on a porch that isn't mine trying to remember what happens" Ashley described as she shook her head, deciding to leave out the gory details for her Nonna.
"So you fought a space demon and then adopted two kids?" She asked Ashley carefully.
"They were seventeen at the time" Ashley shrugged. "Decided to make 'em mine, they had become like family over those six months before I adopted them while we were on the run from cult members for said space demon" Ashley laughed. "I'll tell that story later" She promised the concerned older woman.
"You had better, I didn't even know there was such a thing" Her Grandmother said, looking mildly shocked.
"Anyways, us four were hanging around the Bay Area while I worked and out of nowhere I get from Roy saying Doctor Light had gotten out of prison and slowly all of the old team members just made their way back to Tower and I was so happy they were there, but I stressed to hell and back because Light had just gone after Dick and Rachel, and everyone else was stressed from being targeted and there are so many ghosts in that place for us that it just didn't go the way we planned" Ashley said miserably. "I really thought that we could've put the family back together but it just didn't happen" Ashley absentmindedly shook her head as she remembered it. "Anyways, we had found out Slade was behind it all and it really bit us in the ass. Fast forward a bit after many fights, we get Slade cornered and Dad's new Robin is tied up next to a fucking bomb on the balcony and I go untie while I leave Dick and our new roomie Kory to take him head-on inside" Ashley explained.
"Why didn't you stay to fight him, Dearest?" Dinah asked her, confusion etched on her face.
"Nonna, everyone knows if you want something unlocked, you come to me" Ashley smirked as she let out a little laugh. "Best lockpick in the nation, especially under duress."
"I'm so glad you're confident in your abilities, dearest" Her beloved elder smiled and patted Ashley's shoulder proudly.
"Someone has to" Ashley snorted. "Anyways, the bomb ended up going off almost immediately after I got him undone, so we hung onto the side of the building for dear life until we couldn't anymore. He fell, I tried to save him and I fell in the process. I almost died, that night before Connor showed up and saved us, but he got shot with a kryptonite bullet that almost killed him. That's when I ended up with a newer set of nightmares, and I don't go anywhere without a utility belt anymore, I like to think Dad's happy about that one" Ashley snorted and crossed her arms "Anyways, fast forward Dick leaves and then we all end back up again together but in between that Luthor managed to get me and activate my metagene, that sucked but Wally's looking to deactivate it" Ashley informed her. "But nonetheless Dick left, we broke up, I gained another kid on accident, we all end up in the same place and Slade got murdered by his own kids, fitting if you ask me though" Ashley smirked. "But then while we waiting for Gar to pop up again, apparently CADMUS fucked with their brains and made them attack a carnival in the park, which is low-key a shitty thing to do" Ashley eyed her Nonna who was looking at her in concern. "Whelp, we got that situation sorted out, and then when of the metal power tower fell with its line and Donna-" Ashley's voice cracked as she remembered and tears welled up in her eyes. "Donna caught it before it could land on the crowd, I eventually got her away from it but it was too late. Nonna, she died in my arms, the closest person to a sister that I had and she died" Ashley wiped her tears as they fell. "I hear what she told me every night, what she made me promise and I feel like shit because I can't keep it" Ashley started sobbing. "And now I'm fucked daydreaming about jumping off of fucking cliffs and driving bridges to see if I'll drown, I don't know what to do anymore Nonna" Ashley admitted. The older woman leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Ashley.
"You try to stay alive, you try to find your course and you try to find happiness" The greying woman said. "And when you find that, you keep yourself ahead of the curve without letting it become a sphere, you stay kind and clever and you keep it in balance, and you fight for what you believe in. It's all you can do now" She said regretfully, wishing she could provide a happier life for her grandchild who had already lost so much.
"What happens when the next person dies Nonna?" Ashley asked her as she cried into her shoulder.
"You grieve, you retake your balance and then you take your vengeance because you are strong" Dinah said. "And you're aunt and I will be behind every step of the way. "And as for your new tendencies, we will get you a therapist and you'll start to feel okay again."
♠️♠️♠️
"Hello?" Ashley asked dully as she stared out at the darkness in front of her. She had just left her Grandmother's home and though she had spent hours crying, she felt better than she had in months after talking at length with her Nonna. Ashley started the vehicle and it quickly warmed up as Dick spoke to her.
"I need your help" Dick said.
"With what Dick?" Ashley rolled her eyes.
"I need to figure out what Jason was doing before he died" Dick said.
"He was being a reckless show-off, Dick" Ashley sighed. "That was that poor kid's whole gimmick" Ashley shook her head.
"Jason didn't do chemistry" Dick sighed.
"So he wanted to learn something new, congrats I was reading chemistry textbooks by nine as a coping mechanism" Ashley said with a dull tone. "It's nothing new."
"For him, it is" Dick reminded her.
"Whatever" Ashley sighed. "Where are you?" She asked.
"I'll send you the address" Dick told her and Ashley whined.
"OH it's in the bad of town isn't it?" Ashley complained.
"I'll see you soon" Dick said and Ashley's phone pinged as she hung up.
"That motherfucker owes me."
♠️♠️♠️
"You fucking owe me" Ashley said lowly as she approached Dick, who was still fiddling with the lock.
"For what?" Dick asked her quietly.
"This bullshit" Ashley motioned around her. "If my hummer gets broken into, I'm gonna hit you on your big ass forehead with a crowbar" Ashley threatened Dick.
"Very creative" Dick rolled his eyes as he kept trying to unlock the lock. Ashley sighed and pushed him away from the lock and quickly picked the lock and held the door open for him.
"Hurry up, you're not my girlfriend" Ashley told him as she waved to him, wincing as he turned on the flashlight. "God this place fucking stinks" Ashley muttered as she looked around. "Why are we here anyway?" Ashley asked him.
"To figure out what Jason was doing" Dick said. "Unfortunately for me, you have arguably the most critical and analytical eye out of everyone I met, including your father" Dick raised his eyebrow at him.
"I'm sensing a but in there" Ashley narrowed her eyes at him. "So if you decide to make that but known, just know I will not be held liable for my actions afterward."
"At least your knack for violence is one thing I can always count on" Dick rolled his eyes at her.
"Thank you, I pride myself on being predisposed to violence from a young age" Ashley smirked. "Let's get this done and over with, I got a rerun of Gilmore Girls to watch." Ashley sighed as the dim light shown on a complete chemistry set and Ashley resisted the urge to groan. "That little asshole wasn't making heroine was he?" Ashley's nose scrunched up as she held up an empty bottle that didn't have a label on it.
"What were you doing buddy?" Ashley heard Dick whisper as he picked up another bottle.
"Nothing good" Ashley told him. "Wait a damn minute" Ashley narrowed her eyes as they zeroed in on the green liquid and Dick held up an inhaler. "Oh for fuck's sake" Ashley muttered, grabbing multiple test tubes and double-checking to make sure there were hole-less stoppers for it. "Take that" Ashley said to Dick, pouring the liquids into the tubes hurriedly before Dick said her name quietly. "Hmm?" Ashley asked looking up.
"You don't need to figure out the equation" Dick said. "He left some" Dick said and sniffed it. Ashley slapped the back of his head and took the sample from him and sealed it.
"You don't sniff random shit, dumbass" Ashley reminded him and shook her head as she rolled her eyes. Ashley heard a rattle and her eye twitched as she went into defense mode and looked up at Dick. Ashley pushed Dick into the side room and put her hand over his mouth as the door opened and the two lay in wait for the person to walk in front of them. Ashley put her hand to her lips to shut him up and removed her hand from his mouth carefully. They stayed quiet, Ashley pressed up against Dick almost uncomfortably and took in a silent breath. When the first step had been taken, Ashley tapped his shoulder to signal him to attack the man from behind. Dick nodded and Ashley pressed herself straight back on the wall so that Dick could attack. Ashley winced as she heard the first crack and smirked as he was forced forward a pace. Ashley secured the sample in her pocket and broke off a piece of wood from an empty pallet and hit the man in the back of the knees, forcing him forward and allowing for Dick to finalize the man's already compromising position and smirked as the man's face crashed into the table. Dick grabbed the man by the nape of his neck and hauled him up, making sure also keep a type grip on his arm.
"Who are you?" Dick asked him quietly as Ashley stayed behind the man, cursing herself for not bringing something to make herself less recognizable. The manmade panicked strangled noises and Ashley rolled her eyes.
'Get rougher' Ashley whispered to him. 'Nobody can know I was here' Ashley reminded him in a whisper as she looked back at the door to make sure there were no more surprises entering. Ashley watched Dick release the man's neck and slam his face into the table and pulled him back up. Ashley grimaced at the blood and broken glass. Dick grunted angrily before he slammed the man's face down again into the broken glass and held face down on the table by his neck and arm.
"I said who the fuck are you?" Dick said angrily to him.
"I sell in this building. I heard someone's cooking something new here. Didn't want the competition" The man panicked. "But if it's you-" The man began to say but Dick interrupted him with a threatening chuckle.
"I'm not selling drսgs, and neither are you. You come here peddling your shit again, I'll throw you out the fսcking window. Do you understand?" Dick threatened him and Ashley smirked.
"Yeah" The man said, obviously scared. Ashley touched the back of Dick's back to get him to leave. "But do you think you could leave the hot chick?" He asked Dick stupidly, who looked back to Ashley and back and the man. Ashley stepped back, knowing it could messy and she didn't want to ruin her shoes with blood. Dick brought his fist down where the man's arm met his shoulder. The crack was deafening and Dick let go of him and watched as he fell to the ground. Ashley shrugged and kicked him in his family jewels as hard as she could and chuckled as he screamed again.
"I'm not fucking property just because I'm pretty" Ashley muttered, storming out of the room and ignoring the man's cries of pain with Dick close behind her. Ashley turned as she approached the vehicles and grabbed the sample out of her pocket and handed it to Dick before getting into the Hummer. "God, I wish I could just disappear."
A/N Poor Ash. Next chapter, the trauma is sprinkled throughout the entire chapter, read at your own risk. She's very much so not confident in who she is and why she's always losing somebody. Also a lot of fighting, a lot of damage control for Ashley, and a lot of emotional conflicts. That being said, her suicidal tendencies don't take the front and center, she's just having a long hard time and panicking beyond what a normal person would. It's not grueling though, like when Donna died so you can feel safe with that knowledge and as always, have a good week!
P.S. This took longer than anticipated and became so much longer than anticipated for the sole purpose of I wound up hating the scene that would've made everybody cry and saving to edit for a later time, just in case and replaced with the scene from Ashley's grandmother. I felt it was super sweet and super needed from Ashley's end.