"So Seth was helping that doctor?" Ivan spoke, purly shocked at what he was just told. Ivan has always been a smart guy, but he never, in a million years, would have wrapped his head around this if Kirin hadn't told him.
"That Leah girl was telling the truth," Kirin looked up to Ivan. It was just the two of them at the fire, everyone else had left. "She knew the truth."
"Isn't that a little weird?" Ivan questioned the blond guy in front of him. "I mean like, how would that girl know that this was a fucking experiment. Hand to fucking god thats suspicious." Ivan looked at Kirin.
"Well, they were on the island for like 50 days, they had more time to realize shit." Kirin said in a raspy voice, scratching the back of his neck. "Plus we spent most of our time... you know, like... in a fucking battle royale."
"Fair," Ivan laughed. "They do seem pretty close."
Ivan looked at Kirin with a smile, "What one are you gonna sleep with?"
"Fuck off," Kirin spoke and let out a scoff.
"As if you haven't narrowed it down to at least 3 choices yet."
"I need to get to know them first,"
"Oh shut up Kirin O'Connor."
Leah walked in front of Fatin to go into their bedroom.
There. Holy shit, that sounded weird.
Never would Leah ever think that her and Fatin would share a bedroom. In fact, she never thought that she would be friends with Fatin. There were a few times that the two noticed each other. There was one time during an assembly about all the clubs to join that the two sat next to each other. And of course, when Leah gave Fatin a tampon many years ago. Although, besides that, they were just two people walking the earth.
Something about being with Fatin, also made Leah uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in a way where she felt insecure. She felt safe with Fatin, but not safe with herself. After Jeff, she never thought that she could find anyone again. Was Fatin the right person? She couldn't be heartbroken again. So she tried to distance herself.
She knew that Fatin would want to be with one of the guys. Specifically the jock, Kirin. I mean, he's blond, a lacrosse player, muscular, what more could Fatin Jadmani want?
So much more.
But Leah didn't know that.
"These hallways are so narrow, I feel like I'm slowly becoming bigger or the walls are slowly becoming smaller." Fatin spoke, breaking the silence. "What's that movie where the walls go down on you? Or is that the progressive commercial. Either way, speaking of things going down on other things," Fatin touched the back of Leah's torso, but Leah didn't stop to turn around.
"Holy shit Fatin can you just back off, jeez." Leah let out in a sharp tone, causing Fatin to back up a bit. Leah finally turned to face the other girl, looking down to meet her stare.
"Shit Leah what crawled up your ass?" Fatin laughed, letting go of the girl's arm which she was originally tugging onto.
"Just quit acting like a fucking prostitute." Leah spoke, not fully comprehending what was coming out of her mouth.
She turned around and didn't even hesitate to stop when she heard the footsteps behind her stop.
"What the fuck did you just call me Rilke?" Fatin spoke in a harsh tone, not moving as she watched Leah's hair wave left and right."
Silence was louder than ever. It felt like the concrete walls were shooting up and down, making Fatin motion sick as she heard Leah talk about her.
Leah didn't respond to Fatin, she just kept walking. Fatin followed her, repeating what she had asked the girl moments before.
Why did she care this much.
Since when does FATIN JADMANI care so much about how some art geek feels?
On the other side of the bunker, Shelby began to make her bed, as she always did. Even though shit was going into a black hole, she still needed that slight sense of accomplishment. Dot and Martha were still out searching for Toni, so it was just Shelby in her room.
Shelby folded her blanket and placed it onto the rough mattress and allowed herself to sink into it, which honestly didn't make much of a difference from the hard forest floor she had been sleeping on weeks ago. Although, she definitely was warmer with Toni's constant touch.
That's all she could think about.
God she missed it.
She fucking missed it.
Just the little things too. The way Toni would play with the blonde's hair when they were falling asleep. The way her legs felt warm tangled up in her girlfriend's. The way Toni would gently rub Shelby's hips while laying down together.
She missed anything and everything involving Toni.
As she thought about the memories, she felt her body become weak. Although not the kind of weak that makes you feel like you're having some top notch orgasm, the kind of weak you feel when you are completely numb. When you lose your blind faith in humanity after seventeen years of holding it so close to you.
Shelby felt her body begin to shake as the moment replayed in her head. The wayShelby lied, the way she had to lie to Toni and to the girls who were quite frankly the closest thing to a family that she ever had.
Fuck it, there really is no way to describe it other than that. They are a family.
The shame she felt. She acted like her dad. She was a liar. She disobeyed the people she loved. She pictured the moment Toni stormed off again and again, like a fucking song on spotify that is just on loop over and over.
This endless fucking cycle of misery, but also nostalgia. Although, she almost wishes she could just turn off everything. Forget about Toni, forget about Becca. Forget about all the wrong she has done. All the people she has hurt.
As Shelby felt the tear on her cheek dry on her damaged skin, she heard footsteps from down the hall. She peeked her head up and fixed her posture, just as her daddy used to tell her.
"Shelbs?" A voice rang from down the hall. "This is your room, right?"
"Indeed it is," Shelby put on her Little Miss Perfect Texas Pageant - Queen voice. The one the girls on the island could see straight through.
Rachel walked in the room, holding a pillow by her side and a thin blanket. The same one that Shelby had, although unlike Shelby's navy one, Rachel's was a lighter shade of blue.
"Oh hey Rachel," Shelby spoke as she naturally went to put her hair behind her ear. But of course, there was none.
She would have to find another anxious tic.
Rachel shut the door behind her and took a deep breath. "So... I couldn't help but notice the scene that happened out there." Rachel sat down next to Shelby on the bed. "If anything is going on between you and Toni that you need to talk about, you know I'm always here for you." Rachel put her hand on the girl's back. "You've helped me so much, I just want to be able to give you the same support."
Shelby looked at Rachel with a reassuring look, although Rachel could see straight through it. "Everythings fine. It's perfect. We're good." Shelby spoke, but she wasn't able to maintain eye contact with the girl next to her.
"Shelby."
"Yes?"
"What was that?" Rachel asked. "Why did you lie?"
"I didn't."
"So your telling me you have never thought about Toni in a sexual way - like at all." Rachel questioned the girl.
Shelby tried to shake off her uncomfortable feeling. She felt like how she did back in Texas. Trying to be someone who she isn't. Who she doesn't want to be.
"I don't want to talk." Shelby said as she looked straight towards her, at the blank concrete wall.
Rachel took her eyes off Shelby. She wasn't going to push the girl. She knew what Shelby had been through. After Dot's birthday, the two girls had been extremely cautious in how they supported the other. Their friendship was lowkey, but meant well. If either of them had a problem, they could pull the other one aside from the group and talk about it with each other. Sometimes they would sit on the beach, back on island one, for hours. Rachel was the only one that Shelby had opened up to about her life before. Dot of course knew the basics, but she didn't fully understand.
She was able to wrap her head around the fact that Shelby must have kissed Becca. I mean, Shelby obviously made a point that she is gay. But she didn't know why Becca killed herself.
Becca played soccer with Shelby and Dot back when they were a lot younger. When Shelby's dad forced her off the team since the sport was too 'masculine', Becca stayed on the team for a few more years. Although, after multiple trips to the mental hospital Becca didn't have the energy to keep playing the sport she loved.
Shelby knew about Rachel being hospitalized as well. About how Nora helped Rachel get out of the dark spot she was in.
"I'm not gonna continue asking you questions, but I want you to know Shelby that I will always know when you're lying. I know you Shelby, you're a great person. I don't want you to feel ashamed to be who you are because there are new people around." Rachel ended her sentence as Shelby looked at her for the first time.
Shelby started to feel furious, "You don't know anything Rachel. You just say you do because you want to help someone since you couldn't help the person who needed you. You're just like her. You say you care, but you really don't. You're like her. You're like her. You're just like her." Shelby raised her voice, but immediately gasped after seeing the look on Rachel's face.
She knew Rachel was spot on with what she said. Shelby did feel uncomfortable being with Toni around so many people. But it was more that she felt that Toni didn't want to be with her. She put that blame on herself, and she wanted to change herself because of that.
But after seeing Rachel's sadness, she wanted to take everything back.
"Rachel I didn't mea-"
Before Shelby could finish her sentence, Rachel stood up and gave Shelby an intimidating look. "Next time you need help with your little romance issues don't you dare fucking come to me. Don't you ever bring her up. Don't EVER talk to me again. Fuck you." Rachel spoke as she slammed the door behind her.
Fuck.
"TONI!" Martha screamed. They had looked around the whole bunker, and her and Dot were starting to get worried. Toni doesn't isolate herself when angry, she flashes out at people. She isn't good at holding in anger, and Martha knows this the most. It isn't normal for Toni to hide. Something must have happened. "We need to go look outside," Martha spoke, looking at the high tide crashing amongst the beach.
"We can't go too close to the edge of the island," Dot spoke as she hopped over to the exit of the bunker. "The tide is intense. We should get at least two more people. We haven't even explored this place yet."
"Everyones asleep," Martha sighed, "I don't want to wake people up."
"Then we have to wait until morning," Dot defended herself, "It's better to go now then maybe put her in danger."
As Dot opened the door, Martha fell right onto the side of her body.
She hissed at the pain as her head hit the door.
"Fuck Marty," Dot began to pick Martha up, but suddenly the granola bars that Martha had ate earlier escaped her body, covering Dot's shoes.
"Marty!" Dot screamed, examining the girl. "Marty, are you okay?"
"I don't -" Martha stuttered. "I'm not ready." She spoke silently, but loud enough for Dot to understand it to an extent.
"Thats - thats okay." Dot rubbed Martha's forehead. "Let's get you some sleep."
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I'm gonna start adding to this more!