Chris: On the last episode of Total Drama... it was a battle of Truth or Scare, judged by Clucky the Poultry Polygraph, where the competitors had to tell the truth or complete a scary-slash-disgusting challenge. Failure meant this would happen. Looked like something might be uh, brewing between Sky and Dave. Ha ha! But in the end, it was Rodney's chicken taunting and sausage fingers that lost it for Team Kinosewak, and got him voted off. Who's next to let their team down in a hilarious and hurty way? Find out now, on Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!
[water bubbling]
[animals chatter]
Shawn sighs
(Confessional: Shawn)
Shawn: cool and she's accepting of my lifelong mission to keep my brain from being eaten by the undead. Oh, great! Ding, ding! Full points! But falling for her means I gotta protect her brain and mine! Ha, that's a deal-breaker.
[sea monster growls]
Shawn: Z-Zombies! I'm outta here, man!
(Confessional Off)
[bird chirps]
Sky: And I guess that's why I decided I wanted to become an Olympian. Sometimes, you just gotta go for it. Right?
Dave: Uh, right. I was listening.
(Confessional: Dave)
Dave: I wanna tell Sky how I feel. She's all I can think about. I just hope I don't do that thing I always do.
(Confessional Off)
Sky: My older sister is my role model. She almost made it onto the Candian Olympic team for rhythmic gymnastics.
Dave: Is that even a real sport? I always thought it was a half-time show thing. It's just ribbons and music and useless running around. Looks so silly and-- uh-oh. [confessional] Yup. It's happening.
Sky: How dare you say that about--
Dave: Wait. I always say dumb things just before I tell a girl I like her. Not that I'm always telling girls I like them. Just cute ones. Ugh! Still doing it. [inhale, exhale] I like you. What I wanna know is, do you like me too?
(Confessional: Sky)
Sky: Who stares at a girl and says "I like you"? That's not how it works. You're supposed to write it on a note and give it to a friend of the person you like. Then she tries to pass it to the girl, gets caught by the teacher, and the teacher reads it out loud into class. Everybody knows that! [sighs] Plus, getting into a relationship wtith someone who will eventually be competition makes no sense.
(Confessional Off)
Sky [loud burp]: Sorry, that happens when I'm--
Dave: Nervous! I know. So, was that belch a yes or a no?
Sky: It was an "I like you too" burp, but--
Dave: Don't wanna hear the but! Let's just see where things go. Okay?
Sky: But Dave--
Chris [over loudspeaker]: Wakey, wakey, campers. Everyone gather down by the lake!
(You get up and find out that through out the night Ella was cuddling with You)
Y/N: well good morning
(Ella wakes up and finds out that she's been cuddling you)
Ella: (blushing) Oh, Y/N, I'm sorry, I-
Y/N: It's cool, don't worry about
Sugar yawns and stretches
Ella: Sugar, can I talk to you for a sec?
Sugar: You can talk to me, but I ain't gonna listen.
Ella: Um, I'm not allowed to sing, so I wrote you a friendship poem. [confessional] And what's a poem but an unsung song? [real time] [clears throat] "Sugar sweetens many things, like cake and candy and--"
Sugar: Here's a poem to stick in your earholes. Roses are red, manure is brown, get out of my face!
Ella: [sighs]
Y/N: She bothers me [To Ella] I'll see if I can talk to her, [To Sugar] Sugar Listen , Ella's a real nice person and she's trying to-
Sugar: get me voted off I know
Y/N: that's not what I'm saying
Sky: You know, they say the meanest people are the ones who have a hard time believing in themselves.
Ella [gasps] : She needs my support! Thank you, Sky!
Y/N: I'm sure Sugar will come around eventually, just give it time
Ella: Aww, Thank you Y/N
(Ella hugs You)
Y/N: [Lovestruck] You smell like rainbows
Ella: Excuse Me?
Y/N: (Blushing) Nothing
Max: Professor Abomination? Too soft. Doctor Repugnance. Too smelly. Little Mister Dreadulocks. Me likey.
Scarlett: Working on the new name?
Max: Yes, I've already got my catchphrase. Time to evil! But I still require a sinister moniker.
Scarlett: They all sound so good. How will you decide?
Max: Tsk, silly girl. One doesn't pick an evil name, the evil name picks you. [grunts] Ow!
Topher: Wow.
[harp music]
Chris: [stilted speech] Okay, that's enough. Kill the effects, Chef.
Topher: Chris, you look... different today.
Chris: Just my natural youth shining through.
Topher: No. No, you did something. Oxygen sleep chamber?
Chris: No.
Topher: Hydrochloric acid peel?
Chris: Nope?
Topher: Elastin protein tablets? Antioxidant firming serum?
Chris: No and uh-uh.
Sugar: Is this the challenge? We gotta make up kooky words? Kip-mump-poi-doo-pa-day. Googlumundoo-boo-ma!
Ella: Great job, Sugar! My turn. Uh, cat! Oh, you're so much better at this than I am!
[airhorn blares]
Chris: [through megaphone] Silence!
[snapping]
Topher: [confessional] Slowtox, that's it! Chris' forehead has less lines than an extra in a movie set. Wait, this is bad. A younger looking Chris means I might never get a shot as host.
Chris: [through megaphone] Today, we will be laughing as you risk your lives in the smash, splash, 1-2-3, X-Dash. Players have to cross the beams, grab a dueling stick from the end of the dock, bring it back to yours, and place it on your board. Two dueling sticks make an X. Three X's wins the challenge.
Max: I have a diabolical scheme for--
Chris: Anyone who messes with the other team's sticks will result in them losing the challenge.
Max: Nevermind.
Chris: Only one member per team may cross at a time. If you land in the drink, that turn gets you no points. So, use that dueling stick to swat, trip, or bat your opponent into the water. This will be awesome to see.
Samey: What is your fascination with seeing us hurt each other?
Jasmine [clears throat and talks in a hushed tone] : Less Samey, more Amy.
Samey: If anyone gets my hair wet, they're dead!
Dave: Any particular order we go in?
Chris: You decide your own order, but each team member must go at least once.
Sky: Um, where's Shawn?
Y/N: Oh, I'm sure he's around, but he better show up soon
(Confessional: Shawn)
Shawn: I should've woken Jasmine, but waking her would've alerted the zombie horde and put us all both in danger. Well, mostly me, but her too! Self preservation comes first. I'm ready. I've trained for this.
(Confessional off)
Shawn: You wanna fool the dead? You gotta smell like the dead. Oh yeah. My brain is working just fine!
Chris: He's probably lost in the woods. You know how this island can get. Confusing. Go find him, would ya?
Jasmine: I hope he's okay. Oh, not that I care. He's not on my team.
Chris: Well, if he doesn't get here on time to take a turn, he's got an automatic date with the cannon.
Jasmne gulps
Chris: Plus, another player on the team will be done-zo. And that means Maskwak loses two tonight. It's... game time! Swim to your docks, and wait for my signal to start.
Jasmine: [confessional], There's no way a guy with Shawn's survival skills got "lost" in the woods. Something's up.
Dave: [panting]
Sugar: Dang. Why did our bathing suits have to get lost in that blimp crash? I wanted to show off the swimsuit that won me the Little Miss Pork Rind pageant.
Y/N: (shudders) I think I'm gonna be sick
Ella: Oh! I would've loved to have seen it!
(Confessional: You)
Y/N: hmm Sugar in a swimsuit
(thought cloud pops up)
Y/N: Ugh, Enough of that
(though cloud disappears then pops up again)
Y/N: Go away, damn you
(thought cloud disappears and pops up a third time)
Y/N: That's it You're going to get it now.
(You stomp on the thought cloud until it's nothing)
(Confessional Ends)
Max: What a mockery. Evil should never have to swim.
Scarlett: Any new brilliant gadget to unleash on Team Maskwak?
Max: All I have is this wire. I can't make something from nothing, fool.
Samey: Who should go first, Jasmine? [snaps] Hello? Earth to unofficial team leader?
Jasmine: What? Oh. Uh...
Topher: I'll go first. We had to balance books on our head in my on-camera boys class. This'll be a cinch.
Dave: Me first. We should save Sky's gym skills for a tougher player.
Y/N: I agree
[airhorn blares]
Chris: [through megaphone] Go!
Sky: Be careful, Dave!
Topher: Looks like Topher is a natural in both the talent and beauty department. Like a younger version of a famous host we all know and--
airhorn blares]
Chris: [through megaphone] Nix the narration, Toph!
Topher: Yah!
Dave: Ahh!
Chris: Seriously? [through megaphone] Start hurting each other! Or I will get bored. And that will be bad news for all of you!
Sky: Go for it, Sugar!
Topher: You're up, Amy.
Jasmine: [hushed] Just pretend she's Amy.
Samey: Just pretend she's Amy. Just pretend she's Amy.
Sugar: Just pretend she's Ella.
Samey: Mom hates you!
Sugar: Pixie wannabe! [grunts] You ain't never gonna be nothin' but a donkey!
Samey: Ugh! You're the worst sister ever!
Chris: A little better. But I'm still bored. Release Scuba Bear.
Sugar: Release what now?
Y/N: Scuba What ?!
[bear growls]
Samey: [screams]
Chris: [laughs through megaphone]
[splash]
Chris: [through megaphone] Amy completes Team Kinosewak's first X!
Scarlett: You should go next.
Max: Hm! Let that bear fill up on the others first.
Scarlett: And miss out on an opportunity for evil? If you wrap that wire around the stick, it will act as a conductor. Then all you'll need is a power source.
Max: Electricuting myself is more self-evil than evil.
Scarlett: If you hold it by the rubber padding, you won't get shocked. Go! I'll find the electricity. Unless you'd rather wait for someone else to pull off the plan first.
Max: What? Never!
Ella: Hello over there!
Max: You're closer to doom than you realize!
[electricity zapping]
Samey, Topher, and Jasmine: Yeah!
Scarlett: Max! [coughs] Heh. Pardon me.
[chomp]
Max: Time to evil!
Ella: Hey again, board buddy.
Max: [yelling]
Ella: Ah! [electrical grunting]
Y/N: OMG, Ella!!
Samey, Topher, and Jasmine: [gasp]
Dave and Sky: [gasp]
(Confessional; Sugar)
Sugar [laughs] : Best. Day. Ever.
(Confessional Off)
Chris: Looks like Max just found his mojo!
Max: Evil mojo!
(Confessional: Max)
Max: Did you see that? I have never pulled off such cool looking evil. Pure sinister gold! [evil laughter]
(Confessional Off)
Chris: So, Maskwak gets zip. Or should I say, zap? And Max adds to Team Kinosewak's lead. Will Team Maskwak crawl their way back?
Ella: You know where I can find the white rabbit? Wah...
[splash]
Chris: Sounds like a no. But see for yourselves after the break. Right here, on Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!
After the break.
Dave grunts
Ella: I'm sorry I fell in.
Y/N: it's cool we're just a little off today but we'll be fine but the important thing is your okay, Looks like I'm up next okay
Sky: That was a low blow! In my world, unsportsmanlike conduct gets penalized!
Dave: Here, let me help you.
[harp plays]
(Confessional: Ella)
Ella: That was a true fairy tale moment. I have found my prince!
(Confessional Off)
Sky: I saw what you did. See you on the way back, cheater teamer!
(Confessionals Onn)
Sky: I don't usually care for trash talk, but boom! That's what you get when you electrocute my team! [growls] [grunts] Ah!
Scarlett: The laws of force and motion are simple. With Sky being the pivot point, I knew the inertia caused by the mass of the dueling stick would... she swung too hard and fell down.
(Confessionals Off)
Sky: Ah!
Chris: Scarlett makes it back to complete the second X! And now it's Dave's turn to go up against Team Kinosewak's most capable player! Ho ho ho, this is gonna end badly.
Jasmine: Where is he? [confessional] Maybe Shawn did get hurt. Crikey, why am I so worried? Do I like him that much? Ugh! Oh, I hope he's okay.
Chris: [through megaphone] Hello? Jasmine? [Australian accent] Time to put some Dave on the barbie!
Dave: Enjoy your swim.
Jasmine: Huh? Whoa!
[splash]
Dave: Yes! Score another for the Dave-man!
Sugar and Ella: [cheer]
Sky: Way to go, Dave!
Dave: Again! I wanna go again!
Chris: Team Maskwak makes their first X! So, now they're only a hundred percent behind the competition. And still , no sign of zombie fighter Shawn.
Shawn groans like a zombie
(Confessional: Shawn)
Shawn: Smell like a zombie, move like a zombie, zombies think you're a zombie. My plan? Set up a home base behind the waterfall, search for Jasmine. If she's not a zombie, I'll ask her out on a date.
(Confessional Off)
Shawn groans like a zombie
Chef: Gotcha. [growls]
Shawn: Huh? Ah! Zombie Chef! Oof!
Chef: [sniffs] Woof! Where you been hiding, the dumpster?
Shawn: Chef! You're you! Uh, good. Listen! Zombie apocalypse, here! We gotta hide behind that waterfa-- what?! The waterfall! It's, it's gone.
Chef: You must be hallucinating from the stink.
Sky: Sticking it to them! Pun intended!
Chris: [through loudspeaker] Team Maskwak is catching up, but Team Kinosewak only needs one more dueling stick to win it.
Ella: My prince, allow me to repay your kindness with a point for our team.
Dave: Um, okay?
Ella: [humming]
Y/N: wait. Prince?
Sky: Huh? [confessional] What was that? Ella with the touch and the "prince"? I mean, Dave's free to do what he wants, we're not dating.
Max: You've come back for more, I see! [laughs]
[bear growls]
Max: Wah! Help!
Ella: Oh my!
Sky and Dave: [gasp]
Sugar: Yeehaw! [confessional] Two in a row? This is like winning a pie-eating contest, and then watching someone you hate get hurt!
[Ella]
Me and my friend, bear
BFFs beyond compare
Dancing and swinging
Without a care
Chris: No! I've had it with the singing and the taming of the animals! Scuba Bear, do your job and eat the girl!
[bear growls]
Chris: Uh-oh. [screams]
Y/N: Ha, Eat him, now then
Topher: [confessional] You know who can smile through a bear attack? The recently slowtoxed, that's who.
Chris: [screaming]
Topher: Chris! You want me to throw to another commercial? Scream if you want me to!
Chris: Help!
[horn honking]
Jasmine gasps
(Confessionals Onn)
Jasmine: He's okay! What a relief. Okay, time to focus on winning this thing. But I need to make sure Shawn doesn't lose it for the other team. His being missing for so long could get him voted off.
Shawn: They've gathered on the docks. Smart. Zombies can't sneak up on them there.
(Confessionals Off)
Y/N: Boom got 'em, alright I took down Scarlett, how are things going
Chris [sing-song]: Pretending that didn't happen. [inhales] Shawn is back and looking crazy!
Sky: Are you out of your-- ugh! What are you doing?
Shawn: Just checking for bites! Got a bite mark? Did you get bit a bit?
Sugar [sniffs] : Ooh! Smells like a skunk's armpit all of a sudden.
Dave: Where have you been?
Shawn: Hiding from the horde. Just like you guys on these docks! Duh!
Dave retches
Y/N: Shawn dude, you smell like crap
Shawn: Gotta smell like the dead to fool the dead
Y/N: I, uh, What?
Chris: Team Kinosewak is one dueling stick away from a win! Maskwaks! Get Shawn in the game or he's gone!
Shawn: Game? Pfft, this ain't no game, crazy man! It's life or death!
Dave: Shh. Here are the rules, Shawn. You gotta run across, grab a stick, then run back and knock the other team's zombie off the beam.
Shawn: They're here already? I knew it!
(Confessionals Onn)
Shawn: Jasmine's a zombie. I should've helped her. I messed up! But I can't change that now. And, [sniffles] I know what I have to do.
Jasmine: It would win the game for my team right now, but that means Shawn gets eliminated.
Y/N: What a Idiot
(Confessionals Off)
[all cheering]
Shawn: Zombie!
Jasmine: Oof, ow!
You, Sugar, Ella, Sky, and Dave: [cheering]
Jasmine: Ah, what's wrong with you?!
Shawn: Um, she's not a zombie. [confessional] [sheepish] I think I just made a big mistake.
Jasmine: [confessional] [angry] I think I just made a big mistake!
[sea monster growls]
Chris: What was that noise? Tie game! Next dueling stick on the board is for the win!
You, Ella, Sky, and Dave: [cheering]
Topher, Max, and Scarlett: [cheering]
You, Ella, Sky, and Dave: Sugar! Sugar!
Topher, Jasmine, and Scarlett: Amy! Amy!
Samey: Aw... [confessional] Ugh! It's hard to be motivated when you're being called the name of someone you hate!
Amy: [screams]
Y/N: No, it can't be
Samey: [gasps] Amy?
Amy: Samey.
Chris: Uh, what-y?
Jasmine: Ooh, this is bad.
(Confessionals Off)
Y/N: how did she come back, I thought she was gone, Like boom, and cannon and junk
Dave: Well, either Amy is back or Samey never left. No wait, that's not right.
Sky: Did Amy just call Samey, Amy? Or was Amy calling Samey... and oh, what was Ella doing touching Dave's arm?
Scarlett: Samey's been pretending to be Amy the whole time. I thought we all knew that.
(Confessionals Off)
Amy: You'll... pay for this, Samey!
Amy and Sammy grunt
Samey: Just like you always make me pay when we go to the movies?
Amy: Ugh! You're lucky I let you sit behind me!
Samey: You're lucky I don't tell everyone you still suck your thumb!
Amy and Samey: You're the worst sister ever!
Chris[through megaphone]: Team Maskwak wins!
Amy: Huh?
Sammy: What?
You, Sugar, Dave, Ella, and Sky cheer
Amy: Ah!
Samey: Ahh!
[splash]
Chris: Nothing like a sentimental family reunion to get me all choked up.
Max: I must thank you for your contribution, minor as it was to my glorious invention of supreme evil.
Scarlett: Oh, it was no big--
Max: You have proven yourself un-useless, and therefore somewhat worthy of becoming my new sidekick. You're welcome.
(Confessional: Scarlett)
Scarlett: Sidekick? [growls]
(Confessional Off)
Shawn: Jasmine, I am so-- I thought you were-- you know, then Dave said-- whoa!
Jasmine: You know what?
Shawn: I'm a jerk?
Jasmine: I missed on purpose so that you wouldn't get eliminated. And now I'm probably the one going home!
Shawn: So uh, thanks for that!
(Confessionals Onn)
Shawn: did that for me? Huh. This sounds crazy, but maybe there's more to life than preparing for the undead to take over. Maybe I should start thinking more with my heart.
Jasmine: How could I let my feelings for Shawn distract me? He's obviously not into me, so... it's time to get ruthless! No more thinking with my heart.
(Confessionals Off)
Y/N: Look Shawn, Hmm how should I put this, Oh Yeah, THERE IS NO ZOMBIE APPOCOLYPSE, GET YOU SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!!!
(That night at elimination.)
Chris: To the victors go the spoils. Compliments of Spoily's Secondhand Food Emporium, where one man's trash is another man's tapeworm. Think fast! Oh, and Ella?
Ella: Yes?
Chris: You sing again, you're off the show. Got it? Good.
Y/N: what? no you can't do that
Chris: Can and Did
Sugar: I bet you could change his mind with a song.
Ella: Ha--
(Before Ella can sing, Sky clamps her mouth shut.)
Chris: Now, one of you gots to go. Max. Topher and Scarlett, you're safe. Jasmine, you had a chance to win it for your team, but you let your emotions cloud your mind and stop your intimidating physique from doing its job.
Jasmine [sighs]: Let's get this over with.
Chris: Hopefully, you learn from the mistake. You're safe.
Amy, Samey, and Jasmine: What?
Shawn: Phew. She's safe.
Chris: Which means...
Samey: That means Samey, as in her, has to go again, right?
Amy: Ugh! I'm Amy! How could anyone think that was me? Samey's a bowl of mush, and I'm a parfait, which is German for perfect.
Samey: So what's German for bossy blonde cow?
Amy and Sammy grunting
Chris: Shush! Which is polite for shut it! I do not care who's who. And why? Because this time, you're both going into the cannon.
Amy and Sammy gasp
(The scene cuts To Amy and Sammy in the Cannon of shame.)
Amy: No!
Samey: Why me?
Amy: Why me?
Samey: I'm the nice one.
Amy: She cheated!
Y/N: Wait,
[You rush over to the bonfire, panting]
Y/N: Real quick, before they get blasted out of the cannon let me just say, Sammy, I really enjoyed that you stood up for yourself, I'm proud of you
Samey: Thanks Y/N, so friends?
Y/N: Defiantly
Amy: Uh hello, what about me?
Y/N: Oh yeah, Amy, I wanted to give you this for a long time
(You Flip off Amy)
Amy: W-W-What?!
[Sammy smiles, trying to hold in her laugh]
Y/N: Later bitch
Amy: You, You, You worthless worm, you're more unbelievably insufferable then Samey, she's a loser, you're a loser, you're all losers, I can't believe I came on this stupid show, with my stupid sister, and a bunch of stupid people!
[While Amy is still ranting, You go up to Chris]
Y/N: Mr. McLean, May I?
Chris: Be my guess
[Chris gives you the remote to the Cannon of Shame and you hit the button sending Amy and Samey flying]
[Boom]
Amy and Sammy scream
Chris: So nice to see family travelling together. Wanna know who's next to be gone? It won't be long, right here on Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!