Some people are meant to stay in our lives, some meant to teach us lesson and leave afterwards. It's hard and it hurts to let people go, especially those people you treasured the most; friends and your boyfriend or girlfriend.
Reanne and I went to Reina's debut, Xy and Phillie didn't make it for some reason. Ramdam na ramdam namin ni Reanne na masyado nang malaki ang pader sa amin ni Lei at Reina. Hindi na kagaya ng dati.
They are closer now to Joyce, Jaimie and Drix, we're not complaining though, it's their life to enjoy. May kaunting kirot lang dahil kaibigan namin sila, eh. And we don't even know what was the reason why this happened.
It was one of the things running in my mind, hindi ko na lang sinabi kila Reanne 'yon dahil alam kong ganoon din ang nararamdaman nila. I busied myself reviewing for my midterm exams. Negative thoughts kept on circulating in my head and it's hard to focus. Naghalo-halo ang pag-iisip ko tungkol sa amin nila Reina at Lei, ang financial problems na kinahaharap namin ng pamilya ko na siyang laging mitsa ng away ni Daddy at Mommy.
Halos gabi-gabi na lang nag-aaway ang parents ko at sobrang naaapektuhan na ang isip ko. Minsan nga sobrang unexpected ang away nila, they were just drinking coffee and one topic suddenly brought up and then boom, away na.
My mind is in haywire while reviewing my subjects. Zen, on the other hand, always reminding me to rest my mind and sleep early. Madalas ko ring kausap si Xyrill at pareho kaming nagrereklamo sa lahat.
During my exams, my heart never calmed down. It's about to explode in every tick of the clock! I'm thankful that I have Gillene, Erich, Dale, Ram and Prince to divert my attention. And also having Zen, he's my peace after my chaos.
And fortunately, midterm went smoothly, I don't know if I will pass the major subjects because some things deprived me from reading my notes. Sa finals kami ngayon masyadong kabado dahil alam naming wala na namang tulugan 'yon.
"Cresia, pwede pahiram ng notes mo sa Anatomy?" sabi ni Dale, they are all busy because one of our instructor gave us two requirements for th e finals.
"Akala ko nakagawa ka na?" takang tanong ko pero kinuha ko pa rin ang notes ko sa bag para ipahiram sa kanya.
Napakamot sa kilay ang lalaki kaya natawa ako, I already knew the answer based on his action. "Hindi ako nakagawa. Nag-aya mag-ML si Dale at Gillene kagabi, eh." paliwanag niya.
I handed him my notes, "Magrereview ako mamaya, ah!" paalala ko sa kanya.
"The best talaga, oh! Salamat!" I chuckled because of his remarks.
Hindi naman big deal sa'kin na ipahiram ang reviewer at notes ko dahil nanghihiram din ako minsan kay Erich kapag may kulang sa'kin.
"Hoy, Dale! Ako ang manghihiram kay Cresia ngayon, sapaw ka ba?!" reklamo ni Gillene na kagagaling lang sa labas at marahas na umupo sa tabi namin ni Dale.
"Nauna kaya ako! Masyado kang ano, ah!" Dale fired back, I facepalm myself and sighed. Mas matanda silang dalawa sa'kin pero ang ingay nilang magbangayan.
"Aso't pusa na naman sila. Hoy, baka iba na 'yan!" singit ni Erich sa dalawa. They disgustedly stare each other that made us laugh.
"Eto...?" tanong ni Gillene habang nakaturo kay Dale, "pwede naman.."
I gasped after hearing that, I know her for being straightforward and I couldn't name this if she's serious!
"Nako, mare, 'wag.." tawa ni Dale, he acted as if he's protecting himself from Gillene.
"Shuta, level up ang kumare ko!" Erich exclaimed as she clung her arms around Gillene's shoulder.
"Tayo kaya, Presy, kailan tayo lelevel up?" maharot na sabi ni Ram na nakakuha lang ng irap sa babae.
"Kinikilabutan ako sa inyo, tigilan niyo 'yan!" singit ni Prince saka pinandilatan ng mata ang mga kaibigan. Tahimik akong natawa sa ingay nila. Sila lagi ang maingay sa room namin at sanay na ako.
"Inggit ka, pre, tayo na lang bebe time?" sabi ni Dale na kumapit pa sa braso ni Prince. I wince after seeing that, they are acting like a flirt and it's giving me goosebumps.
"Tangina mo, pre, nagdidilim paningin ko sa'yo." kunwaring pikon na sabi ni Prince.
"Jusko, kaya pala ayaw mo ligawan ang kumare ko dahil ang bet mo ay si Prince!" bulyaw ni Erich sa dalawa, unlike the other day, she let Ram's arm on her shoulder.
"Si Cresia kaya kailan aamin sa'tin kung sino crush niya?" baling ni Gillene sa'kin na nginisihan ko lang. Matagal na nila akong tinatanong tungkol kay Zen pero hindi ako sumasagot.
Hindi ko sinasabi sa kanila hindi dahil ayokong ipakilala ang lalaki, ayoko lang ipaliwanag ang bagay na 'yon sa kanila dahil hindi ko alam kung maiintindihan nila.
And I like it the way it is right now. Walang nakamata, walang may pakialam. It's just the two of us. Alam kong dadating ang oras na kailangan namin ipaliwanag at ipaalam sa iba pero sa ngayon, we just wanted to enjoy it.. nang kaming dalawa lang.
"What if ako pala 'yon?" sabi ni Dale na tumatawa lang, napailing na lang ako sa kanya at natawa.
"Lubayan mo ako, Dale! Hindi ka na makakahiram ng notes sa'kin, sige!" I said, I know he's teasing me so I fired back!
"H-hoy, grabe ka na, ah!" reklamo niya na hindi ko pinansin dahil may instructor nang pumasok.
They warned us about the upcoming final examination. We have this called common final exam na one hundred items and we need to get 60 scores to pass. Kung hindi namin maipasa ang exam na 'yon ay uulitin namin ang exam. We have three major subjects at 'yon ang magkakaroon ng CFE.
Kayayari pa lang ng kalbaryo namin sa midterms at eto na naman ang finals. May one and a half month pa kami para maghanda pero ang pressure na nakapatong sa balikat namin ay sobrang bigat na.
Wala pa nga ang grades namin para sa midterm ay iniisip ko na ang para sa finals.
"You'll do well, rest your mind, Cresia Faith." paalala ni Zen habang naglalakad kami palabas ng school.
"Kaya nga, Sia, ikaw pa! Sure na pasado ka na d'on!" Llyn said.
"Hindi ka man highest sa'tin, alam kong isa ka sa laging nakakapasa. Stop worrying, Sia." Prince exclaimed.
Kanina pa ako tahimik at nag-iisip tungkol sa CFE at midterm grades ko. Hindi ako pwedeng magkaroon ng tres dahil lagot na naman ako kay Daddy. Walang humpay na comparison na naman ang maririnig ko sa kanya kapag bumaba pa ang grades ko sa mga major subjects.
"I'm not worrying nor over thinking. Hindi ba pwedeng tinatamad lang ako magsalita?" tanggi ko sa kanilang tatlo. Halatang hindi naniwala ang tatlo dahil sa tingin na binato nila sa'kin.
"I know you, Cresia Faith. I know you'll do well.." Zen plastered his gentle smile.
I nodded and smiled at them. I should stop worrying about it, I will do well.. if they believe in me, I need to believe in myself as well.
"Nagugutom ako, tara kumain!" aya ni Llyn saka ako hinila palayo kay Zen. Natawa na lang ako dahil alam kong ginawa niya 'yon para matigil ang boses sa isip ko.
Surprisingly, our home is peaceful. Tahimik at nakangiting nagkukwentuhan ang parents ko. Nagtatawanan ang mga kapatid ko. That makes me smile a little and feel safe. It's not my thing to sit with them and tell what happened to my life for that day so I went straight to my room.
"Faith?" katok ni Daddy sa kwarto. "May pagkain sa kusina, kumain ka na."
"Wait lang..." sabi ko bago lumabas. I tied my hair done as I enter the kitchen, "Kumain na ba kayo?" tanong ko saka kumuha ng plato at naghanda ng pagkain.
"Tapos na kami, may ulam sa ref." sabi ni Daddy bago lumabas para puntahan si mommy.
I ate in silence and wash the dishes before taking a shower and rest. Tinatamad ako magcheck ng messenger kaya hindi ko alam kung may announcement ba o wala.
I'm sleepy but I can't sleep. It's a cycle and I'm used to it. Kapag pagod na pagod lang ang katawan ko saka ako nakakatulog ng maaga.
Our grades are already posted in our school portal but I haven't seen it yet because I don't want to disappoint myself.
"I already saw my grades," Zen started, as usual, he's not nervous unlike me.
"How was it? Alam kong pasado 'yan," baling ko sa kanya. "Pakita,"
Magkasama kami sa cafeteria dahil break time pa naman. He handed me his phone so I check his grades and all I can say is, gusto kong hiramin ang utak niya.
Wala siyang dos. May 1.50 siya sa minor subject niya na matagal na niyang nirereklamo sa'kin.
"You really did well.." I proudly uttered as I smile at him.
I got a chance to witness his smile again because of what I've said.
"Let's check yours." napawi ang ngiti ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Ayoko tignan. "Cresia Faith..." he called my name after noticing how I avoided his gaze.
"No, ayoko." iling ko para tanggihan ang sinabi niya.
"Come on, Cresia Faith." nakakunot na ang noo niya sa'kin pero alam kong hindi siya naiinis.
"What if I didn't passed? Paano kung ma-dissapoint lang ako sa sarili ko kasi mababa ang grades ko? What if—" he cut me off.
"Remember when I said that life isn't all about studying. And if we failed now, what we're going to do?" he patiently said.
"We'll do better the next day..." I whispered. That made him smile a little and ruffles my hair.
I sighed after accepting my defeat. Sa cellphone niya ako nag-log in sa portal para tignan. Usapan namin ay siya muna ang titingin bago ako. Naisip ko rin na kailangan kong i-send kay Uncle ang grades ko dahil siya ang nagbibigay ng tuition sa'kin.
"You passed." he said, smiling.
"Maniwala?!" I gasp and steal his phone and took a glance.
My hopes suddenly crashed down after seeing my grades in my major subject. 2.50. I passed... but that'll stain my dad's expectation.
I hide my face using my hair, I wanted to cry. Call me over reacting o masyadong mataas ang expectations ko sa sarili ko, I don't care..
"Cresia.." I can hear the worry in his voice. Sinilip niya ang mukha ko at nang magtama ang mata namin ay nakita ko ang pag-aalala.
"I.. passed.." bulong ko saka ngumiti.
He nodded and put a smile on his face. "You did well..." that made me feel better.
"I'll do better," sagot ko na tinanguan niya.
We continued our day, I'm still affected by that but like what I've said earlier, I'll do better now. Kailangan kong bumawi.
"May 2.50 ako.." sabi ko kay Mommy habang kumakain kami. Wala ang mga kasama namin dahil may iba't ibang trip sa buhay.
"Ayos lang 'yan, mataas pa rin. Mabuti at walang tres." ngumiti si Mommy.
"Kahit na, kababa kaya." halatang nagrereklamo ang boses ko.
"Anong mababa? Mahalaga at hindi tres, magpasalamat ka na sa ganyang marka."
Hindi na ako kumibo dahil tama naman siya, I passed. That's what matters.
"Uncle, kita ko na grades ko." sabi ko habang ka-video call siya.
"Oh, kumusta?" tanong niya habang nilalaro ang alagang aso.
"Okay naman.. Wait, send ko sa'yo." I sent the screenshot of my grades.
"Ang taas ng grades mo. Keep it up, Faith."
Their words make me feel better. Hear that, Faith? You did well...
Buong buwan kaming walang humpay na lectures at discussions, mga paalala at babala tungkol sa finals. May mga labs din kami na ginawa at sobrang busy talaga.
"Sia, pumunta ka sa birthday ko, ah? Humanda kayo kapag hindi kayo pumunta." banta ni Reanne sa'kin habang magkausap kami.
I'm writing on my notes and she's taking her exam.
"Kahit hindi ako invited, pupunta ako." tawa ko, hindi pwedeng wala ako sa birthday ng best girl friend of mine.
"Aba, dapat lang." may pagbabanta sa boses niya kaya tumango ako at tumawa.
"Sure thing, Reanne, sembreak namin 'yon so..." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Ang bilis ng inyo, 'no? Patapos pa lang midterms namin tapos kayo finals na." sabi niya, abala ang babae sa harap ng laptop niya at nakikipag-usap sa'kin.
"Sa true lang," I sighed, "after ng exam namin, enrollment naman para sa second semester."
Nagkwentuhan pa kami sa iba't ibang bagay, minsan nagkakasundo mag-describe ng mga taong nakasalamuha na namin. Hindi kami nanglalait... dine-describe lang naman namin.
"Taena, mag-eexam muna ako, Sia." paalam ni Reanne kaya tumawa ako bago nagpaalam.
One week and a half before our final exam, everyone's busy and crying silently because of pressure.
"Cres, samahan mo ako." tawag ni Erich sa'kin.
"Saan? Don't tell me, kakain ka ulit," biro ko bago tumayo para sumunod.
"Gaga, ipapass ko 'yung brochure na pinagawa sa'tin." tawa niya bago kami lumabas ng room.
"Impyerno talaga ang college." I shrugged, not minding my words because it's true.
"Literal, mare." she agreed.
Since masungit ang instructor namin sa Theoretical Foundations in Nursing hindi na ako pumasok sa loob ng faculty. Ayaw kasi ni Ma'am Lubrica na crowded sa loob kaya naghintay na lang ako sa labas.
My phone lit up because of a message, I checked it. Nagtataka akong binuksan ang message ni Cruz dahil madalang siya mag-message kapag class hour.
Zen Mikel:
Look at your left.
Sinunod ko ang sinasabi niya. Sinimangutan ko siya nang makita siyang nakasandal sa pader. He arched his brow after seeing my lips in a line. Mas kumunot ang noo ko nang makita ang isang babae na tingin ko ay kaklase niya.
The girl has this round face, short hair and fair skin. She's pretty... and she's pretty close to Zen.
"ZM!" I tilted my head a little to watch him. ZM?.. Did I heard it right? Did she called him ZM?
"Cres, tara na!" nawala ang tingin ko kay Zen nang tawagin ako ni Erich.
"Tara," I said and smile at her before giving Zen a glance. He was watching me and not minding the girl in front of him talking nonstop.
Mapang-asar akong ngumiti sa kanya bago tumalikod. Kinuha ko ang phone ko para mag-type ng message sa kanya.
Cresia:
Hey, ZM, anong oras dismissal mo today?
After sending the message I put my phone in my pocket. I already memorized his schedule, I just want to tease him.
"Sino 'yon?" napalingon ako kay Erich nang bigla siyang magsalita.
"Huh?"
"'Yung lalaki kanina.. 'yung may kasamang babaeng maikli ang buhok." she was pertaining to Zen.
"Oh, him.. Si Zen 'yon," I couldn't hide the hide the smile, it actually came out to my lips. "A friend.." dagdag ko kahit hindi naman niya tinanong.
"It doesn't look like a friend.. may iba sa mata mo, eh." tumawa siya.
I laughed but still shrugged it off.
"So, he's your what? Boyfriend?" she's fishing some info! Well, she's a friend, maybe she'll understand.
"Nope. Less than that, but more than a friend." I said, not sure if saying those were right.
"Oh.. mutual understanding.." she nodded her head and chuckled. "Paano na si Dale niyan? Joke,"
"Eh? What about Dale?" takang tanong ko, sila kasi ang mas malapit sa isa't isa dahil madalas silang magkakasama nila Gillene.
"Nothing, I was just kidding. Tara na," I shrugged it off because it's not a big deal though.
I open my phone and check his messages. I chuckled after reading it.
Zen Mikel:
It's as if you didn't know my schedule.
Zen Mikel:
She's my groupmate. Leader.
Zen Mikel:
Cresia Faith.
Natatawang nagreply ako sa kanya, I can envisioned his furrowed eyebrows.
Cresia:
Good luck sa klase, ZM! ♡
I bit my lower lip as I hit the send button. Hindi ako naglalagay ng heart emoji sa mga messages ko sa kanya dahil hindi ako sanay magsend ng ganoon sa lalaki, puro umiiyak na emojis ang sinesend ko sa kanya kahit tumatawa ako o nang-aasar lang.
"Hoy, walang forever!" singhal ni Gillene sa'kin habang naniningkit ang mata.
"Wala nga," tumango-tango pa ako para lang sumang-ayon sa kanya.
"Sino ba kasi crush mo? Sasabihin ko rin sa'yo kung sino crush ko." she tried to trade, instead of giving in, I just laughed.
"What are we? Elementary or high schooler?" I joked.
"Bilis na kasi, Cres. Sasabihin ko sa'yo kung sino crush ko," nakangiti pa ang bruha sa'kin, halatang nang-uuto.
"Wala nga.. basta, mag-uuwi ako ng engineering student one day." tawa ko pa, actually, I already found my engineer.
"Damot!" reklamo niya pero hindi na nangulit.
At this moment, alam kong palabas na si Zen sa room at pupunta sa field para hintayin kami ni Prinsepe. Maya-maya naman ay dismissal na rin ni Llyn, kaming dalawa ni Prince ang mahuhuli.
"Class, good luck to your exams. I know you'll do well, take a rest after finals." our adviser said, smiling.
Dumiretso ako sa field para puntahan sila Llyn.
"Hey, ZM!" pang-aasar ko bago umupo sa tabi niya. "Anong oras exam mo sa major?" baling ko kay Llyn.
"Umaga, Sia, kayo ba?" tanong niya habang kumakain ng potato chips.
"Hapon pa.."
Parang naging standee si Zen sa gitna namin ni Llyn dahil nakatingin lang siya sa'kin at naghihintay na pansinin siya.
"What's up, ZM?" nakangiting tanong ko sa kanya. Still mimicking the girl he was talking to earlier.
"ZM? Ano 'yon?" tanong ni Llyn na kumuha rin sa atensyon ni Prince.
Mas natawa ako dahil sa nakasimangot ka mukha ni Zen. He's not pissed off, I know that, iba mainis ang isang 'to. He'll just sigh and massage the bridge of his nose if he's pissed or something's bothering him, or sometimes when he doesn't know what to say.
"Ask him," utos ko saka inosenteng ngiti kay Zen na nakatingin lang sa'kin, "right, ZM?" inosenteng tanong ko sa kanya kahit gusto ko nang tumawa at mas asarin siya.
"Don't mind them, Llyn, they have their own world again." sarcastic na singit ni Prince na siyang kinasimangot ko.
Naunang tumayo si Prince at Llyn kaya sumunod na kami ni Zen.
"Stop calling me ZM, Cresia Faith." utos niya. I will, though. I'm just enjoying teasing him so...
"Why?" tanong ko.
"Please.." I wanted to laugh because of his voice, he's like a kid wanted a candy from his older sister.
"One question.. I'll stop," sabi ko bago siya harapin. He didn't talk but waiting for my question.
"Why is she calling you ZM? Are you that close with her?" curious sa tanong ko.
"She once told me that my name is too long." he shrugged, not a big deal for him.
I scoffed, "Tatlong letra na nga lang first name mo tapos mahaba?" that was sound so sarcastic. "ZM? Huh! Kailan ka pa naging Zen-timeter?!"
I want to pull my own hair, what the heck! Ang pangit ng humor ko!
"That's not a joke, don't laugh." banta ko nang makita ang mukha niya. He was trying his best to hold back his laughter because of what I've said.
"Okay, okay.. Stop that, Cres." he ruffled my hair and chuckled.
"No joke intended, Zen, I didn't know you like girls with round face, doe eye, with a curly short hair, a fair skin, and a girl with good at math." kwento ko. First, Reanne and now..
"Stop whatever you're thinking," I heard his warning tone that made me smile. "Ang gusto ko ay 'yung babaeng may mahabang buhok na straight at hindi alam magsuklay, morena, nursing student at laging nagrereklamo sa math." dagdag niya. I was taken aback because of that.
Hihikain yata ako. My heart is beating so fast and it's hard to breathe.
"Let's go home. You sound like a jealous girlfriend."