Chris(Voice over, Recapping last episode): Last time on Total Drama Pahkitew Island, the teams were put to the challenge in an all-out relay through our greasetacular oopstacle course while carrying wild pigs. Lots of things happened throughout the episode; Shawn might have developed feelings for Jasmine, Dave grew feelings for Sky, Amy began to push Samey to her breaking point, and Scarlett offered to help Max with his evil schemes. In the end, Jasmine pulled off another victory for Kinosewak, and Leonard was the next competitor to be eliminated from Team Maskwak. "ALAKABLAMO" loser! (Laughs evilly. Cuts to Chris at the bonfire.) Only 13 left and they are all one step closer to the million. Will Maskwak be able to pull off a victory? Will more sparks fly between the competitors? Who will be the cannon's next victim? Find out right here, right now. This is Total Drama Pahkitew Island.
(Jump-Cut)
Y/N: I take it that Amy forced you to go out grabbing berries huh Sammy
Sammy: pretty much, yeah
Jasmine: You know that you don't have to help me every morning just 'cause Amy tells you to.
Samey: You... you don't want me to come?
Jasmine: That's not what I said. I just want it to be your decision, not hers. Stop letting your sister treat you like a servant.
Samey: Oh, she never treats me that well.
Jasmine: Then do something about it!
Samey: How can I? She's everyone's favorite. She's the pretty one.
Y/N: You two are identical twins! You're both the pretty one! but you're more prettier
Samey: Really?
Jasmine: Samey, look. The first person who stands up for you has gotta be you.
Y/N: She's right y'know
Samey: Wow. So are we like, friends? If not, that's okay. I don't have a lot of friends, so I-I'm not, I just--
Y/N: Sammy, we're only telling you these things is because we wanna help you be more assertive
Jasmine: The way Amy treats you bothers me, so yeah, I guess we're friends. And I have trouble making friends too. I don't know why but--
[apples fall]
Jasmine: People find me a bit intimidating.
[tree falls]
Y/N: I can see that
Samey: [confessional] Maybe I have been letting Amy get away with too much. One time, I let her shave my head so that people could "tell us apart". Jasmine and Y/N are right! I've gotta stand up for myself!
(Confessional Off)
Y/N: I'll be off now, see ya during today's challenge. But Sammy remember what I told you.
Sammy: Let out my inner tigress?
Y/N: now your catching on.
Shawn: Hey.
Jasmine: G'day, Shawn.
Samey: Um, I'm going over there.
Jasmine: So, Shawn, any zombies sighted in the area? [giggles]
(Confessional: Shawn)
Shawn: Usually when I talk to a girl, I'm the one who has to bring up the undead. Looks, survival skills, and a healthy fear of reanimated corpses? Man, this girl has everything! No zombie sightings, yet. But they can walk underwater so they can be on this island right now.
(Confessional Ends)
Jasmine: Definitely. They could be anywhere.
Shawn: I better get this food back to the others. I'll uh, see you around?
Jasmine: I'll be here.
Samey: Were you talking about zombies?
Jasmine [giggles]: Yeah. It's just a little running joke between us.
Shawn: Hey! Who's hungry?
Sugar squeals
Sugar and Shawn: [grunt]
Sugar: I can eat the legs off a table, and we ain't even got one.
Ella: Oh, Y/N!, Shawn! As a special thank you, I'd like to sing you two a song! [clears throat]
Y/N/ Shawn: Yes Please/ No Thanks
[Ella]
The fruit the two brought
Brought joy to the--
Sugar: Eat up, Ella. You look skinny enough to run through a rainstorm without getting wet.
Sky: I got fresh water from the stream. Don't wanna get dehydrated during the challenge.
Dave: Awesome! So great, you are so...
[Ella]
The water Sky brought
Brought joy to the--
Dave: Thank you, but no song required.
Shawn: Ella, maybe you could go sing to the other team as a sign of uh, friendly competition?
Ella: [gasps] That is a wonderful idea! [vocalizes]
Y/N: I'll just go for a run, gotta keep my stamina up before the challenge
[You run off]
Shawn and Sky: Phew.
Dave: So Sky, as I was saying...
Sky: Nice on, Shawn. And great job finding this cave. Hey, if you want help foraging tomorrow--
Dave: I'll help too! Tomorrow! I'll forage with you guys! Totally!
Shawn: Uh... sounds great.
(Confessional: Shawn)
Shawn: I'm not digging all the friend stuff going on here. Comfortable people let their guard down. Pfft! Hello? Might as well put out a bowl of brains and a sign that says "Zombies Eat Free!"
(Confessional Off)
Rodney: Look at all this stuff. Thanks, Jasmine. Thanks, Amy.
Samey: Amy? It was me! Not Amy!
Amy: Ugh, what is your problem, Samey?
Samey: I'm tired of you taking credit for things that I do.
Topher: And Samey is on the attack!
Jasmine: Samey, this might not be the right time.
Samey: I'm the nice one. Amy is a monster!
Amy: [gasps] How could you say that? I'm your sister! [cries]
Max: Jealousy is the lowest form of evil.
Rodney: Samey, what is wrong with you?
Samey: I, I-I... ugh!
Topher: And after laying down some brutal blows, Samey heads off. Will Team Maskwak be able to get past this? Stay tuned to find out.
Y/N: And 200 steps, [sees the rest of the contestants] oh, hey everyone
Ella [ in a sing-song voice]: Good morning, other team. Who'd like to hear a song?
Y/N: I know i would
Chris: [over loudspeaker] No one, Ella! It's challenge time! All butts to the meeting area in five!
Topher: I'm coming, Chris!
Jasmine: I'm gonna go check on Samey.
(Confessional: Rodney)
Rodney: Poor Amy. She's gonna be crushed when I tell her it's over. But I can't deny what my heart is writing in the stars. It's writing "Jasmine".
(Confessional Off)
Topher [panting]: Morning, Chris. Totally pumped for today's challenge.
Chris: Oh, good. I can't tell you how little that means to me.
Topher: You think I could explain the challenge to the others?
Chris: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's kinda the host's job, Topher.
Topher: Right, right, I'm sorry. I'm just excited. It's like we're already winners because we got to meet Chris. The Chris McLean! Wow!
Chris: Well said, Topher.
(Confessional: Sugar)
Sugar: That Topher's as wily as a hog with a library card. I wouldn't trust him any farther than I can throw a tractor, and that ain't more than a couple of feet.
(Confessional Off)
Chris: Gather round, victims. Today's game is called "Doom Balloons!"
Max: You had me at "doom".
Topher: Shh! Go ahead, Chris.
Y/N: [Skeptical] Yes please, explain
Chris: You'll have ten seconds to collect a bunch of balloons that are filled with who-knows-what. Talc, paint, itching powder, bees, spiders, bird poop, it's always a surprise. [chuckles]
Ella: Yay! Who doesn't love a surprise?
Chris: None of you! None of you will love a surprise!
Y/N: Oh we are so dead
Topher [laughs]: Chris! I love the way you th--
[whistle blows]
Chris: If you're hit with any balloon contents, you're out. It doesn't matter if the balloons are thrown, dropped, launched, kicked, or sent by currier. Last player standing wins it for their team. [blows whistle] Get your balloons, people!
[all clamoring]
Chris: The hunting doesn't start until you hear the airhorn.
(Confessional: Topher)
Topher: Me and Chris are pretty tight. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked me to co-host or something, I mean...
[airhorn blares outside confessional]
Topher: Oh, gotta go!
(Confessional Off)
Max: [grunts] Surely, there must be something I can build with these pieces. Something deadly and evil. [confessional] I've hidden bits and pieces of pure evil all over this wretched island. [cackles] [sniffles] My evil laugh is a work in progress. No matter. I shall win this challenge because of my abnormally larged brain and my super advanced hearing. No one has ever, ever been able to sneak up on me. [real time] [screams]
Scarlett: What are you doing, Max?
Max: It's very technical. [spits] You wouldn't understand.
Scarlett: Okay.
Max: Wait! Fine. If you must know, I'm gonna tape everything I have together into one long stick, then put my balloons on the end. Thereby allowing me to hit people with said balloons from a safe distance.
Scarlett [sarcastic]: Wow. That's so evil.
Max: Yes, thank you for--
Scarlett: It's too bad there isn't a way to launch something sharp. You know, to pop their own balloons onto them? Heh.
Max [gasps] : I've got an even better idea. Yes, I'll build a rapid fire balloon-busting device that fires projectiles that pop their balloons before they can throw them!
Scarlett [sarcastic]: Wow. Your mind is so powerful.
(Confessional: Max)
Max: Scarlett is hopelessly in love with me. But I must remain focused on my work. Evil doesn't date. First, I will control this island. Then this hemisphere, then the world! [evil laughter] [gasps] There it is. That was an evil laugh!
(Confessional Off)
[twig snaps]
Dave: No!
Sky: Oh, it's you.
Dave: Hey, Sky. I was thinking. Maybe we could team up, you know? Watch each other's back?
(Confessional: Sky)
Sky: Dave's a nice guy. And he is cute. But I have to keep my head in the game. I can't let myself be distracted by his eyes. Or that hair... Or his smile. Uh, what was I talking about? Oh, right. No distractions.
(Confessional Off)
Sky: I think I'll go it alone. It's nothing personal, Dave. It's just easier to be silent when you're by yourself.
Dave: Are you saying you find talking to me just too tempting?
Sky: Heh. Um, if that's how you wanna interpret it, okay.
(Confessional: Dave)
Dave: It's not like I'm falling for her. I mean, sure yes, she's really cute. And totally awesome at anything and everything and she has those deep eyes and silky hair and... what was I saying? Oh, right. Yeah, I'm falling for her.
(Confessional Off)
Dave: Going it alone might work sometimes, but I feel that--
Sky: Shh!
Max cackles and inhales
Sky: Take cover!
Dave: Oof!
[pop]
Sky: [gasps] Bees!
Dave: Sky, wait up!
Max: It worked! [evil laughter] You should be taking notes of my genius.
[beep]
Chris: Max is really enjoying the game. Obviously, he doesn't know what sort of surprises are waiting in the rest of those balloons. [chuckles] Stay tuned for more mayhem when we return to Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!
[trees rustling]
[snake hisses]
Rodney: Huh? Aha. Sorry, Sugar. You should've hidden better. Wha?
Sugar: Thanks for washing my face, hefty worm. I feel cleaning than a sink made of soap. Now beat it!
Rodney: Ahh!
[snake hisses]
(Confessional: Rodney)
Rodney: You can't throw snakes at people! Unless the snakes are in a balloon. Then it's okay.
(Confessional Off)
Dave: Sky! Yikes. Man, they really got you good. Oh. Sorry. But, hey, it could've been a lot wo-- yayoh!
Sky: You think?
Dave: Wowzers. Sorry I got you knocked out of the game, Sky. And I'm sorry all of the bees went after you. I mean, I'm glad, but--
Sky: You're glad?!
Dave: Because I'm allergic to bee stings! And tomatoes, wheat, and peanuts. Flowers, mountian lion dander, and most fruit flavored gums.
Sky: Seriously?
Dave: Well, I've never been tested for any of it, but I've always suspected. It's better to air on the side of caution when dealing wi--
Sky: Dave! You have to warn the others that Team Kinosewak are using our own balloons against us! We've lost two challenges already. We need to win this one, Dave.
Dave: You got it, Sky! I am on it!
Sky: Tree!
Dave: Ow!
Chris: [chuckles]
Topher: Hey, Chris!
Chris: Topher, you're in the middle of a challenge, dude.
Topher: I know, but it's important. You gotta call in the makeup department to do something about those crow's feet.
Chris: Crow's feet?
Topher: Yeah, it looks like they were wearing cleats. What if kids start twerting about how old you look and the network decides to replace you with a... younger host?
Chris: Replace... me? [gasps] Makeup!
Topher: Whoa!
Shawn: Even with all the branches and twigs on the ground, she moves so silently. Wow.
(Confessional: Shawn)
Shawn: Look, I don't wanna like her. 73.6% of all men who die in zombie movies die because the girl they love becomes a zombie, and when it becomes time to cut her head off, they get all sentimental about it and they hesitate. When there are zombies on your tail, man, thinking is the last thing you wanna do!
(Confessional Off)
Ella: Hello, beautiful butterfly! You're so delicate. You should hide until our game is done.
Sugar: [yells] Oh, it's you.
Y/N: oh, um , Hi Ella
Ella: Look, Sugar. Just because my balloon is made to do harm doesn't mean that it can't look adorable and constantly delighted to be here.
Y/N: Just as cute as you
[You boop Ella's nose, she blushes]
Sugar: [confessional] Man o' war! That girl could bug the stink off a donkey!
Ella: Oh, Sugar. I just know we're going to be the best of friends.
Sugar: I heard something. Duck!
Ella [muffled grunts]: Sugar? Sugar? Uh, I've fallen into this poor bush!
Y/N: if your hurt I got some band-aids in my backpack
Ella: no I'm fine, thanks anyway Y/N
Y/N: That's good I'll scout out the island to see if I can find anyone else, Oh Dave
Dave: [screams] This tree has eyeballs! Eyeball tree!
Shawn: Whoa, whoa, it's me, Shawn! I camouflaged myself with mud and moss. I knew all my cake-decorating skills would come in handy someday. [chuckles]'
Y/N: Uh cake decorating skills?
Shawn: It's complicated
(Confessional: Dave)
Dave: Who orders a cake that looks like tree bark? I mean, how many beavers celebrate their birthday?
(Confessional Off)
Shawn: Bakers have been hiding in plain sight covered in icing camoflauge since like, the dawn of time! At least that's what my old boss at the bakery used to tell me. Mind you, he also said the pyramids were built by pastry chefs, so...
[stretching]
Y/N: shush, I hear some one
Max: Rest assured that as long as you're with me, you are safe.
Y/N: Hey, heads up
[You throw your balloons at Scarlett and Max]
Scarlett and Max: Ah!
Max: Revenge! [sneezes]
Dave: Awesome shot! FYI, someone burst Sky's balloons while she was holding them.
Shawn: Huh. Smart trick. I doubt it was Max.
Max sneezes
Rodney: I have to find just the right words to end my relationship with Amy, so she isn't left shattered like a cabbage in a cabbage-shatterer thingy. Gah! Come on, word, I need you!
Amy: Way to make a total fool of yourself in front of everybody, Samey! [mocking Samey] "Oh! I got the food and I'm the nice one. Blah blah blah!"
Rodney: Voice of an angel.
Samey: Sooner or later, Amy, everyone will know what you're about!
Amy: Uh-huh.
Rodney: Good afternoon, Samey. May I have a moment with Amy please?
Samey: Rodney, you can have all of the moments with Amy.
Rodney cries
Amy: Are you... crying?
Rodney: Amy, I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just gonna say it. I, with true love, gold feast, mountaintop, ah! What I am trying is, wad of cabbage, anthill, gah! [cries]
Amy: [yawns]
Rodney: I just, I just...
[splat]
Rodney: I deserved that! [cries]
Topher: Wow! Good makeup job, dude! You look twenty years younger! It's like you're thirty again!
Chris: I am thirty.
Topher: Oh, um, yeah! I know! And now you look it. But you could use some moisturizer. Ah! Oh.
Chris: Thank you!
Topher: Ah! Spiders in my hair, spiders in my hair! Ah!
Dave: Yeah! Did you see that?
Chris: You're out of balloons, Dave. You might wanna skedaddle. Moisturizer, huh?
Ella [sighs]: All this walking is good exercise, but it's also important to exercise our hearts, with songs!
Y/N: I know i could exercise mine, let's hear it
[Ella]
Smiles can help
With trials and tribulations
Sugar: Chris! She's singing! Again!
[splat]
Jasmine [laughs]: Might wanna keep quiet next time, you three!
Sugar: Oh, meat on a muskrat!
Chris: Did I hear singing? Again? Did I?
Sugar: Yes, on account of her sing-song, she got us hit with balloons full of mustard, relish, and... [lick] Some third thing I can't identify.
Y/N: Ketchup, Your thinking of Ketchup
Ella: If my song was the cause of that, then I am--
Chris: Okay. As long as the singing caused you pain, Ella, I'm happy.
Y/N: well at least we know that no ones happy until he's happy
Dave: Ah!
[poof poof poof]
Dave: What the? [whimpers] [confessional] Itching powder? Really? I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to this!
Chris [over loudspeaker outside confessional]: Everyone is allergic to it! It's itching powder!
Dave: Ahh!
Jasmine: Well done, Samey, you took out Dave!
Amy: Whoa! Loud cough of interruption.
Samey: Ow!
Amy: I was the one who took Dave out, not Samey!
Y/N: (snickers) Hey Dave, Amy want's to take you out
Jasmine: I can tell you apart. And Samey's shot was just excellent.
(Confessional: Amy)
Amy: 'Kay. Since when does anyone take Samey's side? She's just a wannabe me. A spare Amy. [gasps] Her name should be Sparemy. I am going to change her birth certificate as soon as we get home.
(Confessional Off)
Jasmine: Since Samey's the only one with a balloon left. We should stick together. I spotted Shawn's hiding spot earlier. Follow me.
Jasmine: He's right below us.
Samey: You take the shot, Jasmine. I don't wanna mess it up.
Amy: And she would.
Jasmine: You can do this, Samey. I know you can. Drop it right down on him.
Amy: Give me that! You'll miss!
Jasmine: Amy, stop messing about.
Amy: It's mine!
Samey: No! Let go!
[pop]
Jasmine [echoes]: No!
Chris [over loudspeaker] : Game over! Team Maskwak wins the challenge!
Amy: Ugh! Way to go, Samey! You ruined everything! I'm telling!
(Confessionals Onn)
Jasmine: Wow. Good thing for Samey they weren't born Siamese twins or I reckon Amy would've eaten her by now.
Samey: Whenever I have something Amy wants, she just takes it. Always, always, always. Huh. Always.
(Confessionals Off)
Chris: Tonight's winners get to enjoy dinner from Mary's Lamb Burgers. That's Mary's Lamb Burger and Barbecue Emporium. "Mary had a little lamb. [chuckles] Had."
Y/N: well at least we're getting something to eat
Cut to Sammy in the cave, holding the little apple of death before Amy arrives.
Amy: Ugh! Gimme that! You don't deserve to eat. And I've talked to the rest of the team about how you lost us the challenge. Enjoy being cannon-fodder. See you at the elimination ceremony, Sparemy! [crunches and laughs] So funny.
Samey: Heh heh. You enjoy that Manchineel fruit.
At the Elimination Cerimony.
Chris: All right, players. Those of you holding a marshmallow are safe. For now. [chuckles] Amy, Samey, one of you is going home tonight. Amy, you seem more concerned with bossing Samey around than with helping your team. And Samey, it was your balloon that cost your team this challenge. The sister heading home is...
Amy chokes
Samey: Oh, ignore her. She's just trying to get sympathy. Aren't you, Samey?
Amy [cheeks puffed] : Wha? Ah! [garbled speech]
Chris: Can't understand what you're saying, Samey, and it really doesn't matter. 'Cause you've been voted off!
Amy: (garbled scream)
Samey: Buh-bye, Samey! Have a nice flight!
Amy: [panicked screams]
Chris: Wish I could understand. It sounds really important.
[boom]
Amy: Ah! [echoed scream]
(Confessionals Onn)
Samey: Phew. She's had it coming, for years. I guess twinning isn't everything.
Jasmine: The old switcheroo. Good for Samey.
(Confessionals Off)
Chris: Twelve players remain, but only one goes home with a million dollars. Find out who lasts and who blasts on the next Total. Drama. Pahkitew Island!