Heeeeyyyyy...Yeah, I had finals these past few weeks, so there was a bit of waiting, but I'm back, and I hope you're ready for...whatever stupid stuff those two idiots get themselves into.
"HOW DARE THEY GIVE ZIM DETENTION?!! DO THEY NOT KNOW WHO I AM?!! I AM ZIM!!!"
"Trust me, I think they're quite aware of who you are," Dib commented, with quite a bitter tone, though he had to appreciate the irony of his statement.
He and Zim were sitting in detention that day, an occurrence that was about as rare as one would expect from the two of them. Zim was currently standing on a desk, technically speaking to Dib, though he was yelling like he was up on a stage, presenting his issues with the current situation to a crowd of eager listeners. Dib had decided to actually sit at a desk, like a normal person. He was only managing to keep his head up by resting it on his hand. There was a time when he was younger when he would have loved to also stand up and yell. Especially at Zim. But as it stood, he was more interested in managing to get through the detention without getting a headache. Which Zim was making as hard as possible like he was planning on giving Dib a migraine.
Usually, there would be a teacher to tell Zim to shut up, but that day they instead had a substitute. Who just happened to need to go to the bathroom, and Dib could already tell that they weren't going to see them until the end of the detention. Though he did appreciate not being watched over like he was a mental case. He also found a bit of joy in having the room to himself, not counting Zim. The first few times he and Zim had been put in a classroom with the rest who got detention. But the skool must have quickly learned that was a bad idea, as it didn't take long before the duo got their entirely own room for detention. At first, Dib hated the idea of being locked alone in a room with Zim, but he learned that it felt much better to yell at the alien when there wasn't a mob of students watching on.
"IF THEY DID, THEN THEY WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN TO LOCK ME AWAY IN THIS MISERABLE PRISON!!!"
"Zim, it's detention, not prison."
"WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE, DIB-STINK, HUH?!!" Zim asked while turning to face the human, for the first time since they entered. Dib guessed that it had something to do with the specifics of how they ended up there in the first place.
"The difference is, that if we were sent to prison, I could get my own cell so that I didn't have to listen to you screaming for two hours!"
"THEN I WOULD TOO PREFER TO BE IN PRISON SO THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO LOOK AT YOUR GIANT UGLY HEAD!!!" Zim yelled back, before finally sitting down. He then crossed his arms and looked away from Dib, and over to an empty wall. There he sat, strangely enough in silence, without muttering any of his usual insults and death threats. Which was the thing that tipped off Dib that maybe the alien was a little madder at him than he normally was.
"Hey."
"....."
"Hey, Zim?"
There still didn't come an answer, making it clear that the alien was purposefully ignoring him. Dib was at first frustrated at Zim's silence, but it somewhat lessened when he recognized how it probably was a bit of karma on his part.
Well, I guess this is how he feels whenever I decide to periodically ignore him. Wow, that sounds way worse now that I think about it.
He pondered for a moment if he should just leave the alien alone, but a horrific revelation made him realize that he was starting to get bored. And that he would rather hear Zim screaming than just sit in silence for two hours. So after thinking about the best way to force a reaction out of Zim, he finally leaned over to his seat and whispered to him.
"...You're not mad at me...are you?"
"WHY SHOULDN'T ZIM BE ANGRY AT YOU, YOU INSUFFERABLE HUMAN-PIG!!!" Zim yelled directly into Dib's face, after turning to face him with inhuman speed.
That certainly was a reaction. He thought to himself while trying his best to not fall from his chair, as Zim's yelling had disoriented him quite a bit. Unfortunately, the alien wasn't done yet.
"YOU'RE THE ENTIRE REASON FOR WHY I'M EVEN LOCKED UP HERE LIKE A MISBEHAVING SMEET!!!"
"Hey! Unless I'm misremembering, then it wasn't completely my fault, now was it?" Dib retorted, with a judging look on his face.
"WHY NOT?!! It was you who decided to try and steal my plans during lunch! And then, when I rightfully tried to defend my property from your filthy, sticky hands, YOU ATTACKED ME!" Zim yelled back while pointing accusingly at Dib, who looked back with a dismissive look.
"No, I was just looking at your stupid plans when you completely flipped out, and then I rightfully defended MYSELF from your sharp frickin claws. Which you were swiping at my face if I'm remembering correctly."
"LIES!!! You were trying to take my genius plans, and THEN I started attacking you with my claws." Zim counter-explained, making sure to correct Dib's false statements.
"Okay, maybe I did try to take your plans. But...seriously, was it really worth fighting me over them? One of your plans just consisted of different ideas on how to catch all the cats in the world."
"HAH! That was actually one of my more masterfully ingenious plans."
"Wha-how?!" Dib asked, sincerely confused about how stealing all the cats in the world could be an evil scheme.
"It's because it's based on one of my theories that humanity is secretly ruled by their feline overlords. WHICH MEANS...that if I were to capture all the cats, humanity would simply collapse." The alien explained, with a proud smile on his face. Dib just looked at him with an expression of bewilderment mixed in with a bit of worry.
".....Have you been spending too much time with Gir again?"
"Eh? What are you talking about?!"
"Nothing! But still, that doesn't change that if you just hadn't attacked me, then we wouldn't be here for the bajillion time."
"And if you hadn't complained that much, then we wouldn't have been caught!"
"I was complaining?" Dib questioned Zim, with an irritated tone. "It was you who kept screaming at me until a teacher noticed us fighting!"
"YOU WERE SCREAMING TOO, DIB-STINK!!!"
"That was only because YOU WERE SCREAMING!!!" The human yelled back, leading to the two ending in a staring contest, their expression turning more and more frustrated with each second.
Dib took the chance to wonder why Zim always had to be so damn stubborn with everything. It was something that he had to commend in certain situations, but for the rest of the time, it was just a pain in the ass. But on the other hand, he might be just as stubborn. Maybe that was why they had to butt heads nearly every single day. Just as they were doing at that moment. But since he had been the one to start it, he was willing to take one for the team, and let Zim think he was in the right.
He broke eye contact with the alien, who let out a victorious "Ha!" Before turning away from the human once again. Dib looked back at him and could see that it still wasn't enough to satisfy the vexed alien. He rolled his eyes, and let out a defeated sigh.
"Fine," Dib muttered under his breath, just quiet enough so that Zim couldn't hear him. He had something prepared for situations like those, though he was annoyed at the fact that he had to use it for something as stupid as that...and it cost a bit of money.
"Okay, why don't we say that I buy you some donuts once we're done with the detention, and in return, you stop being angry at me for the day. How does that sound?"
There was a moment of silence, which made Dib doubt that Zim was going to agree to his proposition. But just as he was about to lean back in his chair and prepare for a miserable two hours, the alien spoke up, still having his head turned away from Dib.
"What kind of donuts?" He asked, somewhat suspiciously.
Dib couldn't help but crack a self-satisfied smirk.
"Whatever kind you like."
"....."
Three hours after that conversation Zim and Dib found themselves walking down the street to their respective neighborhoods, with Zim holding on to a box of donuts. Unfortunately for Dib, the usual donut shop he would visit was closed, and with Zim there to remind him of his promise, very loudly one could add, he was forced to walk all the way to the city just to get donuts for Zim. A trip that added another hour before the two of them could walk their separate ways.
As they were walking, Dib couldn't help but think that it was a bit hypocritical that Zim had complained about having to sit in detention with him, while at the same time having no problem spending extra time just to get donuts. He would bring it up if it wasn't because he had just spent so much time to try and avoid arguing with Zim. Besides, it hadn't been that awful. Though, as he looked on while Zim gluttonously ate donut after donut, he started feeling his stomach grumble and regretted buying donuts just for Zim. But it was too late for that, and he was content with the fact that Zim had finally shut up. Something that was starting to happen more often. Not that it was in any way common, but it still wasn't as rare as it had been just a few months ago. And it seemed like the silence would last for the rest of the walk home. But apparently, Zim must have thought that Dib looked a little too content, so he found a reason to start talking again.
"Just remember Dib-stink, I still haven't forgiven you. But I must say, that I appreciate this little offering of yours!" Zim gleefully commented, holding a donut up to Dib's face, before smashing it into his own mouth. He must have caught on that the human was a bit hungry. Though seeing Zim eat made him lose a bit of his appetite.
"It wasn't an offering, it was more of a transaction to make you shut up. And also...do you have to eat like that?"
"Eh?" Zim said, his mouth stuffed with a donut, he had just munched on. Whether intentionally or not, he turned his head to Dib, his mouth half-open so that the human could see the chewed remains of the donut. Not that having his mouth completely filled to the brim stopped him from talking.
"Do you have a problem with the way I'm disgesting these SNACKS?" He mockingly asked, following with a little chuckle, before resuming his consumption of the donuts.
"Zim, please don't ever say digesting again. Ever."
"I still don't see why you insist on calling this offering a transaction." Zim continued, completely ignoring Dib's previous statement.
"It was clearly an attempt to gain my favor, WHICH, you still haven't got."
"Oh trust me, the last thing I want from you is your favor," Dib said as if gaining Zim's favor would somehow lead to him spontaneously exploding.
"FOOL! I would implore you to get on my good side before it's too late, Dib-worm. Then I would consider making you my slave, instead of obliterating you into atoms with the rest of your species!"
"Hey, that reminds me, I'm still not sure what your gonna do with humans once you take over. Are you gonna make us slaves, or will you just kill us all?"
"Eh, that comes down to whatever the Tallest decides to with you. But, your species is fairly useless, so don't get your hopes up."
"I can't really argue with that." Dib quietly agreed, with a somewhat bitter tone.
"Still, that doesn't mean I'm not going to stop you."
"You still think that you can stop ME?! The AMAZING ZIM?! HAH!" Zim commented with cockiness, which made Dib feel the sudden urge to put the alien back in his place.
"Oh, the AMAZING Zim, how could I forget. Which reminds me, how long have you been here on this planet? Oh yeah, several years. And what exactly..." Dib paused for a moment once he caught one that Zim was staring directly at him, with a very murderous look. He started to consider that maybe he should shut up. But he was already on a roll, and as long as he could run faster than Zim, he should be fine. Hopefully.
"-...have you accomplished...so far." The human finished, with a dry and mocking voice, to the infuriation of Zim, who wondered how long it would take for the human to die if he strangled him with his own intestines.
"Watch your tongue, Dib-worm, or I may just have to rip it out of your disgusting mouth hole."
Well, whatever I say next isn't likely to make him happier so...I might as well have a bit of fun.
"Really, that's the best you can do? Not even a death threat this time?"
Once he was done muttering his comeback, Zim stepped in front of Dib, making him stop in his tracks
"You will wish for death once Zim is done with you!" He said while pointing threateningly at the human, managing to hold the box of donuts under his arm. To his surprise, Dib looked at him for a moment, before a lone chuckle escaped his lips.
"Sure, whatever you say space-boy." He replied, with a quietly amused voice, before taking a step to the side and walking past Zim, who watched as he walked away, with a confused look on his face. Once he realized that the human wasn't going to stop, he suddenly sprang to life and ran towards him. But he quickly stopped himself and took a quick pace instead. He didn't even know why he started running.
When Zim caught up to him, he briefly studied The Dib's face, waiting for the human to acknowledge him. But instead, he just kept walking, looking ahead with the same annoyingly amused look on his face. Zim couldn't help but angrily grind his teeth together, as he wondered why Dib was ignoring him.
"Didn't your MUCUS-filled ears HEAR ME earth-worm? You better watch yourself, or else you will suffer the wrath of ZIM!"
"I heard you the first time, you don't have to keep threatening me," Dib responded with a slightly annoyed voice. There was the same off-handedness as before, which Zim couldn't understand. Was the Dib-thing not taking him seriously? ZIM IS ALWAYS SERIOUS!
"Don't you believe me?!" Zim asked, with a sincere frustration in his voice, which took Dib slightly off-guard, although he quickly composed himself.
"Well, it's not that I don't believe you want to, it's just..." He then suddenly leaned down to Zim's eye level, with a smug expression on his face.
"I know you won't do it."
Even Dib knew he was making quite the assumption, one which would most likely end with bodily harm. But he had started looking at all the evidence lately and started seeing a pattern. Since after the prom, Zim hadn't attacked or harmed him. At least not that badly. It took him a bit to realize it but cobbled together with the fact that Zim hadn't tried taking over the world lately, or even tried to take some petty revenge, it started to seem more and more likely. And while he maybe should just have kept his theory to himself, he couldn't turn down the chance to smear it in Zim's face. Of course, there was always the chance he was wrong, and that he had just royally screwed himself, and was going to regret it very soon.
"....."
Zim found himself completely stunned at the human's words. He was barely able to comprehend what The Dib had just muttered, and it was by sheer luck his body remembered to keep walking, or else he would just have kept standing there on the sidewalk. But unfortunately, his body didn't stop him from forming a dumb, shocked expression on his face. The exact one that Dib had hoped to see. It also didn't stop him from dropping the box of donuts on the ground. Dib thought of maybe stopping to go get it back, but he had a sneaking suspicion that he probably shouldn't turn his back to Zim. He could already tell that he wasn't going to let him get away with saying something like that, without some kind of reprimand. He was right of course and it only took a few seconds, before Zim sprung to life, like a fiery ball of anger, in all of his frightful wrath.
"How...DARE YOU HUMAN WORM?!! ZIM DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR INSIGNIFICANT LIFE, AND WOULD GLADLY END YOUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE RIGHT HERE AND NOW!!! YOU AND YOUR GIANT HEAD CAN'T TRULY BE SO STUPID AS TO THINK THAT I WOULDN'T KILL YOU WHENEVER I WANT TO?!!" Zim yelled at Dib, his arms flailing all over the place as if trying to shake all of his anger off himself.
Now, once again, Dib should just do the reasonable thing, when you're dealing with a homicidal, hostile, insane alien. Which is just nodding politely and keeping your mouth shut. But seeing Zim all worked up seemed to entertain him. Somehow. And he was wondering how far he could take it before he would downright just be asking to be killed. Which gave him him idea of how to respond.
It was Dib's turn to stop, with Zim stopping by his side, his face still plastered with what seemed like an endless supply of anger and fury. He was wondering how Dib was going to excuse himself for coming up with such a stupid and blatant false observation. He would prefer the human to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, but he was willing to accept the human admitting how wrong and stupid he was. Unfortunately for Zim, Dib did neither of those things. Instead, he did the most stupid thing imaginable, and something that caught Zim completely unawares.
"All right...then do it."
A moment of silence soon followed, and the two of them stood still while staring at each other. While Dib had tried to sound as serious as possible, he still couldn't hide a hint of playfulness in his voice. While his entire body was screaming at him, trying to force him to run, there still was a part of him that believed that Zim wouldn't do anything. A part he apparently had incredible trust in, or else he wouldn't have dared to say something like that.
"Uh..." Zim weakly replied, which sounded completely strange coming from the alien's mouth.
Zim found himself strangely confused. It was like a part of him had completely short-circuited, and he could barely manage to form words to make a response. He had an idea of what he wanted to say, and he definitely knew what he wanted to convey. That being murderous rage. Yet when the words left his mouth, they came out as something completely different than what he had envisioned.
"I...uh...I WILL-or I mean...I WOULD-" He stuttered away, to Dib's quiet amusement.
While he tried his best to keep his normal tone, there was a panic in his voice and the way he spoke, which he couldn't hide. He had no idea of where the panic came from, or why it was even there. He only knew that he didn't like it. He tried continuously to play it off, but it was clear that it was a losing battle.
"-if I WANTED to...But I don't." It was only after he had spoken that he realized his mistake, as an interested and wry grin spread across the human's face.
"Oh, you don't want to?" Dib asked, having gained a great amount of confidence upon seeing Zim's flustered reaction.
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!" Zim yelled firmly, though it did little to convince Dib.
"What I meant was that...I don't want to kill you HERE!"
"Uhm...Why not?" He asked, looking around confused, trying to see if there was anything special about the place. When he found nothing, he instead got curious about what dumb explanation Zim was going to give him.
"Because I AM ZIM! And you, are my rival. You don't deserve to simply be killed on a stupid sidewalk! No, for you, after all the times you have stopped me and my EVIL plans, you deserve only to die after you realize my superiority, and that you have no chance to stop me! Only once you realize how pointless your mission to stop me is, and once you see me finally taking over this planet of dirt, will I kill you!"
"...So what you're saying is you will only kill me once one of your stupid schemes succeeds?" While he tried his best to sound calm, he couldn't help but feel slightly touched upon hearing those words. Which alarmed him a fair bit, and would make a great conversation topic with a therapist.
"Yes, that's the plan." Zim confidently replied, being sure that he had managed to save face.
Dib stood for a moment and considered Zim's words before he realized something.
"But...you haven't tried taking over the Earth for nearly a few weeks now!"
Zim was about to say something, when he realized the human was right, to his utter horror.
"Oh uh...that's just because...I HAVE BEEN SO OCCUPIED, YES!"
"With what?" Dib very casually asked, completely breaking down whatever was left of Zim's confidence.
"With...uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-"
"Face it, space-boy-" Dib interjected, though he didn't interrupt much. He was starting to get tired of the conversation and knew just the right thing to end with, to mess with Zim.
"You've gone soft."
With that, Dib started walking again. But this time, Zim didn't follow him.
"WHA-WHAT?!! ZIM IS NOT SQUISHY, HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!!! ZIM WILL TEACH YOU A LESSON, YOU STINKING HUMAN-PIG!!!"
"Oh, I thought you said you would wait until you take over the Earth? Which is...never, as far as I'm concerned." The human parried, still walking. "See you tomorrow!" He yelled back to Zim, which only made the green alien even madder.
"DON'T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME DIB-BEAST!!! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU!!! Come...COME BACK HERE!!!"
Dib kept on walking, and Zim continued to shake his fist at the human while yelling at him. And the farther Dib got away from Zim's sight, the more his yelling died down until it become nothing more than angry mumbling under his breath. While for Dib the whole exchange had been nothing more than banter with a little mortal danger involved, though he had a sinking feeling he was going to regret it later, it had been something a little more important for Zim. For him, one thing had become clear. The human wasn't scared of him anymore.
Once Zim got back to his secret base, he paced back and forth in the living, yelling all the things he wanted to yell at Dib, in some vain attempt to regain some of his composure. But he couldn't shake off the underlying understanding that something was very wrong.
"-YOU WILL REGRET EVER CALLING ME SQUISHY YOU STUPID, BIG-HEADED STUPID IDIOT!!!" Zim yelled, before realizing that he was running out of air to breathe. Though he wanted to force himself to keep shouting, he ended up having to take a break, leaving his mind as the only place where he could continue to curse the accursed Dib-worm.
That ugly, giant head fool will suffer my wrath soon enough! How dare he call the incredible Zim SQUISHY! HE'S LYING! IT'S NOTHING BUT LIES, AND LIES AND... Blast! He's right...I have gone squishy. I could have killed him right then and there just as he had foolishly asked, yet I couldn't! THE GREATEST INVADER IN THE IRKEN ARMY COULDN'T KILL A SINGLE STINKING HUMAN-PIG?! What has happened to me? Oh, it's his doing, isn't it? That slimy weasel is mocking me while knowing he is the reason for my weakness! If only I had a plan to execute, one that could finally take over this dirty planet! HAH! That would show that stinking Dib for messing with Zim's brain. But I haven't tried in some time...Probably also the work of that Dib-beast! Besides, all the plans I've already had come up with have been infiltrated by that worm. I need to come up with something new! Just a new idea, a new plan, then I could...wait. I've got it!
Without warning, Zim suddenly sprinted through the house, toward one of the elevators to the levels below. On his way stood Gir, while holding a plate filled with waffles.
"OH HEY MASTER! DO YOU WANT A WAFFLE?!" He innocently asked, holding the plate toward the running Zim.
"OUT OF MY WAY GIR! I HAVE SCHEMING TO DO!" Zim yelled, and as he ran past Gir, he pushed the plate of waffles away, making it fall out of Gir's hands.
"NOOOO!!! MY WAFFLES! My delicious, beautiful waffle-IS THAT WAFFLES?!"
While Gir was busy slurping up the messy waffles from the ground, Zim reached one of the elevators and made his way down. He tapped his foot impatiently as he made his way down. Once he reached his planning room, he continued to run, until he reached a computer. There, he started to furiously tap away at the keys, running several calculations at the same time. He had a mad look in his eyes as he worked, broken up by an evil laugh now and then. It didn't take long before his work started to take form, and before he even knew it, he had a plan ready. It was nothing more than a skeleton of what would become the finished plan, but it was something he could work on. Something that would work.
"Yes...YES! HAHAHAAHAHA!!! YOU SAY THAT ZIM IS SQUISHY, HUH DIB?!! Well then...let's see who really is squishy!"
So synopsis: Dib calls out Zim, calls him soft and Zim takes it way too personally. Well, this is gonna be fun. Stick around for the next chapter, to see how much Dib regrets not keeping things to himself. Have a good day!