Kabanata 37
Race
Suminghot ako. Tinulungan niya akong makaupo ng maayos sa steps. Napansin niyang namumula ang mga paa ko dahil sa suot na heels kaya hinubad niya iyon sa akin. I just looked at him like a lost kitten while he did all that. Umupo siya sa tabi ko at saka marahang hinaplos ang aking buhok.
"Kunin mo ang bulaklak mo," aniya.
I hesitantly took it from him. Inamoy ko muna iyon bago inilapag sa aking hita. It smelled fresh and expensive.
"Salamat."
His eyes lingered on me. "Why were you crying? May nangyari ba?"
"Wala naman." Umiling ako.
"Hm. Then can you tell me what you felt? Hindi ka naman iiyak kung hindi ka totoong nasaktan."
"M-masaya lang ako kasi nakapasa ako sa board exams."
"Are you sure?" He continued to stroke my hair. Para ako nitong hinehele. "That didn't seem like tears of joy."
Ngumuso ako. Gusto kong sabihin sa kaniya ang totoo pero hindi ako kumportable. There is something so scary about letting him in. It's a risk I couldn't afford to take.
"Hindi kita pipilitin kung ayaw mong sabihin," aniya sa banayad na boses.
Umusog siya upang maging mas malapit kami sa isa't-isa. He put his arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. Halos mapasandal na ako sa kaniyang dibdib. I admit, his gesture comforted me. He rubbed my right shoulder and stayed silent.
Naluha ulit ako. Napasinghap ako at tahimik na lamang na pinalis ang mga luhang lumandas sa aking pisngi. Sa sobrang lapit namin, naririnig ko na ang tibok ng puso ni Ico. His heart was beating in a calm rhythm. Ilang sandali pa at nag-sync na rin ang tibok ng puso ko sa kaniya. Mine was beating loudly at first, but now it was back to its normal rhythm.
"I'm calm now," I said after a while.
"Shall we go then?"
Nagtama ang tingin namin. The bright lights of the establishment reflected in his eyes. It made him look ethereal... and maybe he really is. Ilang beses ko na siyang tinulak palayo ngunit heto siya at bumabalik pa rin. He had all the right to be angry at me, to yell at me 'til my eardrums bleed... but instead, he was gentle, understanding, and merciful. That was so unworldly of him.
I absent-mindedly cupped his face. Namilog ang mga mata niya dahil do'n. Nang matanto ang nangyari ay agad kong binawi ang aking kamay. Now my heart was back to running a mile a minute.
"What?" he probed.
"Wala." I bit my lip and sighed. "For a minute there, you just... didn't seem real."
Bahagya siyang tumawa. "Hawakan mo ulit ako, Sunny. Kahit saan pa. Para malaman mong totoong-totoo ako."
"Kahit saan?" Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mga mata.
He just smiled. "Kahit saan."
Bago pa kami mapunta sa maberdeng usapan ay tumayo na ako. Ico tried to help me with my heels, but I shook my head.
"Ako na."
"Alright." His lips curved for a satisfied smile when I was done wearing them.
I arched my brow. "What?" I asked this time.
"You look unreal too."
Naglakad kami pababa ng steps at papunta sa sasakyan niya. My eyes widened in shock when I saw his car. I looked at him in both astonishment and accusation.
"Ico!" reklamo kong medyo tunog papuri na rin. Nagpabalik-balik ang tingin ko mula sa kotse at sa kaniya.
"Do you like it?"
"This is a vintage Chevy Chevelle!" Sinimangutan ko siya. "Akala ko ba Ford ang bibilhin mo? A mustang would look good on you! Or even the latest Ferrari model! Bakit ito?"
"It's fine. I like the things you like."
Loko talaga 'tong lalaking 'to! Mukhang nagpapa-good shot lang kaya binili pati ang paborito kong sasakyan. Ito ba ang rason kaya 'di siya nagtagal sa event kanina? It's hard to find vintage cars like this. Halata ring nagpagawa siya ng ilang modifications. This must have cost him a fortune!
"Wanna drive it?" he asked.
Bago pa nga lang ako makasagot ay itinapon niya na sa akin iyong susi. I caught it. Damn. Ayoko namang maging pabibo pero hindi ako makatanggi sa offer niya!
"Com'on. I reserved a table for us at a nearby restaurant. Baka ma-late tayo." He smirked before opening the door of the front seat. Umupo siya roon, naghihintay sa akin.
"Ugh. Fine!"
I drove the Chevy while Ico told me the direction to the restaurant. I think he upgraded the engine dahil matulin ang takbo at maganda ang tunog nito. Sa sobrang saya ko ay nalimutan ko na kung bakit malungkot ako kanina. I even ignored the fact that he reserved a table for us at a romantic and fancy place. This guy really knows his game!
"That was a nice experience. Salamat," wika ko habang nasa gitna kami ng dinner.
"Glad you liked it."
The restaurant he chose was fancy but not too much. Mabuti na rin iyon dahil ayoko naman talaga sa mga sobrang sosyal na kainan. At least dito, kutsara, tinidor, at bread knife lang ang utensils na kailangan kong gamitin. I wouldn't know what to do if they added more utensils anyway.
"Kamusta si Hazel?" tanong ko.
Mataman niya akong tinignan. "She's doing fine. The baby's healthy."
Tumango ako. "Hindi ako makapaniwalang hindi kayo kasal. It's all over the internet."
"That's interesting." His eyes turned into slits. "So you researched about me?"
Napaubo ako sa sinabi niyang iyon. I drank my water before sitting up straight, kunwari ay hindi nahuli sa akto.
"Not really. Isang article lang ang binasa ko ng buo."
As if that changes anything, Sunny!
Imbes na umiwas ng tingin ay mas pinahaba ko pa ang tinginan namin. I pretended like what I did wasn't embarrassing. Besides, he's already like a celebrity with all his achievements in the medical field. Hindi naman iyon big deal kung totoong ni-research ko siya.
He sighed, but the amusement in his eyes remained. "You should've researched more. I already released a statement clarifying our relationship last year. It was at a simple medical convention."
"Then who's the baby's father?"
I mean, puwede namang hindi sila kasal pero siya ang ama ng anak ni Hazel, 'di ba? It's just difficult to believe they weren't married. But then Ico's not really the type to impregnate someone he wouldn't marry.
I suddenly remembered our steamy night in the summer house. Matagal na 'yon kaya hindi ko na masyadong matandaan. But as far as I remember, we didn't use protection. Mabuti na lang talaga at hindi ako nabuntis! Ang gagong 'to. I was so young back then! He should've known better and used a condom. Kahit nag pull-out man lang!
"Are you thinking it's me?" mockery was evident in his tone.
I shrugged. "Hindi rin naman imposible."
Now he looked pissed. Napanguso ako. I think he noticed my reaction, so he immediately calmed down and relaxed his face. Bumuntong-hininga ulit siya.
"I'm not the baby's father. It was some guy she met at a club. She tried to contact him, but he's not responding even through texts. Her family's very disappointed with her sudden pregnancy. Ayaw nilang malaman ng lahat ang sitwasyon ni Hazel kaya hinayaan na lang din nila ang chismis tungkol sa amin."
"E ano 'yong litrato niyong dalawa? 'Yong naka-puti kayo sa beach. It looked like your wedding."
"It's a white party. Siyempre kailangang nakaputi kami." Nginisihan niya ako. "And a beach wedding, really?"
Nagsalubong ang aking kilay. "Bakit? Anong problema sa beach wedding?"
"Just not my style."
Now I felt kind of bitter and upset. I've always loved beach weddings. To promise a lifetime commitment in the presence of the unruly waves and the unending horizon— it just seems to be the most beautiful thing ever.
"What's wrong?" he asked when he realized I was quiet. "May nasabi ba ako?"
I smiled and shook my head. "Wala naman."
Ang weird naman kapag sinabi ko sa kaniyang naapektuhan ako sa paningin niya sa beach weddings. It's not like I wanted to marry him. Maybe, in the future, I can find a man who loves beach weddings as much as I do.
"Are you free tomorrow?"
The utensils stilled in my hands. Inangat ko ang aking tingin sa kaniya at nakita ang bahagyang nahihiya niyang mukha. I smiled inwardly because it reminded me of the Ico five years ago. The shy and uptight nerd of my past.
"Hindi naman. Pero baka mag-aya si Annie o Oliver. It's our rest day."
"Can I take you out on a date?" his voice sounded confident but his ears were red.
I didn't know what to say. Medyo gumaan na ang loob ko sa kaniya dahil hindi naman pala siya kasal. Nandito rin kami sa Manila kaya wala masyadong mangu-usiyoso sa amin. It's still risky, though. Baka may makakuha ng litrato namin. His image would definitely suffer if people knew he's with me.
But then he's with me right now and he doesn't seem bothered by it. Magsisinungaling din ako kapag sinabi kong ayaw ko siyang makasama. A part of me wanted to get to know the Ico now. Does he still watch Grey's Anatomy? Did he ever love again after our breakup?
"Okay," tanging nasabi ko, pinagbibigyan ang hiling ng puso.
Umirap ako nang ngumuso siya, tila pinipigilan ang sumusugat na ngiti sa kaniyang labi. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagkain kahit halos sumabog na ang puso ko sa bawal na tuwa at antisipasyon.
He drove me back to the hotel after dinner. Simple ulit akong nagpaalam at nagpasalamat bago gumayak. Hindi tulad ng nakaraang gabi, panatag ang loob kong natulog ngayon. I couldn't believe it. Engineer na ako! It felt like the Universe was finally forgiving me for my sins.
Kinabukasan ay maaga akong nag-ayos para sa lakad namin. I didn't bring another dress, so I wore my favorite jeans, a white sleeveless v-neck top, a beige blazer suit, and pointed heels. It was 9 AM when I went down to the lobby. Nandoon na si Ico at may bitbit ulit na bouquet ng bulaklak!
"Flowers again?" I pouted. "'Di pa nga nalalanta 'yong kagabi."
Tinawanan niya lang ako. "It's fine. It felt wrong to take you out on a date and not give you flowers."
He looked perfect in his white dress shirt, black pants, and Nike shoes. Lumapit siya sa akin upang ibigay 'yong bulaklak. I accepted it, which made him smile more. Masyado naman ata siyang palangiti lately!
"Ico? What are you doing here?"
Napalingon kami sa tumawag. Kalalabas lang nina Levi at Annie mula sa elevator. Annie looked confused when she saw us together. Si Levi naman ay simple kaming tinaasan ng kilay.
"I wondered why you suddenly wanted to invest in my company. Ito pala," Levi said meaningfully and smirked when he was near us.
Annie hit his arm. "Shh! Naninira ka ng diskarte."
The three of them laughed. Tinignan ako ni Annie at nginitian. She didn't say anything even though she looked like she wanted to tease me. 'Di nagtagal ay nagpaalam na kami sa isa't-isa.
"Where are we going?" I asked Ico along the drive.
"You'll see."
Nagulat ako nang dalhin niya ako sa isang racing track. Maraming tao kaya natanto kong may patimpalak sa araw na ito. I eyed Ico and saw him anticipating my reaction. I smiled widely to assure him I liked where he took me. Mukhang napahinga siya ng maluwag doon.
Medyo mainit kaya nag-alala ako ng kaunti para kay Ico. I remembered his face when he watched me join a bull riding competition at their ranch before. Medyo may pagka-clean freak talaga siya kaya ewan ko ba at dito niya ako dinala.
Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at naunang maglakad sa bleachers na puno ng tao upang maghanap ng puwesto. He found one at the center. He took out his handkerchief and wiped the bleachers first before looking at me.
"Upo ka na," wika niya.
I nodded before sitting. Pinagmasdan ko ang bahagyang pag-vibrate ng kilay niya nang umupo na rin sa tabi ko. Matirik ang araw kaya medyo pinagpapawisan na rin siya. The venue was filled with noisy and rowdy people.
I sighed. Kumuha ako ng tissue sa bag ko at dinampi iyon sa kaniyang noo. He looked at me with wide eyes. Nagpatuloy ako sa pagdampi ng tissue sa kaniyang noo bago siya tinignan at nginitian.
"Are you uncomfortable?" I asked worriedly.
His lips twisted. "Not anymore."
I pursed my lips when he lowkey intertwined his hands with mine. Hinayaan ko iyon doon. Ilang sandali pa at nag-umpisa na ang karera. I found myself shouting and standing up to cheer for my favorite bet.
"Whoo! Go Mclaren No. 1!" I even amplified my voice by putting my hands on the side of my lips, as if forming a megaphone.
Umupo ako at hinihingal na binalingan si Ico. He's also engrossed with the race, but he met my eyes when he noticed my stare.
"Who's your bet?" I asked.
"Ford No. 2."
"Hm. It's a close fight. Pero tingin ko talaga Mclaren 'yong mananalo. Nico Alonso is one of my favorite local racers. You should help me get a picture with him later!"
He sighed. "Fine. But he's not really that good. I think I'm even better than him."
"Ikaw talaga!" Sinimangutan ko siya. "'Wag mo na siyang siraan. Ikaw naman ang ka-date ko ngayon, e."
Halos mapatalon na ako nang Mclaren nga ang manalo. Noong awarding at pictorial na ay hinila ko kaagad si Ico palapit sa mga kampeon. I was fangirling so hard. Minsan nga ay nasasapak ko pa ang balikat ni Ico sa sobrang excitement. He was scowling but also didn't scold me.
"Uh, Nico, can I get a picture?" I asked when I was finally near him.
Kanina ay hawak ko pa ang kamay ni Ico, pero nabitawan ko iyon sa dami ng nag-sisiksikang tao.
Nico looked at me a little longer before nodding. "Sure, love."
Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang nagse-selfie kami. Nico must have noticed it kaya kinuha niya iyong cellphone mula sa akin. My cheeks flushed when our eyes met. Puwede na talaga akong humimlay!
"Edward, can you please take a picture of us?" he asked the racer who won second place.
"Alright."
"Use my phone too."
I smiled sweetly for the picture. Nico put his arms over my shoulders before I heard the camera click. We took a few more photos then stopped when we realized we were holding up the line. Nico took my phone and typed something on it. Takang-taka ako nang naibalik na iyon sa 'kin.
"We're having a party tonight. Call me if you want to come."
My eyes widened. "Oh, okay!"
Naglakad na ako palayo roon upang hanapin si Ico. I was swiping through my photos with Nico when I felt a cold thing on my cheek. Napatigil ako sa paglalakad. Nakadampi sa pisngi ko ang water bottle na binili ni Ico. His scowl was deeper than earlier.
"Ah, dito ka lang pala! Hinanap kita," sabi ko.
"Drink your water. Baka madehydrate ka," his words were caring but his tone was cold. "Where do you want to eat? Ala una na."
"Kahit saan lang. Can we drop by the shop at the entrance before that? I just want to look at the racing jackets."
"Sure."
Nauna siyang maglakad sa akin. Umirap ako at saka tumakbo upang makasabay sa kaniya. I hooked my hand on his right arm. He pursed his lips a bit, still refusing to look at me. Pinadulas ko ang kamay ko patungo sa kaniyang kamay. Pinagsalikop ko ang aming palad. I could feel him relaxing. Mukha pa rin nga lang siyang iritado.
"Ang dami pala ditong vintage jackets," sabi ko habang tumitingin sa rack ng mga damit.
Ico's behind me. Tahimik pa rin siya. I removed my blazer to try one of the jackets.
"Ako na," Ico said and took my blazer from me.
Sinuot ko ang isang vintage M&M racing jacket. It's a rare find kaya nagulat din akong meron dito sa shop na ito.
"What do you think?" I asked. I even turned around so he could see how it looked from the back. Nang nakaharap na sa kaniya'y ngumiti ako. "Cute 'no?"
"It looks good on you. Do you want to purchase it?"
Umiling ako at agad iyong hinubad upang ibalik sa rack. "Not really. Sinubukan ko lang kung bagay ba."
"Bagay naman kaya bilhin mo na."
I chuckled. "Mabubutas ang bulsa ko. It's almost ten thousand pesos. Halika na."
He went behind me while holding my blazer so I could wear it easily. Hinawakan ko ulit ang kamay niya upang hilahin na sana siya palabas ng shop. He remained on his place and took the M&M jacket from the rack.
"Bibilhin mo?" I asked.
"Yes. For you."
"What? 'Wag na! Nagugutom na ako. Alis na tayo rito!"
Hindi niya ako pinakinggan at diretso pang tumungo sa cashier upang bayaran iyon. He gave it to me when all that was done. I tried to stop him but he was too serious about buying it.
"Ikaw talaga! Thank you for this, but you didn't have to pay that much for me."
Pinagsalikop niya ulit ang mga kamay namin. "It's fine. As long as you're happy."
We ate at a restaurant in the nearby mall. Matapos kumain ay nagikot-ikot muna kami. Kahit anong pilit ko sa kaniyang huwag ako bilhan ng mga bagay-bagay ay nagpupumilit pa rin siya. We literally just went out of a branded boutique with a few new purchases!
"Ico, hindi ibig-sabihin na kapag tinitignan ko 'yong display, gusto ko na 'yon. It's called window shopping."
"You don't have to window shop when you're with me because I have the resources to buy them for you."
I pressed my lips in a thin line. Ayaw niya talaga mag-paawat. Hindi ko naman alam na gift-giving pala ang love language niya. What did I expect, though? He's always been generous and helpful. Mukha rin namang walang kaso iyon sa kaniya. I just felt hesitant because I'm not really used to be at the receiving end of anything.
Akala ko ay uuwi na kami matapos sa mall dahil alas singko na ng hapon. I was surprised when he brought me to a private racing track. May dalawang sports car doon. Since it was almost night time, the lights on both sides of the track dotted the whole area.
"Ico! What the hell is it this time?"
Nakasuot na kami ngayon ng helmet, gloves, firearm suit, at racing boots. A few men helped us with everything. Ngayong nakasuot na kami ng PPE ay iniwan na nila kaming dalawa upang bigyan ng privacy.
The corner of his lips rose. "Let's race."