Work was hectic when I arrived.
It felt nice as I walked down the hall and nobody stared at me. The nurses treated me as they normally did, passing me the case files for the day. I thought that once I got with Ivan, things would be difficult. I'm glad I was wrong.
"Top of the morning," Dr Carlson walked by, paperwork tucked underneath his arms and an iv bag of blood in his hand. I didn't want to know who's it was. "You look well rested for once in your life."
I gave him a baleful look that would scare anyone else. "I just got here."
He grinned, nudging my side with his elbow. "You just look like you got a full eight hours of sleep," he said, waggling his eyebrows. "What else did you think I meant, Dr Saravana?"
"Nothing." I cleared my throat. "How're the parents in bed 16?" I asked.
"You're no fun."
"Remind me to talk to Haley later. I'm sure she'd love to spill all the beans about your time in—-"
"She's fine! She's in paediatrics and away from us! Our patient has a Classic firearm wound to the leg. Thankfully none of her nerves are damaged. A few months of therapy and a few follow-up surgeries, she'll be good as new."
"That's good," I picked up her chart and inspected it. "Any shrapnel?"
"None." He grinned. "Who do you think I am?"
"A gossip," I said without missing a beat.
"I resent that!"
Work crawled at a snail's pace. I had been called to the ER several times without a single break.
One of the assisting surgeons snapped at me for my response time. I know it was important but scrubbing and describing between each surgery is exhausting.
Somehow I was able to get through my shift with minimum teasing courtesy of Dr Carlson and my sanity still intact.
"Any plans, Dr Saravana," Dr Carlson said, holding a cup of coffee in his hand that Haley made him. I pointedly ignored the whipped cream and sprinkles monstrosity.
I thought of Ivan in the kitchen, the scent of him on my skin, and the heat of his stare as he invited me to his bed. I cleared my throat, blaming the heat on the weather. "Nothing special."
"Yeah well," he nodded his head towards the parking lot. "As you can see, 'Nothing Special' is waiting for you."
Ivan leaned against his Range Rover, dressed in a white button shirt and blue jeans. His leather jacket was tossed over his arm casually. None of his guards was with him as usual. I glanced around looking for Eddie and Felix but I didn't see my two favourite troublemakers.
I ignored the strange looks I got as my lips curved into a smile at the sight of him.
Dr Carlson patted my back, giving me a gentle push. "There's no point wasting your time here. Get going, Doctor. Hopefully, I'll still see you in one piece on Monday."
I ignore him, Half heartily waving bye. My legs carried me over, my heart fluttering strangely in my chest. He slid his sunglasses up when he saw me, flashing me a boyish grin that felt familiar. My feet sped up, carrying me to him.
"Hi, sweetheart," Ivan said as I approached him. He tucked me underneath his arm, pecking my lips.
"Hi!" I called out enthusiastically.
Ivan looked around. "Are you official off from work?" He asked, lowering his voice.
"Of course."
"Good," he said. "I've been wanting to do this all day."
He kissed me quickly before I could protest anything. It was good, I felt like I was teetering on a ledge. My eyes fluttered open when he pulled away, my hands gripping his shirt, chasing after his lips unconsciously.
"You do realize that you just added fire to the rumour mill, right?" I asked, smoothing out the wrinkles of his shirt.
"Hmm, yeah." Ivan kissed my forehead. "Don't really care."
"I spoil you."
"I think it's the other way around."
"There are many words in the dictionary and I doubt that would describe me at all."
"You're right," he said, opening the car door for me. "Beautiful. Smart. Witty. And most of all, extremely sexy."
"Those words could describe you just as well."
"Look who's flattering who now." He winked. "But please, be free to add more words."
I rolled my eyes. "I'd prefer to keep your ego in check."
He grinned. "I assure you. My ego isn't the only thing that's impressive about me."
"Is that a promise or a statement?"
Ivan winked, making my stomach turn. "Why don't you come back to my place and maybe we'll find out."
The ride home was quiet. Ivan held my hand, humming an off-key tune that I couldn't recognize.
After a hard day of work, I was treated to a glass of my favourite pinot and Chinese takeout. Ivan and I snuggled on the couch, watching old reruns on the tv.
Ivan's hand was on my waist, his fingers dipping underneath my shirt to touch my skin. I quickly lose focus, my nerves firing off as I feel his touch. I stare straight ahead as Ivan's lips kiss my cheek and then my jaw and travel down to my exposed neck, caring for the healing bruises.
I feel warm all over, a fever growing in my bones.
I pull away, grabbing the plates and muttering an excuse as I run away to the kitchen. I didn't know why I get so overwhelmed when he touches me. I placed my plate down, wincing at the sound as it made contact with the granite countertop.
The silence felt so loud in the house. Between Ivan and I, it felt like a chasm. I caught my reflection in the kitchen window. I could see a nervous woman, ears turning red and eyes shifting around nervously. Ivan was right there in the living room, probably wondering why I had pulled away from him.
Being with Ivan was like being close to a flare. It was beautiful and awe-inspiring but the close you got, the hotter everything was.
I wanted him.
I wanted him so much that I couldn't even joke about it. I could walk over to Ivan and tell him that but at the same time, a small part of me wasn't sure if I should. Was I ready? Was he ready? Where did we stand in this relationship? How would this affect our relationship? Was it okay to be selfish with Ivan? Could I have him?
"What's the matter?" Ivan was behind me. He glanced down at the plates and then at me. "Did I do something wrong?"
I sighed and rushed over to him. "No," I said, wrapping my arms around him. "I'm just a bit lost in my mind. That's all."
"That happens to everyone." I feel Ivan tuck my head underneath his chin, hands on my back, clutching me close. I laid my head on his chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. "Some days are better than others, right?"
"Right," I said, absentmindedly.
"And it's okay to take a break, sweetheart."
"Mmhmm."
"Talk to me. Please."
"I'm worried," I said, closing my eyes. "My family is coming here. Hell! They may already be here. I'm scared that you'll be caught in the crossfire."
"I don't care." He said.
I glared up at him. "Ivan!"
He only smiled at me. "Do you think I'd stick my neck out just for anyone? You need help." He said, placing his hands on my shoulders and leaning down to my height. "You have once told me that when you need help, sometimes you have to ask for it. Ask me, please. Meera, you're not alone. You'll never be alone."
"Why?"
"I read the letter," Ivan said, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. "I didn't mean to but your mom gave it to me."
I felt my eyes widen at the familiar envelope. I thought I had hidden it away but I guess I was wrong. I had written that letter when I was in a very dark place. When I wrote that letter, Ivan was my deepest desire and my greatest disappointment.
"Ivan... I..."
"I know." He smiled at me, eyes sad. "I know everything now. You once risked everything to save me, let me do the same for you."
His eyes could tell me a million stories but right now he was telling me the truth. My trust in him would never waver. I had Ivan by my side, I could face the coming storm.
I nodded, tears priming at the corner of my eyes. "Okay."
"Good."
"I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of them dictating my life from halfway across the world." I take his outstretched hand. "No more. They'll never threaten the people I hold dearest to me."
He kissed my forehead. "We'll do that. You, me, and everyone who gives a damn about us. Okay?" Ivan entwined our fingers. "It's you and me. Nothing and nobody can get between us."
"You're mine," I said. "And I'm yours."
"You have no idea how you drive me crazy, sweetheart," Ivan said, kissing the inside of my wrist. His eyes glanced at me through his lashes, intensely blue and patient.
I felt a shudder run through me as his lips grazed my skin, his warm breath causing goosebumps to travel up my arm.
"What do you mean?"
Ivan looked at me with barely contained lust, I could feel the arousal wrapping around the both of us. I felt warm from head to toe, the pit of my stomach filled with butterflies and my heart trying to break out from my ribcage.
He swipes his thumb over my lower lip. "Don't play innocent, sweetheart."
I could have this? It was okay to be selfish, right? I stood up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, staring straight into his eyes, refusing to look away or be ashamed of my feelings.
We were so close. It was maddening how he was holding back for my sake. I was right here, I was ready.
I wanted him more than anything.
The answer was stuck in my throat so I nodded and Ivan's lips were on mine within seconds. He presses me against the wall, his arms boxing me in leaving me with no escape—not that I wanted to anyhow. His tongue slipped past my lips easily, caressing mine in a sensual dance that left me feeling dizzy as he stole my breath away.
Why did everything feel like it was crashing around me like a wave on a rocky shore? I felt like I was being torn apart and stitched back together.
I didn't know you could want someone like this, shamelessly and boldly. The only affection I had known from a lover was distant, based on confusing conditions and sadistic needs. This was different, so completely and utterly different, it was tender and kind and wonderfully caring. Everything I could ever want, everything I could ever need.
Ivan groaned against my lips, hoisting me up and having me wrap my legs around his waist. I could feel him against me, pressing into my hip. It was strange that someone could want me back like that.
All my senses were on overload. The smell of his cologne, the taste of wine on his tongue, the way his hands held my hips. I didn't know if my heart was able to take it.
"You're driving me insane," he said, pulling away. His lips latched onto my neck, his teeth nibbling gently at my skin. I feel his teeth raking across my skin, sending fire through my veins. I tilted my neck back, giving him access. "I've wanted you for so long."
Ivan kissed like he loved, unyielding and passionately.
"Then what are you waiting for?" I asked, pulling away and trying to undo the pesky buttons of his shirt that kept me from touching him. "No more hesitating."
My hands trembled making it difficult to take his shirt off. In my desperation I grabbed a fistful of material and tore it apart, sending the buttons clattering to the floor. He growled, nipping at the hollow of my neck as he carried me to his room, kicking the door shut. He sits me down on the edge of the bed, shucking off his shirt and climbing on top of me. His arms are braced on both sides of my head as he holds himself up.
We're kissing on his bed, the lights are low, and it's just us. Nothing could ruin this for me.
Ivan strips off my sweater and unbuttons my jeans, sliding them off my hips. They were the last thing on my mind right now. He braced his arms next to my hips, half kneeling in front of me. I shivered underneath his intense gaze, an unknown and unexpected feeling of want came over me when he looked up at me like that. Like he was going to devour me. And I think I liked it.
"Okay?" Ivan asked, breathless.
I nod vigorously and leaned down to capture his lips with mine.
The kiss is soft for a second before I feel his tongue slip past mine and run along the roof of my mouth. It's a consuming kiss that leaves my heart racing in my chest and the blood rush past my ears.
I feel Ivan's hand reaches behind to undo the hook of my bra. His fingers are nimble, making quick work of the pesky Garment. I hardly have a moment to notice that it's somewhere on the floor when I feel Ivan's lips start to kiss down my neck and chest. I feel his hand on my breast squeezing gently as his thumb brushes over the sensitive nub. I hiss only pleasure, pushing my chest out.
His touch is like a brand on my skin. I feel my skin flush with heat where ever he touches me.
I gasp out his name, my fingers tangling in his hair as his lips kiss my breasts and collarbone, sucking hard enough to leave bruises that'll be visible for weeks. I didn't care though. I'd wear them proudly. His hair is ticklish and soft as he travels down my body.
"You're so beautiful," he said kissing my stomach, even over the stretch marks that I had there. "I could stare at you like this forever."
I didn't have any clever retort for that. Ivan's words were reverent, completely biased but genuine.
Ivan pushed me back onto the bed, his hands holding my hips. He laid between my legs, his hand on my inner thigh and his lips tasting me, making a mess with a calculated flick of his tongue. I could only gasp and moan as his fingers slipped into me, carefully stretching me open.
"You're so warm and wet," he says, his fingers making a scissoring motion. "You're perfect, sweetheart. "
Each brush of his fingers inside of me felt amazing—mind-numbingly good even. Ivan was a devoted lover, gentle and rough at the same time. He was attentive, playing me like a violin. I felt like I was being skyrocketed towards cloud nine. His fingers were slowly building up the pressure. I felt his hand grab my hip to keep me from squirming away from his mouth, his thumb drawing small soothing circles on the protruding bone of my hip to soothe me.
"I-Ivan!" I whimpered out, throwing my head back.
I twisted the bedsheets between my fingers, feeling as if an inferno was taking over my body.
Ivan pulls away suddenly, causing a whine to rush past my lips, my hand reaching out to seek him. He grabbed my hand, laid a kiss on my palm, and reaches into the nightstand to pull out a condom wrapper. He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me up further onto the bed, setting me down with the pillows as if I was precious.
I wrapped my arm around his neck and pull him down for a kiss, all my desperation seeping through. I don't want to let go of his. I want to keep him close. I feel needy and wanting, as if I don't have him at this very moment I might never forgive myself for letting him go.
Ivan kisses back, his hand on the side of my neck, feeling my pulse jump through my skin.
When he pulls away, he kissed my forehead. "Do you want me to stop?" He asked, gently.
I shook my head, tears forming at the corners of my eyes. "No," I said. "Ivan, I want you. I want this."
He nods, giving me one more breath-stealing kiss before ripping the condom wrapper open and placing it on him. Ivan lifts my leg and placed it over my shoulder, and I feel him at my entrance. He kissed the inside of my knee as he pushes in slowly, the blunt head parting my walls like a ship sailing through dark waves.
I breathe harshly at the strange feeling. What I feel isn't pain, it's just odd. I feel like I'm being filled and my body is trying to adapt to him inside of me. It takes me a moment to get my bearings, the air in my lungs must've caught in my throat and my vision goes blurry from the tears that form in my eyes.
"Breathe, sweetheart." He said above me. "You're doing so good for me."
He leans down at kisses me. Unlike the last shared kiss, this is softer and gentle. His hand cups my face and wipes away the tears that form from the corner of my eyes.
I want to open my mouth and tell him everything—how much he means to much, how happy I am but the only thing that comes out is a whimper from my lips.
Ivan whispers soft, sweet nothings against my skin as a gasp for breath. I can feel his teeth grazing across my flesh, probably leaving another mark that I'll have to count tomorrow.
He holds himself above me, his body covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Ivan has called me sexy and beautiful but he's a sight to behold above me. My hand touches his skin, my palm brushing over the muscles of his back, feeling the grooves and sinewy cords move with each move he takes. It's like his body had been shaped from marble. I couldn't get enough of it. Ivan was beautiful to me.
I kiss him and tell him to move, my leg wrapped around his waist. The first few thrusts were careful, Ivan moving as if he was afraid to hurt me. I lean up, my teeth nipping his neck and my nails digging into his back.
"Faster," I gasped out, my lips next to my ear. "Please, Ivan! Go faster! I need—"
He growls and presses me on the bed, quickening the pace. The only sounds in the room are the e bed frame as it slams into the wall and my moans as Ivan presses into me.
It was a blur of shared breaths and intense pleasure. The seconds were passing like water through my fingertips, I didn't even know what time it was. It felt like hours but It could've been only minutes. I could feel the tips of his fingers dig into the flesh of my waist as he got close. Through my hazy vision, I could see him staring down at me with a face full of reverence and affection. Behind all the lust and need, there was still my Ivan.
"I'm...I'm close," I whimpered out, the tightness in the pit of my stomach was growing and I knew that I wasn't going to last this very long.
"It's okay," he said, kissing my face. "Just let go, sweetheart. I have you."
It only took a moment to push me over the edge, I gasped out his name as I tightened myself around him. I scratched my nails down his back as I hit my climax, drawing a hiss from his lips. Ivan followed soon after with a grunt, his entire body shaking as he struggled to keep himself up.
With whatever strength I had left, I grabbed his arm and pulled him down to my side, gasping as he slips out of me. We lay there for a few minutes, catching our breath as we take in what we've done to each other. I find Ivan's hand and even though I can't say anything, I know he can tell what I'm feeling.
His hand cups my face, brushing away the tears. I hold his hand close to my cheek, anchoring myself back into reality. I fell better after a few minutes. I pulled the blanket up to my chest. Ivan kisses my forehead, his hands petting my hair. I watch as Ivan grabbed some water for both of us. He had slipped on a pair of boxers, giving me a full view of his back that had been scratched up by my nails.
"Your back...."
"Don't feel guilty, sweetheart," he said, slipping back into bed with me. He wrapped his arm around me, pulling me closer. "I like them. It's like you claimed me or something."
"They look like they hurt," I said, turning to the side and laying my head on his shoulder. My voice felt scratchy and tired, something I'm certain he noticed.
"Was it good?" Ivan asked.
"Obviously, it was good." I narrowed my eyes. "But you already knew that so why bother asking me?"
His finger traced imaginary patterns over the bruises on my neck, starting from behind my ear and trailing down to my chest. I shivered when his hands dipped lower to my hips before tracing a line to my back.
He looked up, grinning. "I just wanted to know if you're happy."
I smiled, kissing his chest right over his heart. "I'm ridiculously happy," I said to reassure him. "How could I not be?"
"Good." He grinned, pressing a kiss to my head. "As long as you're happy, I'm happy."
A/N: I have absolutely zero experience writing smut...this is the first one I wrote. Please have mercy on my prudish soul.