The Billionaire Mafia Boss Al...

By YYeung128

2.6K 97 74

A parody... except it slowly gets less satirical as I get way too attached to the characters and turn the sto... More

Not-So-Accurate ChatGPT Blurb
A/N and Cast
The Bad Beginning
Slowburn but Make It Quick Pt. 1
Slowburn but Make It Quick Pt. 2
It's Really Not That Deep
Author Finally Remembers to Add Plot
A Chapter of Mostly Fluff (As a Treat)
Revelation after Revelation
Ryder Isn't In This Chapter
War?!
The Sex Chapter
Unresolved Everything Else
Filler Content
Relationship Problems
Relationship Problems and Incest Pt. 2
The Most "Werewolf" Chapter In The Story
What a Rainy Ending Given to a Perfect Day
Half and Half
Hating Homoerotic Literature Is Not a Personality Trait
Oops, I Accidentally Committed Mass Murder
Capitalists Deserve To Suffer
Loose Ends? Tied.
Epilogue- The Five Year Recap
The Spinoff I Will Never Write

Rescue Mission! What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

36 2 0
By YYeung128

Ryder (This is a full Ryder POV. You better thank me.)

So this was what the Vhampyr's secret headquarters looks like. A fancy looking mansion, but unlike the mansions nearby, it was black and had pointy edges. There was also a tall, gloomy tower rising in the center. I couldn't look at it clearly since I was drunk and high.

I had found it using the location tracker I put on Brynn while she was asleep. Obviously, I'm not going to agree to the Evil One's terms. What I am going to do is rescue Brynn from the prison.

I looked to the group of people who was going with me. There was Chris, obviously. He was the beta, so he went on every mission. Billy Bobby Brown, who spied occasionally on the Vhampyrs, knew where everything was, so he went.

Jake was there as well. I opposed intensely-- I'm pretty sure he was going to take the credit of saving Brynn-- but Chris said, and I quote, "I don't see why not". I don't know why Chris and I are friends. 

Gayus stood near him, chewing on the head of the billionaire he guillotined this morning. He's there for plot-related reasons.

I looked towards Brittany and Lindsay. They were wearing the sluttiest, most revealing outfits ever. What sluts. Sure, I called them on the mission to be slutty and seduce people, but they didn't have to be so slutty. They would be exiled if they didn't do their jobs, but still.

I walked towards them, who were standing next to each other, talking. Lindsay's hand was moving closer to Brittany's, but Brittany didn't seem to notice.

"Now that you don't have feelings for Ryder, what are you going to do?" I could hear Lindsay say.

"I'm going to quit my job as a pack slut." Brittany responded.

"Then what?"

"Why are you talking and not doing your jobs?" I asked, the cigarette feeling unfamiliar in my mouth. I clapped my hands to get their attention. "You don't have time to talk. Do you know what to do, or do I have to go through it again?"

"Yeah, we know." Brittany smiled seductively. "Seduce the guards so you could go through the door."

"Then kill them." Lindsay said. Her job was a slutty assassin. She seduced people to kill them.

They paused, looking at me.

"What are you waiting for?" I asked angrily. "Do your jobs!"

"Can't we have a few more minutes-" Lindsay started to say.

"Now!" I shouted.

Lindsay reached for her gun. As if on cue, Brittany's arm shot out and blocked her.

"Sure." Brittany said. She walked in the direction of the door, where two guards were standing by. Lindsay glared at me before following her.

I hate her so much. After I broke up with Brittany, she cut off my dick. Luckily, the moon goddess liked me enough to give me an actual dick instead of a third hand, which was really hilarious, by the way. It (my dick) turned out to be precisely seven inches (something about seven being the Lord's number).

Brittany and Lindsay walked up to the two guards who were guarding the headquarters and started seducing them. I walked back to my crew and signaled them to go a little closer. We moved until we were nearly in sight.

"Come on, let's go." The first guard said.

"But shouldn't we be guarding the headquarters for the Evil One?" The other guard asked.

One of the only useful things Timothy told me was that the Vhampyrs who opposed the Evil One called him the Evil One, and the ones that supported him called him another name. I was going to keep Timothy alive, but after Brynn left, I had the urge to kill someone. So, I made the scientists put him into a tube with no oxygen, and watched as he slowly suffocated. As he slowly died, I felt a cruel sense of satisfaction. His death almost mirrored the death of my sanity.

"Don't be a billionaire sympathizer, Guard 2." The first guard replied.

"You make a good point, darl- Guard 1."

The two guards followed Brittany and Lindsay, leaving the door unguarded. I stepped forward and opened the door.

"Come on, guys." I said. I walked forward and let Billy Bobby Brown take the lead. He was the most familiar with this place.

We walked in silence through large, spacious hallways and corridors. I was nearly buzzing in excitement. I couldn't wait to see Brynn. I wonder how she would react when she saw me again. Would she kiss me? Would she slap me? I don't care. I just want to see her face.

"Bro, you okay?" Chris asked.

I sighed. "I miss her."

"Of course you do." Jake said. "It's such a shame she won't choose you after you broke her heart like that."

My fists clenched. My jealousy threatened to overwhelm me. "She'll forgive me. You don't know her like I do."

Jake scoffed. "I don't know her? I've been friends with her for years. I've always been there for her. When it comes down to it, she will choose me."

"Don't give her a choice, Jake. Just kidnap her and torture her into marrying you." Billy Bobby Brown said.

"Shut it, bootlicker." Jake said.

"No, she is my property and my wife." I snarled. "Give up, pretty boy. You never stood a chance."

Jake lunged at me. At least, he tried to. Chris stepped in his way and held him back.

"Guys, don't fight." Chris said. "We're on the same side. Remember what you're here for."

"Yeah. Don't fight, Jake." I smirked at him.

"Why? Are you scared?" Jake taunted.

Now it was my turn to be held back.

With great force, I turned back to the mission.

"Are you sure you know where you're going?" I asked Billy.

"Yeah, I went to the dungeon a lot of times." He said. "And it's called the correctional facility now."

"What's the difference between the two?" I asked.

"The name." He said.

There was a moment of silence. The silence really reminded me of yesterday, when Brynn and I sat on the counter, naked, and ate cake silently.

"When this is all over, I'm going to propose to my boyfriend." Gayus said unexpectedly, licking the remaining billionaire blood off his fingers.

"I hate gay people. I hope you and your boyfriend die." Billy said.

"I feel like you should talk to him first." Jake said, ignoring what Billy said.

"Yeah." Chris agreed.

"But wouldn't talking to him about proposing ruin the surprise?" Gayus asked.

"Yes, but proposing is a big deal." Jake said. "Communication is really important in a relationship. What if he doesn't want to get married?"

"He'll probably say yes, though." Chris said. "I've seen him. He's crazy for you."

Gayus' rainbow skin turned a shade more rainbow. "Have I ever told you how my boyfriend and I met?"

"I don't want to hear it." I said sullenly. I didn't need to hear any successful love stories, thank you very much.

"You know, it's scientifically impossible for someone to fall in love with the same gender." Billy Bobby Brown said. If looks could kill, Gayus would be six feet under. No, this was not foreshadowing. "You must be sick. What you're feeling must be a toxic obsession."

"Uh-huh." Gayus said. "And do you feel a toxic obsession for anyone? Any guys, perhaps?"

"I'll have you know that I have a girlfriend." Billy said, puffing out his chest. Good. That means he'll stop harassing Brynn.

"Is it your mom?" Chris asked.

"It's his second cousin twice removed." Jake said, snickering.

"Anyway, I want to listen to your story, Gayus." Chris said.

"Yeah. Sounds interesting." Jake said.

"My boyfriend and I met at a gay strip club when we were in our senior year of high school." Gayus began, his story taking up a chunk of the word count. "We didn't interact at all, but we did made eye contact a couple of times. After that incident, he started bullying me. He made my senior year hell. He hurt me, physically and emotionally. I thought about suiciding myself a couple of times.

"I thought I wouldn't have to deal with him after I graduated high school, but we ended up in the same college. To make things worse, we became roommates. At first, things were as I expected. He bullied me and made my college year stressful, so much so that I didn't want to sleep in my room at all. But then, he went too far. He deleted the essay, which I worked on for weeks, the day before it was due. I was pissed off. He must have known he went too far, because he apologized to me multiple times and bought me coffee every day. He also offered to pay for my therapy. I refused, obviously, but it's the thought that counts. After a long while, I forgave him.

"We became friends. Turns out, he's actually a pretty nice, decent person when he's not actively bullying me. Who knew? At first, it was hard to trust him. Then, I slowly warmed up to him. Since we had a couple of classes together and we lived in the same dorm, we spent a lot of time together. We had a lot in common, and it was easy to talk to him. Eventually, he became one of my best friends.

"We continued to be friends throughout the years in college. It was only when we were close to graduating that I realized I was in love with him. You see, we had this domestic thing worked out, helped each other do chores and stuff, and I had learned to depend on him. When it came to mind that I was going to live alone, I realized I couldn't live without him. And for the first time, I wished that I had spent my four years of being roommates, being in love with him. I didn't tell him that I love him, obviously. What if he didn't feel the same? What if he was straight? Granted, I was full on gay panic mode, so I couldn't think straight, pun intended.

"Once we graduated, I got an IT job. It was not the best job, but it's something I could tolerate doing for the rest of my life. He went back to his home in another state, so we mostly texted each other. At first, we were texting each other every day. But eventually, we spoke less and less. Due to my IT job having long hours, and his-- well, it was mostly my fault-- we eventually stopped speaking to each other. It was one of the most painful things in the world, a falling out. I still missed him occasionally, and I do still love him, but I didn't have time to think about him. But I couldn't force myself to date anyone else.

"We had stopped talking to each other for a few years. But then, three years ago, he unexpectedly texted me. He said that he sold his house to pay for medical and hospital and ambulance and healthcare bills, and now he's homeless. And he is still in debt. United States healthcare is a joke, honestly. Now, since my mom is a real estate agent and she died, I have a lot of houses. So I lent a house that was near where he was living.

"He was weirdly apologetic about it. He said he felt like he took advantage of me, and wanted to do me some favors. So I told him to keep the house clean, which usually appeased the people who I let live in one of my houses. You see, after I became a socialist and learned that landlords are evil, I let people live in my houses for free. But that didn't appease him. I kept telling him that he didn't need to do me any favors, that this was not special treatment, but he insisted. So I said, "You could always suck my dick."

"I meant it as a joke, obviously. But he insisted on doing it. I tried to refuse, but he said he won't do it only if I didn't want to do it. So I said sure in a voice that was probably too eager, but who cares. One day, he drove three hours to my house and sucked my schlong.

"We kept this arrangement for a while. Once every month, he would come to my house and suck my dick. Eventually, we went up to him having sex with me. After that, we would sit and talk about life and stuff. It became my favorite day of the month. I still didn't tell him my feelings, until one day.

"It was about ten months ago, and he was having sex with me. That was when I said, "I love you." in the middle of having sex. After that, he stopped and said that even though he loved me, he was very busy and didn't have any time for love. Then, he left without saying a word.

"Next month, he wasn't there. Even though I was heartbroken, I wanted to see him again. So I drove to his house and talked with him. I explained that I was okay that he's not ready yet, and he could continue our arrangement if he wanted to. He did want to. So we ended up having casual sex for a few months.

"Then, three months ago, he walked into my house and said that capitalism is an evil lady who squeezes out all our energy and time until we die, that he was always going to be busy, that I was the best thing that happened to him and even if he knew it was going to take work, it was work that he was willing to take. Then, he asked me to be his boyfriend. I agreed. The first thing I did was suck his dick. You see, he refused to let me suck his dick because if I did that, there would be no point in him paying his debt. Or something like that. Anyway, it was amazing.

"Since then, we've been dating. We're taking it really quickly, since we knew each other for so long. We texted each other every day. I would not let him go a second time. A month ago, he moved nearby so he could spend more time with me. It's been hard, with his jobs and all, but we make it work. Our relationship has been great so far. And that was how my boyfriend and I met."

"That was the stupidest story I have ever heard." Billy said.

"No, it was pretty sweet." Chris said. "Right?"

"What?" I asked. I didn't listen closely to what they were saying. All I retained was that the relationship development was enemies to friends to strangers to friends with benefits to lovers. Why would I listen to some gay backstory with no relevance to the plot? While he was talking, I was thinking about Brynn and all our happy moments together. If I knew those were limited, would I treasure it more?

I thought back to her orbs, her lips, her body. Her smile, her thighs, the way she bit her bottom lip. I missed every single part of her. She has managed to slide through all of the walls I put up and crawl into my heart. I did not know how to survive without her. She was like oxygen, or food, or water. She was something I can't live without.

I thought that love was just a leach that was stuck to you against your will, that you would have to fight the hardest to get it off. I didn't expect my will to change. I didn't expect to love the feeling of love so much. I didn't expect to love Brynn so much. Getting Brynn back was now part of my goals.

Chris had continued the conversation while I was daydreaming about Brynn. I listened on. I was too heartbroken and high to join the conversation.

"Maybe I should be the comic relief from now on." Chris said.

"Thank you." Gayus said. "I was having a hard time juggling being the stereotypical gay, mentor, and the comic relief at the same time. If I didn't know any better, I'd say the author has a personal vendetta against me."

I looked to Chris. It's good that he's being the comic relief now. He was too smart to be the himbo anyway.

"We're almost there. I think." Jake said, looking around. We have started descending into a creepy-looking basement.

"Isn't it amazing?" Billy asked, pointing to the rotting body of a girl. "This is going to my taxidermy collection."

"No." I said. If this was what dungeons looked like, I'm glad I didn't make any of them in my gang. Instead, we have mandatory therapy. Get to the root of the problem, you know?

"Do we have a plan about how we're going to rescue her?" Gayus asked.

"I do." Jake said.

"Absolutely not." I countered. I'm tired of hearing his whiny voice making stupid suggestions.

Billy suddenly stopped. I stopped behind him, peering forward. All I could see was a lit-up hallway. The cells were on the sides, blocking my view of the horrors that went inside.

"We're here?" Jake sounded surprised. "That was sooner than I thought."

Suddenly, Billy laughed maniacally. "You thought. You thought." He laughed again. What was going on?

Suddenly, he fired out a shot. It hit Gayus in the heart.

"Tell Garrett Winters I love him." Gayus whispered before dropping dead. Rainbow colored blood leaked out from the wound, melding together to form a disgusting white color.

"What'd you do that for?" Chris asked.

I looked at Billy, who was holding out a gun. He looked triumphant. "I hate gay people. My name is not Billy Bobby Brown. My name is Kieran Ken Kahler, and I'm the leader of the Klu Klux Klan, one of the subsidiary clans of the Vhampyrs."

Chris turned to me. "See! I told you he was evil. But you didn't believe me. 'Oh, he's too valuable in this gang. We can't kill him.' This was all your fault!"

"And I bet you didn't expect this." Jake laughed behind him. "I'm the son of Xavier the Savior-"

"Who's Xavier the Savior?" Chris and I asked.

"The Evil One." Jake said. "I betrayed you. I was actually evil the whole time. I tricked you into trusting me. I am so evil. I am your worst nightmare. Mwahahahaha!"

I looked at Chris. "See? I told you he was evil. But did you believe me? No! You trusted him, you liked him even. This was all your fault."

"That's right, we were working together this entire time." KKK laughed evilly. He rubbed his hands together. "He was only pretending to hate me."

"Actually, I-" Jake said.

"Wait." Chris said. "If you're a vampire, how old are you?"

"I'm seventeen." Jake said. I gasped. I couldn't believe it. He was younger than Brynn. He had no chance now. Everybody knows that a girl couldn't date a guy that was younger than her.

"A hundred and seventeen? Two hundred and seventeen?" Chris guessed.

"No, just seventeen. Just because I could live forever doesn't mean I'm old."

"How old are you, really? What year were you born?"

"Seventeen years ago- why does it matter? Chris, I'm really sorry for this. I really am. Ryder, not so much." Jake said. He snapped his fingers. "KKK, arrest those two. I'm going to see my father."

With that, he left.

Chris and I looked at each other. Surely we could beat Billy- I mean, KKK.

We couldn't. In no time, he had thrown us in prison. In the same cell as Brynn Winters.

A/N: Fun fact: I named Gayus after that Merlin x Arthur aretheygay video where he called Gaius "Gayus", and I thought that was really funny. I also made him a mentor in honor of that. I can't believe I made a whole character with the sole purpose of killing him off. That was fun. Anyway, don't forget to vote, comment, share, like, subscribe, and turn on the notifications!



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