Nick Nelson had fallen a lot over the years. Usually, due to a massive rugby lad plowing him down mid-game. Those tackles had hurt, but they never kept Nick down too long. He was always able to pull himself up and get right back into the game. Like most boys, Nick had also gone through a clumsy spout right around puberty. His feet grew faster than the rest of his body, and more than once he found himself face down on the ground after tripping over them. At this point, he was pretty used to falling.
However, none of those could have prepared Nick for his most recent fall. It was harder, faster, and more jarring than any tackle he ever had endured on the rugby pitch, or stumble he had taken down a flight of stairs during those awkward years. This fall felt like it was consuming him, holding him down leaving him with no possible way of getting back up. But come to think of it Nick didn't know if he even wanted to get up. Not when the reason that he had fallen in the first place was his best friend. The one person who knew him better than anyone else. The person who didn't just see him as the school's rugby king, but instead saw him for him. The same boy who walked around school looking small and scared, but who looked like the embodiment of sunshine when he was alone with Nick. Yes, Nick had fallen for Charlie Spring harder than he had ever fallen before, but he was okay with it.
Nick realized his feelings for Charlie a couple of weeks ago. He had always known there was something different about Charlie, but it took him a bit to realize what it was. It was actually his mum who helped to put his feelings into words. Charlie had come round his house one Saturday to meet his dog, Nellie. The pair had spent hours playing video games in Nick's room, well, to be honest, it was more like hours of Nick losing and Charlie grinning from ear to ear every time 'First Place' flashed on his side of the screen. Nick had always been a bit competitive, but he realized that he would gladly lose to Charlie for the rest of his life if it meant that he got to see more of that smile. When the two had discovered that it had begun to snow they had quickly changed into the warmest clothes Nick could find, before bounding out into the backyard with Nellie. The whole time Nick had felt like he was flying, and the one thing that seemed to be anchoring him to the ground was Charlie. Nick had never felt so free, so at ease, and so comfortable with another person. However, at the same time, he couldn't ignore the knot that formed in his stomach every time the drummer shot him one of his earth-shattering smiles. Or the sparks that pop and sizzled through his entire body wherever Charlie's skin met his. Nick was convinced that those little fireworks must actually be visible at this point with how strong they were.
After Charlie left that day Nick's mom had mentioned that she had never seen him act so himself around one of his mates. From that moment on everything in Nick's brain sort of just slotted into place and made more sense. It didn't mean that it wasn't scary for Nick, because god it was literally terrifying, but something about his first boy crush being on Charlie helped to calm his fears just slightly. Since then he had spent most of his nights surfing YouTube and TikTok trying to consume as much content as possible about who he might be.
Nick felt a sort of determination that he never felt before. He had no idea what he was yet, or if he would ever be able to label himself, but he knew that he wanted to be with Charlie. He also was determined to figure himself out before he took any further steps with the younger boy. Part of him felt silly for this. He was almost positive that Charlie would be able to help him through this. The younger boy had already been on this journey. He knew what it was like to have these feelings and question who you are. He could help to answer the millions of questions that Nick had, far better than any answer Nick might find on google. But Nick knew that he needed to do this on his own, not only for himself but for Charlie too.
It was only a couple of months ago that Nick had broken up the incident between Charlie and that piece of shit Ben. Ben had been so embarrassed about his relationship with Charlie, that he made him hide it from everyone, including Charlie's best friends. Nick understood Ben not wanting to come out right now, especially since they were in the same friend group, that consisted of some major twats like Harry, but that didn't make what he did to Charlie okay. Ben had done everything in his power to crush Charlie's self-esteem, to make him the perfect puppet that he could use whenever he felt so inclined. Nick refused to do that to Charlie. He knew he wouldn't be ready to shout their relationship from the rooftops when and if Charlie agreed to be with him, but he wanted them to at least be able to tell the people that were important to them. Charlie deserved someone who was proud to be with him.
Countless Google searches, dozens of 'Am I Gay?' quizzes, hours of coming out videos, and landing himself on the gay side of TikTok had all led Nick to the word bisexual. At first, Nick wasn't sure of it. The only things he had ever heard about bisexual people were that they were promiscuous, that they just hadn't picked a side yet. However, he quickly realized how wrong and harmful those stereotypes were. Being bisexual was valid, and sexuality wasn't just black and white as he had always thought it was. It was a spectrum and it was okay for him to fall in the middle. Well, maybe not completely in the middle. According to one of the quizzes he had taken he was 62% into guys and only 38% into girls, but truthfully the only thing Nick was sure of was that he was 100% into Charlie Spring. The more research he did the more comfortable he became with the word bisexual. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt safe knowing that he didn't have to choose between men or women. The only thing Nick had to do was listen to his heart wherever it pulled him.
Nick felt that pull now, stronger than he had felt anything before. It was like his heart was a magnet and Charlie was made of pure steel. Pulling him closer and closer with every "hi", every giggle, and every touch of their fingertips.
He was sure, totally and completely sure of not only who he was, but what he wanted. As long as Charlie wanted him back of course. The last thing Nick ever wanted was for Charlie to be forced into something he wasn't comfortable with. Nick knew that just because Charlie was gay didn't mean that he was into every guy that he met, or in their case that he became best friends with. Nick had also only ever kissed one person before and had never even come close to being in a relationship, so he was definitely not an expert on reading people's feelings. But despite Nick's lack of experience, he wasn't oblivious. Nick knew that one of the girls in his friend group fancied him quite a lot. Numerous times he had caught Imogen staring at him while they sat at their picnic table in the mornings. His mates loved to give him a hard time about it, asking when he was going to grow a pair and finally ask her on a date to Nando's. Charlie might not have been as obvious as Imogen with his feelings, but Nick was almost positive that Charlie shared at least some of the same feelings as himself. During their numerous study sessions, Nick had often caught Charlie staring at him, and enjoyed watching his cheeks flush red when he realized Nick had noticed. When they were together Charlie seemed to come out of his shell more than Nick ever thought was possible. The only words Nick could come up with to describe it was sunshine. Charlie became so bright and warm when it was just the two of them. And then there was their banter. It had happened so naturally. They easily fell into teasing each other, taking comfort in the fact that there was no bite behind any of their words. Sometimes Nick couldn't help but feel that their banter had switched to flirting, and when this happened he could feel the heat spreading from his cheeks all the way down to his neck, mirroring the blush on Charlie's face.
Nick was confident in who he was, he was nearly certain Charlie shared his feelings, and most importantly Nick was head over heels for his best friend. Now he just needed to find the perfect time to tell him.
Thankfully Nick didn't have to wait too long. Earlier in the week, Harry had Invited Nick to his 16th birthday party on Friday night. He told Nick that he could invite some other people, so Nick had quickly extended that invitation to Charlie. Nick knew how rich Harry's family was, and had even been to the St George's Hotel once before. He was positive there would be plenty of space for him to find somewhere quiet and secluded to finally talk to Charlie. He had spent the last three days planning out the exact words he would say. Repeating them over and over in the mirror, and even jotting them down in his journal. He needed the moment to be perfect, to be everything that Charlie deserved. He was the kindest, most thoughtful, and caring person Nick had ever met and he wanted to express all of that to Charlie on Friday night, which was now only one day away.
Nick hoisted his rugby bag higher onto his shoulder as he walked into the locker room. He was still replaying the words he had been practicing all week over in his head. At this point, they felt like muscle memory, and he just hoped they would still feel like that tomorrow when he was alone with his curly-haired best friend. He didn't want to mess up or forget something that was important. He just hoped it didn't sound like he was reading from a script when he finally built up the courage to say it all.
The smell of sweat and the sound of banter from the rest of his team quickly pulled him out of his thoughts, and back to reality. Charlie wasn't in the locker room yet. He usually liked to wait until the last possible minute to arrive. The younger boy had started to become more comfortable with some of the friendlier members of the team, but Nick knew that he still felt intimidated by most of the players. Because of that, he liked to wait until most of them had finished changing and headed out to the field, before getting changed himself. Nick would usually hang around and wait for him, chatting about their day, or upcoming plans, while diverting his eyes away from Charlie. It's not that Nick wouldn't have liked what he saw. God, Char was so hot, and nick would have killed to see Charlie without a shirt on (or pants, but no that's his disgusting teenage brain talking and he refuses to be that person), but Charlie was self-conscious about his body and that was not a boundary that Nick would ever cross without Charlie's consent.
Nick had just started changing out of his school uniform when he heard the familiar and frankly obnoxious voice of Harry Greene addressing him from across the room.
"So Nick, you invite any cool people to my party tomorrow?"
Nick hesitated for a moment before responding, "uhh...yeah, I invited Charlie to come alone." A smile pricked at the corners of his lips just from the feeling of his friend's name on his tongue.
"What? Why?" Harry huffed out, throwing his arms down and rolling his eyes as his head fell backward.
Nick tried to bite back the anger that was bubbling up inside his chest. Honestly, why did Harry have to be such a massive nob? "Because you told me to invite cool people, and you know that Charlie is my best friend."
Laughter erupted from Harry's mouth, "You think that Queer's cool?" Nick felt his blood boil as small snickers started welling up around the room. No one said a word. Not a single member of his team had his back, and even worse Nick just stood there frozen in anger. "You sound just as gay as him! Jesus who knew that scrawny little fairy would be able to turn rugby king Nick Nelson into a full-on faggot!"
The laughter around the room grew louder as all attention was now on Nick and Harry. Nick's hands clenched into tight fists, and he felt the skin on his palms begin to break as his nails dug into them. Before Nick could formulate something, anything to say in response, Harry was going at Charlie again.
"I mean just look at him, he's the size of a fucking twig. I'm honestly relieved the kid can't tackle yet because the thought of touching him is the most repulsive thing I have ever heard of."
Nick's eyes bore into Harry's. Hot anger in the pit of Nick's stomach shot through his body all the way to his ears until everything went silent. He was about to lunge forward until he realized it wasn't his white-hot anger that had caused the room to go quiet. Reluctantly Nick pulled his gaze away from Harry and over towards the rest of the team who were all staring wide eyes at Charlie who was standing motionless in the doorway. As soon as Nick locked eyes with him, Charlie turned on his heels and fled down the now deserted corridor.
"Burn in hell you bigot!" Nick spat over his shoulder, as he raced out of the room.
Once he was safely out of the locker room Nick sprinted into the bathroom across the hall. He leaned his back against the wall and sank down to the floor pulling his knees tightly to his chest, finally letting the gravity of what had just happened sink in. Sweet, perfect, innocent Charlie had just heard every disgusting syllable that had fallen out of Harry's mouth. And maybe even worse than that Charlie had also seen Nick stand there like a wax figure in the Madame Tussauds museum doing absolutely nothing. God, why hadn't he done something? Why did he just stand there like an idiot? He should have stood up for Charlie. Told Harry to piss off. Screamed that Charlie was the best thing that ever happened to him, probably the best thing that had ever happened to their school. But instead, he stood there, lips sealed like a scared fool.
Nick's face was on fire with anger, and he almost didn't notice the hot tears that had begun tumbling from his eyes and down his scarlet cheeks. Charlie was the one person other than his mother, that he could confidently say deserved the world. He was the type of person who cared so deeply for everyone else around him, that he more often than not forgot to care about himself. He spent hours helping Nick with his math homework so he would be able to pass his GCSEs at the end of this year. He never missed a film night no matter how artsy the selection was because he knew how important they were to Tao. He started a book club with Isaac so that he would have someone to talk to about his latest read. One night he even spent hours on YouTube watching tutorial after tutorial on how to do hairstyles on 3C hair so he could help Elle feel more confident in herself. He was the most selfless person that Nick had ever met, and when it had finally been his turn to be there for Charlie he went and blew it.
And here he was now sitting on the floor of a bathroom, pitying himself, while Charlie was somewhere out there suffering alone. God, Nick hated himself right now. He needed to go make this right. He needed Charlie to know that everything Harry said was a lie, that everything any bully had ever said to him was a lie.
Nick took a couple of shaky breaks before scrambling to his feet, and out the door. He hadn't seen where Charlie had gone, but he knew where this corridor led, and he had a pretty good idea that Charlie would be there.
Nick didn't waste any more time as he sprinted towards his destination, not stopping until he was standing outside of the art block, and searching the small names on the doors for 'Mr. Ajayi'. During one of their biweekly Mario tournaments, Charlie had mentioned that Mr. Ajayi was the one teacher who was there for him while he was going through the worst of his bullying and that he still goes to his room sometimes when he needs to think or have a moment to himself.
It didn't take long for him to find the door that he was looking for. A feeling of relief washed over Nick when he found that the door was slightly ajar. Charlie had to be in there, which if nothing else meant that he was probably safe.
Without another thought, Nick pushed the door open and scanned across the room. He felt his heart plummet to his feet when he didn't immediately see Charlie. He was about to turn around and continue searching the school when his eyes spotted something sticking up behind the student tables. A mop of unmistakable black curls was just slightly visible in the back of the room.
Nick pushed fully into the room making sure the door latched behind him before racing over to Charlie and collapsing on the floor next to his best friend.
Nick took in the scene in front of him. Charlie was sitting on the floor on top of a skillfully painted tree that stretched up into the cabinets behind him. He was hugging his knees into his chest. his face buried deep into his arms, and his shoulders awkwardly jutted up and down as he silently sobbed.
Every fiber of Nick's being wanted to reach out and grab Charlie. To pull him into his lap and hold him close. He wanted to rub circles on Char's back as he whispered soft reassurances into his ear until Charlie was overflowing with every compliment. He didn't want to leave any room for any of the negative thoughts that lived so freely in Charlie's mind.
But Nick knew he couldn't do that right now. Touching Charlie without his permission would probably just worsen the situation.
Nice took a deep breath, trying his best to set his own emotions aside. Charlie was the one in pain. Charlie was the one who needed him, and god dammit if Nick wasn't going to be there for him.
"Char" Nick breathed out. It was just above a whisper, and he feared that the other boy might not have heard him. That was until Nick noticed that Charlie's shoulders had stopped moving.
It took another long moment before Charlie lifted his head, using the sleeves of his slightly oversized blazer to wipe the tears that were still pulling around his clear blue eyes.
Nick felt an uncomfortable lump form in the back of his throat as he looked at Charlie's face. His eyes looked bluer than they had ever looked before due to the redness that had taken over around them. Charlie's hand came up quickly and made contact with this forehead, hitting it sharply as he murmured the word "stupid" on repeat under his breath. When Charlie's hand broke contact Nick noticed that the spot where his hand had been was pinker than the rest of his face and looked slightly swollen. This was not the first time that Charlie has hit himself like that. Nick felt his heart shatter. Charlie was only fourteen, and yet had already put up with more pain than anyone should ever experience. He was so used to the feeling that he thought it was okay to do it to himself. Nick would give anything to wrap Charlie in his arms and protect him for the rest of their lives. He wouldn't let anyone else ever hurt Charlie again, not even himself.
Nick gently reached out and grasped Charlie's slender wrist, pulling it slowly away from his forehead. Using his thumb Nick traced small, light patterns on the soft skin where his wrist met his palm.
"Hey, look at me." Nick tried to breathe as much warmth into his words as possible.
Charlie's eyes were fixed firmly on his lap. When he made no effort to meet Nick's gaze, Nick twisted his abdomen and lowered his head so it was parallel to Charlie's chest. He knew that he looked silly, and if the situation was different he was sure that both boys would be laughing. But the situation wasn't different, and for the first time since the locker room, their eyes locked on each other.
"None of that, Char. I don't want to hear a single s-word out of you, during any of this. I don't care if it's stupid or sorry, I'm banning both of them. Do you understand?"
Charlie gave a small nod, but Nick could tell from the look in his eyes that he had no intention of following through.
"Char, I need you to listen to me. I am so sorry for everything you heard in there, and I need you to know that none of what he said was true. God, I'm so sorry I just stood there, and didn't say anything, didn't stand up for you, and tell Harry what a prick he was. He's a disgusting excuse for a hum-"
Nick was cut off as a small laugh escaped from Charlie's mouth. It wasn't one of the adorable giggles that Nick had come to love over their friendship or the full-body joyful cackle that only Elle would pull from somewhere deep inside him. This laugh was bitter and sarcastic.
"Look Nick, I appreciate you coming and finding me, but I don't need your sympathy."
For the second time that day, Nick froze. Sympathy, what did he mean sympathy? Yeah of course Nick felt sorry for Charlie, but it's because he didn't deserve all the shit he had to put up with. But that came from a place of compassion and empathy, not pity.
Nick was pulled back to reality when he heard Charlie continue.
"I get it, Nick, you're embarrassed and ashamed of the things Harry said about you in there, but coming in here and telling me what you think I need to hear isn't going to fix that. The only thing that is going to fix this is the inevitability."
"Char, what are you talking about?" Nick forced himself to again swallow the lump that was now more pronounced than ever in the back of his throat.
"Nick, this friendship has been a ticking time bomb since that first day in form. Every day you spend getting closer to me you get closer and closer to ruining everything you have worked so hard for your whole life. Your friends, your team, your popularity soon, it's all going to be gone if we don't end this now."
Charlie paused and for the first time met Nick's eyes on his own. Charlie's had always been an open book. With one glance Nick knew exactly how the beautiful boy was feeling. Now wasn't any different Nick could see the determination in Charlie's eyes, he could see all of his fears, all of his doubt, and self-hatred. More than anything Nick could see Charlie's heartbreak.
"We can't be mates anymore." Nick could hear every emotion he had just recognized in Charlie's eyes bleed into that small statement.
Nick remained frozen in place trying desperately to come up with the perfect thing to say. The perfect poetic words that would show Charlie he was wrong, he was so fucking wrong.
Before he knew what was happening Nick felt Charlie wiggle his wrist loose from Nick's grasp. Nick hadn't even realized he was still holding it. Charlie was now climbing to his feet and hastily heading for the door.
This was it, this was Nick's last chance to make this right. Screw finding the perfect words, or reciting the stupid script he has written in his journal and memorized by heart. Charlie was slipping through his hands and he needed to do something...anything.
His feet were moving before his brain could fully comprehend what he was doing, and he was across the room in four large strides.
"Charlie, wait." Nick almost yelled.
"What? I already told you I don't need your sym-" Now it was Nick's turn to cut off Charlie.
"You're right, we can't be mates," Nick said as he took a small step closer to Charlie.
"Oh, okay. Yeah." Charlie signed, Nick could see his heart shattering all over again.
"We can't be mates, because we were never meant to be mates. Mates don't cause a swarm of butterflies to fill my stomach every time I see them smile. Mates don't cause me to have a proper full-on gay crisis. I don't think about holding my mate's hand every time we watch a film together. I don't think about what it would be like to finally be able to kiss my mate after wanting to for weeks. I don't picture what they would feel like when I finally get to grab their perfect waist and pull them into my arms. So yeah Charlie, I don't want to be your mate. I want to be your best friend, your support system, the person you come to on a bad day. Fuck-" Nick took a deep shaky breath looking up at the ceiling, trying his best to gather every ounce of courage he could find, "Charlie I want to be your boyfriend."
Nick watched as the realization of what he had just said dawned on Charlie's beautiful face. He watched as Charlie's lips fell slightly open and the younger boy took in a sharp short breath. Nick's eyes trailed down to Char's hands, shaking vigorously, and without even thinking Nick reached out and grasped them into his own. His eyes found Charlie's again, and he wanted to cry when he saw the doubt swimming in the brunette's expression.
"Char, I know how hard this must be for you to hear, and for you to believe, but I need you to know that I mean every word I say. This isn't me giving you sympathy, which by the way I will be adding to my list of s-words that are not allowed." For the first time since form, Nick saw the corners of Charlie's mouth tick up into a small smile. Nick let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, before continuing. He wasn't going to stop until Charlie's smile was full and joyful. "You are the most perfect person I have ever met. You put every single person above yourself, even when they don't deserve it. Hell, you were about to throw away this-" Nick pulled his gaze away from Charlie's for a second to glance at the small space between them, before locking his brown eyes back on those stunning blue ones, "which I know makes you happy, because you thought it would be easier for me. Charlie, there would be nothing easy about saying goodbye to you. You are the kindest, most thoughtful, caring, amazing, and attractive person I have ever met." Nick felt the blush creeping up his neck as Charlie's eyes grew bigger along with the smile on his face, but Nick wasn't done, not yet.
"Charlie Spring, do you even know how much you drive me crazy?" Charlie's expression fell slightly at those words
"In the best way possible!" Nick cursed himself for not adding that part sooner.
"Do you know how hard it is to not lean in and kiss you every day when you sit down next to me in form? How impossible it is to not run my fingers through those curls, while I force you to watch yet another marvel movie?" Now the smile was back on Charlie's face and bigger than Nick has ever seen it before. He was still not done though. Although come to think of it Nick is not sure if he would ever be done coming up with a reason why Charlie was perfect.
"From the moment I met you I knew you were different, special, it just took a bit to figure out why. But I know now. Actually, I know a lot more now, like that I am bisexual, that I have the biggest crush on the hottest guy in the school who happens to be my best friend, and like I said before, that I want to be your boyfriend." There Nick was done. It was jumbled and he probably sounded like an idiot, but it was out there.
Disbelief and happiness were written across Charlie's face, as his eyes fluttered down to Nick's lips, before coming back up and meeting his eyes.
This time it was Nick who let a small laugh escape his lips, as his face heated up with what he could only imagine was the deepest blush he had ever produced. "Would you please just kiss me already, Char?" It came out a bit more desperate sounding than Nick would like to admit.
Charlie didn't need to be asked twice. Slowly but surely Charlie leaned forward on his toes until his lips met Nick's. The kiss was soft and shy, but better than anything Nick could have ever imagined. If the sparks that erupted from his hands every time Charlie touched his were fireworks, then these were dynamite-induced explosions. Charlie's lips were soft and tasted like apple juice mixed with something that was just so Charlie. Nick felt like he could do this forever.
It was Charlie who pulled away rocking back shyly on his heels. "You really mean all of that?" Charlie asked hesitantly.
"Every single word," Nick replied while squeezing his hand reassuringly. "Charlie, you have a lot of unlearning to do, you have spent years hearing nothing but bad things about yourself. I don't blame you for not believing me right now, but I promise I will spend every day showing you how amazing you are until you believe me. Well, that is...if you left me." Now, Nick was the one feeling shy as he realized that Charlie still hadn't agreed to be his boyfriend.
"Of course, I will let you, you rugby lad!" Charlie said before connecting their lips again. This time it wasn't as shy as the smile on Nick's face made contact with the one on Charlie's.
Nick pulled away first smiling down at his boyfriend (yep he could get used to that). "So what do you say we go on a proper date tomorrow?"
"I thought we were going to Harry's party tomorrow?" Charlie asked with a puzzled expression.
Nick may have looked at Charlie as if he had three heads but in the most loving way possible. "Do you really think I ever want to hang out with Harry Greene again?" Nick almost snorted.
"I guess not..." Charlie said sheepishly while rubbing the back of his neck with his palm.
Nick couldn't help the laughter that bubbled up inside him. "Come on, let's get out of here. I think I need to lose to my boyfriend in some Mario Kart."
"I can think of something to do in your room that will involve us both winning," Charlie said with a smirk as he grabbed his bag and headed out of the room.
It took Nick a few moments to follow, too caught up in the pure bliss he was feeling. It might not have been perfect or how he had planned, and he might have lost all his friends in the process, but Nick was now 100% sure of something else. He was the luckiest guy ever.