Baekhyun faced Chanyeol with a heavy heart. Seeing him makes him want to turn his back and breakdown. He didn't want to hurt him. He didn't want to end what they had both started. It's difficult for him. He loves Chanyeol very much, and there's no doubt to that. But the people around him was condemning what they had. Fate made them believe that they're meant to be, but doom made him think otherwise. It hurts so much. He just can't. He didn't want to let out the words he wanted to say. He didn't want to see the giant's face crying and as much as he can, he didn't want to cry in front of him. This is going to be hard. His knees were trembling and he knew that at any moment, he'll give in. But he knew he have to do this first before that'll happen.
"I'm sorry, Chanyeol," Baekhyun said, trying to surpress his voice in shaking. Trying not to falter . Trying not breakdown. Trying to act strong.
He had given up already, he can't take the hurt anymore. He can't take the burden. He can't take an everyday with Chanyeol with bothers and worries. "This has to stop."
Chanyeol stifled a fake laugh. "What do you mean stop?" He knew what Baekhyun had meant but he had to pretend he didn't know. In his mind, in his heart. He knew what would come up next and he didn't want that to happen. He wished that what he expected was wrong.
"We need to stop..." Baekhyun paused and internally inhaled a whole lot of breath to keep him from going. Eyes were already glistening from the tears that's threatening to fall. For a moment, he thought he couldn't talk anymore, with the big lump on his throat, it was preventing him to say it. But he had to. "Us," he finally said.
"I don't understand?" Chanyeol shakily uttered, confusion and sadness in his voice. Why do they need to stop? He thought they were strong. He thought they're already done with this. He thought they were in love. And he thought, together, they were already enough. But what's this in front of him?
Baekhyun stayed quiet. He didn't want to say anything. He knew his voice will shake if he tries to. He knew he'll breakdown when he opens his mouth to even speak. He knew he'll give in but he had already decided. They have to end this.
"Say something, Baekhyun," Chanyeol plead for a reason. He wanted a reason that he could accept. He wanted to understand what's the matter. He just didn't want to end this without a reason.
Baekhyun looked down and shook his head. He surpressed his tears to fall but no matter how much he tried to, it fell. He wiped it with his hand and looked back up at Chanyeol. Eye to eye. Tears to tears. He wanted to say a lot but looking at Chanyeol's sad eyes made him want to just run away and hide somewhere. "I'm sorry," was all Baekhyun had said, "It wasn't... enough." His voice failed him and faltered, the tears continuing to fall already as he gave in.
Chanyeol shook his head, "No. No. No, don't do this." He loves Baekhyun so much. He didn't want it to end like this. He wanted them to be together. They we're in love, he knew. Why wasn't it enough? "You're not doing this. Please don't give up on us." He didn't understand why. He don't even know why. Why do they need to give up? Why do they need to end this? They were happy. Why do they still need to experience sadness and burden.
The pain in their hearts were more excruciating than a knife plucked into it. Baekhyun could already feel that he would ran out of breath anytime soon. His tears were unstoppable as it continued to flow down to his cheeks. He didn't mind to wipe them off. What's the point, anyway? It hurts to leave someone you love. It hurts to end something you want to continue. It hurts to break someone's heart which you knew belongs to yours. It hurts to let go of someone you wanted to stay.
Chanyeol held Baekhyun's hand tightly, he never wanted to let go. He didn't want to. He didn't want to leave. He didn't want to. He loves him and he's willing to do everything for him. He's willing to suffer for him. He's willing to experience death as long as it's for him. Baekhyun's slender and majestic hands were one of the reasons he didn't want to let go. He want to hold onto it forever. It wasn't just his hands but everything about him. He fell for Baekhyun's everything and he, himself. That's why it pains so much. He cupped his cheeks as he wiped the tears that were falling. "I know it hurts to face people's critics and judgements. It hurts to face the burden everyday. But I'm here, Baekhyun. I'm always here."
Baekhyun gulped. It was getting very hard. He didn't want to do this. It's too much for him. He felt like his chest was going to explode because of the pain and heaviness it was carrying. His tears, no matter how much Chanyeol wiped it, was still continuing to flow. He didn't understand how Chanyeol still stayed strong for him. For them. Even through this. But his parents never wanted this. It pains seeing his parents look at him worriedly and avoided him from time to time. It hurts looking at them with faces that shows judgement. He was hurting so much but he knew that with Chanyeol, he would overcome those. But it hurts more when they died. It hurts that they died without even having a small glimpse of talk with them. And when they died, Baekhyun had come up to mind to end this with Chanyeol. If his parents didn't want him to be with Chanyeol, then so be it. He have to end this. "Chanyeol..." he said shakily, "We have to end this," he pleaded. But his heart was telling him otherwise. It wanted Chanyeol to stay for him, forever. It wanted to be with Chanyeol. But he can't just do that, he have to use his mind for now, he didn't want his heart to overcome him.
Chanyeol can't take it just like that. He held Baekhyun's hands and kissed it with shaking breath. His tears were already falling as he felt his world falling apart. He can't bear this, he really can't. "Please, Baekhyun. You can't possibly do this," he cried, "Don't do this," he said in a soft voice.
Baekhyun can't help it. He need to do what he needs to. He removed his hand from Chanyeol but the latter held it tightly. "Please, Chanyeol. Let go," he said as he kept on trying.
"Baekhyun, Baekhyun, please. You can't give up on us," he begged as his hold on Baekhyun was getting weak. His strength was continuing to diminish as Baekhyun kept trying to remove his hands from him. "Baekhyun, I'm begging you. Please." He kept begging as his tears were already falling.
Baekhyun finally removed his hands from Chanyeol and he wanted to bring it back from Chanyeol, where it belonged, but he just can't do that. His eyes were already blurry from the tears that were falling. All he could see was a blur of tears and Chanyeol's hurting eyes. He turned his back from Chanyeol and as he did that, he felt like he wanted to die. He didn't want to turn his back to someone who could give up everything just for him but the world wasn't on them. It wasn't turning for them. It wasn't just for them.
Chanyeol can't bear the look of Baekhyun's back facing to him. His knees were weak and trembling but he had to go for Baekhyun. He'll kept begging for him to stay and take back everything he just did. He took a step forward and that's when his knees already gave in. He held on the ground and kept moving forward to Baekhyun. He can't give up just like that. He didn't want to give up to a person he loves so much. "Baekhyun!" He called out shakily. "Don't go, please. I love you. Baekhyun," he said, hoping Baekhyun would go back and turn for him but he didn't.
Slowly, Baekhyun's back faded away, leaving Chanyeol on the ground. He can't believe everything faded away as well as Baekhyun's back did. His heart is paining so much, his cries turned to sobs, his knees weren't working and his eyes were already heavy. He didn't know what to do without Baekhyun. He didn't know how to continue life without Baekhyun. Without Baekhyun, he had nothing. Baekhyun had been his everything ever since he loved him, but when you lost everything, you're left with nothing.
...
I became a teacher.
I was a student.
I was the best.
I was well-loved.
I noticed him.
I made him to notice me.
I confronted him.
I began to hate him.
I was sorry.
He was sorry.
I made a stupid turning point.
Our relationship grew.
I love him.
I love him, too.
The world was against us.
We had fought for us.
But I was happy.
We were together.
Then an unexpected thing happened.
I never knew anything.
It was unfair.
I thought everything was nice.
He had a perfect life.
My life was perfect with him.
I don't.
I thought he felt the same.
I gave up.
He ended everything.
I was left with nothing.
I was left crawling.
...
"Past is a time that had gone by. It is the time that existed before the present. It is the events, happenings and situations of a person before the present time."
The past is part of someone's life that could never be erased no matter how much you wanted it to. The emptiness of forgetting the past is bothering that's why it shouldn't be removed from a person's memory. It is a vital part of your life that could serve as your motivation in facing the present or it could be the depression in the present time.
When past involves hurt, agony and judgment, it's either you move on or hang on. Moving on takes a lot of courage. Hanging on takes a lot of hurt.
Denying comes from the mouth, the truth comes from the heart. We deny because we don't want to face truth. But truth always faces us, and that's when it hurts a lot. The contrasting hurt of realization and regret, pains just like how you wanted to forget the past.
Moving on is different from forgetting. 'Forgetting' is never a word that should be linked with the past because it is a denying factor that tells you the truth that you're continuing to hang on to the miserable and depressing part of your life.
When past visits the present. When agony and pain visits your current life. When everything you thought would slowly disperse into something you haven't thought. When your wonderul present would be tainted with the terrible past.
Would history repeat itself?
Or will it become a whole new different story, with a different future?
Is the world fine with second chances around?
...
P.S This is not the end. #^_^# . Sorry.