"Wait, what?" Kieran stared at his parents, King Nico and Monarch Newt of Cumland in disbelief.
"We're marrying you off for the sake of the plot. All the local princes and princesses are married off already and you're the youngest of your siblings, so we don't really care." Nico picked his nose and flicked a booger at him. "We're promoting his family to Lord status just for this. You meet tomorrow and the wedding is in two weeks."
Kieran shrugged, he didn't care really. He just hoped his fiancé was at least semi attractive. He walked off to go do whatever the fuck princes do.
The next day, Kieran elegantly decended the staircase to the hall only to find a greasy, muddy, and odd looking kid standing there.
"Oh, you must be Omega Peepaw Walmart Chinese Aussie Ben Shapiro Razzleton Dazzletonussy Redemption the Jizz Jester Milf Hunting Tsundere Catboy Furry Cowboy Bottom from Texas. My parents told me you'd be here today, but they failed to warn me you'd look and smell like a horse's stable." Kieran scoffed at the man and pivoted away. "MAID! Clean this man up. I'll be waiting in the garden for lunch." And with that, Omega Peepaw Walmart Chinese Aussie Ben Shapiro Razzleton Dazzletonussy Redemption the Jizz Jester Milf Hunting Tsundere Catboy Furry Cowboy Bottom from Texas (or Razz for short, as he tried and failed to tell Prince Kieran) was whisked away to be bathed and made.... presentable.
When Razz entered the garden, he saw prince Kieran passed out face first into a bowl of soup. Fearing he would drown in lentils, Razz rushed over and shook the prince awake.
Kieran sat up, looking mildly annoyed, and immediately sneezed and shot a bean out of his nose and hit a pigeon.
"Bullseye." He whispered under his breath, before clearing his throat and turning to Razz.
"Ah, Omega Peepaw Walmart Chinese Aussie Ben Shapiro Razzleton Dazzletonussy Redemption the Jizz Jester Milf Hunting Tsundere Catboy Furry Cowboy Bottom from Texas. You're finally back. Thank you for waking me, I suppose. Let us eat, and discuss our marriage."
Razz sat across from Kieran and looked at him through his eyelashes shyly. "Y-y-y-y-y-you can c-c-c-call me Razz..." he said quietly, pointing his fingers together and resisting the urge to say uwu.
Kieran stared at him blankly. "Razz it is then."
Later that night Kieran lay in bed thinking about his meeting with Razz. It was nice, he thought, although slightly awkward, and Razz was attractive enough for him. As his eyes drifted shut, he wondered if Razz was thinking about him as well.