A temporary death in this tiresome reality might not be enough when you have a tired soul . . . it is just too tired.
Sleeping feels an escape,
Before I sleep, I would sigh –
Sigh in relief that it is done,
But every time I wake up,
It is never done;
It is a never ending cycle – an infinite chaos;
My half of the soul is becoming the worst,
It started feeling heavy, slowly being consumed,
And my brain felt like dense;
It is shouting,
It says, "Help."
And I could not do anything about it;
No one knows this suffering,
I only have myself,
And myself is wishing to be in grave.
I thought I was special for having it,
But I am not;
I am having a broken heart and a broken soul,
I just could not resist it;
Everything feels like a war,
And I could not just bring my armors again,
Because I am also human,
I am going tired;
I am so tired of fighting,
Why do I feel I am fighting this battle alone?
I am tired of fighting alone,
Could anyone help me?
Could anyone save me?
Could anyone fight for me?
Or at least . . . could anyone run away with me?
Because I am really tired,
Drowning in this never ending ocean,
Without anyone to hold a hand;
It is just lonely,
It is like having friends,
But not having a circle of friends;
Huh . . .
I hope I was like others,
Who do not waste my time in this,
But I am like this;
I hope I was like them,
Who face life without any doubts,
But I am like this;
I just feel so . . . alone . . . and lonely,
Heart is beating so fast in panic,
It is scary.
Tears are flowing on like lava;
I just want to see the sun rise again with a smile on my face,
With faith, courage, and hope – a gold it taste,
With sparkle in my eyes,
Because now,
I feel like I am just waiting for the sun to comes up,
To stop this cycle that is most vulnerable in moon;
I hope someone runs away with me.
Or I hope I come back to my old self,
Because I know my old self would not feel this way;
Huh . . . what happened to me now?
I think I must divert my attention,
I am tired of crying and thinking about sanction,
Feeling like I am buried alive –
Why not . . . why not just sleep to escape this loneliness?
But even sleeping feels very heavy . . .