TW: Talk of abuse
A/N: we will not shame Nick for being hard on Demi when he's protecting his children.
*Nick's POV*
There's nothing quite like a toddlers birthday to really dampen your day.
We planned to just spend the day with Greyson, give him sweets and his gift.. really make today all about him.. but none of that went to plan.
It started in the morning, and it really set the tone for the day.
Greyson and Demi got in a huge fight this morning over who knows what, which got Greyson a spanking for whatever he mouthed off at Demi, and sent to his room. Demi cried on the couch for about an hour whilst I hung out with Lennox, constantly asking if she wanted to be consoled or left alone.
With Lennox crawling now, Buddy has become her favorite thing.
She squeals and screams anytime the poor dog comes into the room, crawling over to him and tugging at his tail which makes him run away, and then she cries.
By 9am, Lennox was in a mood because Buddy wanted nothing to do with her, Demi was pissed off, stomping around the house and Greyson wouldn't leave his bedroom.
I made him birthday pancakes, and they sat cold on the table for over an hour before he made any sign of coming downstairs.
"Can you just apologize to him so we can move on? It's his birthday for god sake" I pleaded to Demi and she shook her head, passing me and grabbing Buddy's leashing.
"I'm going on a walk. I'll be back later. I have my phone" She grumbled, slamming the front door.
I sighed, picking up Lennox to put her in her pack and play before knocking on Greyson's door.
"Grey? Can we talk?"
"I no talk to mommy!" He yelled and I twisted the doorknob, letting myself into his room. "Why do you not want to talk to mommy?" I asked, sitting down on the rug next to him, watching him stack a few Legos.
"Mommy broken! Mommy go back to doctors!"
"Why do you think Mommy needs to go to the doctors?" I asked softly, knowing Demi and Grey haven't always clashed, even when he was a baby.
"Mommy's mean!"
"Why do you think Mommy is mean? Will you tell me what she did?" I asked and he shook his head, clearly still very upset at what had happened hours previous.
I stayed quiet, not knowing how to approach this.
I know I consider him my own child, and he calls me daddy... but I still haven't handled parenting. I normally let things slide, not wanting the young child to hate me.
Demi is a lot more hard core for parenting.
She really wanted to get it right, but Greyson was such a tender soul, that sometimes I questioned if it was doing more harm than good.
Demi was never one to spank him.
She hated using her hands in violence because it reminded her of what happened to her, so it was quite baffling to watch her use her hand in anger.
"Do you want to be left alone for a while? We can maybe go to the park later?" I offered and he nodded, staying quiet.
It was weird to see Greyson maturing. He definitely had his own feelings now, and he was a lot more vocal about them.
I spent the rest of that morning with Lennox, enjoying my time with her before I had to go back on tour for a little bit.
When Demi walked back inside, her face was bright red and puffy and Buddy was panting pretty hard.
"Hey baby, how was your walk?" I asked and she stayed quiet, putting fresh water in Buddy's bowl.
"Demi?"
"Not now Nick"
"Then when? It's your son's third birthday, are you really going to let some back talk ruin that?"
"Fuck off Nick"
"Demi"
"Did he fucking tell you he wished I wasn't here?! NO! SO BACK THE FUCK OFF!" She yelled, quickly climbing the staircase, Lennox starting to cry.
Great.
I consoled Lennox, calming her down and changing her diaper before putting her in her pack and play so I could go find Demi.
"Demetria-"
"Fuck off Nick!"
"No. You're going to talk to me. We aren't going backwards so you fuck off and start talking. You're not ruining your child's birthday because you got your feelings hurt"
"Shut up Nick"
"No. Stop being a bratty teenager and go fucking apologize to your son for hitting him! You don't hit our children, and if this is the new you, I don't want it! You will not be hitting our children. Go fucking apologize to him, now"
"He deserved it! You didn't hear what he said to me!"
"Oh, the same way you deserved to be beaten because you didn't want to willingly open your legs for your ex? Or the way you didn't want to cook him food because you were sick? Or sorry, the same way you had yet another one of that monsters children? Get a grip Demi. You know first hand how it feels to be used as a punching bag, so go fucking apologize to your son!"
Now she was crying and I felt like I was going in circles.
"Stop-"
"NO! I'm not going to stop! The abused will not become the abuser! Why did you hit him?!"
"Because I was mad" She whimpered.
"And why did Collin hit you?"
"Because he was mad..."
"I get that it was really hard for you, but Greyson doesn't know what he's saying! He's fucking three Demi! THREE! So what, he was mad! Doesn't mean he deserved a fucking spanking! Go apologize to your child now, or get the hell out of my house!"
"Are you kicking me out?!"
"If you don't go say sorry to that innocent child then you deserve no place in my home! You will not hurt these children just because you're hurting! I understand his birthday is a hard day for you, and that his words hurt, but that gives you no right to hurt him back! Now get off your ass and go say sorry to your son or get the hell out of my house and don't come back until you've checked your goddamn attitude because I'll be damned if you hurt these children!"
"Nick-" She started to cry, but I shook my head, holding a stern posture.
"He missed you Demi. You being gone hurt him. He's three Demi. He has feelings and emotions and he reacts to things! You're supposed to be his mother, loving and comforting. He didn't deserve what you did to him, and if you do it again, you're just as bad as your ex! I can't fucking believe you'd do such a thing when you have your own trauma surrounding it! Are you fucking kidding me?! Since when do you ever lay a hand on our children?! I'm giving you two minutes to get your ass in his room and saying fucking sorry or I'm packing your shit for you. I'm not kidding Demi"
I walked out of the room, my blood boiling.
I took a few calming breaths before picking up Lennox and listening to her babble my ear off as I set her on the floor, picking up some dog toys that I've almost tripped on at least a dozen times.
Buddy was running to the window barking at a squirrel in the backyard, Lennox was loudly squealing as she crawled after him, trying to take me out in the process as her knee landed on my foot.
"Lennox Faith, what am I going to do with you?" I sighed, my foot aching from the pressure on such a sensitive area.
I sat in the backyard with Lennox and Buddy, letting the two play and telling the both off for eating things.
Buddy would find a stick and try to eat it, and Lennox kept trying to put grass in her mouth.
The amount of times I've touched a slobbered dog toy and have had to question if it's slobbered from the dog or the baby is unfathomable.
She's definitely at the age where anything and everything that she can reach goes into her mouth, which means I've baby proofed the crap out of my house, and I'm constantly having to tell Greyson to pick up his Legos or to not leave his food around for her to choke on.
The sliding glass door opened and Demi and Greyson walked out hand in hand to the backyard.
I eyed Demi and couldn't read her expression, but Greyson ran over to us and sat down, grabbing the dog toy we were playing with.
I stood up and walked over towards Demi, asking if she apologized.
"I said I was sorry" She replied and I squinted my eyes at her.
"And said it'll never happen again, right?"
"Yes. Now can you stop looking at me like I'm your child. I'm your fucking girlfriend for fuck sake, stop parenting me"
"I'll stop parenting you when you stop making bad parenting choices. You will never again hit a child, do you understand?"
"I said I was sorry! What else do you want?!"
"Change Demi! I want change!"
"I'm working on it! His birthday is a hard day and he said he wished I wasn't here and that he didn't love me and that he wanted to go back! He doesn't want me anymore Nick!"
"Demi you have to understand that you leaving us was hard on everyone. It's not just you going through hell! You tried to fucking kill yourself. You didn't think your son would be affected for the rest of his life?!"
"I wasn't thinking, I just.. I wanted the pain to stop Nick" She spoke quietly, glancing away from me.
"Yeah, and he wants the pain to stop Demi. He hurts too" I walked away, joining Greyson again.
The next few hours Demi was distant, and kept to herself and around 3pm I took Greyson, Lennox and Buddy to the park to go play on the playground letting Buddy run in the enclosed area next to us.
Demi was in charge of wrapping his gift whilst I let her have some alone time to process and calm down.
When we got back, the house smelled sweet and there was music playing throughout my kitchen.
Buddy ended up passing out on the rug by the dining room table, Greyson climbing up on the stool at the counter as I went to lay down a passed out Lennox.
When I came back downstairs, a pacifier in hand, Demi was handing Greyson a spoon that had frosting on it.
"Did you wrap his gift?" I asked and she nodded, a sad look in her eye.
"It's in the living room, look Nick, I'm sorry-"
"We're not talking about it right now Demi. It's his birthday and you've already left quite the impression" I grumbled, and she sighed, staying quiet.
The evening came and Greyson sat in the living room, watching Toy Story and eating pizza.
Devin and Dallas had called to wish him a happy birthday right before pizza got here and Demi's mom texted and said to tell him she said happy birthday which made me roll my eyes.
She could have at least called.
Right before bed, we let Greyson open his gift which was a big Lego toy he had wanted when we were at Walmart getting snacks.
Demi and I let Greyson stay up for a while and play with his new toy, helping him try and build it before it was bath time.
"Remember to not drop anything Grey. Lennox might try and eat it" Demi told her son and he nodded, focused on putting the right piece together.
I loved to watch him concentrate so hard on doing the project. You could just tell how intrigued he was and he clung onto every direction Demi or I would give him as we read the directions, helping him find the pieces.
"Are you sure he's three?" I asked and Demi smiled, nodding.
"Yeah, he's three" she sighed, gazing lovingly towards her toddler, handing him a red and black Lego piece to assemble.
That night after we got him in bed, Demi walked out of the shower, her sleep shirt hugging her bump.
"I'm sorry for today" She said, putting her earrings in a jewelry dish on my dresser.
"Just don't let it happen again" I murmured, looking back down at my phone.
"I won't, I promise"
"Good"
"Nick, are you going to be mad at me all night?"
"Was planning on it"
"I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say it? I made a mistake. It's what I'm good at. I'm sorry I spanked him. I wasn't thinking. He wasn't listening and he said some pretty hurtful things. I know he doesn't understand, and I know he's just a baby, but he pushed the right nerve. I know it's no excuse, and I promise it won't happen again. Can you please stop being mad at me" She begged and I sighed, looking up from my phone, shutting it off and locking it.
"You were mean to him today"
"I know and I'm sorry!" She whined.
"Sorry doesn't cut it Demi. We don't hit our children"
"I fucked up, I know and I'm truly sorry-"
"Stop saying sorry. It's starting to lose its meaning" I grumbled, tired of going in circles
"Nick-"
"Demi, you're fucking 29. You knew better" I groaned, still not being able to wrap my head around what she did. "I don't understand how you hit him, when that's your trauma!"
"I don't know-"
"You said you were better, and that treatment helped you handle your emotions more. Was it just a lie to come home? I understand you'll be going to therapy for a lifetime and that you're always going to be struggling but what you did today wasn't okay. He's barely three Demi and he's had a rough year. He didn't deserve to be yelled at like that let alone hit. I'm incredibly disappointed in you and your parenting today. I'm done with this conversation. You've drained me. Goodnight Demi"
"Nick please talk to me" Demi whined and I sighed, rolling over.
"I don't want to talk to you Demi. I want to go to bed"
"But I said I was sorry" She whined.
"Yeah, I heard and I'll hear it again the next time you mess up. Goodnight Demi"
"You didn't say you loved me" She whimpered, my eyes still closed.
"You gave me nothing to love today. I'm not going to say something I don't mean. Goodnight Demi"
~
I walked to Lennox's nursery around 4am, hearing her cries from the monitor
"Shh, it's okay. Come here baby" I lifted her out of her crib, taking her to the changing table.
Once she was clean, I sat down in the rocker with her, handing her her pacifier.
We sat there rocking for a little while, and when I looked up in the doorway, Demi was leaning against the door frame.
"I'm sorry" She whispered and I nodded, looking back down at my baby. "I mean it Nick"
"I know"
"Then why are you still mad at me?"
"Sorry doesn't take the anger away Demi"
"But.... But I'm sorry"
"I know"
"Nick-"
"I need to get her back to bed" I muttered, carefully standing up with my daughter and slowly transferring her to her crib.
When I left her room, Demi was sitting on the stairs crying.
I sighed and walked back to our bedroom, climbing back under the covers.
I woke up that morning around 6:30, Lennox screaming through the monitor and before I could get up to go get her, I heard Demi talking to her softly.
"I know, teething sucks" She cooed "You're growing up so fast Lennox"
I shut my eyes, listening to my girlfriend talk to my baby.
Demi ended up bringing Lennox into my room, letting her crawl over to me.
"Good morning Len" I kissed the top of her head, my voice rough.
"I changed her diaper and put her in new clothes. She peed through her diaper" Demi informed and I thanked her, pulling Lennox so she was on top of my chest.
"Are you hungry Lennox? Should we go make breakfast?" I asked her, holding on to her as I stood up, keeping her close to my chest.
"Nick?"
"Yes Demi?"
"Are you still mad at me?" She asked and I nodded, walking past her.
Greyson was still passed out, so I placed Lennox in her highchair and let Buddy go outside.
"When are you going to be done being mad at me?" She asked, walking over towards Buddy's food.
"When I forgive you for hitting our child"
"But.. I thought you did forgive me" She frowned and I shook my head, putting some puff snacks on Lennox's tray before making her bottle.
"Nick?"
"What Demi" I groaned, getting agitated.
"You leave today don't you?" She asked and I nodded, giving Lennox her bottle.
"What do you want for breakfast?" I asked my girlfriend, Demi refilling Buddy's water bowl.
"I'm fine. I ate a bunch throughout the night"
"Okay"
"Nick?"
"What Demi"
"Can you stop being mad at me?"
"No Demi"
"But why"
"Because you did something I would've never imagined you'd do. It's pretty hard to forgive someone for that"
"But I didn't mean to"
"But you still did it"
Demi started crying and it hurt to watch her break down, but I couldn't get it out of my head that she hit our child out of anger.
An innocent three year old.
He didn't deserve that.
"When are you leaving?" She asked, her eyes glossy and her voice soft.
"Around dinner time. Are you going to go over to your moms today?"
"No. Madison is there"
I rolled my eyes, over Demi holding grudges.
"She's your sister Demi. Unless you're homophobic, there is no reason you shouldn't go visit her"
"I know I just... I don't know. She isn't exactly on the front of my mind right now. I have bigger worries. Like You and Grey being mad at me/ You're my family Nick. You're all I want. I... please stop being mad at me"
"I won't be mad at you forever. I just need time"
"But....." Demi sighed, glancing away from me.
I walked over to her, my hands lightly touching her jaw to make her look at me.
"I love you. I'm sorry I was mean to you last night, but I wasn't happy with what you did. He didn't deserve that. Just because I didn't love you then, doesn't mean I don't love you now. I have unconditional love for you Demi. Just, at times... you make it hard. Don't take that the wrong way.. but it's hard to say I love you to someone you're mad at, and I'll work on that. I don't want you to ever think I don't love you, even if I'm disappointed in your actions. I'm sorry" I apologized and she nodded.
I leaned down and pecked her lips, letting our kiss linger before I pulled away, brushing some stray hairs out of her face.
"I think you need to see your sister. I'm not saying you need to be buddy buddy with her, but I think you should see her. Talk to her Demi"
"I'll think about it" She sighed, leaning into my touch.
I hated how distraught she looked.
I hated seeing her look broken, and scared...
She was anything but broken.
"Come back to us alright? Our baby girl needs to meet her daddy" Demi smiled softly, her hands taking mine and setting them on her stomach.
"I promise Demi. I'll always come back. You keep my children safe okay? Speaking of, we haven't really talked about if you wanted to hang out with Lennox when I'm gone? She's normally with Priyanka whilst I'm on tour"
"You mean like... us.. alone?" Demi asked and I nodded.
Demi quickly shook head which made me mentally sigh.
"Why not?"
"I... let's not push it okay. I'm trying, but I don't think I'm there yet. We said honesty. I'm being honest"
"Thank you for your honesty. I should probably go take Lennox over to Priyanka's now. Have you thought anymore about selling your house?" I asked her, grabbing a washcloth to clean Lennox's face and hands.
"I will this afternoon. You're giving me quite the to-do list" She giggled and I smiled, nodding.
"I believe in you"
"You weren't saying that earlier" Demi muttered and I sighed.
Before I could say anything, she walked out the patio door to see Buddy, and I knew today was going to be another long day.
I felt bad for looking forward to going on tour, but I feel like Demi and I need some time alone.
If anything, it's making me nervous about the idea of living together.
I know I love her... I just feel like neither one of us are ready. Especially with all of the big life changes that have happened..
What if she wants to move in?
She's over here often...
I decided to take a deep breath and just let the dominoes fall however they were going to.
There was no stopping fate.
* * * *
Lil filler 🙈
Possible last update before my birthday! (Growing up is scary) lol
Written on: June 16th, 18th, 20th 2022
Published on: June 20th 2022
Word Count: 3433