Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. ~Phil Donahue
Luke's POV
I walked into a store, it was probably two in the afternoon. I had picked up several bottles of pain-relievers. To help the constant headaches I had. When I checked out the woman looked at me with confusion.
"Hey..Aren't you Luke Hemmings?" She asked when she saw me. I flashed a smile.
"Ah, no ma'am. You must be confusing me with someone else." I smiled politely. I had done that every time someone asked if I was Luke Hemmings. I did not want to be known as that man anymore.
"Huh, well my bad." She smiled as she bagged the pills and I walked out of the store. Shoving the back into my coat pocket. I had no idea where I was going, I would wish to wander around slightly. But I did not want to run into anymore people. Asking if I had cheated on Michael. I always said that I did not; as Ashton had advised me.
I let out a sigh as I ran a hand down my face.
"Luke!" I heard someone yell my name. I turned to see Calum standing behind me with Ashton on his right. I was wide eyed. I was especially shocked as Calum threw his arms around me and started crying, in the middle of public.
"C-Cal!?" I squeaked.
"I am so sorry.." Calum sobbed on my shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We went too far, I am so sorry.."
I smiled slightly as I pushed Calum back so I could see his face. I shook my head slowly as I wiped his face. "It's alright."
"No it's not." Calum sighed. "I'm sorry, I am."
"I get it." I nodded. "I really do understand that you are apologizing. And I forgive you, even when I shouldn't."
"I know and I'll be grateful for it for the rest of my life." Calum smiled. "Are you alright?"
I nodded. "I'm going to go talk to Ivan." I had spent much of my time with Ivan after that incident a week ago. He would just constantly get me drunk and was nice enough to let me cry in his office without babying me or getting annoyed with me. I was also there to help him make decisions, he appreciated that.
"Want us to come with you?" Ashton asked and I shook my head. Ashton nodded, as if he understood what this would be about. Even though he did not.
"Tell Michael I said hi." I sighed as I turned and walked away from the two boys. I kept my eyes cast down towards the sidewalk. I was slowly making my ways towards Ivan's office. The only chance of me walking faster was when I was approached by other's asking about Michael and I.
It was always about Michael. Michael was some god to the world. I was nothing more then a rat. The worst part about it is that Michael treated himself like a god. He was only concerned with himself.
And I had no idea why I liked him the way I did.
Hell, I still like him all the same.
I keep reminding myself that this is my fault, that Michael did not do anything, it is my fault. Not his, mine. Just keep saying that. That will make everything better when I go to apologize. If he would only give me the time of day for once.
I finally reached Ivan's office and walked up the stairs instead of the possible interaction with other's in the elevator. I reached the door and saw Manny outside. He gave a sad smile to me, which I returned, before walking into Ivan's office.
"Hey Luke." Ivan said without even looking at me. "How are you today?"
"The same as yesterday."
Ivan looked to me with a small smile, I knew he was going to try and joke to lighten up the mood. "Do you want me to call a therapist yet?"
"Not quite, I haven't completely lost my mind." I shook my head slowly as I sat down in the chair. Ivan immediately passed a bottle of beer over to me.
"Alright, tell me all about your day, I wish to hear about it." Ivan said, there was no sarcasm in his voice. He really did want to hear about it. "I swear I should write a book about you and Michael. I know enough about it, it'll be better then fifty shades of gray."
"My day was bad, thank you for asking." I said as I ignored his second comment. Ivan looked to me and gestured for me to continue. "Calum literally ran crying to me with an apology, he was with Ashton. I guess he has some sort of guilt."
"I have something that might make you feel better. Besides a good drink." Ivan smiled as he turned his computer around. I saw twitter, the place I had avoided for so long. I leaned forward and read the tweet he had clicked on.
"Michael tweeted it was rumor? Or was that you?" I asked.
Ivan shook his head. "No it was indeed Michael. I called and asked, I think he's starting to see his ways."
"For now."
"What do you mean?"
"Michael always learns that he's done something wrong. But every time that happens he does something worse afterwards. I don't know what else he could do to me." I said slowly as I looked into the bottle. "Ivan he doesn't care about me, he only cares about himself. Do you know how it feels to love someone who doesn't give a damn about you?"
"You love Michael?" Ivan asked and I felt myself turn red.
"D-Did I say that?" I asked. Ivan nodded. "I..I don't know."
"How could you love him, is the real question. I don't understand how you remain to care about him even after all of this." Ivan said. "Is there any point for you to want to stay with him?"
"No.." I sighed.
"I'm not trying to hurt you Luke, I'm just trying to show you that this might not be best for you." Ivan said. "I'm starting to worry. I'm beginning to think you're going to give yourself alcohol poisoning."
"Yeah." I sighed. "Look, Ivan. I think I'm going to try and talk to Michael. One last time, okay?" Ivan nodded.
I stood up and walked out of the room. Heading downstairs and out of the building. Eventually I reached the hotel and walked into our room.
"Cal is that you?" Michael walked in the room and saw me. "Oh, just you." I smiled and nodded. "Luke?" I turned my eyes over to Michael. "How come you didn't tell me about what actually happened?" I shrugged. "Ashton said you thought I wouldn't believe you."
"You could say that." I shrugged.
"Well.." Michael sighed. "See my tweet? Is that why you're back?"
"Somewhat."
"Well, I only tweeted it because Ashton threatened to leave the band if I didn't." Michael shrugged. He was not just going to go lenient on me, now was he?
"Figures." I muttered, folding my arms and beginning to walk through the room.
"Luke." Michael sighed. I stopped and turned to him. For a moment he got a wicked grin on his face - he was not done torturing me yet. Michael took my hands in his as he leaned close to my ear so I could keep his hot breath. "Do I still get under your skin?"
"M-Mikey.." I muttered.
"I do." Michael smiled as he leaned back. "Good to know that I'll always have you around my finger."
This, is where my temper was lost.
"Oh bite me." I snarled. "You think you're just some god don't you!? You think you're a hotshot and you can get anything you want in the world. Well as much as a nobody that I am, you are ten times worse then I am Michael. You aren't even scum, there is no amount of hell that could describe you."
"I love when you get frustrated." Michael smiled and I felt my face turn red with embarrassment. "It's cute."
"Michael knock it off." I scoffed.
"But Luke," Michael smirked as he bit down on his lip, walking closer to me. "Don't you care about me?"
"Michael.."
"C'mon, you must!" Michael smiled as he put his hands on my face. He leaned closer so that his lips were not quite touching mine, but almost. I wanted to lean in and close the gap. I tried, but Michael leaned backwards. "See, I still have you. I like it." Michael poked my nose with a smile.
"Why are you doing this to me.." I mumbled. "Why are you doing this!?" I felt my eyes burn. "I can't do this anymore.."
"What?" Michael asked. I turned away and walked into the bathroom, locking the door. I pulled out the bottles of pills out of my pocket and immediately began popping off the caps.
"Luke!?" Michael yelled from the other side of the door. "Luke..Come out."
"Screw you." I commented as with a shaking hand I put five pills down. Struggling to swallow them.
"What are you doing?" Michael sighed.
"Popping pills." I mumbled. I thought Michael wouldn't hear it. My eyes began to fill with tears as I shoved another four down my throat. At this point my hands began to shake so I dropped one of the bottles and spilt the pills in the sink and heard them make a loud clanging noise.
"Luke!?" Michael yelled. "Luke open this door now!"
"No!" I screamed as tears ran down my face.
"Luke I swear to god I will call Ashton." Michael said but I ignored him as I swallowed six pills.
Eventually I lost count as my vision fogged while time ticked on, not a lot if I could say. Eventually I fell on the ground as I could no longer hold myself up.
"Luke!" I heard Michael scream.
"Luke open this damn door!" That was Ashton.
"Luke Robert Hemmings!" This time it was Calum.
I remember hearing the door slam open and immediately being moved around.
"This is going to suck.." Michael groaned and I felt his fingers down my throat as my stomach's contents spilt onto the floor. "Luke?"
"Give him a minute.." Ashton mumbled.
"Screw that, I'm calling nine-one-one." Calum snapped.
"N-No.." I mumbled. "I-I'm still a-awake.."
"Luke.." Michael mumbled. "Luke I hate you so much." At this point Michael was full on sobbing as he held me closer to him. My head was dizzy and my vision was barely cleared, but I was clearly not going to die.
"Now do you see what you've done!" Ashton screamed.
"Ash, shut the hell up.." I grumbled.
"Sorry.." Ashton sighed. "Michael get Luke out of his vomit please."
"Get out of the bathroom and I'll clean him." Michael commented and I heard the door shut. "Luke? Can you hear me?" I nodded my head. "Your head just keeps rolling back and forth, so I can't tell."
I mumbled something incoherent.
"Well when you can actually form words, we need to talk." Michael said quietly as he lifted me and leaned me against the wall. At this point my vision had cleared to that of a drunk man's. Michael was cleaning the bathroom, I noticed a tear fall with every pill he picked up off the floor. In my vomit there were still whole pills. I had not gotten that far, but I assumed a little longer would have been long enough.
"Luke, stop looking at me.." Michael sniffled. I did not listen. "Luke please.." I turned my eyes off to the side. "T-Thank you.."
After a while, my vision had finally cleared and Michael had finished cleaning the bathroom. My eyes were casted up at the ceiling. When I thought of something.
"I tried killing myself." I said, to no one besides myself.
"L-Luke..I-I kn-know.." Michael stuttered beside me. "W-We need t-to get you bathed." I sighed. "I-I know.."
I turned my eyes to Michael who was sitting on the left of me. Tears were streaming down his face. So with a lazy hand I leaned over and wiped his face, as soon as my hand went to drop down Michael grabbed it and held it in his hands as he sobbed.
"I'm sorry.." Michael mumbled. "I'm sorry.."
"I-I see that.." I muttered.
"Luke, I'm sorry.." Michael looked up to me. "I'm a bad person, I know. I'm sorry though. Please don't do that again." At this point Michael leaned his head on my shoulder. "I-I love you so you can't do that."
"W-What.." I mumbled as I went wide eyed.
"I-I love you?" Michael lifted his head.
"You-You either do or you d-don't." I said.
"I do." Michael nodded. "I love you, yeah. I love you." Michael nodded a few more times. "I would kiss you but you're gross."
"That's your fault." I mumbled.
"I-I just di-didn't want you to d-die.." Michael mumbled.
"Next time do me a favor and let it happen."
Michael shook his head furiously. "There won't be a next time. T-That'll never happen again.." I nodded my head slowly. "Now baby?" I turned my eyes to him. "Don't look so sad, cause you gotta strip down."
AUTHOR'S NOTIFICATION
This was actually two chapters, but I was lazy and just made it two because I was too lazy to find another quote to go at the top. xD Ariana will be fine. PFFFFFFFF. Anyways, look now you get a super LONG update. *Giggles* This was cute and sad all at the same time. I'm not sure how I feel.
Hugs, Kisses, Cuddles and Serenades xX