It was very safe on the way home, and there were no illegitimate children chasing the car. The driver first sent Jiang Xiaofu to the door of the house, and then sent the two back to the apartment in the city center.
Jiang Liushen saw that Xia Xiai was sleeping deeply and was not willing to wake him up. He straightened him up and leaned on the back seat. He got out of the car first, walked to the other side to open the door, and was about to bend over to carry the person out, but saw the child He opened his eyes and woke up suddenly.
"Wake you up?" Jiang Liu said warmly, "I'll carry you in, you're too sleepy to walk."
"No, I can walk by myself." Xia Xiai got out of the car by herself, lowered her head and lowered her eyes. , "Let's go."
Jiang Liushen thought he was shy, so he didn't insist any longer, and the two took the elevator upstairs together. After entering the house, Jiang Liushen was thinking about when to speak, but he heard Xia Xiai say, "I'm going to sleep first."
"Wait a minute." Jiang Liushen stopped him, not wanting to miss the beautiful atmosphere created today, "I have something to tell you."
Xia Xiai stopped when she turned around, her face paled a little under the light of the overhead light, she bit her lip and looked away.
"I'll talk about it tomorrow, I'm... very tired now."
Jiang Liushen was a little surprised. He thought that Xia Xiai was just like him at the moment, and couldn't wait to express his feelings.
"Are you that tired?" He stepped forward, trying to fight for himself again, "I'll just say a few words, and then go to sleep after listening, okay?"
Xia Xiai raised her eyes, her dark eyes looked at him, and said no What emotion was Qing Qing: "I might not be able to fall asleep after listening to it..."
Jiang Liu smiled deeply, the child is so cute, and he was worried that he would not be able to sleep after listening to his confession. With a soft heart, he said softly, "Okay, let's talk about it tomorrow, you can go to sleep."
Xia Xiai said softly, "Yeah," and turned around and entered her room.
After closing the door, he did not turn on the light, leaned back against the door panel, and quietly listened to the sounds outside in the dark.
He heard Jiang Liushen's footsteps gradually moving away, went to the bedroom door, opened the door, walked in, and closed the door.
There was silence outside the house.
The same is true in the house.
Xia Xi'ai stood like a cold and stiff statue. After an unknown amount of time, she pressed her back against the door panel and slid down little by little, until she sat down on the ground slumped, hugged her legs with her bent legs, buried her head, and curled up. a group.
He heard it.
It wasn't intentional to eavesdrop, but he was a light sleeper. He woke up most of the time just after the car bumped, and heard what Jiang Liushen was saying in a daze. Before he could fully wake up and make a sound, he heard what Jiang Xiaofu said afterward.
Fang Mao... This was the first time he heard the name, and he didn't know who the other party was, but he was not stupid. From the words "depression", "jumping off the building" and "fans" they mentioned, after a little association, it was roughly the same. Guess the story.
A few months ago, on the first night in Athens, Jiang Liushen also said something similar:
"I just thought of another person who had a similar experience with you."
"Suicide." Said
these two sentences that night . The words flowed deep, and the tone was unusually heavy. He had always had doubts about this, but later Jiang Liushen never showed that emotion again, so he gradually forgot about it.
Until I heard tonight's conversation.
In the silent room, there was only the sound of hard breathing.
Xia Xiai pressed her chest tightly, trying her best to force the tingling heartbeat to stop, but it was useless.
The brain was chaotic, filled with those words, and it was so swollen that it was about to burst. If possible, he would like to pull the memory from the car out of his mind, crush it and discard it, and never recall a single word again. However, he reminisced over and over again uncontrollably, eager to find out whether the facts were true or not.
Before being completely swallowed by the darkness, he finally raised his head. Rubbing his sore eyes, he took out his mobile phone and opened it. Enduring the harsh light, he tapped the screen with his whitish fingertips, and entered "Jiang Liushen, Fang Mao" in the search box.
No results were found.
Then I replaced the word "Mao" with other homophones, but still nothing.
It looks like someone has dealt with messages on the Internet. Xia Xiai thought about it, changed her mind, and typed in the words "Jiang Liushen, fans, suicide".
This time there is a result.
In a gossip forum, there was a post more than a year ago, which mentioned that a depression patient committed suicide by jumping off a building. The patient lived alone without parents. Netizens expressed their sympathy for this. Some people found the person's Weibo and wanted to express their condolences. They accidentally discovered that the man who jumped off the building was a fan of Jiang Liushen. The release date of Shen's new film "Flying".
Since the male protagonist played by Jiang Liushen in "Flying" was a depressed patient, and finally ended his life by jumping off a building, netizens speculated that the male fan was deeply influenced by it after watching the movie and wanted to imitate his idol , to break free from the disease and gain permanent freedom.
Seeing that this matter is about to trigger a large-scale discussion, suddenly, the male fan's Weibo account was cancelled for some reason, all the content was cleared, and the discussion blogs about this matter also disappeared one after another.
The owner of the thread concluded at the end: [Obviously, Mrs. Jiang has suppressed it, and the evidence is gone. Believe it or not what I said. ]
Most of the replies below were questioning, and many people replied: [Even if this is true, what's the matter with Jiang Liushen? It's not his fault. ]
It's not really Jiang Liushen's fault. Xia Xiai thought to herself, but Jiang Liushen must know the fan named Fang Mao, otherwise he would not be deeply affected by the other party's suicide and go abroad for a year, and he would not regret why he didn't enlighten the other party.
Not to mention... regard a person with a similar life experience as a target to make up for his faults.
The phone slid from the trembling fingers, and fell to the ground with a bang, the screen went dark, and the room returned to darkness.
Xia Xiai hugged her bent legs and curled up even tighter.
Jiang Liushen's care and tenderness towards him turned out to be due to his debt to another person.
Perhaps from the night he learned of his life experience, Jiang Liushen had already overlapped him and the late fan. That's why I made him popular, gave him a chance to play a movie, bought strawberries, introduced friends, helped him to clarify rumors, and made him happy... All of this is because Jiang Liushen felt his guilt towards others. , transferred to him.
Jiang Liushen was atonement, but he thought that Jiang Liushen liked him.
Xia Xiai pressed the back of her head against the door panel, raised her head blankly, her eyes fell into the darkness without blinking, gradually sour, overflowing with warmth and humidity, sliding across her face, but he wanted to laugh.
Laugh at yourself for being self-motivated, laugh at yourself for being self-sufficient.
He had clearly realized the huge gap between them several times, but he was fascinated by the care and thoughtfulness of the other party, delusional that they were in love with each other.
There is no place for him to be deeply loved by Jiang Liu.
A rookie singer from the countryside, who has never released a great song, has never won a significant award, is not good enough, and has a bunch of messy black history. In terms of popularity and status, it is several grades worse than Jiang Liushen, and in terms of family background and ability, it is even more distant.
He lived such a big life, even when he was wandering on the street, he didn't feel how bad he was. But now, compared with Jiang Liushen, he suddenly felt that he was useless.
Where does self-confidence come from to be liked by others?
If it weren't for his similarities with the fan named Fang Mao, Jiang Liushen might still only regard him as a "fun and interesting newcomer", just to make fun of him, he would not give him resources, would not Be friends with him, won't sign him, and won't save him when he's in a desperate situation.
He will not take him seriously from start to finish.
He should feel grateful now. The luck that others can't ask for has come to him. As long as he pretends not to know it and continues to maintain the status quo, Jiang Liushen will continue to take care of him and spoil him. Maybe... I really like it. he.
But this kind of love mixed with other emotions, he didn't want it.
His love for Jiang Liushen did not contain any impurities, no guilt for others, and no gratitude for the second chance given by God. It was pure love and admiration.
He does not want unequal feelings.
If this relationship is destined to be unequal from the source, then let's stop there.