X
TO SOMEONE WHO KNOWS TO MUCH
Paying attention to either commander Pxyis' loud voice or Armins big plan was proving difficult for you. Your eyes kept wandering out toward the land infront of you - vast and long, where Titans roamed. You were sure you had come across this part once when you ventured away from home, or maybe it was similar to something you'd dreamt up at one point. It wasn't something you'd rule out of the realm of possibility, although your desire to go beyond the walls wasn't as strong as Armins, seeing something new was still a nice thought.
So dreaming of something so mundane - yet beautiful - was a possible thought.
And if you looked over the other side of the wall, there were only people. Huge groups of both Garrison, Scouts and Cadets gathered in horror and shock after learning of the truth - of a human that can turn into a human. You couldn't blame the ones that began walking away, if it were you down there... If it weren't someone like Eren - who you'd known your entire life, you would probably be one of them. Yet you were standing beside Armin now, which grounded your desicion in battle.
"Protecting Eren, huh?" You mumbled, catching the jist of what plan Armin thought up after listening in for the last second. "How about us humans lift the rock and Eren fights off the titans?" You lifted your palms in a shrug, shaking your head. Closing your eyes helped you miss the crazed look Armin gave you, he was used to your crazy comments now and then. For the most part, he could never tell what you were thinking.
"I think it's possible -"
"Don't be crazy, [Firstname]." You were startled by Erens sudden enterance, you were sure he was still by Pyxis' side. "I'm not even sure if I can lift up that boulder... Forget leaving it to you guys." You turned your head to look at him as he stood next to you, an eyebrow raised.
In mock offensive, you turned your head away from him. "Well, collectively, maybe all of humanity can lift it up." You crossed your arms, your head slowly turning - your eyes meeting eachothers. "Believe it or not, teamwork actually works."
Eren stared at you, eyes blinking rapidly before his attention eventually wandered toward Mikasa and Armin. He looked sheepish - must've been a result of the hard task he was given.
"I know you're only joking, but you can rely on me." He balled his fists, "I believe in all of you guys, so believe in me!" You spared him a glance before turning your head away. You always had the feeling that you went a bit too far too often. And you weren't sure if now was one of those times.
"Of course, Eren. I'll do my duty to protect you, whatever it takes." Mikasa spoke up, taking a step closer. "I promised mom that I would always do that."
Before Eren could think up any rude comeback, you spoke. "You don't have to beg for us to believe in you." You mumbled. You were never great at being sappy, especially in lighter situations - now that you didn't have the chance of getting eaten at any second on top of the walls - you were finding it hard to comfort him. "We believe in you."
Armin nodded in agreement, "You're the only hope Humanity has left, Eren." The blonde always knew exactly what got the three of you motivated for anything. He could tell by the sudden spark in Erens eye that it worked, having him nodding his head before the brunette looked you all over, eyes lingering for a second as if it were his last day.
You placed a hand on his shoulder, finally thinking of just what to say. "Go out there and show humanity whose side your on." Now his attention was solely on you, eyes wide. "Even if you mess up, you've gotta keep your own goal in mind." He watched as you lifted the back of your palm up to his face - he should've expected you to flick his forehead, yet he didn't move.
"You're right..." He turned his body toward you now, ready to speak - but was interrupted before he could.
"Ackermann, we need you on the team protecting Jaeger." From what you could tell, it was another Garrison captain. "Hop to it you four, we can't delay any further."
You weren't aware of any delays in plans, but you didn't take a second longer to turn with Armin, running along side with him with Mikasa and Eren ran the other away. Though instead of staying with the blonde, you had to separate - taking refuge along with straggling groups - the groups tasked with taking down any of those straggler titans that hadn't been attracted by the mass on the wall - or by Eren - who as far as you could hear, hadn't transformed yet.
Well... You expected to hear him transform. Based off of what you heard earlier, just some baseless speculation.
"Erens really a titan, huh?" Reiner asked beside you, sweat lining his face as he looked ahead of him. As if on cue, you heard it, the loud sound of thunder striking in the air followed by the sound of crashing. Alarming, but it wasn't as if you could run off to find Eren.
"I'm sure that answers your question..." You mumbled, eyes trained on the titan in front of you - since there was still a hole in the wall, you were sure that there were more and more pouring in by the second. Reiner didn't seem to be prying anymore to talk to you - talks between the two of you weren't very fruitful. He always tried to speak to you more - he always thought you were... Familiar. Similiar to someone he knew before - someone that wasn't quite you. But close enough.
"I'm not sure how I feel about this... How do we know Erens even on our side?" Reiner chuckled breathlessly, causing you to glance toward him, your eyes narrowing.
"The hells that supposed to mean? Think you can turn into a titan to save us?" You scoffed, not missing the way he stiffened under your gaze before you looked away. "Snap out of whatever land you're in, Reiner. Do you really think Eren would betray humanity because he can turn into a titan all of a sudden?" Although you weren't always the nicest wih Eren - instead opting to always tease and mock him - he was still your friend. A long-time friend you'd known even before your life had gone to shit.
"Let's not fight, you guys... We need to focus on the mission." Marco reminded you from behind, a sigh escaping his lips. To him - it seemed like every little thing was getting on your nerves today. Not that he could blame you for it, but you had to stay focused on the task at hand.
"... We weren't fighting." Reiner sighed, "... And you're right, [Firstname], I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk down on the only hope for humanity." You felt your mouth part open at his apology - unexpected and unneeded on his part. If anything, it should've been you apologizing.
"No.... I should be apologizing. I was the one to start something out of a reasonable fear." You mumbled, spewing out what felt like your first apology in years. You understood now why others would see Reiner as an older brother - he managed to unwind the situation you began, as well as opting an apology out of you without even asking for it.
"So I'm... Sorry, Reiner. But you don't have to worry, even if he faces trouble, Eren won't go after us. If there's one thing I know about him, it's that he cares a lot more for the people in the Cadet Corps then he lets on." It was silent after that - and you found yourself turning your head to see if he was even listening - to which he was, he was even looking at you. But with the scariest face, you were sure he could muster - full of shadows and dull eyes, along with his parted lips. It looked like he was in a daze if anything.
That's why you quickly turned your head away, letting Bertholdt place a hand on Reiners shoulder to snap him out of whatever he was thinking. So you instead turned to Marco as a distraction - who was staring ahead before he looked toward you, meeting your eye. On any other day, he would've gotten sheepish under your gaze - but in front of you now of all days - he could only offer you a tired sigh. The long day only reminded him that hunting titans was out of his league - serving under the king was the title meant for him. He shared Jeans apprehension when it came to the fact that the title was just a single day away - but that was it, just a day away. And things were being to look up now, the title at this point was just a little bit away. He just had to tough it out.
"Y'know... I got assigned over here because Armin decided it'd be easier on my injuries... Since he thought I wouldn't want to lie down and rest..." You laughed breathlessly, glancing back at the canon behind you, it hadn't been loaded. But the Titan seemed far enough to not worry over it now - what was more concerning was the amount of houses in shambles and smoke. "I'm sure all of us would kill to get some shut-eye right now."
Marco managed to muster a smile, "You're right about that, but we've made it this far to lose hope." You stared at his side profile, eyes wide as you could just see the rose-tinted title you were starting to see him in - it was something you did with a lot of the people - and it almost never turned out to be right.
"Haha... As impressive as always, Marco." You smiled, "You really always see the positive side of things, don't you? I'm almost jealous..."
Marco looked back at you, eyes wide. People always went on about how he was too kind and positive - that is was a weakness. But you were impressed, jealous of that - it was definitely a first. It was also the first time his cheeks ever went pink at something you said - or maybe it was the fond look you were giving him that had him embarassed.
"Y-you think so? That's the first time anybodys ever told me that." People would compliment him for being a natural leader - it was flattering - but being complimented for something as natural as positivity to him was something else. "You know, a lot of people think you're impressive too, [Firstname]. Jean said a lot about you one we were at headquarters." He was trying to change the topic.
"Only good things, I hope..." Your smile faltered - all of a sudden interested in what Jean had to say. Your image in other people's eyes was important to you.
"Of course, I don't think Jean has ever had a single bad thought about you. Except maybe the time you called him Jeancito for a month straight after his mom visited."
You smiled at the memory, your nerves beginning to die down. "I almost forgot about that... It was such a cute nickname though." Your gaze fell to where Reiner and Bertholdt stood - they seemed to be having a nonchalant conversation of their own before you looked back ahead of you. "I'm sure he misses that."
"It's definitely something.." Marco chuckled under his breath. It looked like his own nerves were finally dying down - so he lead you to one of the unloaded canons - asking you for help. In return - you looked toward Reiner and Bertholdt, telling them to help out with the second spare one - to which they didn't seem to have a problem with.
Halfway through helping reload the canon, a thought came to mind. Someone else was supposed to be here - filling in some sort of role. A nagging thought couldn't help but fill Annies into its shoes - it could've been thaf she was usually around when Reiner and Bertholdt were - despite her strong disliking for the blond boy - or it could've been those flashing images in your head. That she would be here soon, but under much different circumstances.
You never enjoyed those thoughts that came to mind - the ones where your friends were in horrible danger - or ones that made you react a lot differently to a certain situation that had anyone else shocked and gawking. It reminded you of your father in a way, the memory of his frightful face the day Shiganshina fell... His desperation to get you together with your friends - and only yelling at you to get away when you found him. The pouch full of money was definitely an add-on to that - you still had it to this day, though now you regret not leaving it in the barracks.
Your hand ghosted over your pocket, patting it to feel the wallet tucked under your waistcloth. It'd be hard for it to fall out from there - but it was still a risk you didn't want to take.
You wondered if your new shirt was even worth it at all.
... It was.
Your hand that fumbled with the canon jerked at the loud sound of roaring - definitely Eren, yet so unexpected you had actually triggered the canon - wasting a complete good shell by pur accident, by the angle it was in, it only hit the titans leg.
Though none of your comrades seemed to be concerned by it, their heads instead thrning toward the loud noise - as if they'd be able to see something from the position they were in. You turned your attention from the titan that fell over and toward the same direction they were looking in. The noise was different this time, as if he were in some sort of pain. Maybe the weight of a rock was to heavy on him.
"Look, red smoke." Bertholdt called out, "Looks like he failed." He didn't seem to disappointed, and you didn't have any time to talk back. You had nothing to say anyway, not when the red sinal was clear in he sky.
"Dammit..." You groaned, balling your fist to pound it against your forehead lightly. "What the hells going on over there?"
"Who knows..." Bertholdt brought his right hand over his left arm, rubbing it up and down. "It looks like... Our last hope was for nothing at all..." He looked toward you, your eased expression long-gone - in its place a look of bitterness. "You should check it out, [Firstname]. He's your childhood friend, isn't he?" He proposed, quickly catching your attention.
You stared at him - you were sure he understood how you felt. After all, he knew Reiner just as long as you knew Eren. He knew how it felt to be worried over someone who's been there for so long. And it was definitely making it difficult to deny the idea, especially when the look in his eye was of pure, unfiltered understanding.
"No... I..." The fist on your head flattened itself onto your palm only. "I..."
'No, I never wanted to hurt any of you...'
Your eyes went wide at the sudden new memory in your head, in front of you - a boy with long brown hair, his head hung low.
'If I actually had the choice, you... Armin... Mikasa... None of you would have had to even join the scouts.'
The voice wasn't too familiar, and you couldn't catch sight of the boy's face - which was lowered to the floor. Where he sat was some sort of grainy textured substance, something you couldn't name if you tried. Besides, it was off base. The scouts was far from your top choice now that you were going through a real experience with titans.
'But I wouldn't have made it this far without you guys. It was Armin that helped me out when I lost control the first time I transformed. If it weren't for him, I'm sure they would've just killed me along with the rest of the titans.'
This memory was vivid - and definitely longer in length compared to the other memories you'd seen up until now. You saw the boy look up at you - his green eyes staring into you - like you were actually there, whenever this memory was playing. This was Eren, it had to be. He looked different - but that's what aging did to someone... Though you never saw him grow older than you. It was a wonder how you hadn't gone insane with all of the out-of-place non-lived memories in your head.
But you'd take what he said seriously. Armin was the one to help him during his transformation, this had to fall under that. His 'first' transformation - he wasn't even aware he could transform before or after that. His second one was only half-assed, he didn't actually control the titan. So now that he was out there on a duty, consciously knowing he was a titan - this had to be his first transformation.
"I'll be fine..." You shook your head in an attempt to get the vision out of your head. "Eren will be fine." Your hand slowly lowered itself from your forehead, "We have to focus, don't you guys see how many titans are coming in?" You brushed by Bertholdt, sparing him a look. "Thanks for the concern, Bertholdt."
'You never told me why you joined the scouts, [Firstname]. Your answer always changed.'
The memory was back like some sort of bad headache. It was actually beginning to piss you off.
'Rations... Reclaiming Shiganshina... Helping your friends - even stooped so low to say you didn't have a reason. But you knew too much for that to be the case, so why...?'
Your hand returned to your face - but this time you pinched the bridge of your nose in annoyance. "I've already answered that question in full honesty before..."
"I'm joining to change fate."
Marco, Reiner and Bertholdt looked upon your retreating form, they all heard you mumbling under your breath - but they weren't quite sure what it was. Though it didnt do much to slow them from following you, though you didn't have any real idea where you were leading them. To the top of the walls - that would be a good idea, getting them to safety. But you found your attention distracted by Eren - he was finally moving. Whatever had happened earlier was just some minor inconvenience.
Your stop was sudden - but you had enough distance between you and the others for them to have a safe landing behind you - no, Marco landed behind you. Reiner and Bertholdt landed far ahead, alone - to talk about whatever was on their minds. For some reason - the postions the four of you were in were reminding you of your wish of changing fate.
"He's... Actually doing it." Marco gasped, eyes wide and sweat heavy on his face. "Humanity can actually win this battle." The group of you was far from the gate, but you could just about see the top of that boulder - though the inconvenient streams of smoke flooding from the rooves were did well at obscuring your vision.
He shook his head. "We should focus on defending Eren, don't you think? I'll get Reiner and Bertholdt." He spoke, not waiting for your response before he started to move. You felt your nerves spike at the sight of him moving ahead - time suddenly felt as if it was moving in slow motion, with the way your arm reached out for him as you called his name. Though he never looked back at you.
It was a split-second decision - but you were already after him, giving yourself a strong boost of gas to catch up with him in time. Due to your untimed action, you crashed into him - wrapping your arms around him instinctually, rending you unable to trigger your gear. So you instead opted for turning the two of you around as best as you could in the air before you landed ass first onto the hard tiles of the roof. It was the same building Reiner and Bertholdt were on, so consumed in their own conversation that they didn't even hear the two of you land.
You held Marco close, hand pressed firmly against his mouth and his body close to yours. You stared ahead, listening to their conversation, though Marcos frightful stare was directed at you. He wasn't sure why you had even stopped him, any less why'd you go out of your way to make him silent in such in an extreme way.
Reiner and Bertholdts conversation already seemed distant and muffled - making it even harder for Marco to listen in. But he caught a few things, repeated talks of titans - and the huge hole in the wall. He wasn't able to piece any together in that particular moment though.
But you heard all you needed to hear, a talk that had nothing to do with you - and something no one would ever dream of saying in such a situation, but you found yourself expecting it. Expecting the way Reiner joked about grouping back up with you and Marco before anyone got suspicous - a complete mockery because... Who would ever guess that those two were titans?
Your hand gripped around Marcos face tighter as a result of your anger bubbling, but you quickly let go of him. He would've taken an exaggerated breath of air after practically being strangled, but you held a finger against your lips, signaling for him to stay silent. He was never one to not listen to you - so he stayed quiet.
You both stayed there - silent. He wasn't sure if you were even breathing, but he felt the rise and fall of your chest on his back. You were listening for what Bertholdt and Reiner would do, if you escaped with ODM gear - they would know you had been there the entire time.
Though you weren't worried over what would happen to you - but to Marco. The first set of ODM gear was used to get away to the left - then the other followed after. You let a few seconds pass before you decided it would be okay to speak.
"Sorry." Your voice was quiet - but you held him so close, he wasn't able to miss it. Finally, you let go of the grip you had on him. "Did you hear anything they said?"
He took a moment to move after the shock wore off, but he scrambled to sit beside you. "Not really, I... That move you pulled surprised me, I didn't know what to focus on." He was shaken up, but there was a part of him that was piecing it together, little by little. "Why did you... Come in and stop me from talking?" He asked, turning his head to look at you.
You had a hand on your head once more, your eyes plastered on the tiles of the roof below you. "I'm sure it makes me look insane but I... Don't know why I did."
Admittedly, you painted yourself in a veil of insanity infront of Marco - but he couldn't shake the feeling that you really had done him a favor by stopping him there. Maybe so he wasn't seen as some sort of eavesdropper - though he was curious about their talk.
"By the way... Did you hear what they were saying?"
. . .
Me after posting the juiciest thicket plot heaviest chapter after chapters of thin ass barely noticeable hints of whats going on
Phone still broken btw can hardly see the screen thru the flashing 😍