C H A P T E R I .
ᵃ ˡᵒᵛᵉˡᵉˢˢ ᵐᵃʳʳⁱᵃᵍᵉ
【◆】
THE INCANDESCENCE OF THE FIRE BEFORE YOU PULLED YOUR LANGUISHING EYELIDS AWAKE.
Sluggishly, you watched the flames dance merrily upon hot coals, igniting the dark room with vibrant ribbons of light. Within the surreal vision of blurred colors and shapes, the ball of inferno crackling behind the metal grills solidified your reality, the blistering sparks it spat seemingly laughing at your disoriented state.
You reached up to rub your eyes, movements mechanical and weighed down by the lingering presence of fatigue. What time was it? You must've fallen asleep sewing, you thought, looking down absentmindedly to confirm your speculation. You were correct -- a thick overcoat lay sprawled over your lap, a spindly needle still poked through a hole in the left sleeve.
A raspy sigh melded with a yawn in your throat. You were in no mood to continue on with your work. It was late, indicated by the dark purple sky, and the mind-numbing motions of threading string through fabric was something you weren't willing to subject yourself to. Instead, you draped the jacket over the top of your armchair and shuffled to the kitchen.
The pleasant hum of a kettle whirring soon filled your ears, accompanied by the subtle click of ceramic mugs. The jaunty tune of a popular song frolicked upon your idle lips as you poured hot water over the tea bags lounging in the cups, eyeing the amber color that quickly started to diffuse from them.
Your gaze flickered to the clock hung on a nearby wall. He should be back now, shouldn't he? He had gotten off work ages ago, and it never took a particularly long time to travel back to the house...
You trailed off, and within that small sliver of opportunity, an ugly, vile thought wormed its way into your head.
No. Not again. He had promised that he would stop. He'd whispered those words so sweetly, so tenderly as he wrapped his large hands around your own, as if he was trying to shield them from the biting cold outside. Was every syllable that dripped from his mouth overflowing with false assurances? Were the oaths he took simply sweet nothings, lies entrenched in cloying honey to conceal the bitter core?
Vertigo swirled in your stomach as you swallowed, desperately trying to choke back the rampage of emotions that swarmed your mind. It was a marriage of convenience. It was a marriage meant to deter the whispers and accusations of being traitors, spies from the West meant to wreak havoc upon the East. You knew that very well, but that still couldn't stop the aching feeling of betrayal that gripped your heart and crushed it in it's grasp.
This was your fault for getting too attached. You had to get a stronger leash on your feelings -- they had gone unsupervised far too long. You needed to become stronger. You needed to become better. You needed to be understanding. There was no love in this relationship, only fragments of what could've been and what ifs.
The creak of the front door broke you out of your turbulent thoughts. It was like a switch had suddenly been switched; the anguished expression that threatened to overtake your face had been replaced with an ambivalent smile. You refused to show him any weakness. Not after what he had done.
Your mouth opened to repeat the same words you said to him every night. "Welcome home. How was your day?"
He smiled weakly, as if it took him all the remaining strength he had to reply to you. "Tiring. Construction just started on the new house today."
"I see. Did the workers give you a hard time? You've been out for a while, and I was getting worried."
"No, no, nothing like that. They were being very cooperative. I just got held back today by my boss. I'm happy you were so concerned for me, though." His words were hollow, lacking any sort of sentiment that should be there.
You tried your best to lighten the somber laugh that escaped your throat. "Well, it's my job as your wife. Are you hungry? Dinner is in the fridge if you want some."
"No, but thank you. Right now, I think I need sleep more than anything," He chuckled, already brushing past you at the kitchen island. His hand hovered over your shoulder for a mere second before he shook his head defeatedly and dropped it to his side. "Good night, honey. Get some rest when you can."
You kept your smile plastered onto your lips until you watched his back recede into his bedroom. As quickly as it manifested, your amicable mask dropped and hit the ground, shattering in a million tiny pieces of false friendliness.
He smelled like perfume. A perfume that neither of you owned.
You sunk to the tiled floor, pressing your back against the smooth base of the countertop like it was the only support you had. You wanted to cry, but you couldn't seem to summon up the tears you wanted to desperately to stain your cheeks. Your suspicions had been correct. Your husband had an affair with another woman.
It was the third time this month, you thought frustratedly. Were you really that unsatisfactory? Were you lacking something that he wanted in a partner? But if you didn't have that spark, then how come he chose you to play his pretend game of family, then? Was it simply out of convenience? Or was it something more?
Questions, questions, questions. There were so many inquiries, yet no answers in sight. It was like fate was dangling your salvation in front of your face shamelessly, waiting to see you beg to have even a taste.
Suddenly, you shot upwards, twisting your heel into the polished ground and marching out of the kitchenette. Moirai's will would not deter you from rebelling. You had always been the type of person to go against the gods' predetermined path, wrecking the neat roads they had paved and tearing the illusory fabric surrounding it. They'd be damned to see you go along with their whims.
You needed some fresh air. You doubted you could spend another second in this stifling shell of a home. Before you could register it, you had pried open the front door and had stepped fully outside, feeling the freezing wind nip at your exposed skin. The knowing click of a deadbolt locking behind you told you more than enough. It wouldn't be a while until you would be able to get back inside.
Shivering, you kicked at a lone pebble with the most amount of anger you could muster. You should've at least grabbed a coat, you muttered to yourself bitterly, as you collapsed onto the nearest bench you could find. It was getting increasingly colder these days, marking the beginning of the winter season.
Something had dropped onto the tip of your nose, but had melted by the time your hand reached up to inspect it. You rubbed the small pool of water on your bridge absentmindedly. Was it beginning to snow?
As if your speculation had been correct, soft, pillowy snowflakes began to cascade down from the midnight sky, dusting the pavement beneath you with a thin blanket of ivory. A shaky sigh rattled in your throat as you wrapped your arms around you. You would definitely catch a cold at this rate. But where could you go? Back to your house, where nobody was eagerly waiting for you? A nearby shop, which most likely was closed for the night?
You exhaled, watching your breath morph and twist in feathery plumes in the air. This was hopeless. You were hopeless. It was foolish of you to think that you could change anything, from your failing marriage to your own impulsive actions. Getting frustrated over them proved nothing. Trying to reflect over them was equally no good. It was like you were incapable of doing anything right.
Complicated emotions and musings wove your brain into a knot as you felt the gauze of sleep lay over your vision once more. Slowly, you felt your eyelids drooping with every painful second that ticked by, blurring and dimming your sight until all you could see was a sliver of the scenery before you.
You barely saw the tips of a pair of leather dress shoes before you gave into the hold of drowsiness.
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[ hello & welcome to illusionary!! had this lying in my drafts for a bit so i figured i might as well post it now while i still have the time ( and sanity lol ) i'm gonna be kinda busy until late august BUT i'll try to update frequently!! also guess who ur going to meet next chap <3 ]