16th November 1982
"Wake up. We're going to the hospital." I shook Roger maybe slightly too hard, trying to disturb his frame as it laid draped across the sofa lazily, his hair scruffy and eyes already baring the weight of heavy bags beneath them. His face was covered in cuts and bruises and marks that resembled the events of last night, and looked nothing like the features he owned. They were swollen and discoloured.
Last night had been left the exact way it was when I rushed upstairs and laid silently in bed, not a wink of sleep I could claim for myself as I let the thoughts take over. Every one of them- they simply consumed me. Including the one that regarded where mine and Roger's relationship was actually going.
"Roger get the fuck up." I shook him one more time before turning on my heel and walking towards the kitchen, glancing at the smashed glass on the floor and empty liquor bottles before a sickly feeling took over. And made me face pale. And made my stomach twist. And made me run to the sink before throwing up.
And of course in the process of running to the sink id stepped in several shards of smashed glass neither me or Roger had cleaned up, leaving me trying to hold back agony as I avoided holding back the sick. It was more than likely the stress of the night that caused me to be sick- I remembered the same thing happening when I was a kid.
I felt a gentle hand start to rub my back as another took my hair, trying to reassure me as I couldn't stop throwing my guts up in the kitchen sink. I could feel blood tricking from my feet, staining the floors, but it's intimidation felt like nothing compared to the stare of worry I could feel Roger giving me.
I wiped the edge of my mouth and slowly stood back to right, noticing his hands not separate themselves from my frame as I edged back and took several deep breathes. I didn't even want to look at Roger in that moment as he pulled me against his chest and hugged me with the guilt consuming him. I didn't even want to be in his arms. Nor our house. I wanted to be in bed beside my mum listening to her reassure me.
"You're bleeding. Your feet... you stood in the glass." Roger mumbled slightly, lifting his head up from its resting position on top of mine in hopes my eyes would wonder towards his.
"We're going to the hospital anyway. Look at your face. It's ridiculous." I slipped out of his hold and hopped onto the kitchen counter, dizzy and still shook from being sick as I started picking shards of glass out from my feet.
"Don't start that shit again." Roger mumbled, turning on his heel and back towards the living room where he decided to finally take a glance at his bruised complexion. I rolled my eyes plainly as he threw last nights shirt over his head, opening a bottle of beer and taking a large gulp as my head shook.
"I think you'll find you're driving us to the hospital Rog. My feet are bleeding. And I'm not arguing with you n-"
"When aren't we arguing Adelynn ? I mean what the fuck have we turned into ? You called me dad yesterday. Pretty loud and pretty clear. Dad. Do you have any idea how much that hurts ?"
"You're telling me it fucking hurts you ? You're kidding right ? I'm the one who called you it !"
"Let's go. You're bleeding everywhere."
-
Me and Roger drove to the hospital in silence before we arrived. I sat and waited besides him as his face was seen to, during the process of which I threw up, but we didn't say a word to one another. He had a few stitches and a fuck ton of medications and creams and everything else you can imagine, but the only thing really hurting him was us. Everyone in the hospital was curious to know how queens drummer got into a fight and who with- but he stayed quiet.
After being sick in his chair the doctor insisted he ran a few tests to ensure it was in fact 'trauma' that was causing my illness and not anything else as he cleaned up my feet and removed any tiny shards. It had been a while now since me and Roger had been sat in the room by ourselves (silently) me in the middle of the bed as Roger sat in the chair besides the equipment.
It was a long and painful period of time. It was pure silences. For ages. For unbearable years almost. Even though it was barely an hour. Until an unrecognisable nurse walked in with a bright smile and a clipboard in hand with some form of results on.
"Okay Miss Petrov everything is normal." She smiled, looking at me happily as I looked back at her with extreme confusion.
"That can't be right. Run more tests." Roger insisted, getting up from his seat for some bizzare reason as if that simple action would cause the nurse to suddenly change her mind. "Somethings wrong with her."
"Nope everything's normal Mr. Taylor."
"She's been throwing up all morning." He replied harshly, his worry for me coming across as rude as I still sat silently on the bed waiting for him to finally give up and let us go home- even though I'm not entirely sure how our shared house would benefit us.
"It's perfectly normal when you're pregnant mr Taylor. It's nothing to be worried about."
The world is often kind and will allow itself to freeze for you in moments like these. And it did. My entire world froze. That was it. It all stopped spinning and tried its hardest to give me moment to process what had just come out that nurses mouth. I was pregnant. I was gonna be a mum. I was gonna have to bring someone into this world. I fell overwhelmed, my lungs became heavy and heart became numb. My head turned blank and my breathes turned heavy.
And all I did was cry. I burst into tears. Without saying a word. Without even looking at the baby's dad. I just cried and cried and cried. I'd only known j was having a baby for about thirty seconds- and it had already consumed me and my entire life completely.
The nurse turned around and left with an instance, leaving me, Roger and my flowing tears to ourselves as he slowly stepped towards me. He was lost... in some place so far from reality I don't think he was due back anytime soon. We were gonna have a baby together... me and him. The selfish, stuck up cuntish model and her arrogant, self centred boyfriend who currently couldn't go a day without arguing were about to bring a little tiny human into the world.
"I wanna talk about it later." I mumbled through tears, sniffling in pathetically as Roger sighed loudly.
"Of course you do. Adelynn wake up. We're having baby together... what the fuck are we gonna do ? We don't have time to sit around and think about things and talk later. Why are you pretending this isn't happening ? This is real."
"Because I don't know how to deal with the fact it is."
-
"We're having a fucking baby..." Roger sighed again, his words pleading for anything to pass my lips as I let another silent second become part of our past. I didn't have a response for him- not now. His sighs and pleads and questions weren't earning him my sorrow and attention as I tried to process everything. "Are you gonna fucking say something then Lynn ?"
"Roger we can't stand eachother. We can't be together for more than ten minutes without arguing." I mumbled back to him, constantly nibbling at my slightly shaky fingers as Roger simply shook his head. "It's true Roger. You know it is. And how the fuck am I meant to be a mum ?"
"What ?" His voice was so gentle somehow and so fragile, as if it was in the brink of breaking.
"Roger... cmon. Look at me, I'm not someone who's meant to be a mum. My mum was an alcoholic. My dad was... well look at him. Seriously Roger- I can't be a parent. I'm gonna fuck it up so badly." Roger shook his head frantically, trying his best not to accept what I was saying.
"You think I'm not scared Adelynn ? You think I think that I'm gonna be a good dad ? Really ? We're not perfect people... we're far from it. But that doesn't mean we're gonna make the same mistakes our parents did. You're not your dad. You're not your mum." He paused, and he hesitated. "Do you want this baby Lynn ?"
And I shrugged.
It wasn't that I didn't want a baby. It's that I didn't want one with the same man I couldn't be around without shouting at.
"I love you more than anything Adelynn. More than absolutely anything in this world. And I wanna have a baby with you. And start a family with you. I wanna wake up next to you every morning still." Roger begged me almost, a sorry please in his eyes that stabbed me with pure guilt. He was so angry, but I think he was finally starting to take it out on himself, and not me. The blame seemed to be falling to me since I was the only person left in his life to take it out on.
"I know you do Roger I do. But this needs to stop. The way you treat me needs to stop. Because I'll leave. I've lost you once and I can do it again... even though it would hurt me more than anything else in the world. I wanna have this baby with you. I really do." I smiled almost, watching the relief fill his expression subtly as I laughed with pure shock. I didn't know what reaction I was meant to have- but I did know I needed the instant relief of Roger's arms around me.
I rushed into his hold and clung on to him as if he was about to go to war, not daring to let go as a pair of tears decided to roll. His lips pressed a series of gentle kisses against my forehead as he sighed gently, holding me too tightly.
"We're gonna have a baby. A fucking baby." Roger chuckled, pulling me slightly back from him to look at the light in my eyes as reality let itself slowly sink in. As the pages of our stories faded into the next chapter. "What the fuck..."
"Is this definitely real ?"
"I don't think so."
An-
right so basically this whole shitty arguing thing was meant to be like a rough patch that they went through but my writing was pretty poor and didn't really show that well 😭