𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐏𝐄. | 𝐁𝐗𝐁

(𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈) 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 - 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑

𝟒. (𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏) 𝐀𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫

"𝐀 𝐝𝐫𝐮𝐧𝐤 𝐦𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐬𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐌𝐢𝐫."

◈

Kori opens his eyes and immediately yawns, arms coming out in a big stretch. He pauses when he realizes he doesn't feel himself hit anything. He sits up and looks over and sure enough, Zamir is nowhere to be found.

"Mir?" He calls out softly, getting out of bed. "Mir, where you at?"

When he doesn't get a response, he listens to his gut and wanders into the bathroom. It's dark, the light off. He can't see, but he can hear the sound of someone rustling around. He reaches behind him and flicks it on. Light floods the room and the figure of Zamir appears, on his knees hunched over the toilet, hands gripping the toilet seat so tightly his knuckles are turning white. His braids aren't in their trademark ponytail, but are wildly splayed all over his skull.

"Mir?" he asks quietly.

Zamir looks over, meeting his eyes for half a second, before turning his head and retching into the toilet. Kori winces, then quickly walks over and crouches down to hold Zamir's hair back. "How long you been in here?"

"Bout-" Zamir spits a big glob of... something into the murky water, "Five minutes."

"What did you drink? How much you take?"

"I dunno," Zamir says the words like they hurt and if Kori was to see his face, he would see the tears in his eyes. More acid comes up his throat and he has no choice but to puke again.

Kori rubs his back sympathetically. I'm glad I don't drink. Feeling the skin tremble underneath his palms, he asks, "You okay, Mir? You shakin'."

"What does it look like, nigga?"

"ZB." he says simply.

"It- it fucking hurts, aight? My stomach's crampin and my head fucking hurts and I'm hungry as shit all at the same fucking time!"

Kori just lets the words bounce off of him. At this point in their relationship, he knew how emotional Zamir's hangovers could be. "Alright, finish getting this shit out your stomach and I'll get you some advil and food, okay? You'll be straight."

"You can't cook."

"I'm decent."

"You fuckin' burnt your noodles because you forgot to put the water in'nere-" That's all Zamir is able to get out before he's puking again.

Kori tries and fails to hide a smirk; thankfully, the boy can't see him. It quickly falls when he hears Zamir sob, the sound guttural and painful. "Mir," he whispers, not quite knowing what else to do except for rub his back.

"My fucking throat hurts, I'm hungry, it stinks in here, why the fuck—" His words quickly break off into a disquieting, wet puking noise.

Watching this, Kori realizes just how thankful he is for the fact he doesn't drink. "I know Mir, I know. It's gonna be over soon, okay? Your body just needs to flush it out."

"Shut..." Zamir pants, "Up."

Kori doesn't reply, choosing instead to press gentle, sweet kisses down the column of his spine, the skin sweaty underneath his lips. Zamir tenses, "Jj?"

"Yea?"

"The fuck are you doin'?"

"I dunno," he replies honestly, "Do you want me to stop?"

"..."

Tentatively, Kori presses a kiss to his left shoulder. When Zamir doesn't say anything, he continues on, pressing his lips against every inch of skin he can reach. Underneath him, Zamir slowly relaxes. His terse silence become whispered curses and soft sighs as Kori continues his loving assault, thoroughly marking his skin.

"Shit," Zamir cusses, eyes slipping shut as Kori grabs onto his braids and pulls, forcing him to expose the expanse of his neck. Kori quickly latches his lips onto his exposed throat, biting and flicking his tongue against the skin. "Fuck- move up, move up," Zamir mumbles.

He full-on shudders when Kori obliges him and nips at the sensitive flesh below his jawline. Must be his spot, he thinks to himself as he sucks the skin into his mouth.

"Wait, hol' up," Zamir suddenly sounds panicked.

"What-"

Kori flinches back as Zamir jerks violently, puke once again spewing from his lips. He can't do nothing but watch as his (?) friend-partner-something throws up whatever is left in his stomach, making miserable noises all the while.

Thankfully —this being the only good thing to happen in the last few minutes— that's the last time and Zamir's able to stumble to his feet with Kori's assistance. They go through a tiny routine, where they alternate from brushing their teeth, washing their face, and pissing, before finally hobbling back to the bedroom, where Kori gently deposits Zamir on the mattress with a soft "don't move, I gotchu."

He's about to head down to the kitchen to get something for Zamir to eat when the boy stops him, "Kori."

The absence of a nickname has him abruptly turning around, "Hm?"

"What was that?"

"Watchu mean?"

Zamir waves his hand in a random motion, "In the bathroom, what the fuck was that?"

Kori tilts his head, still not quite understanding what Zamir was talking about, "I was just trying to... make you feel better."

"By kissing me?"

Oh, that's what he's talking about. "Yeah. I know it didn't really work but—"

"The fuck?"

His tone immediately has Kori on the defensive, "Zamir, don't play wit me. I tried something different and it ain't work, aight? Don't make something out of nothing." He throws his words back at him.

"But... why?"

Kori rolls his eyes, crossing his arms, "We went over this last night, Mir. We both know we aren't just friends now, we need to be upfront about it. If you finna kiss and touch up on me, imma do the same to you. Simple."

Zamir just stares at him.

"Bruh, stop actin' slow."

"..."

"Mir."

"...I don't know what you're talking about."

Something cold settles in Kori's gut. He tries to shake it off. It doesn't work. "This isn't funny."

"It's not a joke."

He laughs shakily and he trails off when Zamir continues to stare at him, dead serious. "ZB, shut up." He whispers, eyes widening.

"I'm bein' serious. I don't remember talking about any of that shit- I don't even remember getting here. I woke up confused as shit and had to run to the bathroom."

"Don't play with me."

"Jj, I'm not." He seems genuinely exasperated now. "What the fuck happened last night to have you thinkin' you can touch up on me like that?"

Kori feels sick. He feels hot and cold at the same time. He doesn't know what to do because if Zamir really doesn't remember, then all of the progress they've made is just— gone. All of the revelations Kori had last night about himself and Mir, they were all irrelevant now. Useless. "You..." his throat feels dry and his chest hurts and he realizes he hasn't taken a single breath in the last thirty seconds, "We..."

"Jj?"

"You really don't remember?"

Zamir seems sympathetic as he shakes his head no.

Kori rubs both of his hands over his face, "Do you remember anything from last night?"

"I mean- I remember going to the party with Dame and Mikey. We grabbed some drinks, went downstairs, and I jus' started throwing back shots."

"Is that it?"

"No. I remember seeing you walk in with Ty and sit with this lightskin girl, then that's it."

"Okay," Kori takes an unsteady breath, "Okay." He sits on the bed, next to Zamir. "Basically, after that, you came over when Kynedi left —the lightskin girl— and we started arguing."

"About what?"

"About you avoiding me and me apparently making shit up," Kori says, voice flat.

Zamir winces, "I was drunk, I'm sor—"

"Yeah, I know. It's okay," he hugs his knees to his chest, "Everybody was starin' at us because we were so loud. Then, I like, shoved you and went upstairs. I was talking to Veronika—"

"Why." It's not even a question, it's just a demand, or a statement.

"I dunno," Kori sighs, "She was talm to me about being sorry and wanting to be friends again." Or something more.

Zamir smacks his lips, "That's bullshit."

"I'm not going to talk to her." Kori side-eyes him, "You blocked her on my phone last night, you know that, right?"

Zamir just stares at him innocently.

Kori rolls his eyes and keeps talking, "So, next thing I know, you're yanking me back by my hoodie and you're all like," he deepens his voice, "why you talking to her, what you doing, don't talk to him bitch."

"I called her a bitch?"

Kori nods, laughing, "Yea. Then, we argued, again, and I was about to walk out the door when you grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bathroom."

"You just let me?"

He pointedly avoids Zamir's eyes, "You know how strong you are, bro."

He chuckles, "Aight. What happened in the bathroom?"

"Uh-" he feels his cheeks become hot as he thinks of it, "We- you-"

"Damn, nigga, you good?"

"Yeah, its just that I dunno how to put this."

Zamir rolls his eyes, "Just say it."

"We... you got me off."

"What?"

Kori turns his head away, unable to meet his gaze, "You made me ride your thigh, then you touched my dick and made me, uh... nut."

There's a heavy silence. Then, "Did I give you those hickeys?"

"Yea,"

He feels a hand grab his chin and he holds back a shiver as his face is turned. Zamir examines the hickeys, a look in his eyes that Kori can't decipher. "Jj."

"Hm?"

"I thought it was a dream."

It takes a moment for him to understand what that means. When he does, he feels relief coursing through his veins and his shoulders drop, "So, you do remember?"

"Yea, it's in flashes though." At Kori's probing look, he continues on, "I remember arguing, seeing Veronika's face, shoving you in the bathroom, touching you, calling you lil baby."

Kori finds himself smiling at the nickname. His voice is soft as he says, "Yea, that's what happened."

"Jj, I'm, uh-" Zamir's tone instantly puts Kori on edge, "I'm sorry if I... forced you into—"

He shakes his head, "No." At Zamir's unsure look, Kori reaches out and cups his face in his palms, bringing him close. "No, Mir, I wanted it. I swear. I wanted it, I would've told you otherwise. If I didn't, I would've fought more."

"But—"

"No buts, I wanted it."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He says firmly. Zamir relaxes and nods, "Okay. You know that my momma was- I don't want to be one of those men."

Kori shakes his head, "Mir, you'll never be like them, okay? Don't think like that."

Zamir brings a hand up to rest over Kori's palm, eyes staring deep into his. "You really mean that, Jj?" he asks tentatively.

Kori doesn't remember a time he's ever been this vulnerable. "Of course, Mir."

Zamir quirks his lips, a sheen of tears taking over his eyes, "Thank you."

Kori softens, "Don't cry."

"I can't help it."

"And don't thank me either. I'm jus' bein honest."

"I know but... I guess it's different coming from you."

"Why?"

Zamir's voice seems shy as he says, "Because you're my favorite person."

Kori's heart beats hard in his chest as he takes in Zamir's face; his lips, his deep brown eyes, his earrings, his hair pulled back into a ponytail. He's so... Before he can really think about it, Kori leans in—

And a cold stone drops into his stomach when Zamir abruptly pulls away.

◈

Breakfast is tense.

When they walk into the kitchen, Kori giving Zamir confused looks about what just happened, they see that Kori's mom, Kileene, is up.

"How you feelin' today?" Zamir's the one to ask, sitting at the island counter. Kori joins him, feeling the strange urge to be close.

(Kori's mother has a condition called fibromyalgia. The best way he can describe it is full-body arthritis. After his mom got a bad wave of a illness some years back, she developed the condition. It makes her entire body tender and ache. Some days, the pain is so bad that she can't move out of bed. On other days, it's bearable and she can work around the house, such as now.)

"Well enough to cook," she says, smiling, "Y'all hungry?"

In unison, they nod. About thirty minutes later, plates of pancakes, eggs, grits, and bacon are being placed in front of him. Kori's stomach rumbles as he looks down at it.

"Thanks Ma," Kori whispers. From next to him, Zamir says a quiet, "Thanks, mama."

"You're welcome." She comes around and ruffles Kori's hair, doing the same to Zamir afterwards, before pausing, "Are y'all alright?"

"What?" "Hm?"

"Well, Zamir hasn't been over in a while and you two usually are more talkative than this." She says, frowning.

"We're fine," Zamir replies quickly, "We're just tired from last night."

"You sure?"

Kori nods, "Yeah, we're good Ma."

"Aight, I love y'all. I'm finna go get your sister," She says before turning and heading up the stairs. (Zamir was family at this point and a second son to her, so she usually referred to Cierra as their sister instead of just Kori's.)

"I love you too, Ma," "Love you mama," They call after her. Kori watches her for a bit to make sure she's not limping. Satisfied with what he sees, he turns to his plate and digs in.

There's nothing but silence between them for the majority of their meal until Cierra comes down, grabs her plate, sits down next to Zamir and forces them into a conversation about how irritating her English teacher is.

"I had Mrs.Green my freshman year too," Kori says after she asks them. "We both did," Zamir adds.

"Was she a bitc- irritating?" She corrects herself after seeing the flat looks on both of their faces.

"She was alright to me. She hated Kori though," Zamir replies, taking another bite of eggs. He was almost done with his plate.

"Why?"

"Because he never did his work."

"I did do my work, she just treated me like a bum. She was prolly racist."

"Nigga, how was she racist? She never said nothing smart to me and I'm darker than you."

"That don't mean nothing," Kori defends himself.

"It really does, but go off I guess." Cierra chimes in around a mouthful of pancakes.

"Don't talk while you eat, that's nasty," Kori says before standing up; he had just finished his food. He walks to the sink and quickly washes his plate before placing it in the dish rack so it can dry.

"Jj."

"Hm?" He hums, turning around.

Zamir holds up his finished plate.

"What do I look like to you?" Kori asks, eyes wide.

"Please."

Kori stares at him, then sighs and takes the plate.

"Thank you."

"Fuck off," is what he says back as he cleans the dish.

"Language," Cierra says.

"I'm grown."

"You're eighteen."

"Exactly."

She grumbles something under her breath that Kori can't hear, but Zamir can.

"CiCi." He barks sharply.

She wilts under his stare, "Sorry, Mir." Kori doesn't know why, but she always listened to him more than her actual brother. Prolly the muscles, he thinks as he places the plate in the dish rack.

Kori decides to head up to his bedroom. He doesn't do anything to Zamir but as he passes his sister, he plants a purposefully wet kiss on her forehead. She shoves him away, disgusted. Laughing, he jogs up the steps. As he reaches the top, he feels his knee twinge.

Damn.

He walks to his room slowly after that.

◈

Kori peeks out from under his pillow as he hears the door open, "Mir?"

"Yea, it's me."

Kori nods and puts his pillow back over his face, closing his eyes.

"Watchu doin'? Why you laying like that?" Zamir asks, chuckling.

"Jus' felt like it."

"Oh, okay. Uh, listen Jj, I'm finna bounce."

Kori sits up, "What?"

Zamir shifts awkwardly, "I'm bouta leave."

"Why?" He asks, genuinely hurt.

"I need time."

"Time? For what?"

"To process some things."

"What do you need to process?"

"Everything that happened last night."

Frowning, Kori stands up and walks up to him, "Mir, the hell are you talkin' bout?"

"Jj, we did some shit last night that I thought I'd never do. I need some time to think."

"But- last night you said if it was me-"

"I was drunk, Jj."

Kori remembers what his dad told him. "A drunk man's words is a sober man's thoughts, Mir."

"I know, but-"

"So, you don't want me?" The words hurt to say.

Silence. Then, "I'm not saying that, Jj."

"So, what are you saying?"

"I need space, and time, alright? I'm not mad at you but- you're a whole dude and I'm not-"

"You're not gay, yeah, I know." The words are as bitter as he feels, "Have fun, I guess."

"Don't act like that."

"Act like what?"

"Like you... hate me or something,"

Kori deliberately stays silent.

Zamir's eyes widen, "Kori."

He sighs, "I don't hate you Mir, I'm jus' frustrated. You keep playing this cat and mouse wit me and I'm startin' to get tired of it. I'm straight too- or I thought I was and I'm not acting like you are. I'm not running."

"Jj, that's not what I'm doin'."

"Then, what is it?"

"I'm... processing. I just need time to think it over, think about if I really want this with you."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Kori, please-"

"No, fuck you! I'm not going through this again, Mir." He shakes his head, "I'm not."

"So, you're saying that if you were in my position, you wouldn't need time? You'd be completely fine with it?"

"Yes!"

"How?"

"Because I want you."

"You- you want me?"

"I have for a long time, Mir." Kori says truthfully, seeing no point in hiding it.

Zamir is speechless for a good five seconds before he whispers, "And I need to think about if I want you."

"So, everything in the bathroom was a fluke? You lettin' me hold your back while you was pukin' and lettin' me touch your face while you cried was a fluke?"

"I'm not sayin' that."

"Then, why can't you just admit that you want me?"

"Because I'm scared."

Kori suddenly feels a thousand pounds heavier, "...Mir."

"I thought I liked girls, and only girls, for all my life and then you walked in and I couldn't stop looking at you. It's scary, Jj. It really is. You know how our community feels about gay folks."

"Don't think like that."

"I have to. I don't know if it's because your sister is bi or if you just don't care, but I do. I don't want to be another statistic- I want to be normal."

"And you think I don't? I'm almost guaranteed to go D1, everyone knows me, and half of my family is homophobic. I'm risking it all though, because I love yo-"

Zamir shakes his head, "Don't say that."

"It's the truth, Mir."

He takes a few steps back, "Don't, Jj. I need time, okay?"

Kori desperately reaches out, grabs his wrist, and does something he never thought he'd do: beg. "Wait- don't go. Please don't go. I just- I just got you back. Don't leave me again, please. Please don't leave me."

Zamir's eyes soften, "Jj."

"I want- no, I need you, Mir. Please... just stay." Zamir stays silent, but his eyes glance down, displaying his true desires. Kori takes the risk. He leans in—

and once again, Zamir pulls away.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, then he takes his hand away, walks out of the door, and doesn't look back. Just like that, he's gone.

Gone.

Kori stands there in shock for a good two minutes before finally robotically walking forward and locking the door. He stumbles backwards until he lands on his bed with a heavy thump. He left... he left me. I asked him not to and he still left. Painful tears begin to build in his eyes and his throat begins to tighten. Kori reaches out, grabs his pillow, and presses it into his face.

Then, he screams.

ᴀɢᴀᴘᴇ ♡