I'm having a staring contest with the pregnancy test laying in front of me. I wonder who will blink first. I hang my head, trying to process what my own eyes were seeing. This morning, I had realized my period was over two weeks late. I was writing it off as stress induced because it was chaotic for a moment in time there. It doesn't help I found myself jumping into some fights. My body sure hated me for awhile after. Though, since Rick and company have returned, things have seemed to settle down. On a whim, I dragged one out and took it.
The door swings open. I peer over, seeing Abraham lean against the doorframe. "I needed to shit." He shrugs. "Ya were takin' too long. I had to make sure ya didn't fall in or get attacked." His eyes find the test laid out on the sink in front of me, he straightens up. His face grows serious. "Oh, shit on a stick, what's the verdict, judge?" I grab it, handing it over to the giant redhead. He pursues his lips, understanding what is in his hands. "So, when are ya tellin' the ole man that he's gonna be a daddy?"
I run my hand through my hair. "Soon, I think." How could this possible? It's medically fucking impossible. "I don't know. I have a few new worries in play now. But I have to and I will. Few days tops."
"It'll be okay." He nods, hearing what I'm not speaking. "Carol is out front with him now."
"I should go see how she's feeling. Bathroom is all yours." I toss the test back under the sink before I head out onto the porch.
Daryl mentioned they had cleared the compound without incident. By the end, someone tried escaping on his bike. He mowed the guy down. Not long after, Rick put him down since he wouldn't divulge any prudent information. In the midst of the fight, Carol and Maggie got kidnapped. He thinks she's not handling it well. I can't say I blame her. I was mess when I had returned from being held hostage.
Their head snaps at the sound of the door closing behind me. Upon seeing that it was just me, they return to their conversation. They were sitting on the steps, smoking a cigarette together. I stalk over, leaning against the railing, pulling my own out.
My eyes flick to Daryl, remembering what I have to eventually tell him. I don't even know if he wants children. We haven't exactly had a conversation about what we want for the future because it always seems bleak and dreary. We've been living in the moment and stealing our happiness when we can.
"Hello, Vanessa!" Carol smiles over at me.
"How are you doing?" I ask. She stalks up the railing, peering up at me.
"I'm okay." I survey her face before nodding. I know she's lying, she just doesn't want anyone to worry about her. I've been her, both with the kidnapping and having someone you love hurt you in unimaginable ways. I know the small details most others might overlook, and her tells are screaming. I've had to force a happy front once upon a time.
"I'm here, you know. If you need to talk. I've been there." Her face falls at my sentiment.
"I know. Thank you."
I spot Rosita approaching with Denise as Carol takes her leave. I straighten up, heading down the steps when Denise waves me over to join their little powwow. I come to a stop next to Daryl, cocking my head. "What's up?" I question, curiously.
Rosita motions to Denise, "she asked us if we could take her somewhere."
"After I got out of DC, I just drove. I remember seeing it right when I realized I had no idea where I was going. Edison's Apothecary and Boutique. It's just this little gift shop in a strip mall, but if it's really an apothecary, they had drugs." Denise's eyes find me. She's grown into a friend of mine since I help her in the infirmary from time to time. I genuinely find myself liking her as person. Lately, we've been bonding over growing up in Ohio. We both have agreed it was shitty no matter what part you're from. But sometimes, you can't help but hear it try and call you back into its endless corn fields and bullshit.
Daryl grunts, "how do ya know they still got 'em?"
Denise shrugs, "it isn't that far. I just wanna check. And you three aren't out scavenging or pulling shifts."
"We'll go."
"I wanted to check. I just wanted to help." Denise wraps her arms around herself, uncomfortable. I watch her, finding I have no issue taking her on my own if it comes down to it. Something about her is screaming that she needs this. If anyone understands where she's coming from, it's Daryl and me.
Rosita hasn't gone out of her way to speak to me; I've done the same. I think she might be nursing a grudge against me over our first introduction. I'm not sorry, so I refuse to waste my breath on apologizing. She got froggy and tried to attack me.
It probably doesn't help I've grown close to her ex-boyfriend; I had opened my home to him after he left her for Sasha.
"How much time you spend out there?" Daryl questions, doubt clouds his handsome features.
"None."
"Forget it." Daryl waves his hand dismissively.
I shake my head, reaching for him. His blue eyes glance down at my hand on his shoulder, then returning to my face. "Dare, she needs to learn one way or another. Teaching her a weapon can only get her so far. She's gotta jump into the deep end, eventually."
She nods graciously at me after watching our interaction closely. "Thank you. I can ID the meds. I know how to use a machete now. I've seen roamers up close. I'm ready." She fidgets under the rednecks glare.
"You good with this?" Daryl growls at Rosita, ignoring me.
"No." Rosita spreads her arms, annoyed.
I scoff, growing agitated. "Y'all are being fucking ridiculous." I shove by Daryl, giving the doctor my attention. "I have no problem taking you. I've been resting way too long. I'm good." I stalk up to her, "let's go." I link my arms with hers, leading her away from the Debby downers. "We'll have a girls day, full of killing walkers and getting meds for the community."
"Thank you." She smiles over at me as we walk away.
"Damn it, Vanessa." Daryl swears, throwing his tools in frustration. "C'mon Rosita, it's time to go." I smirk as the sounds of their footsteps follow us.
I grin at her, whispering, "I knew that was going to happen." I wink.
She laugh, "oh, you're good."
"No, I'm an evil fucking genius. I could see that this was important for whatever reason, and I was going to make it happen one way or another." We make it to the truck not long after. I glance behind us, seeing Daryl and Rosita running to catch up. I wave at them as I jump into the bed of the truck while the three of them pile into the cab. I swore I saw Rosita flip me off somewhere along the line. I'm aware she isn't the biggest fan of me, but it doesn't bother me any. I get comfortable against the side, watching the world pass us by.
After a few minutes the truck stops suddenly. I groan in relief; Daryl did a horrible job behind the wheel today. I felt like a god damned popcorn kernel, getting ready to pop under the heat of the microwave. I sit for a moment, hanging my head, trying to reign in the nausea that's consuming my body. I beg and plead for it to stop. I shake my head, deciding I just need to deal with it. I have to now that I know a tiny person is growing inside of me.
Note to self: See Carson for an ultrasound soon so I know exactly when little baby Dixon will be here; so I can tick off the days until this nausea will end.
I jump out in time to see Rosita move a branch out of the way to take down a walker. My eyes find the tree that has fallen into the road, stopping us from going any further in the vehicle. For that, I'm usually happy about that.
"There ya are! Thought ya fell asleep!" Daryl calls over upon noticing I've joined them.
"With how you just drove? Not likely. Probably should've jumped out sooner."
"Funny." He smirks over at me.
I open the door to the truck, gesturing to Denise that it's clear and that it's safe to get out. She nods, following my instructions.
Daryl motions to the tree. "That truck ain't gonna make it past this tree. Come on, let's walk." He stalks off behind the shrubby, towards the road.
Denise puts her hand up, pointing to the map. "Hold up. Looks like a straight shot if we follow the tracks."
"No. No tracks. We'll take the road." He shakes his head. Irritation dances into his voice.
I peer over Denise's shoulder, "that's twice as far." I growl in frustration.
"Go whichever way you like." Daryl waves his hand dismissively. "I ain't taking no tracks."
Denise frowns, following after the archer, "We should stick together." She quietly offers.
Anger rushes through my veins. "Daryl! Why are you being an asshole today?" I scoff, walking off with Rosita down the tracks. What's crawled up his ass today? He's really starting to get under my skin. "Ya'll didn't have to fucking come if it was going to be such a fucking issue. This was the only way she could learn what it's truly like out here." I stalk off ahead of her, not wanting to hear her retort.
Rosita and I meet Daryl and Denise at a crossroad where the road and tracks intersect. Daryl tries to wave me down, but I keep walking on by him, shaking my head. Map still imprinted in my mind, I walk ahead until I stumble across the strip mall.
I make it to the door first; banging against it, waiting for any of the tall tell signs that a walker could be trapped inside. I turn back to them, "it's clear."
Daryl nods, throwing me a questioning look. "All right, me and her are gonna do this." He motions to me. "You're gonna stay back, got it? You stay with her." Daryl orders at Rosita and Denise, walking through the door ahead of me.
Behind him, I wave them for us to follow. He needs to stop treating Denise like she's a child. At one point in time, we all had to learn. She just didn't have to learn as fast as some of us had to because she was safe behind the walls of Alexandria. They cannot fault her for that. Daryl and I spent months with Rick and company; almost a year, trying to find anything remotely safe like the community.
The smell of rotting flesh hits us in the face as we cross the threshold into the store. I wrinkle my nose at the unpleasant scent. Denise gags when her nose is assaulted. For a moment, I forgot this is the first time she's had to deal with this.
"We gonna find out what you had for breakfast?" Daryl questions.
"Oatmeal. Just so you know." Denise quietly offers.
I walk behind her as she stalks away from Daryl and his grumpy attitude. I pat her back, "I'm sorry, I don't know what his issue is."
She nods. "It's okay. They didn't wanna babysit the inexperienced."
"I would've. It could've been a girls day before he crashed us." I smirk.
Her eyes find me. "Sometimes I wonder what brought you guys together. You're completely different people. You're you -" she gestures, referring to my style, "and he's him."
"A redneck." I offer.
"Yeah. But I see it now. You're nice, but fierce when the situation is right. He likes you because you bring out certain sides to him. You challenge him. You speak your mind. You call him on shit. You don't fear him like we all did at first. I'm guessing, you never were afraid of him. He might be mad; but his eyes soften when he looks at you. You soften him in ways most people wouldn't be able to. That baby is going to soften him even further, but also bring out his rougher side." My eyes widen at her words. "Did you tell him about your pregnancy yet?"
"How did you know?"
"You didn't immediately jump out of the truck. When I looked back, your head was between your legs. When you looked up, you were whiter than usual. I'm guessing you were nauseous. Your breasts have grown a bit. Not that I've been looking. You look permanently tired, but I'm assuming you've been sleeping well and more than usual. You've been moping around more, and quieter than usual. Your face has swollen. It stayed like that even after the bruising started to heal. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed." She shrugs. "It wasn't hard to figure out." Her eyes travel my face while I chew on my lip. "So he doesn't know."
I glance over at the archer in question, hoping he isn't eavesdropping. He's busy scoping out the store, ignoring the two of us. I peer back down at my feet, chewing on my lip. "It's not medically possible," I offer.
"Ah, you're in denial. Miracles are sometimes not medically or scientifically possible. Do you want children?"
"Yeah." I confess. "I'm not unhappy about it, just confused."
Noise of Daryl trying to force open the pharmacy window has Denise walking over to see what they were doing, offering any assistance they may need. I smile, she's curious and is really trying to help them. I just wish they could give her the benefit of the doubt instead of being condescending jerks about it.
I continue to stalk around the store, looking at the odds and ends, not finding anything that catches my eyes. My hand brushes over the shelves when a thudding propels my legs towards the sound.
"I got it." I offer, waving to them that it's fine.
"It sounds like it's stuck." Daryl shrugs, returning to the job at hand.
I grab my knife, raising it in case anything decides to jump out on me from the other side. A light shines behind me, I peer over my shoulder seeing Denise. I nod when our eyes connect. "Thank you."
I open the door, jumping back in case anything stumbles out. I don't want to be close in case it's right behind it. That could sign my death. I straighten up after a moment, stalking through the doorway. Denise shines her light on a pack and play with blood littered inside. I suck in a shaky breath, moving forward. I spot words painted on the wall further down. 'Hush hush hush.' Unease creeps along my spine, my gut telling me to turn back, to abort mission. Though, as per usual, I don't listen. I push on, finding a walker with long dark hair attached to the ground, it's skeletal hand reaches for me.
"Vanessa, don't!" Denise's frantic voice reaches my ears when my eyes land on a surface covered in blood. My hand reaches out, finding a pink and white baby shoe covered in blood, with no baby or body in sight. My other arm wraps around my stomach, not wanting this for my unborn. The maternal instinct kicking in, squeezing my heart hard enough that it feels it's going to explode. Panic claws at my throat. My eyes return to the walker as bile rises.
Denise rushes out of the room in disgust while I pull out my knife, silencing it's moans. I slowly trek out of the room, trying to block out the images being burned into my head. I don't even want to consider what had taken place. Reaching the doorframe, I grab hold, bending over, letting breakfast out all over the floor.
"Blue, ya good?" Daryl questions.
"Yeah, I'll meet you guys outside." I don't bother looking over or waiting for a response. I just want to get as far away as possible from that nightmare. I rush out, slamming the doors behind me. I find Denise sitting on the ground.
I lower myself down next to her. "Even those of us with experience can have issues." I offer, hoping to give her a piece of mind. I rest my head against her shoulder, "it's okay."
"Yeah," is all she says.
Daryl and Rosita appear from behind the door, peering down at us. I glance away. After seeing the nightmarish scene in there, I can't seem to make eye contact with Daryl.
"Let's go." Rosita orders. I get up, walking ahead of them. Sounds of Daryl and Denise making small talk reach my ears. However, I can feel his eyes burn a hole into the back of my head. Though, I'm glad he seems to have cooled down, I tune it out, just wanting to get home. I take the tracks back, heading towards the truck. I don't glance back to see if they are following. We are meeting at the same place, anyway.
Movement in the tree line catches my attention. I stop, spinning around. I narrow my eyes, surverying the land, trying to find the source. It was too fast to be a walker. Unease and anxiety uncoils around my stomach, crawling up my spine. I reach for my gun when a the sounds of fighting pulls my awareness to Denise struggling with a walker. I spot Daryl and Rosita nearby. I realize she's okay. Returning to my task, I creep along the tracks, keeping my ears and eyes open for anything out of place.
"Are you seriously that stupid?" Rosita shouts. I shake my head, realizing I need to return to the group. I stalk over, frowning, taking in Daryl and Rosita's angry expressions. My eyes flick to Denise; she's just as angry. "Oh! Thank you for finally joining the rest of us, Vanessa." She sneers at me. I cross my arms, glowering at her.
Denise rounds on her, "Are you? I mean it. Are you? Do you have any clue what that was to me, what this whole thing is to me? See, I have training in this shit. I'm not making it up as I go along, like with the stitches and the surgery and the..." She gestures to Daryl. "I asked you to come with me because you're brave like my brother and sometimes you actually make me feel safe." She faces Rosita, "and I wanted you here because you're alone. Probably for the first time in your life. And because you're stronger than you think you are, which gives me hope that maybe I can be, too." She points to me, "I asked you to come because like Daryl, you make me feel safe. You're bad ass and scary. But you don't make me feel like I'm burden. You are the only one who made me feel fucking welcome on this trip. You and Daryl together are a fierce, unstoppable team, and even better couple but you guys have done nothing, but bicker. He's mad cause you wanted to help. You're mad because you don't believe I should be treated like this. I could've gone with Tara. I could've told her I loved her, but I didn't because I was afraid. That's what's stupid. Not coming out here, not facing my shit. And it makes me sick that you guys aren't even trying because you're strong and you're smart and you're all really good people, and if you don't wake... up... and face your..." My jaw drops when an arrow lodges itself into her eye midsentence. The blood drains out of my face while her body falls into Daryl's arms.
I spin on my heels, raising my gun as several people rush out of the tree line, surrounding us with weapons trained on us.
A familiar voice bellows into the air, "you drop 'em now!" Fuck me.