WAR POV
I played with my phone while waiting for Yin to come as we already promised to have breakfast together this morning. It's been a while since we had breakfast outside together, it's like we went back to our old routine. He came to my room and then we went to have breakfast together, just us.
I heard someone knock on the door and I instantly smiled. I brushed my hair a little bit and looked at myself in the mirror to make sure I looked fine, then I walked to open the door.
But the person in front of me now it's not the one I was waiting for.
"What are you doing here?"
"War, we need to talk."
He wanted to come inside but I blocked him. "Go back,Pack. I don't want Yin to misunderstand."
He furrowed looking at me. "What did you say? You didn't want Yin to misunderstand?" He asked.
"Yeah. We will talk later."
I wanted to close the door but he stopped me.
"I'm waiting for you to come to the hall yesterday but you didn't show up."
"You go to the field, don't you?"
I let out a sigh before opening my mouth. "I already told you not to wait for me. You know how I feel about you,Pack."
"And I always choose him over you."
"War..."
He walked closer to me and held my hand. "I really love-"
"What happens here?" Yin's voice startled me and I immediately smiled when I saw him but he didn't look at me instead he stared at my hand that Pack was holding, so I quickly pulled it.
"None of your business," Pack answered coolly and Yin looked at me, waiting for me to answer.
"Go back, Pack. We will talk later," I said as I wanted to clean things out with him once again that I didn't feel anything towards him. He's just my close friend, nothing more and I know I could never like anyone else other than Yin.
"War, please."
I pulled Yin's hand and came inside my room, closing the door without waiting for Pack to leave as I could see Yin's reaction. Even though he didn't say much but I know he didn't like what he saw and the fact that I used to lie to him that I like Pack makes me worry if he misunderstands the whole situation.
"Why did he come here?" Yin asked, using a cool tone like he tried to hide his jealousy but it was kinda obvious that he's jealous.
"He just-"
"It's okay. You don't need to tell me."
"I'm sorry for asking that," he let out a sigh and walked to sit on the sofa.
"Let's just eat instant noodles for breakfast. He may be still waiting for you outside."
I just replied 'okay' and made instant noodles for both of us. The atmosphere was deafeningly quiet because no one said anything while we were eating. I cast a peek at him but he remains silent.
He finished eating and wanted to stand up but I held his hand, making him stop.
"I really don't like him,Yin," I said.
"I know. You already told me."
"He said that me and him need to talk. That's why he came here."
"Talk about what?"
"I don't know...maybe about our feelings."
"Oh okay," he smiled a little before walking to the sink and washing his bowl.
I kept my gaze fixed on his, worried that he would misunderstand and distrust whatever I said. He didn't say much, maybe he was also worried if his behavior or his words were over the limit and made me uncomfortable but I'm fine with it because as I said, I wanted to be honest with my feelings, the feelings that I also love him more than a friend.
"I thought you didn't keep it," Yin said and walked to my study table while smiling after he saw the origami flowers he had given me that I had placed on my desk.
"It's beautiful," I replied and walked to him.
"I'm sorry because I threw it away that day."
He smiled and stroked my hair. "I'm happy you keep it."
He then looked at my shirt that I'm wearing, thinking of something. "Since when do you like to wear long sleeve shirts?" He raised his eyebrows.
"Eerrr...I'm cold. That's why I'm wearing it."
Shit. I don't know when my scar will disappear and I'm afraid what Yin gonna say if he finds out I'm doing self-harming, cutting my arm because I tried to decrease my guilty feeling towards him.
The scar didn't appear to be obvious now but I'm sure Yin will notice it because he always plays with my hand, so the best solution is to wear a long-sleeved shirt.
"Really? But I noticed you always wear it these past few days," he gave me a suspicious look as if he sensed something was wrong.
"Eerrr...you have class at 10 am, right? You need to go now," I tried to change the topic and pushed him towards the door.
"Awww, you kicked me out?"
"We will meet again during lunch."
"Do you want to have lunch with me?" He asked while smiling.
"Yeah"
"So you need to go now."
I tried so hard to push him out of my room as I could feel my heart pound like a drum in my chest because he couldn't stop giving me his sweet smile.
"See you again, kiddo," he said when we reached the door and I already opened it for him.
"Yin," I called him before he went out and he looked at me.
I bit my lips and with my heart beating so loudly, I quickly gave him a kiss on his cheek and pushed him until he got out of my room. "See you again," I said and closed the door, ignoring him, still in shock.
I touched my lips.
Arghhhh I kissed him again today!!!
.................................................
YIN POV
Shit.
He didn't plan to kill me but actually he already killed me with his action. I'm already out of breath yesterday but today, I guess I need to get ready to gasp for air again.
"Why are you smiling?" Off asked me while we were in class.
"I'm not"
"What a lie. You're still smiling right now," he shook his head looking at me.
"It's been a while since you're smiling like this," he said.
"Really?"
I pinched my cheek to make me stop smiling, just thinking about War already made my mood change to become happy and I don't know how he could do that.
I mean, our relationship was apart for a few weeks and I didn't put any hope for him to accept me again in his life because even though I love him too much but I wanted him to be happy with whatever happiness that he chose.
But when he comes to me and apologizes, it's as if I got a new lease on life and I'm finally free of the burning pain in my chest. Maybe because I couldn't imagine my life without him and that's why when he came back to me again, the sorrow in my heart was like it had been taken away and I could breathe normally again.
"Stop smiling, Yin," Off said, waking me up from my daydreaming.
...........................................
I walked to the cafeteria after my class ended and I saw War already waiting for me at the table not far away from where I stood right now but before I reached him, I saw Mike went and sat beside him, making me furrowed.
This wasn't the first time I saw them talking, so my curiosity increased as I wanted to know how close they were and remember War uploaded an Instagram Story that had Mike in it, I couldn't help myself not to be jealous.
Yeah, of course I'm jealous. I'm always jealous when people approach him but I always tried to control my jealousy because I have no right to him and after what happened to us, I was more careful at everything I did.
People say lightning never strikes the same place twice,whatever bad thing has happened, it won't happen again but I'm scared if I overreacted, I will lose him again and I couldn't handle the pain anymore, it hurts so bad.
For whatever reason that made him come back and accept me again, I thank God.
I walked to War's direction and he was still talking with Mike but before I reached him, a girl that confessed to me a few weeks ago, Sua, suddenly appeared in front of me.
"Hey, Yin!" She said while smiling sweetly.
"Eerrr, hey," I replied but my eyes looked at War and he also realized my presence.
"Are you free-"
"He's not free. He's with me," Earn suddenly came and hugged my arm.
"Eeerrr who are you?"
"Oh my God girl, you don't know me? I'm queen of the Faculty of Engineering and Yin's future girlfriend," Earn replied while looking at War, hugging my arm tightly.
"Nice to meet you, girl," Earn gave a wai to Sua but she just rolled her eyes and changed her attention to me again.
"So, you reject me because of her, Yin? Are you serious?" Sua asked and I didn't reply when I saw War walk towards my direction.
"Move," he said to Earn who still hugged my arm and pulled me from her.
"His real owner is coming," Earn said.
War just dragged me away, caught the attention of some students there and I also followed him like a puppy.
"Since when did you become a playboy?" He asked after we stopped at the place where there were no students, bending his head down and not looking at me.
"Huh?"
"Can you see what happened early? They are fighting to get you."
"Do you think...you are handsome enough to make people like you?"
He still didn't look at me and I just smiled a little while looking at him because he looked like he was jealous. I don't know, maybe it's just my feelings but for my eyes, he was jealous.
"Well, maybe. They like me so much," I teased him, controlling myself not to smile.
He lifted his face and looked at me, his eyes watery.
"Hey, why are you crying?" I started to panic and wanted to wipe his tears but he pushed my hand away.
"You said you will never give up your feelings for me."
"You...you lie," he said and ran away, leaving me still clueless there.
.................................................
"War! Stop!" I tried to follow him but he walked so fast towards his building. I was unable to take the elevator with him and it's too long to wait for the next elevator, making me decide to run and use the stairs.
I didn't know how fast I ran but I managed to stop him from closing his room door and I went straight into the room, then closed the door.
I looked at him while still trying to catch my breath and he simply bowed his head. His body was trembling.
"War..." I walked to him and wiped his tears, making him look at me with his red eyes.
I didn't understand why he was crying but the only thing I know is that I hate to see it.
"You really plan to give up on me, don't you?" His voice cracked.
It's a lie if I'm not trying to move on from him at all after he told me he likes Pack because I'm trying to respect his feelings but I myself know I couldn't do it. Even though I'm with my other friends, he's always in my mind and there is no moment I didn't think about him.
But using the word 'give up' doesn't fit with my real feelings. I will never give up on him but I tried to accept the fact that he couldn't be mine and I could only take care of him from afar. I will always be there if he needs me,always stay by his side because deep in my heart, I always hope there is room for us even how long I need to wait.
"Do you really plan to leave me, Yin?" His tears ran faster.
"I will never leave you,War."
"Are you still mad at me?" He asked again with a sob and I cupped his face to wipe his tears.
"I'm not."
"I'm sorry," he apologized again.
"You can still be mad at me but...please don't leave me."
"I'm sorry," he looked at me sobbing and it made my heart ache to see it.
"I already forgive you. So stop apologizing,War."
I pulled him into a hug and rubbed his back to calm him down. He hugged me back.
"I'm scared you will leave me for someone better," his voice was still trembling when he said that.
"I promise to be better,Yin."
"Please don't leave me," he sobbed, making me hug him tightly and continue to rub his back to assure him that everything he's scared of will never happen.
..................................................
We sat on the sofa, my arm wrapped around his shoulder and his face resting on my chest. We sat in that position for about an hour while I tried to soothe him down from his tears and there was no movement from him now. I'm guessing he's already dozing off after crying nonstop and he also didn't stop apologizing to me.
"Yin..." He mumbled while his eyes were closed to make sure I was still there.
"I'm here," I rubbed his back and played with his hair on his forehead.
He changed his head to almost buried on my neck, making me become a statue as I could even feel his breath and he circled his hand on my tummy.
Fuck.
My heart skipped a beat so loudly that I was certain he could hear it and could wake him up because of this.
I stared at his face while stroking his hair and his eyes looked puffy because of crying too much. He didn't stop apologizing to me early as he still feels guilty and regretted what has happened to us these past few weeks but I really meant it when I said I already forgive him.
In all relationships, whether friendship or lovers, there will be times where the one you love will hurt you because life isn't always beautiful. Despite the pain I may have experienced, it pales in comparison to the joy I had in his company and the joy he brought to my life. I love him. I love him with all my heart and soul.
And I have no regrets about it. I can't just ignore it and pretend it never happened. He unlocked my heart, which cannot feel anything for anyone else.
I brushed my thumb on his chin, locking my eyes on how perfect he looked even in his sleep.
"Hmmm," he made a cute sound and slowly opened his eyes, leaving us to meet eyes.
"Yin," he called me and I caressed his smooth cheek while our eyes were still locked into each other. My heart was pounding out of my chest and all I could see was his beautiful eyes and rosy lips.
My eyes became cloudy and I approached my face slowly to him and a few inches before our lips collided, the image of what happened before flashed through my mind, making me back to my senses.
"Shit"
I immediately stood up with my flush face.
"Yin, are you-"
"I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?"
"I need to go now. I'm sorry again," I apologized again and walked away fastly, coming out from his room without waiting for him to reply and I also didn't turn my back when he called me.
'Shit Yin. You almost kissed him again,'I cursed myself while walking to my room and putting my palm on my chest.
I almost messed up everything again if I kissed him early. We just reconciled and I don't want what happened before repeating again as I couldn't handle the pain if I lost him one more time, either just as a friend or more than that.
Yeah, I know his actions, the way he talks and everything he does shows we have the same feelings but I couldn't be as confident as before.
He never said the word 'I love you' to me and it made me feel scared if I misunderstood again and made it worse.
You need to fucking calm down,Yin!
• TBC •
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credit: @Glizzly_Yin