𝑆𝐸𝐶𝑅𝐸𝐶𝑌
edited - 01.03.2023
The pain that filled Kennedys chest only lingered for a few moments before it turned into annoyance and disbelief, both of them built by grief but moulded by anger.She could feel her eyes roll to the back of her head as she moved to slam the front door shut in his face. Part of her hated herself for not allowing him into her home but right now she didn't feel like falling for his puppy dog eyes.
Did he really think he could just turn up unannounced and ask for her help after he practically abandoned her?
The sound of his hand slamming against the door and holding it ajar apparently meant he did although the sound of the rain fall seemed loud; the sound Charles's palm made when it connected to the large oak wood door was louder. The loud bang made Kennedy want to flinch due to the sharp ringing in her ears but instead her whole body remained stiff and 'uninterested' in what Charles had to say.
"Please" He almost begged his eyes pleading with her to drop the attitude and allow him to seek comfort in her, almost as if he wasn't the one who had pushed her away. Once upon a time Kennedy would have dropped everything she was doing if he had it looked at her like that but now it lighted a fire burning deep within her stomach.
Once again Kennedy moved to push the door shut but yet again Charles's hand was their to stop her attempts. "Please Ken I beg yo-" Kennedy didn't wait for him to finish his sentence instead she fought against her better judgment and opened the door to her home slightly; the gap wasn't big at all but it was enough for Charles to squeeze his slender frame through.
His body slightly brushing against hers, his light blue shirt stuck to his skin, moulding against his own. Kennedys eyes couldn't help but take a sneaky glance at his arms and shoulders noticing how they flexed in appreciation of the warmth, the veins at the side of his neck prominent from how hard he'd been clenching his jaw.
Kennedy never really understood the phrase 'the silence is deafening' until this very moment, her eyes hadn't left his once he stepped in front of her. Even though the pair hadn't broken eye contact it felt as if they where trying to avoid each other like the plague. The entrance to her home that Kennedy had spent the first half an hour obsessing over suddenly seemed so small.
Charles hated this, he hated awkward silences. He wanted her to scream at him and tell him how much he had hurt her, he wanted her to hate him until there was no hate left in her, he wanted anything but nothing.
Anything but this.
Kennedy stood awkwardly propped up against the closed door, her arms crossed against her chest watching as he shifted from one foot to the other attempting to cut the tension with his movements.
"Are you not going to say anything?"
Kennedy raised her brow, her eyes saying more than words ever could, it was clear that Kennedy for once in her life had nothing to say to him; and that's what hurt him the most because no matter what he did in life Kennedy always had something to say about it and now she had nothing, instead she just threw him a look of disappointment.
"I've nothing to say to you anymore Charles"
Charles visibly flinched when his name left her mouth, the words spat out like poison on her tongue. "what do you want me to say? that I forgive you? that I'm sorry I got pregnant?" Kennedy rounded off.
"Anything I want you to say anything".
Kennedy scoffed and shook her head. "Right because I remember that you was Mr. chatterbox at the meeting" She fumed sarcasm evident in her voice. "Now are you going to tell me what you want? because its getting late and I still have lots of unpacking to do".
He didn't respond straight away, instead he replayed the question in his head, what did he want from her? it was almost as if his eyes were searching hers for an answer. "N-o-o I-ii i-i don't actually know why I am here" He admitted his shoulders dropping in defeat.
"Maybe you should go then" Kennedy suggested wanting nothing more than to be by herself again. "Maybe I should" Charles repeated nodding along with her in agreement.
He looked away from her as he fought with himself over if he should just admit defeat or grow a set of balls and finally talk to her. His eyes attempted to find something more interesting; something that would take his focus off of her and the anxiety that filled his chest from being back in her presence.
"You took it" he called out, his eyes still focused on a spot behind her, Kennedy couldn't help but glance at him questioningly not knowing what he was referring too, she had taken a lot of things with her during the move. "You took the picture" He stated nodding his head to the wall behind her.
Kennedy glanced over her shoulder, her eyes immediately landing on the picture in question. There it sat displayed in its beautiful deep green frame, gold lining the sides of it, the picture standing out against the dark material. The picture was taken in 2006 when the pair were eight, it showed Charles sat in his kart with his helmet on holding his thumbs up. Next to him was Kennedy her lips planted firmly on the side of his helmet her small arms wrapped securely around his frame. In front of them stood a five year old Arthur his arms thrown in the air in victory meanwhile behind them stood Herve and Jules as equally as proud, a victorious look gracing both of their faces. It came after Charles became French Cadet Champion before moving up to the KF3 class in 2011, where he won the Junior Monaco Kart Cup.
Charles had gifted it to her on her ninth birthday along with a handmade friendship bracelet to go with it and ever since they had both entered her possession they had never left it, they both held so much meaning for obvious reasons. "You thought I was going to leave it" She stated although it came out as more of a question, her brows knitted together.
"You left, I thought you may have left it behind".
Kennedy scoffed. "Left? I didn't leave Charles, you forced me out of my home". She accused, throwing her hands in his face. She watched as his nostrils flared in anger.
"forced you out of your home? you willingly signed that contract. I didn't force you, Kaia didn't force you, Nicolas didn't force you. You signed the contract yourself". Kennedy forced herself to suck in a deep breath, pausing to take a minute to calm down before she ended up starting an argument.
"You could of said no".
"How dare you". She spat making her way towards him, her pointer finger flying out to prod at his chest. "I cant fucking believe you, after everything you've done you're putting the blame onto me!".
"I signed that contract because of you! Because yet again I always put you first regardless of how I feel and it felt like I had no other choice but to agree" Kennedy cried out as if it was obvious, Charles felt his stomach drop at her words his head was hurting from the slight pounding in his temples from all the stress.
"Yet again?" He questioned copying her words his brow raised questioningly.
"Yes Charles again, because for some reason everything I do in life is for you" Kennedy confirmed, slightly stunned at how he could even be questioning her right now.
"What have you ever done that's been for me?" He shouted flailing his arms all over the place. "Your just mad because I choose Charlotte over you".
Nothing.
Deafening silence.
Kennedys front row of teeth clamped down on her bottom lip in attempt to stop it from quivering, it took her a few moments to gather herself. All the while Charles stood their like a deer in headlights, the look of regret evident on his face, she knew he didn't mean for it to come out as awful as it did; but that didn't change the fact that Kennedys heart felt as if it had been ripped out of her chest.
And then there it was.
Her laugh. She sounded insane, but did she care right now? No.
"For you to stand there and think that nothing I have ever done in life hasn't been for you is utterly stupid, you and I both know this. I put off going to university for a year so that I could stay in Monaco and travel with you when you started your F1 career. I was there for you when you and Giada split up, ready to console you and make sure that you didn't feel lonely or upset. I was there for you when when no one else was, when no one else believed that you could achieve the goals you have today, I was there for you when Charlotte never was. So no I'm not upset that you choose her because none of this is about me or us, it's about OUR baby and I'll be dammed if you come into my home and talk to me like that".
"Now since you choose Charlotte over me why don't you go and cry to her, maybe even tell her you fucked your best friend while your at it" Kennedy finished, she had been desperately trying to cling onto the hope of Charles and their baby finally being a family one day. But none of that was a real it was just a mere dream that felt a thousand miles away, hell even Daniel had more of a chance l staying at McLaren than Kennedy did with her and Charles finally being a family.
"Is that what you want"
"What?".
"Do you want me to tell Charlotte that I fucked you and now your the one having my baby not her?" His statement sounded a lot like a question as he took four large strides over to her, crushing any remaining space between them. His tall frame towered over hers as he glanced down at her, his eyes searching for some sort of reaction out of her.
Her hands reached out instinctively to push hard at his sold chest but Charles was quicker using his fast reaction time to catch her wrist between his ring clad fingers. "Is that what you want?" He asked, more authority behind his tone this time as he dipped his head into the curve of her neck. Inhaling her sent for what felt like the first time in weeks, she smelled like warm vanilla and cocoa, she smelled like home.
"What if I do?" She questioned hands fidgeting in his grasp, she so badly wanted to push him away but her heart was yearning for her to stay with him.
Charles sighed before placing a featherlight kiss under her earlobe, the small action sending warm shivers across Kennedys small frame. He hummed in acknowledgment, trailing his fingertips up the sides of her cardigan.
They both knew this was wrong on so many different levels but neither of them could seem to pull themselves away. Charles had never been this affectionate or loving towards her, he had always respected the boundaries of their friendship and his relationship; never stepping a foot out of line.
And Kennedy didn't know if it was because of the baby growing inside of her or whether it was because it was just Charles, she leaned into his much taller frame, her trapped hands grasping tightly at as much material as she could.
"I hate you so fucking much" she half sobbed half stated, tears pricking the corners of her tired eyes as her head dropped, her forehead pressed against his chest. Charles couldn't help but flinch his hand stopping it's descent across her arm, his other freeing her wrists so he could move both hands to cradle her head whist hers moved to wrap around his middle. " I know".
"I hate that you make me hate you" She cried tears soaking the already damp material of his shirt, he placed a quick kiss to the crown of her head. His own tilted slightly upwards to stop his own batch of tears from escaping.
He knew he'd fucked up massively as soon as she'd agreed to sign the contract, he'd never seen Kennedys eyes so dull and void of emotion. But he couldn't go back on his word now, he couldn't risk Charlotte finding out it would ruin everything for them. She would hate him and he was almost certain she'd never forgive him either and that was a situation Charles wasn't about to put himself in.
He couldn't risk losing her , his forever person, his future wife and mother of his children not over something stupid as this.
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Right okay guys I'm back! Bit of a late and long update but I wanted to get another chapter out for you guys and I figured since I haven't uploaded in a while I'd make it a longer one.
I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter :/ I kinda feel bad more making Charles seem like a dick but I PROMISE it will get better!!!
Let me know what you guys think🤍
Also can't believe my baby is starting from the back of the grid today :/ hopefully he can bring home a few points. Super proud of Mr smooth operator too🤍and ALONSO!!!! what the hell p2 in qualifying super proud of him. As well as mick and Lewis🤍I just luvvvv race weekends.
Anyway keep your eyes peeled for more updates
Love el x