Chapter 21
"Thank you," I said before I grabbed my things and stood up. It was my third session. I go here once a week. At first it was... weird. It was weird to talk about my feelings to someone who was basically a stranger, but I knew I needed this. Somehow, I knew I needed this, but hearing Chester said that I needed therapy made all the difference.
Because I thought I could be fine on my own...
Nakaya ko naman ng ilang taon...
But maybe I was just fooling myself.
Maybe I was not fooling the people around me kaya ganoon na lang sila sa akin—I knew that most of the times, I have things easy. Maybe I just refused to acknowledge that, but people knew that I was struggling, so they tried to make my life better in their own little ways...
After my session, I headed straight to Chester. He asked me before if I wanted him to accompany me sa session, but I declined the offer. I'd feel weirder to know that he was just outside waiting for me. Because I knew that if I did do therapy, I needed to do it right. I wanted to be okay for myself, but more so, for the people around me.
He was in the middle of duty when I saw him. I didn't approach him because he looked like he was busy. Besides, I like watching him work.
I tried to wait for a few minutes, but bigla akong inantok. Lumabas na ako ng hospital and I walked back to the apartment na lang. I just slept tapos when I woke up, nakabalik na si Chester.
"Hi," I said.
"May pagkain," he replied.
I grinned because he knew me so well. "I went to the hospital pala kaso busy ka sa duty kaya umuwi na lang ako," I said as I grabbed a glass and poured water for myself.
He nodded. I knew he wanted to ask about my session, but he was just stopping himself. I love how he knew my boundaries. When it mattered, he'd push me to do things but never shove. At the end of the day, he respects my decision and that's one of the things I love and adore about him.
I really did get lucky with this human.
"I need to talk to some people..." I said.
He looked at me. "Okay," he replied without asking who.
"I figured it's better if I start with my parents... then Iñigo... and I'm honestly still debating if I still need to talk to Rhys because knowing him, he has a tendency to overreact."
His forehead creased. "You'll talk to them?" he finally asked.
Tumango ako. "Yes. I figured I need to talk to them about this. Because I'll never really be okay if I'm hiding something this big from people I really care about," I said as I gave him a small smile. "I love them and I know that they'll support me. I just need to find courage to tell them what's bothering me."
Instead of saying a word, Chester just reached for my hand and squeezed it tightly. And oddly enough, that was probably better than any word he could say at that moment.
* * *
First, I had to talk with my parents. I began our talk with a reminder that what happened before was not Iñigo's fault—not then, not now. It was a long talk. There was crying—mostly on Mama's end—but it ended pretty well... They asked if they could do anything—cover any fertility treatment that I might need. I thanked them muna kasi kailangan ko ring kausapin si Chester tungkol doon. Kung mabubuntis man ako, it's our baby. Kung anuman ang desisyon para doon ay kailangan desisyon niya rin. I didn't want to decide on my own kahit gaano pa kaliit iyon.
Then... Iñigo.
"Hintayin na lang kita," Chester said nang ihinto niya iyong sasakyan sa harap ng coffee shop. I asked Iñigo to meet with me. He said okay naman daw sa lunch break, pero sandali lang. Dito kami magkikita sa coffee shop malapit sa office niya. Medyo malayo iyong new office niya kumpara doon sa dati na nasa gitna ng business district.
"Baka matagal kami," I said.
"It's fine," he replied. Pumayag na rin ako kasi baka ayaw niya akong iwan dito. Hindi ako sanay sa lugar na 'to and frankly, this place didn't feel as safe.
Dumiretso ako sa coffee shop. Iñigo sent a text that he'd be running a bit late dahil may biglang pinagawa sa kanya. It's fine, though. I just practiced what I'd tell him. I needed to find the right words. Iñigo's in a difficult place right now. I didn't want to add on his plate. I didn't want to sound like I was blaming Iñigo... or that I had any regrets... Nangyari na kasi. Tapos na. The best thing to do would be to move forward.
"Sorry, biglang may pinagawa," he said as he was rushing towards me.
I smiled. "It's fine," sabi ko sa kanya. "I ordered na," I added because I already knew his usual order. Sinabi rin kasi sa akin ni Cha na baka nalilimutan na kumain ni Iñigo. I actually had a list of things na sinabi sa akin ni Cha na gawin ko. I actually did ask Cha for babysitting money dahil sabi ko sa kanya, kulang na lang patulugin ko rin si Iñigo.
"Oh. Salamat," sabi niya sa akin.
"Kain ka muna," I told him because he looked tired and overworked and hungry. I felt so bad for him but I didn't want to look it because I knew that Iñigo would like that. Despite everything, he's a proud man. Who wouldn't be? From basically having nothing, he managed to get to the top. And I know him enough to know that once the dust settles, he'd find his way back again.
Because it's Iñigo—it's what he does.
"Ano palang meron?" he asked. "Saka... may nasabi ba si Cha sa 'yo kung may plano ba siya na uuwi na?"
"Bakit hindi ikaw magtanong?"
"Ayoko."
"E bakit ako?"
He shrugged. "May nasabi nga?"
"Wala."
"Kay Chester?"
"Ikaw kaya magtanong," I said.
Instead of responding like a functioning adult, he just clicked his tongue. Kapag sa mga kaso niya ang dami-dami sinasabi, pero pagdating kay Cha, walang lumalabas minsan sa bibig.
"Bakit ka na lang biglang nagaya?" he asked.
I drew another deep breath. "Okay..." I said as I was trying to compose myself. Nakatingin lang sa akin si Iñigo with his forehead creased. When he realized that I was actually nervous, he put the fork down and looked at me.
"May problema ka ba? Seryoso ba 'yan? Kailangan mo ba ng abogado kaya mo ako tinawag? Alam ba ni Rhys?" sunud-sunod niyang tanong sa akin. "Alam ba ng parents mo?"
Why did people always jump to the conclusion that I need a lawyer because I accidentally killed someone?
"What? No," I quickly replied.
"Okay..." he said, nodding his head. "Bakit nandito ka?"
I drew another deep breath before I began telling him about the reason kung bakit ako nakipagkita sa kanya. I began with telling him that I don't blame him, never did, never will, and that I don't regret going to him because I promised his dad that I will always take care of him and I intend to do that kahit matanda na kami.
"Will you please stop crying," I said because naiiyak na rin ako dahil umiiyak siya. We looked like fools!
"Hindi ako umiiyak," he replied as he just wiped his tears right in front of me.
"Yeah, right," I said as I wiped my tears. "But seriously... I love you, you know that, right?" I continued as I looked at him and smiled.
Chester's the love of my life, but I'm pretty sure that Iñigo's my soulmate. It's weird but I'm pretty sure that whatever happens, no matter how much we disappoint each other sometimes, at the end of the day, we always have each other's backs.
"Mahal din kita syempre, parang tanga naman 'to," he said as wrinkled his nose. I laughed at his face and thankfully, that was the end of our talk. God, that was probably one of the hardest conversations I ever did!
"Gracey," he said.
"Yeah?" I asked when we were waiting for the receipt.
"Still. Sorry."
I smiled at him. "I know," I said. "But don't be, okay?" I continued before I said goodbye dahil baka nakatulog na si Chester sa sasakyan niya.
Paglabas ko, dumiretso ako sa sasakyan ni Chester. I stopped when I saw that the window was rolled down a bit. Nang sumilip ako, I saw him napping. I debated kung ano ang gagawin ko because he looked so peaceful while he was napping.
But after I took a picture for remembrance, I knocked on the window that woke him up.
"Tapos na?" he asked.
I nodded. "Late lunch?" I asked because after that, kailangan na naming bumalik sa hospital for duty.
We went to a resto near the hospital para malapit lang. Chester was quietly staring at me.
"It's rude to stare, you know?"
"Kailan tayo pupunta ng Bulacan?" he asked.
"Bulacan?"
He nodded. "Yung sayaw?"
My lips parted. "Wait. You were serious?"
He nodded again. "I trust medicine, but sometimes, divine intervention, you know?"
I stared at him with my lips agape. I couldn't believe that he just told me that we'd really go to Bulacan to dance to the fertility gods! I thought he was just joking when he said that—to try to make me laugh or something—but apparently, he was serious.
"What? I'd seen some cases na wala na talaga tapos biglang naging okay. Science can't explain that," he said.
"Yeah, right. Kagaya nung multo na nakita mo before."
"Ghosts are real," he said.
"Chester, tell me the truth, are you a flat-earther?"
He was so cute when he frowned. God, I got the cutest boyfriend! If we were to have a baby, I wanted him or her to look exactly like him! God, I would love that baby!
"Sorry na," I said, poking his side. "I will check my sched and pupunta tayo ng Bulacan."
"Tss."
"May dance steps ba 'yon na kailangan i-memorize or we'll just wing it when we get there?" I asked, teasing him still. I wanted to tease him some more, but my boyfriend already had his frowny face and that's my cue para tumigil. "Sorry. Stop na ako," I continued and kissed his cheek. "Sorry na."
"Kulang," he said.
"Iyong kiss?" He nodded. "What do I need to add?"
He looked at me with a devious look on his face. "I'll think about it."
I wrinkled my nose. "Fine. Just tell me kapag naisip mo na," I said.
He kissed my cheek. "Will do."
We began eating nung dumating na iyong food. Chester was so quick to eat. I later figured out that that was probably because he hated having meals at home. He told me that breakfast was that time of the day na tinatawag nilang audit ng mga kapatid niya. He wanted to get over that quickly kaya binibilisan niyang kumain. I guess it's one of those habits that are hard to break.
"Chester," I called. Tumingin siya sa akin. "My parents actually offered if we wanted them to help with the payment for the treatments," I said because they could actually add up. Hindi naman sila kasali sa insurance coverage namin. And personally, wala akong malaking savings. Ayoko rin naman na galawin iyong inheritance ni Chester from his mom.
"Oh."
"If it's fine with you," I told him. "If ayaw mo, it's fine. We'll find a way."
Tumango siya. "Okay," he said.
"Okay... as in okay lang sa 'yo?"
He nodded again. "They're your parents, Gracey. Your family is different from mine. I'm sure this offer comes from a good place."
I smiled because I really did appreciate him saying yes to my parents' offer. I was actually prepared for him to decline... but I guess with Chester, he's always surprising me with how he makes his decisions.
"Also pala," I said tapos tumingin sa kanya. "Since my parents already know that we're trying... wouldn't it be weird if hindi alam ng dad mo?" I asked, treading lightly. "I mean, he doesn't need to get involved but also, it would be weird to keep him in the dark since alam ng parents ko? Para lang fair?"
I waited for a response from his end. Hindi ko alam bakit kinakabahan ako. Probably because I know that if I had issues I needed to solve, ganoon din si Chester...
"Okay," he said, looking at me. "I'll talk to my dad."