Lalisa was startled for a moment, then shook her head and said: “No, I don’t want to go back, probably because I’m weak. Jimin, in a foreign country, it’s natural that I’m alone like everyone else who lives in a foreign country. But if I return home and is still alone, that would be very sad.”
She looked down and did not say anything more.
When they were leaving the airport, Lalisa said: “Jimin, I have to talk to you about something.”
Jimin certainly knew what she wanted to discuss, so he said immediately: “By chance, I need your help with something.”
Jimin’s parents planned to visit him in the U.S. for one month, mostly because he accidentally said he had married.
Jimin wanted Lalisa to pretend to be a married couple when meeting his parents.
The timing was just right.
Lalisa has already completed her studies, so she could leave N City any time. Jimin’s company was operating smoothly so he had more free time.
The first thing Lalisa did after moving to California was to look for a job. But she was often left frustrated because she is Korean and also a woman.
Jimin wanted to use his contacts to help her, but Lalisa refused: “Jimin, you’ve helped me so much already, so I can’t always rely on you.”
Jimin remembered Lalisa has never accepted any financial help from him. Then he also recalled what his ex-girlfriend said to him when breaking up with him, he couldn’t help but sigh with sorrow.
Seeing him looking pensive, Lalisa asked: “Jimin, what are you thinking?”
Jimin smiled and said: “Nothing, I’m merely trying to understand the word pride once again.”
Lalisa was puzzled and looked quizzically at him but did not question further.
Valentine’s Day came before the day of Jimin’s parents’ visit, but Jimin was not a romantic person. Lalisa also did not think anything of it, so in the end nothing special happened that day.
On the evening of Valentine’s Day, Jimin was in the study upstairs involved in an international call. When he walked downstairs, he saw Lalisa sitting on the sofa, her head propped up in one hand, a laptop on her knees, completely unaware of his presence.
From his point of view, he saw tears at the corner of Lalisa’s eyes.
Thinking she was watching a sad movie, he walked closer to take a look. It was only an ordinary website, and it was the SOSO search page he knew well.
The keyword in the search was a name he has never heard before –– Jeon Jungkook.
When Lalisa discovered him, she quickly turned around. It was too late to wipe away the tears on her cheeks.
She closed the laptop, stood up, stared downward at her toes and looked a little embarrassed.
Jimin understood immediately: “He…..”
Suddenly, he did not know what else to say.
Lalisa looked up at him, her eyes were exceptionally clear from the tears. Jimin clearly saw the sorrow in her eyes.
“Jimin, have you ever loved anyone?” She asked.
“Ah!” Jimin thought carefully before answering, “When I was at C University, I had a girlfriend who is very smart and also very beautiful.”
“My ex-boyfriend is also very outstanding.” Lalisa replied in a low voice.
“Oh?” Jimin tried to smile, “Your ex-boyfriend isn’t as lucky as me.”
After all, he was now just someone from your ‘past’ only.
Lalisa misunderstood his words completely. She probably thought Jimin meant her ex-boyfriend was unlucky because he chose her, so she felt upset and said: “I’m not so bad……”
Jimin did not explain himself. He quickly walked up to his study but has no mood to do anything.
Having seen that name, it seemed as if he began to see the name everywhere.
From that day onward……
From time to time, Lalisa will absent-mindedly call that name –– Jeon Jungkook.
When Lalisa was inexplicably feeling happy, she’ll smile and call Jungkook.
When Lalisa was suddenly feeling lonely, she’ll call Jungkook.
……
Of course, Jimin was impatient.
But when he saw the grievance and loneliness in her eyes whenever she mentioned that person, he did not have the heart to be impatient.
His heart also felt a kind of unknown pain.
Previously, when Jimin knew Lalisa thought of him as a brother figure, he was not bothered. It was because he was confident that no one more outstanding than him will appear in her life, so he’ll take it slowly. However, that feeling has now gone, as he can clearly feel a frozen wall was erected in Lalisa’s heart. That frozen wall will block out all the ambiguous stuff.
Perhaps all he can ever be will be a brother figure only.
Jimin began to feel impatient.
So what happened that night, he did not know if it was from his suppressed emotions or a momentary loss of control.
That day, he drank a lot while socializing outside and was drunk when he arrived home. Lalisa took care of him in a flurry.
Jimin did not know if he was drunk or sober. If drunk, how could he still remember all the details clearly. If sober, why did he not reign in his emotions like before……
Seemingly half drunk half sober, he pressed himself on top of Lalisa……
When he woke up, it was already morning.
The moment he regained his consciousness, he rushed downstairs.
The lights were not on in the living room which was in complete darkness.
He vaguely saw Lalisa sitting on the sofa, two arms hugging her knees and her head bent down.
Jimin felt he had seen this mentioned somewhere before that when people suffer great harm, they would subconsciously sit in that position like a baby in the mother’s womb because of the lack of a sense of security.
His hand wanted to turn on the light switch but stopped.
Lalisa suddenly spoke in a weak voice: “Jimin, did you…… pretend I’m her?”
Jimin was dazed for a moment before he realized who the “she” Lalisa referred to.
It was his ex-girlfriend.
He seemed to mention about his ex-girlfriend only once and he could not really remember what he had said. She probably thought…… he still thinks of her, still loves his ex-girlfriend?
Lalisa, did you think everyone is like you, always remembering the past?
Jimin smiled bitterly.
He realized that Lalisa put him in an interesting dilemma: If he says “yes,” he would not be able to confess his true feelings, maybe their relationship would never be able to progress further. If he says “no,” he would be admitting to sexual assault.
Even though an unsuccessful attempt.
Seeing the trust in Lalisa’s eyes, Jimin decided to close his eyes and not answer.
Let her find the answer which can comfort her the most.
Actually, after that incident, Lalisa could not calmly live together with Jimin in a house anymore. When Lalisa said she wanted to move out, Jimin said: “Lalisa, return home and see what has happened.”
Lalisa stared at him in shock.
“You can’t be an ostrich forever.”
Return home and see what has happened.
If the weather there is sunny and nice, then you stay there.
If the weather there is raining and bleak, then you quickly come back.
Completely forget that place, completely forget that person.
At the airport, Jimin said goodbye to Lalisa who was no longer even his wife in name only. He looked at the plane ascending into the clouds, loneliness filling every corner of his body.
Did she understand what he said when they parted just now? In certain things, she could be surprisingly slow.
“If you are not returning to the U.S…….best if we temporarily don’t keep in touch with each other.” He told her before she boarded the plane.
Did he still have a chance?
Perhaps!
Perhaps that man called Jungkook has already fallen in love with someone else.
In this world, how many people are as foolish as Lalisa?
The fragrant of the tea was rising up through the air.
The years were long, but only a few hours were used to finish talking about them.
“……So there was more than one person.” Jimin finally said.
“Sometimes, she’s surprisingly slow.” Jimin looked up and sighed, “Things of the world can be so strange because I didn’t expect you’re the only person I can talk to on these matters.”
Jungkook did not speak. After finished smoking his cigarette, he picked up his coat: “Mr. Park, it’s late so I’ll leave first.”
“Why are you in such a hurry?”
Jungkook paused: “Lalisa is drunk, so I’m a bit worried.”
Jimin laughed out loud: “Mr. Jeon, are you showing off you’re the winner in front of the loser?”
Jungkook did not turn around and walked out of the tea shop. When he pushed open the door, a blast of cold air hit him in the face.
Jungkook breathed in deeply.
It was a good while before he gradually relaxed his hands fisted to the point that the blood vessels stood out.
It was already two o’clock in the morning when he arrived home.
Lalisa slept like a good child when drunk, her body wrapped in the quilt, in the exact position when Jungkook left the house. Jungkook gently took off his shoes, got into bed and pulled Lalisa into his embrace.
She moved slightly to get used to her new position and frowned. Jungkook loosened his embrace and her eyebrows started to relax.
The sweet smelling of Lalisa’s hair filled the air around him.
Jungkook whispered: “I won’t let you drink in the future.”
She did not protest, still sleeping soundly.
Jungkook could not sleep and stayed awake until four something in the morning. He sighed, got up and went to the study.
There were still a lot of work to do. In fact, tomorrow, no, it was already the next day, he had not finished preparing the case for the court hearing in the morning. For Jungkook, this was really a rare doing things at the last minute experience.
He was busy working until the first rays of morning sun.
Jungkook closed his tired eyes and massaged his brows. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Lalisa standing at the doorway of the study looking at him.
“Jungkook, you didn’t sleep at all?” Lalisa asked and bit her lips.
Jungkook knew very well that was her habit when she felt nervous.
“Come here.” He beckoned.
When she walked closer, Jungkook pulled her into his arms and she sat on his lap.
“You’re awake? People who are drunk don’t usually sleep.”
“Really?” Lalisa was probably confused by Jungkook’s attitude, so she asked innocently, “Then, what should I do?”
“Do something meaningful……” While talking, he lowered his head and kissed her soft lips.
Lalisa gasped for breath and lay her head on his arm. After a moment of silence, Jungkook said: “Last night, I met with Jimin.”
Lalisa suddenly froze in his embrace.
“He told me someone searched my name in SOSO. I want to ask that person, what did she find?”
Lalisa did not say anything. Jungkook continued to say: “I just searched your name and found out that you’ve won an award in photography before but you never told me.”
“Just a little-known award…… Besides, you did not ask me.” Lalisa said softly.
Jungkook sighed and held her tighter: “I’m sorry, it’s my fault.”
“Lalisa, tell me now, what have you done?”
“In the U.S.?”
“Yes.”
Lalisa had never seen before, a Jungkook who is so gentle, not even at university seven years ago when their relationship was at its best. A soft and gentle inquiry easily opened the floodgate to all the grievances she suffered in those years.
Lalisa began to talk about those things that she experienced in U.S. When she first arrived in the U.S., she did not know English well. Thus, she could not understand the street signs and got lost. She talked about how she hated to study English, the strange habits of Americans and also those awful food. She focused on describing how awful a particular brand of instant noodles tasted.
“Then, why didn’t you eat something else?”
“Other food are expensive, as at that time, I was very poor.”
“Your father didn’t give you money?” This was the first time Jungkook spoke of Lalisa’s father with such gentle tone.
Lalisa looked at his expression before continuing to say: “Yes, my father gave me a large amount of money. At first I was shocked, but later I read from the newspaper, then only I knew what happened…… so I sent the money back to the embassy.”
“Did the embassy write you a letter of appreciation?”
“I didn’t put my name, I sent it when there was a call for Korean people to donate. In fact, there was nothing noble about my intention….” Just that I could not bring myself to use those money which was earned by the sacrifice of life. Furthermore, I also deceived myself into thinking without those money, my dad wouldn’t have died. Everything would be fine like nothing happened.”
“Oh, Lalisa was so smart, what else?”
“And……”
Lalisa thought one day she would tell Jungkook these things, but she never thought it would be like this. She did not feel burdened at all, as if she was chatting about something ordinary. Those painful experiences seemed to have disappeared overnight.
They gradually stopped talking.
The day had brightened completely.
“Jungkook, surprisingly I don’t feel sad at all. I thought it would be very difficult to talk about this.”
Jungkook said quietly: “Because you have me now.”
Lalisa did not say anything. She lay her head on his chest and didn’t move at all. A long time later, Jungkook thought she has fallen asleep. Gradually, he felt wetness on his chest.
It was already Monday and they have to go to work in the morning.
It was the first time Jungkook went to battle unprepared. At the court, he discovered the prosecutor and judge seemed more muddied than him. Hence, everyone stayed muddy until the court session finished and the case would be heard again next time.
When the family of the defendant saw the dark circles under Jungkook’s eyes clearly from the lack of sleep, they were deeply moved because they thought he exhausted himself for the case. They thanked him over and over again making Jungkook not knowing whether to laugh or cry.