25. Is this what you want?
"So, you two are officially fine?" I raised my other eyebrow to Eevi, she nodded and took a long sip of her drink. Couple of days ago we were at the restaurant. Now we were in a bar with Eevi, sitting in a terrace and had small drinks. It was warm and sunny night.
"We had a long talk, and talked simply about everything in life. And we'll leave the miscarriage behind." She told me, looking at her drink.
But soon her eyes slowly raised up to me, and she had a suggesting smirk on her face, I looked at her with questioning look.
She leaned forward, placed hand under her jaw and leaned against it. She was waiting for something.
"You and Joonas are cute." She then said daydreaming. I stared at her with my eyes wide open, I smiled and shook my head.
"Don't start with that." I said and then took sip of my drink. She just giggled and smiled, shrugging her shoulders.
"Can't help it. He's so in lov-"
"No." I interrupted her, she frowned and looked at me more serious. I immediately felt bad for saying that.
"Sorry.. it's just.. we haven't talked about our.. thing..?" I struggled with the words and I was so nervous. She nodded slowly and I think she understood. Or course she did. Eevi has told me about her lovestory with Olli, it was complicated.
She knows excatly how it feels to be alone and lost.
She was about to say something, but decided to stay silent when some people walked past us at the terrace. She leaned closer and swallowed.
"I don't know if I'm the best example in here, but.. you two should talk. Saga, I see how he looks at you. The gaze is so sweet and like he wants to protect you from everything bad. I've never seen him like that." She explained quietly and I saw that she was being serious.
"You think he would be.. in love..?" I whispered and then Eevi started to smile a bit. She leaned against the back of her chair and shrugged her shoulders, but still, she had that smile.
"That's something you have to ask from him." She only said.
I started to feel frustrated and nervous, would he really feel something like that towards me?
It's impossible...
"Okay, girl. I know what maybe would help you." She leaned against the table again.
"Write down about your feelings. Write every single thing, then.. give it to Joonas. I'm sure he would appreciate that. Or just say the same things to him." She smiled and was proud of her suggestion.
It didn't sound that bad actually.
"But I'm not a writer, not as good as you are." I underestimated myself. Eevi just tilted her head little bit and then shoon her head.
"No, don't say that. It doesn't really matter. Writing was everything I had back then, I wrote sad love songs and stuff. I found comfort about it. And for you.. I think it would help you too." She smiled.
I don't even know about my own feelings, is there feelings?
What I feel is like.. butterlies.. I feel safe around him and his touch is warm and it feels good. This is new to me. It's hard to know what this is.
But I know one thing.. he's messing my mind and I can't stop thinking about him. What spells is he using?
I was zoning out, but only thinking about him. I was thinking about his.. everything. And I started to feel cold, I needed his warm hands wrapped around me. I was imagining his smile and curls while he's laying next to me, I think I was smiling.
"His kisses are like drug." I suddenly said out loud, still staring my drink and thinking about him.
When I've become like this? Just only a few weeks ago I was ready to die, but now.. Joonas Porko has changed my mind. The voices are still yelling at me that I should stop this madness and end it all, but when I hear Joonas' voice somewhere or even see him.. I feel like I have nothing to worry about.
I slowly lifted my eyes up to Eevi, the smile on her face was real and happy.
"He's.. like from another world." I said and Eevi nodded slowly, she knows what I'm talking about.
"As I said, he's kind and such a gentleman." She smiled, I bit my lower lip.
He truly is. Maybe I should write an letter or something, then I would give it to him and.. he can say what he thinks about and.. the rest would be history. I don't know.
I was sitting around my kitchen table, it was late night and rainy outside. I really did have a piece of paper in front of me and a pen, and the next plan would be.. writing. I stared the empty and white paper with fear, not knowing where to start and how.
I looked outside of the window, I put my hand under my jaw and leaned against it. Suddenly many words started to spin around in my mind, I just had to catch those and make a real sentence.
I bit my lower lip and just started to write. First it felt hard, but when I had more words on the paper, it started to feel natural.
I wrote and wrote, I smiled and my hand was hurting. Time was flying, I heard a knock on my door, it made me flinch and I was on this world again. I quickly took the paper, I folded it and put it on my jeans pocket. I almost runned to the door, because I knew who was waiting there.
I opened it and there stood wet Joonas, he chuckled as he saw me looking at him amused.
"Yeah.. about that weather." He scratched the back of his neck while he walked past me, I closed the door and watched as he took off his shoes and wet leather jacket.
"Go to shower, I'll make you some tea." I smiled and started to walk towards the kitchen, but I didn't get to go past him yet. He gently took a grip of my wrist and stopped me, I looked at him in to his eyes and wet face.
I waited, stood there and I started to get worried. What is it? Why he stares at me like that, not moving and not even blinking? He swallowed and looked at our feet then, and slowly he let go of my wrist.
I frowned.
"Uhm.. yeah.. I'll go." He cleared his throat before talking and he made his way towards the bathroom.
"Joonas?" I asked, making him stop. He hold his hand on the door handle, looking at me.
This tension.. oh dear.
"Uhm.. do you.. want company..?" I asked nervous, but I really did meant it. His mouth slightly opened, and he looked me up and down before answering.
"Yeah.. that would be nice."
I showed him a little smile and he bit his lower lip, and disappeared to the bathroom.
I let out a silent sigh and I kept my eyes closed for a moment, but that smile was slowly appearing on my face.
Is this really happening right now?
Before I went to the bathroom, I freezed. I heard something.
Like.. whispering?
I looked further in to my apartment, I stared the kitchen and small living room. It sounded.. familiar.
"Saga..." It said, my eyes widened open.
My mouth was also open, I tried to hold my breath to hear the voice better.
But I didn't hear it again. It left me confused.
I shook my head and went in to the bathroom, and the first thing I saw, was naked Joonas.
He walked to the shower, and he glanced at me before going behind the curtain. Well, now I definitely stood there mouth open and.. just okay wow. When I've become this kinky that I'm going to shower with some man? And not any man, but with Joonas. A man who.. I like. And who likes me. I think.
I closed the door behind me and started to take off my clothes, I had my back faced against the shower and Joonas who was behind the curtain.
I was only wearing my underwear when I suddenly heard wet steps behind me, I freezed. First time he's going to see my body, naked.
He was standing behind me, only breathing. His cold and wet finges touched my bare shoulders, my hair was in a ponytail. It made shivers to my body.
He took a grip of the hair loop, and slowly pulled it out. My brown and long hair was now free, I started to feel more confident. But he had the power over here. He knew what he was doing, but he was gentle.
Slowly his hands slided down on my back, and oh god how my body reacted to that. Millions of shivers, millions of butterlies. I closed my eyes for a second, just to enjoy this moment and his touch.
He opened my bra, like it was nothing. Even I struggle with it sometimes, and he was so smooth.
And boom, bras on the floor. He carefully touched my waist, and my strings. He started to slide them down, I was suprised that he didn't let me do that myself. I lifted my legs up only a little bit so he could take them off.
He stood up, and at the same time his hands were slowly sliding up to my body from my sides.
He landed them on my hips, then to my stomach. He was so close to me.
He rested his head on my shoulder, and I think we both had our eyes closed.
"Is this what you want?" He whispered, and his raspy voice made my body tingle.
"Yes. I want you." I whispered back, not hesitating at all. He turned me around, and he put two of his fingers under my jaw, so I had to look at him up.
His gaze switched between my both eyes, it was so hard for him not to look down.
But he did it anyway and I swallowed, that small smirk on his face was turning me on even more.
He pulled me into the shower, and closed the curtain. He pressed me against the cold wall and kissed me passionately, I answered to it.
His hands wandered around my body while the warm water made us both all over wet.
He pulled over from that kissing, and looked me deep into my eyes. I was already missing his soft lips against mine.
"What about protection?" He asked, I put my hands in the back of his neck.
"I have a disease, I can't have children." I said against his lips, and immediately he kissed me again.
He took my wrists and pressed my hands against the wall, it made me frustrated that I couldn't touch him. He saw my desperation, and he smiled to the another kiss. He liked it.
I was drying my hair in front of the big mirror in my bedroom, I had Joonas' big shirt on that covered my butt.
Joonas was walking to the bedroom, and he leaned against the door frame, taking sips of his water.
I smiled to him through the mirror and put the towel away, we both were so ready to go sleep.
"You're beautiful, you know that?" He smiled as he walked to me, giving me the glass of water.
"Flattering, but you're hot too." I winked and took a long sip of the water, he chuckled and jumped to the bed, laying on his side and waiting for me to join.
I put the glass away and snuggled next to Joonas, he placed the blanket on top of us and took me into his armpit. He placed a kiss on top of my head.
I tried to get some sleep, but it was hard as usual.
Something was off.. I felt so restless. Joonas was already on sleep, still holding me close to his body. I drew circles in to his bare chest, trying to focus on one thing.
I heard loud and heavy breathing from somewhere, I tried to be like I didn't hear it.
It felt like someone was watching me. Watching us.
"Saga..." The same voice whispered. It made me open my eyes scared, I wasn't able to move. And I didn't want to wake up Joonas.
I think.. they are voices in my head or something.
"Saga.. are you ready..?" The deep voice asked, my heart rate was very fast.
"For what..? Leave me alone." I felt so stupid to whisper back, but I had no other choice.
"To come with me..." It said back. I frowned and I was so scared right now.
Joonas and Saga are so cute.. I can't.
That freaking voice...
Guys, I think this story is soon coming to it's end. Be prepared.
And we reached 5k reads and 500 votes!! I love you guys so much. The support you give to me is meaning so much to me <3
Next chapter coming later on this week.
Stay safe and strong🖤