[a/n This is indeed the last chapter of Identity Disorder! Don't worry, there will be an epilogue and this chapter is super long. If you like my writing, add my placeholder for "All You Got Is These Four Walls" to your library; it's getting started on May 9th. I'll put more stuff about that in my epilogue/author's note. Also I'm writing this on a laptop in my history class ayye thug life. This chapter goes out to @AustlanQuentes for all the comments! Enjoy the final chapter! Also, it was marked as private so I gotta put dots.]
Song Of The Chapter: "If I'm James Dean, You're Audrey Hepburn" by Sleeping With Sirens
"The way that we are
Is the reason I stay
As long as you're here with me
I know we'll be okay
They say that love is forever
Your forever is all that I need
Please stay as long as you need
Can't promise that things won't be broken
But I swear that I will never leave
Please stay forever with me"
Kellin's POV
*Time Lapse: Two weeks*
It had been two weeks since I tried to leave this earth for good, and Vic had definitely been true to his word about not letting me out of his sight. He was hesitant to even let me take a piss by myself at first. He watched over me like I had a glass heart, but I didn't mind. It was sweet that he cared. We were currently lying in bed, tangled up in each other's arms. I had been allowed to take off most of my bandages as long as I was careful, but I hated seeing the scars and being reminded of my mistake.
"Good morning, my love," Vic whispered in my ear in a sultry morning voice, gently trailing his fingers across the unmarred skin of my stomach. It was one of the only clear areas on my body anymore. I rested my hand on top of his, holding it still.
"Good morning," I murmured, turning so I could plant a kiss on his lips. Vic lightly brushed his tongue against my bottom lip and I immediately granted him entrance. The kiss grew more heated and Vic ran his hands up and down my sides, grazing the now rough skin of my hips. I pulled away from him, embarrassed.
"Sorry," I muttered awkwardly, scooting out of his reach. Vic pulled me back, running his fingers across the forming scar tissue. They didn't really hurt anymore, but they were disgusting and I hated them.
"Shh. You're so beautiful," Vic assured me, kissing my lips once more. I could taste the hunger on him, but now wasn't the time for that.
"Don't get me all turned on, I have to go talk to Katelynne today," I insisted, reluctantly detaching my mouth from Vic's. He looked disappointed for a moment, and even a little frightened.
"W-what about?" Vic asked, trying and failing to sound casual. I smiled at him.
"I'm telling her that I need a formal divorce," I told him. Vic grinned excitedly at my words.
"Really? That's great!" Vic almost squealed before attacking my face with butterfly kisses. I giggled at his childish antics, but I stopped him when he moved to my neck.
"Viiiiiic, I have to go. We will later, okay?" I promised. My heart pounded at the thought of what (or who) would go down on this bed later.
"Pinkie promise?" Vic pleaded, innocently pouting his lip out, which was ironic because he was basically promising to fuck me in a few hours.
"Pinkie promise," I agreed, linking my finger with his. He pulled my hand to him and pressed a light kiss on my pinkie.
"Okay. Go dump that bitch."
---------------
I hesitantly knocked on the door of what was technically my own house. I wasn't particularly surprised when Jesse opened it. I was furious at first to find out that Katelynne cheated on me with one of my best friends, but I was sort of cheating on her with Vic now. It was pretty much a moot point.
"Hey, I was wondering when you'd turn up. Kate's in the living room. I'll be upstairs if you need me," Jesse informed me. I nodded, watching him go up into Copeland's old room, probably to clean it out.
The stairs were carpeted now.
"Hi," I greeted my wife, sitting at the opposite end of the couch from her. Katelynne didn't acknowledge me, merely turned a page in her magazine. I had a strong feeling of deja vu back to our last decent night as an unhappily married couple. I focused on what I had to say.
"You said it yourself, we were never meant to be together. And now you hate me, and I can't really say I'm all too fond of you either. I'm almost glad that you and Vic switched bodies, or maybe I'd still be fooling myself into thinking you were the one for me. I want to file for divorce," I explained bluntly. Katelynne finally glanced up at me and I noticed how ghoulish she looked. Her eyes had dark circles under them, and her hair was hanging in greasy strings. I'd tried to kill myself, but Katelynne was taking this just as hard as I was.
"That's fine. Bring the papers and I'll sign them. I don't care anymore," Katelynne said flatly.
"Alright, I'll drop by the courthouse and pick them up. Do we need a divorce lawyer for who gets what, or..." I trailed off. Katelynne shrugged, looking bored.
"I'll take my car, you take yours. You can keep the house and whatever furniture you think you need, and I'll take what's left. I'm going to my parents' house in a few weeks, so as long as everything's sorted out by then, I don't have a problem with it," Katelynne mumbled. Her voice was low and hollow, almost hard to understand. I nodded uncomfortably and stood up. Katelynne returned to her magazine, blankly flipping a page. I sighed, turning to face her again.
"Katelynne, you can't live like this forever," I reprimanded.
"Why not? My baby's dead. My marriage has always been a total bust. Tony doesn't give a damn what happens to me. I have Jesse, but he's going back to Ashley the first chance he gets. I have nothing left. If I have to feel this forever, I'd rather feel nothing at all," Katelynne lamented. I strode back over to my wife and rested a hand on her shoulder.
"That's not true. You have your parents, and Jesse, and friends who do want to help you feel better. And if nothing else, you have me. I don't love you, but I care about you and I want you to be okay again. I know I'm the last person you want to talk to, but if you need anything, you can come to me. Copeland would have wanted you to be happy," I reminded her. Katelynne looked up at me, tears shining in her eyes.
"Thanks, Kellin," she whispered, placing her hand on top of mine that rested on her shoulder for a moment. When she pulled away, I left without another word.
Vic's POV
I waited nervously for Kellin to return home, sitting at the kitchen table with my leg bouncing at a million miles an hour.
"Vic, if you don't sit still, I will cut your leg off and shove it up your ass," Jaime told me. Lisa laughed melodically and Tony twined his fingers with hers.
"Come on, Hime, we all know that Vic tops," Lisa insisted, giggling. I rolled my eyes, occupied with my thoughts. What if Kellin decided to stay with Katelynne? What if he thought he could make it work with her? I realized that I must've accidentally spoken out loud.
"That's nuts. Kellin and Katelynne can't stand each other, and Kellin is head-over-d.ick for you," Tony reminded me. I smiled a little.
"I know, I'm just... nervous," I finished. At that moment, I heard the front door slam.
"Hi," Kellin greeted me with a grin, coming over to sit on my lap. I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his cheek.
"Hey, baby, how did it go?" I asked.
"All good. I got the forms from the courthouse, and I'll fill them out and take them over for her to sign. I get the house, because Katelynne is going to live with her parents for a while. She was pretty okay with it," Kellin told me. I placed a kiss right below his ear.
"That's great. Do you want to go upstairs now, or...?" I questioned hopefully. I didn't mean to be the s.ex-driven pervert, but I was rather anxious to have Kellin underneath me. Kellin must've recognized this, because a familiar teasing smirk played on his lips.
"No, I think we should stay down here for a while," Kellin said nonchalantly. I nodded uncertainly; I could be patient. Probably.
"Kellin, do you want anything to eat? I'm making some sandwiches," Tony inquired. Kellin nodded politely and I suppressed a groan of annoyance. Kellin shifted in my lap and I felt a stirring down below.
"Kells..." I warned. He only turned and pecked my lips lightly, smiling into the kiss.
"Am I bothering you, Victor?" Kellin asked innocently, a mischievous sparkly in his glass over diamond blue eyes.
"No," I grumbled as Lisa set a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in front of Kellin. He slowly and agonizingly scooted closer to the table on my lap, rubbing his tight a.ss against my growing problem. I made a soft noise of frustration.
"Vic, are you okay?" Jaime asked, a big f.ucking grin on his face. I glared at him, silently willing Kellin the shit sandwich to eat faster. Instead, he took very small bites, carefully chewing each one. Right when I was calming down, and the others were engaged in a conversation, Kellin subtly but torturously grinded against me.
"That's it!" I shouted, shoving Kellin off my lap and praying my jeans were tight enough to hide my hard-on.
"But Vic, I'm not done eating," Kellin pouted, sitting back on the empty chair. I pulled him off the chair and literally threw him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes.
"Hey!" Kellin yelped, but I was already heading up to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut with my free hand and tossed Kellin onto my bed, where he landed with a light bounce.
"I wasn't done with my sandwich yet," Kellin said cheekily, smirking at me. I rolled my eyes and climbed on top of him.
*smut warning*
"You f.ucking tease," I muttered before crashing my lips into his. I could still sense an air of smugness around Kellin, so I reached my hand down between us and palmed him through his jeans. I felt him gasp into the kiss.
"I don't like being teased," I growled in his ear, nibbling lightly at the skin beneath it. I adjusted myself so I could pull my shirt off and Kellin did the same. My breath caught slightly in my throat at the sight of the fading lines on his hips; how could someone so flawless do something so horrible to themselves? All thoughts of pure lust left my mind; I only wanted to make him feel beautiful once again.
"Don't look at them," Kellin whispered as I unbuttoned and removed his jeans. Deeper scars littered the pale, milky skin of his thighs. I took his boxers off and placed a sweet kiss on his lips, trailing down to his waist.
"They don't make you any less beautiful in my eyes. You're still perfect," I promised him, kissing every mark on his hips and thighs. I gripped Kellin's knees to spread his legs and I relished the shiver that went through his body as I lightly kissed the inside of his thighs. He moaned softly and the lust was back; I wanted to put his body to the test with mine.
"O-oh god," Kellin groaned as I licked his entire length without warning. His fingers curled around the sheets as I flicked my tongue against his tip, driving him crazy. He was getting harder by the second as I closed my mouth around as much of him as I could fit. I felt Kellin's fingers in my hair trying to force me to suck him, and I smacked his hands away.
"You try to take control, I stop," I ordered. Kellin whimpered needily, but nodded. I smiled at my gorgeous boyfriend before proceeding to tease him, kissing his tip and gently sucking him. Right when I sucked him hard enough to get him moaning again, I stopped
"Goddammit Vic," Kellin groaned. I smirked, moving away from him.
"I can tease too, doll face," I told him with a grin. Kellin rolled his eyes.
"Let me return the favor?" Kellin requested huskily, turning me on my back and instantly taking almost all of me in his mouth. I moaned loudly, thrusting slightly. I knew it was his first time giving a b.lowjob, but I was so turned on by the feeling of his warm tongue exploring me and his raven hair bobbing up and down on me.
"S-stop," I demanded after a few minutes, flipping us around again. I fumbled through the drawer in my nightstand until I found the bottle of lube and a condom, messily kissing Kellin the whole time. I poured the cool liquid onto my fingers and spread Kellin's legs again.
"Is it going to hurt?" Kellin asked hesitantly, like a child at a doctor's office.
"Just a little, baby, but then I'll make you feel so good," I whispered. I kissed him passionately, massaging his tongue with mine as I slipped the first finger in. Kellin tensed slightly but quickly relaxed as I nibbled gently on his bottom lip.
"Ready for more?" I inquired, moving my finger around a little. Kellin nodded and I pushed another finger in, scissoring the two. I hated seeing Kellin's expressions of pain as I prepped him, but I knew it would hurt more if I didn't.
"N-next one," Kellin told me nervously. I kissed him softly, stroking his d.ick with one hand as I put in the third finger. Kellin made a slight noise of pain and I stroked him faster, trying to cover the pain with pleasure as I moved my fingers in and out of him.
"Ow," Kellin whimpered as I stretched him out. I slowed the movement of my fingers.
"We don't have to if you don't want to, babe," I assured him. In that moment, I moved my fingers at just the right angle to hit his prostate. Kellin moaned loudly, his eyes fluttering with pleasure. I went to teasingly pull my fingers out when I realized how much he was enjoying himself, but he stopped me.
"I swear to god, if you stop now, I'll f.ucking kill you," Kellin growled, pushing himself back on my fingers as I hit his prostate harder.
"Are you sure?" I confirmed, despite the fact that I was basically fucking him with my fingers. Kellin nodded eagerly.
"Go, go, go, I don't want to take it slow," Kellin insisted. I removed my fingers and quickly applied the lube and condom, my d.ick quivering with anticipation at the thought of being inside him.
"Let me know if you want me to stop, okay?" I told him. I very lightly gripped his hips so as not to hurt him, and slowly pushed in. Kellin hissed in pain, so I placed soft kisses on his lips until I was all the way in.
"G-go ahead," Kellin said uncertainly. I very slowly began to thrust in and out; it was torturous for me, but I didn't dare hurt him. Kellin began to sigh happily as I quickened. I tangled my fingers in the sheets on either side of his head before hitting his prostate as hard as I could.
"Holy goddamn f.ucking son of a-" Kellin let out a breathy string of expletives as I went deeper into him.
"You like that?" I asked sultrily, going in at a different angle that had both of us moaning loudly.
"U-u-uh huh," Kellin groaned, unable to form a sentence. I kept going until I felt a familiar euphoria building in my stomach.
"Come with me," I demanded, wrapping one hand around Kellin's d.ick while still f.ucking him. I quickly pumped him and soon we were both releasing. I rode off my high and pulled out of him, sweating and breathing heavily.
"Gay sex is so much better than straight sex," Kellin panted. I laughed, throwing the condom away before climbing back under the slightly messed up sheets.
"I love you," I whispered, pressing a sweet kiss to Kellin's lips.
"I love you too. Before I forget, let me show you the song I wrote," Kellin suggested, getting up and pulling a few sheets of paper out of his bag. I was given a spectacular view of his a.ss, and I couldn't help but notice he was limping slightly. I desperately wanted a round two as Kellin got back in bed and handed me his song.
"This is amazing, Kells," I told him, reading over the pages. The writing was messy and hard to read, but what I could decipher was incredibly beautiful. Kellin blushed adorably and I kissed his pink cheeks.
"I was thinking I could add a few lines to the beginning. I haven't written it down yet, but I want it to say I kissed the scars on her skin, I still think you're beautiful, and I don't ever want to lose my best friend," Kellin supplied. I smiled slightly as I recognized the words I'd said to him when he was in the hospital.
"This'll be great on the next Sleeping With Sirens album," I assured him. Kellin shook his head vigorously.
"I could never sing this. It's too personal. I want you to though, okay?" Kellin asked desperately. The song was fantastic and I was touched that he wanted me to be the one to sing it. I kissed his lips lightly.
"I'll sing it if you want me to, darling. And I'll think of you every time I perform it," I promised. Kellin smiled, kissing me again. As I laid there in my bed with my arms wrapped around the love of my life, something occurred to me.
"You know, I'm actually really glad I had that identity disorder with Katelynne," I told him. Kellin looked up at me curiously.
"What do you mean? Why?" he asked. I smiled to myself.
"If I hadn't switched bodies with her, I never would've figured out who I wanted to be," I explained.
"And who is that?" Kellin inquired. I placed a few delicate kisses up his neck before whispering in his ear.
"Yours."
[a/n That's the end! Stay tuned for an epilogue and author's note about my upcoming work. Also, I'm going to be writing a ton of boyxboy one shots until I start my next fic. So, feel free to request a particular ship, smut or fluff or sadness, or anything else you guys want me to write!]