[RORY]
Sunday morning felt like a weird fever dream - the kind where everything is going so well but you have this sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, knowing it's all about to come crashing down - but then somehow, it doesn't.
I'd gotten up early, something strangely out-of-character for me, by choice. The sun was barely visible over the hills and I thought it would be nice to have coffee and sit outside. As I was sipping the hot liquid, in comfortable contrast to the slight chill in the crisp morning air, I wondered why I didn't do it more often. The only sound that could be heard was the occasional chirping of birds in the trees as I swung my feet over the side of the balcony, staring out at all of the scattered homes.
For once in a long time, I was looking forward to my week.
The sliding glass door opened behind me but I didn't turn around, just shutting my eyes and smiling to myself. I heard footsteps, bare feet padding over and appearing next to me.
"This is a new Rory, who is she?"
"She's sorry she was such a bitch last night."
Em crouched down, joining me as she let her legs hang over too. "I like her, she can stay."
"Did you have fun last night?"
"Yeah, it was good..." she trailed off mysteriously as I glanced over. My jaw dropped seeing the look on her face, the flush of her cheeks. "Yes."
"It finally happened, didn't it?"
She covered her face as I nudged her.
"Wait no, Em, how was it?" We were both giggling like embarrassing teenagers. "Did he take you to o-town?"
"Rory," she laughed, scoffing before giving in and nodding. "Twice."
"Atta boy. Wow, this is big. Was it big?"
"Rory."
"Was it?"
"It's nice, yes. I mean, you know we've done other stuff."
"True. Wow, you're a new woman," I sipped my coffee, staring off into the distance. She was quiet, providing me the perfect segue into a different topic. "I, uh. Also have some... news."
I glanced over, swallowing the nervous lump in my throat as she looked at me expectantly.
"I'm, uh. I'm going out of town next weekend..." The smile on her face confirmed I didn't have to finish my sentence, but I did anyway. "To visit Finn."
I couldn't help my own smile as she squealed, squeezing my arm. I muttered an ow under my breath, trying my best to appear casual and clearly failing miserably.
"Um, tell me everything, Rory. You're glowing."
"Okay calm down," I laughed, blushing more. "It's not that big of a deal, he just invited me awhile ago and then he brought it up again last night and I don't know. I said yes."
Her eyes were wide, lips frozen in a contained grin. "Hello, Rory. This is huge."
"Don't say that," I gently scolded, avoiding her excited gaze. "I don't want to overthink it."
"You like him, Rory."
"Em, stop."
"You want to hug him."
"Em."
"You want to loooove him."
"Em."
"You want to kisssssss him."
"Emily Adams," I laughed, swatting her off as she laughed loudly. "Tone it down."
"You do, though. Like him."
I rubbed my lips together, looking down at my feet. "No comment."
"Can you just admit it? Once? To me?"
I smiled out at a random tree, her eyes burning into the side of my face. "Well yeah, obviously."
I couldn't contain my loud laughter as she screamed, absolutely pissing off any and all nearby neighbors. I stood up, offering a hand as she climbed to her feet too.
"Anyway. I'm going to go shower. And you should too, you smell like subpar sex."
I expected the punch to my arm as we walked back inside, going our separate ways while still laughing.
-
The smells of the food court were overwhelming as I stood outside of the mall, looking around for my sister. Per usual, she was late - but for once, I wasn't annoyed. I casually watched the people filtering by around me, subconsciously eyeing their outfits for anything that could be helpful. I silently laughed to myself, the situation so far out of my comfort zone.
"Hello beauty."
"Hello sister," I responded easily, being pulled into a tight hug. Cal was dressed in the most Cal-like-fashion, wearing a vibrantly printed mini dress with knee-high boots. Her hair was down and loose, but somehow looked more put together than mine ever could. "I'm impressed, only 10 minutes late."
"Only for you," she hummed with a massive smile, throwing her arm around my shoulder and guiding me down the walkway. "I don't think you understand how absolutely ecstatic I am that you requested my styling services for such a wonderful occasion. Love is in the air, Rory."
"Don't make me regret it already," I muttered under my breath. "Friendly reminder that the assignment is sexy, but not Cal's closet. I have to look like me still."
"Yes, ma cherie," she nodded, turning me down a different path as if she knew where she was going. I didn't doubt that she did, given that she could be found shopping any day of the week. "Listen, I don't know Finn super well, but I know him well enough to know he would like a lady in leather."
"Cal, I repeat. I have to look like me still."
"You've been heard loud and clear, Rory," she agreed, grinning as she spun me around for what seemed to be a very anticlimactic grand reveal - Zara. When she saw my face, she elaborated. "I'm terribly sorry the clothes aren't covered in dust and from a dead person's closet, but this is a happy medium. Okay? They have incredible neutrals and I'm thinking a lot of tight denim, a lot of black, some heeled boots, it'll be great. We're channeling porn star Joan Jett."
I sighed, shaking my head. "Do your worst."
We spent an impressive two hours in Zara - an entire 120 minutes of trial and error, Cal's passion for fashion respectable but entirely ridiculous. I'd spent the majority of that time in the dressing room, waiting for her hand to magically appear over the door with a handful of fabric that I'd inevitably only accept a quarter of.
The excursion could have easily ended badly if either of us had been in worse moods, but I surprisingly had a nice time and liked more of what she found than I expected to. As promised, a lot of neutrals, a lot of tight denim, a lot of black, some heeled boots - and a couple of dresses, because Cal reminded me that Finn liked my legs. I was positive it was a very casual comment that she'd decided should be treated like a line in the Bible, but I went with it.
We were on our way out, Cal rambling on about the importance of a good brow, when she suddenly stopped talking. I had a delayed response, slowing my feet after realizing she was no longer droning on. When I turned around and saw where she was standing, an excited smile on her face, I immediately shook my head.
"No, Cal."
"Rory..." she trailed off, glancing around nervously as she approached me and whispered. I eyed the lingerie store, continuing to shake my head and silently reject the encouragement. "Girlfriend, you need to come prepared. You will look so hot, Finn will pass away."
"That's the definition of trying too hard."
"Just look?"
While I wanted to say no, a quiet voice in my head was not so opposed. I silently reminded myself that between 0 and 100, there were plenty of numbers that could represent the amount of effort I was putting in. I sighed, allowing Cal to pull my arm and guide me into the shop.
She transitioned to holding my hand, guiding me by the racks and display tables and pointing various pieces out. My eyes were permanently wide, eyeing the non-existent strips of lace and mesh. While I held another level of respect for the women confident enough to wear that in front of their respective partners and feel comfortable, I knew that would never be me. I pulled out of Cal's hand, exploring by myself and journeying further into the shop.
I was lost in my own world, holding up a baby blue bralette that I didn't hate, when Cal appeared over my shoulder.
"That's like, not the vibe. But..." She grabbed it out of my hands as I turned around, holding it up to my chest. "Yeah, it's giving sexy virgin vibes. We love that."
"Cal," I muttered, grabbing it to put it back. "Right because that's what I'm going for. Virgin."
"No!" She fought me, picking it back up and forcing it into my hands. "I wasn't saying that in a bad way. It's dainty and it's pretty and it's very unexpectedly you. I like it, I think you should get the set."
"In blue?" I asked quietly under my breath, eyeing the thongs hesitantly. I tried to shut away all negative thoughts, grabbing my size. "They also have pink. And green. And red."
"Get green and pink," Cal easily responded, like it was the most obvious decision ever. "And blue, obviously. Get all of them. You're there for three nights, right?"
I was lost in my head, simply nodding in response as she grabbed all of the pieces. The vivid memories of painful nights with Max had floated to the surface in the familiar setting. I'd bought new lingerie as a bandaid, a reaction to his own reaction one night, when I hadn't been all too eager to be intimate because he was drunk and not being the nicest.
You're so boring, Rory. You never want to try anything, just the same shit, every time.
He broke up with me before I had a chance to force the fix into use.
"Can we... can we do the boy short style? For two at least?" I asked quietly as Cal's shoulders - and smile - eased. She nodded. "I just feel like that's better, for my body."
"That's fine. On one condition," her grin returned as she reached over, retrieving the piece she'd been eyeing since we walked in. "Please. I know it's a lot, but... just in case. I just think that you'd look so insanely hot in this and Finn would actually die, Rory. You don't have to wear it, but please buy it? Just to have for emergency purposes?"
I eyed the black lace, the black garter, picturing myself in it and cringing inside. It was undeniably sexy - I was positive any woman would look great in it. Unfortunately, I couldn't picture me looking great in it.
"Cal..."
"Rory, you'd look killer. Please? Keep the tags on."
Knowing it was a losing battle and she had a point, I hesitantly agreed. After we checked out, I reflected on everything I bought - hoping more than anything that I'd feel secure and calm and just as sexy as Cal promised I'd look, when I was in Boston.
-
By the time Thursday evening had come along, I was a walking bundle of nerves and excitement rolled up into one. While I was just going to a show for review purposes, I decided to have a little fashion rehearsal - slipping on one of the outfits Cal had picked out.
It wasn't anything over-the-top to the random person, but for me, it was definitely elevated. I put on a black turtleneck onesie with high-waisted, flared jeans and the heeled leather boots. I even brushed out my hair and added a red lip, feeling pleasantly surprised with my reflection. I felt good - even though I was sure it was temporary, as the shoes were already hurting.
I was smiling down at my phone as I walked out of my room, responding to Finn's text. I'd promised him I'd listen to their album again - and naturally, I had been already, but didn't tell him that. He was fascinated by the tracks I said were my favorites, picking my brain to understand why. He was especially disappointed that his favorite song wasn't on my list.
"Oh hey, hot stuff."
I glanced up, giving Em a wave as I hovered at the front door. She eyed my outfit, smiling hugely.
"You look so good, Rory!"
"It's not too much?"
She laughed at me, clearly finding the question ridiculous. "No, you look hot."
I couldn't accept the compliment but I did force myself to not say anything, simply offering her a tight-lipped smile as I slipped out the door. The sun was just beginning to set as I rushed to the venue, knowing the opener would be on at any minute.
By the time I checked in and gotten my guest list wristband, making my way up to the VIP section on the second floor, the show had started. I was surprised, seeing that the upper level was essentially empty as I made my way to the middle to get the best view. I had my phone out, taking notes throughout the set and bobbing my head along. Even once the band had wrapped up, I was starting down at my phone, making sure to note the more subtle details that would guide my writing later on.
I felt a presence beside me, glancing up. I wasn't sure what I noticed first - the beautiful blonde or the fact that a bunch of the crowd was turning around, looking up at her. Immune to their stares but not mine, she looked over at me, plump stained lips offering an apologetic grin.
"Sorry. Par for the course, I guess."
Her vague words didn't make complete sense, but I drew the right conclusion on my own before she elaborated.
"I'm Ben's girlfriend."
Ben. I didn't know a ton about the band that was about to play, but I knew Ben was the lead singer. I nodded my head, offering a friendly smile.
"No worries."
I couldn't help but feel my confidence deflate - internally scolding myself for even thinking I was anywhere near her level. She had on the same type of tight little leather outfit that Cal had desperately tried forcing on me, and I was glad I didn't accept - I'd have looked like an idiot next to her.
I didn't realize her eyes were still on me.
"Wait, you're..."
"Rory."
"Rory. Aurora, right? I've met Cal a few times, in passing."
"Cool, cool."
"I'm Adrienne."
"Nice to meet you."
She seemed to take a liking to me, I was sure not because of the company - but because nobody preferred to watch a concert alone. She stood just a little closer, giving me at least my figurative space as I busied myself on my phone. When the band eventually came on, I couldn't help but look over - seeing the way she smiled at him onstage with nothing short of pride. She swayed to the music, her stick thin legs looking just shy of airbrushed and perfect.
At some point, a girl in the front lifted her shirt - like straight out of an '80s rock music video - flashing Ben. He glanced down as he sang and merely laughed before pulling his gaze away and continuing on with the show. Curiously, I looked over at Adrienne to see her reaction. She was smirking and caught my gaze, shrugging her shoulders.
"Just have to make sure I'm giving him the best view, always."
The blunt statement made me sad as I forced my eyes back on the band, trying to ignore the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was suddenly all too aware of the fact that she was also in heels higher than mine, seemingly completely fine, and my feet were throbbing.
I couldn't help but wonder what was so different about her and I that made the universe hand us such different cards. Memories of similar situations with Max floated back to my conscience. While Adrienne was laughing it off along with Ben, my nights had always ended in tears because my boyfriend had never been immune to the cheap thrills.
I wondered if Ben was the exception, or maybe I was just the problem. I had a feeling it was the latter.
I followed Adrienne down the stairs on the way out, politely saying goodbye at the bottom. I watched as some fans came up to her, calling her by name. I assumed she was an influencer type as she flashed her perfectly white smile, her bubbly personality shining through as she chatted with the group and took pictures that I was sure she looked great in.
As I walked the short distance to my car, my self-inflicted anger only grew. I felt stupid, hating the contrast between my mood on the way to the show versus after, knowing realistically, nothing had changed. I'd just been naive.
When my phone started ringing and I saw the caller ID, I shoved my negative thoughts aside as best I could. I forced a smile before answering, hoping my expression would somehow guide my tone.
"You caught me at the perfect time. Are you stalking me, Hastings?"
I was surprised by the words that fell from my lips, unsure where the flirtatious energy was coming from considering I felt like crying. I hated the way my cheeks flushed just hearing his voice.
"I promise the extent of my stalking remains of the digital kind," he hummed back. "Not sure that helps my case, but glad you answered regardless."
I could hear his smile as he spoke. Before I had a chance to respond, he cut me off.
"Um, sorry to be so abrupt? I'm just in a bit of a hurry, we're doing a late studio session," he exhaled. I was almost positive he was playing with his hair as he continued. "I figured this was less of a text, more of a call. I just realized I hadn't... I hadn't asked, did you want me to book your own room?"
The question was abrupt, he wasn't wrong. I opened my mouth but nothing came out, though he didn't give me much time.
"I didn't want to pressure you, of course. I don't want... whatever you're comfortable with is good by me, obviously. I just realized I hadn't even asked."
He was talking faster than usual and I knew he said he was in a hurry but I couldn't help but feel that much more deflated, after how the night had unfolded. I furrowed my eyebrows, thankful he couldn't see my face.
"Right, um..."
My heart was pounding and I knew he needed the answer fast. While my heart was telling me one thing, my head was reminding me that I was not Adrienne. I could either set myself up for inevitable heartbreak, or I could take control of the situation and at least reap some benefits.
"No, I can stay with you."
I couldn't read his tone as he pressed again. "Are you sure? I don't want you to feel like you have to, like that's what this is."
I ignored the last of his statement, shaking my head to myself. "No, no. I mean yeah, I'm sure. Yes."
He hesitated, seemingly going to continue the conversation - but I heard muffled voices in the background, clearly pestering him.
"Shit, I'm sorry. I'm trying to free up my weekend so I have to run, but hey? I'm, uh... I'm so excited for you to get here."
I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Yeah, me too."
-
I stared at my open suitcase, eyeing the clothes spilling out and wondering how I'd shut it. Before I had a chance to try, Em traipsed in - a big, playful smile on her face as she went straight to the bag.
"Why didn't you come get me?! I want to see what you're taking."
"Nothing special," I muttered, shrugging my shoulders. I'd packed everything I'd bought with Cal and a few extra things, watching as Em curiously poked around. "My flight leaves at 6am so I'll be out early, just letting you know in case you hear the front door. Don't come at me with a knife or something."
She ignored me, jaw agape and eyes wide as she pulled out the one thing I hoped she wouldn't. The black skimpy fabric hung off her pointer finger as she giggled, eyeing it with amusement.
"This has Cal written all over it!" She looked up at me, realizing I wasn't laughing as I snatched it out of her hands. I shoved it back into the suitcase, closing it and avoiding eye contact as I began to try and wrestle it closed. "Wait, you aren't actually taking that. Are you?"
I grunted, leaning my body weight on the overstuffed luggage to try and get the zipper closed.
"Why not?"
"Really?" She asked incredulously, toning it down when she realized I wasn't joking. "I mean, that's like... that's 0 to 100."
"I mean, that's the goal."
I was able to partially get the zipper closed, only pausing the process when I realized Em hadn't responded. I glanced over at her and her smile was gone. I raised my eyebrows, urging her to speak.
"Sorry, I'm just... you were so happy this morning, and you admitted you liked him. This just seems..."
"Seems like what?"
She forced a small smile but it fell as fast as it came. "I don't know. I wasn't getting the impression you wanted this to be a casual thing? And from what I know of Finn, it doesn't seem-"
"You can't base your opinion of what he wants on my birthday, Em," I gently said, shrugging my shoulders. "There's no need to overthink it. I like him as a friend and if we can have a little bit of fun, what's the harm in that?"
"Rory."
I hated the way she said my name as I sighed, looking directly at her. She stared at me, waiting for an explanation that would inevitably never come.
"You know what you're doing," she eventually gave up, crossing her arms. "Just, I'm here, you know. I feel like you need that reminder sometimes. If you want to talk, I'm here."
"I know," I forced a small smile, nodding my head. "Thank you."