None of us really say anything. This is awful. At least I've vowed to never drink while out so what happened to my brothers never happens to me or anyone else.. it's nice that I'm guaranteed to be able to drive.
"Miguel I'll take you home first because I know where it is," I say. I'm really just trying to avoid talking to Hawk for as long as possible. The last thing I said to him was technically a pointed comment about losing to Miyagi-Do at the mall, but besides that, it was just saying sorry... after kicking his ass...
"Thanks for driving us... I know we're the last people you would want to do this for," Miguel says. I shift in my seat, gripping the steering wheel tighter.
"I wouldn't say 'we'..." I say, my voice tight. I hear Hawk sigh but don't acknowledge it. I just look forward and focus on the road.
"Has your knee been hurting? My mom told me to ask again because she knows you train on it," Miguel asks after a solid stretch of pure silence. Of all the questions he could've asked, that's the one he goes for?
"I think it's stable again, although I do notice it hurting if I go too hard. Other than that, it's fine, which is good. Last thing I want for a new school year is a bummed knee," I say. Thank goodness for Ms Diaz and Mr LaRusso.
"That's good, I'll tell her not to worry," he replies. Nice. I love that she's worried about me. It makes me feel loved, in a way.
"How's karate going?" I ask, just to fill the silence.
"It's going great, yeah. Sensei Lawrence seems a lot better now that Kreese is gone," Miguel says, "what about you? How are those chores going for you?"
"Laugh it up Diaz, but if I remember correctly, I kicked your ass in our rematch," I say, laughing a little, "but things are actually going really good."
"How come we didn't get a rematch?" Hawk asks, finally saying something. He can't be serious.
"Didn't we? Not exactly the way you thought my thighs would be wrapped around your head, hmm?" I retort, glancing at him in the rear view mirror. He can consider that payback for the awful shit he said to me during our match at the All Valley and in the cafeteria on the last day of school. It still makes me want to crawl out of my own skin sometimes. Miguel looks terrified and confused. Hawk looks pissed. And nobody says a word.
—
"Thanks again for driving us. My mom would thank you too, but I think she would kill me if she found out about the cops," Miguel says as I pull up to his apartment.
"Yeah... mine would too.." I say, "but tell her I said 'hola'."
"Will do," he replies with a smile, "bye Parker."
I wave a goodbye as he gets out of the car. To my surprise and confusion, Hawk follows him. What? I thought they were a separate deal. I realize now that I am really stupid and that I definitely should have done this the other way around. I curse at my flawed logic, then slip off the cardigan, as the still damp cloth on my arm bothers me. I should probably call Robby... I'll do it when I get back... wherever I'm going.. to my slight surprise and also slight dismay, Hawk gets back in the car, this time taking shotgun.
"I haven't moved, but you need my address?" He asks. I still have it from when we were still friends...
"No, I got it," I reply, pulling out my phone. I take a second to remember the route I used to take and what it is relative to where I am right now. Okay... I just need to get to that checkpoint and I know where it is from there. I pull out of the apartment complex, then set off.
I keep my eyes on the road, as I should. He doesn't say anything. I don't say anything. It's pure, tense, awful silence. I know I won't say the first word... I but I don't know which is worse- awkward silence or awkward conversation...
"What happened to us?" Hawk asks quietly, cutting through the heavy silence. My heart pangs, then proceeds to speed up. Tears prick at my eyes and choke up my throat. What happened to us... I don't say anything. I can't. I don't know how. I don't know how to explain how much I hurt him. I don't know how to put into words how sorry I am for what I did.
"Can you at least tell me what I did? Or why you stopped talking to me? I'm sorry okay? For whatever I did that made you leave. I'm-"
"It wasn't you, okay?" I finally say, trying to push past the tears, "you didn't do anything, I just- I lost everyone I cared about. I pushed you away to keep myself from getting hurt. It was selfish, it was awful, and I regretted it almost every day. I'm sorry... it was the worst thing I've ever done... I don't have any excuses because there are none.. I'm sorry, Eli.. I'm so sorry."
He turns to me, and I can tell he's confused. He must've gone all that time thinking he did something horribly wrong... I'm such an awful person..
"What- what happened? I know you lost your mom, but that was way before you stopped talking to me," he follows up. I can't not tell him now... he's been an absolute jerk to me all summer and he's the last person I want to tell this to... but if it hadn't happened then we would still be friends...
"My brothers died in a drunk driving accident. All I have left is my dad... kind of... I hurt myself before anyone or anything else could... I never wanted to hurt you..." I trail off, my voice quiet and on the verge of breaking. I watch his face soften a little.
"René and Alejandro? They died..?" He asks. That's what I said, isn't it? I nod.
"I'm sorry... I wish you would've told me. I could've been there for you. We could've helped each other like we always did," he says. I bite my lip to hold back tears.
"I know..." I whisper though tears, "I know.."
Silence befalls the two of us once more. This is so surreal. The boy that I used to see everyday and was best friends with, turned to a bittersweet memory by my doing, then to a rival, sitting in my car, finally exposing the past. Another thing that's weird is that I used to come this way all the time and then just... stopped. I used to go to his house all the time. Like at least once or twice a week. We would study or watch movies or tv shows or YouTube videos or bake cookies or just hang out and talk... his mom liked me.
Speaking of liked... I never knew Eli liked me like that... I like to make up random and impossible scenarios in my head, so I know I thought about it at some point. But I also know that I overthought the idea to the point where I was completely convinced that I was just making things up. I'm also usually hilariously oblivious to people's advances, and maybe that's on purpose, in a way. At this point I would barely call it dating, but I "dated" two guys in like, seventh grade, and it didn't go well either time, so I've just taken a step back and isolated myself even further. It's just weird to think that your best friend would have a crush on you. Like one day you're like 'hey best friend' and then the next you're like 'hey more than best friend'. Absolutely surreal.
"Holy shit," Hawk marvels, lightly touching my upper arm as I stop at a red light, which causes me to jump, but also react fast. I twist his arm into a wrist lock, then lean in.
"I know that your Sensei told you what I told him to tell you after what happened in the cafeteria," I say in his ear, "so let me make it perfectly clear: bad intention or not, don't touch me," I lean back out, "hands off, halcón."
"It's Hawk, not falcon,"
"'Halcón' is 'Hawk' in Spanish," I say as I start driving again. I'm honestly surprised he doesn't know that. Like Miguel never called him by that nickname or he never looked it up just for laughs?
"Since when were you a tae kwon champion? I didn't even know you still did it," He asks after a small pause.
"Since last summer and now this one too... and there a lot of things you don't know about me," I say. I'd prefer to keep it that way, although plenty has already been revealed.
"You won twice?" Hawk asks, sounding shocked. Sure did.
"Yeah, with my eyes closed," I say, unable to resist adding in the rather impressive- or stupid- detail. He gets to be an arrogant asshole all the time, I can brag a little bit.
"No way, that's insane!" He says, a little bit of Eli showing through, "I mean, that's pretty cool. Probably bullshit though."
"It's not. Robby found a video of the final fight on YouTube, but believe whatever you want," I shrug off. I know I did it. The people who actually support me know I did it. What does it matter what anybody else thinks? I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't turn to look back him.
"You have better muscles than you did before," he says out of nowhere. I mean... so does he.
"So do you,"
"Yeah but I never took you for someone to work out,"
"I'm doing tae kwon do for like four and a half to five hours every week, and then karate training almost every day. If I didn't have any muscle I'd be pissed,"
"Do you still sing?"
"Of course. Music is everything to me. It's part of why I like kata so much,"
"Kata?"
"Patterns, forms, that stuff we were doing at Valley Fest. Call me a loser, I don't care," I say. I know they work. They're kinda my thing. That and high kicks. He can call me a loser. I already know that much...
I finally pull into his driveway, and we sit there for a solid ten seconds, but he doesn't get out. What's going on? Is he gonna attack me? Could we take it outside please? This is the only car I've got and I do not have the funds to fix any of it. In the silence, a question burns on my tongue. It has been since what happened at the party.
"Is what Demetri said- is that true?" I ask, almost afraid to ask the question, let alone know the answer. A few seconds pass... then he nods. ¿Qué? My heart starts pounding hard again. What am I supposed to say? This is so weird. I just sit back in my seat, dumbfounded.
"How was I supposed to not like you? You were the only other friend I had besides Demetri and you were the only girl who ever gave me a chance. You've always been so.. sweet and smart and-" he rolls his eyes, "and you were always there for me. You stood up for me and comforted me when you couldn't. You kicked Kyler in the face and ruined your clean record for me... I've noticed you since seventh grade when we first had a class together..."
I think I might go into cardiac arrest. This is all news to me. I'm so stupid. And also it's so weird to hear those words coming from his mouth, of all people. I feel very uncomfortable. My face and ears and arms and everything are so hot right now. I feel like I could hyperventilate, but I do my best to control my breath.
"So from seventh grade through ninth, you had a crush on me and you never told me?" I ask. This is so weird.
"Tenth..." he says quietly. Pardon?!
"That... didn't happen to have any influence on all the shit you did to me at the tournament.. did it?" I ask. I swear on karate if this boy says some dumbass answer-
"This is a trap,"
"What are you talking about?"
"You're gonna kill me no matter what I say,"
"I mean everything you've done to me since the tournament has been upsetting in one way or another. Just answer the question,"
"Fine! You got fucking hot okay?! So yeah, maybe that's why I said what I said. And maybe I did the other stuff because I was mad at myself and you for what happened. And I hurt your knee because- because-"
"Because I scared you," I finish for him. I know that's why. If he wasn't scared, then he wouldn't have felt the need to practically dislocate my knee cap. Luckily for all of us, it wasn't a full dislocation.
"I knew you did tae kwon do but I never knew you were that good at it. You came at me with this combination of techniques that looked like you had been doing since you were born. And I know you're gonna bring up this look that I always get when I see you because I know you know about it. You're the only one who always beats me. You're the only who ever knew me better than I knew myself. You know all these crazy takedowns and techniques, anybody would be scared. You happy?" Hawk replies. I can't help but be taken aback. Me, quiet, anxious, Parker Reyes is the only one who can truly get under Tough Hawk's skin. I suppress a smile, failing miserably.
"Quite, actually," I say, "look... I don't particularly like the way I found out... and I'm gonna kill Demetri for calling me out in front of all those people... but I'm glad I know... I wish you had told me.. maybe things could've turned out differently for both of us."
He looks up at me sharply. I mean.. it's true. Who knows what would have happened.
"Different?" He asks.
"Yeah, haven't you seen the time travel movies? One small thing can change everything. It's... kinda late for that now though... after what you did to me and to Miyagi-Do... we're both on our own paths. Sure, they may cross, but... yeah. Thanks for not killing me on the way here", I say. I just felt the need to clarify that nothing that I know I will regret will be happening in this car. He laughs a little.
"Thanks Parker... thanks for talking to me. And for driving me here. My mom would've killed me if she had to come get me from the police," Eli says. Oh yeah for sure.
"It was nice to talk to you, Eli, and you're welcome," I say, "tell your mom I said 'hi'."
He smiles a little bit, and with that, he gets out of the car, and I pull out of the driveway, finally setting off for my own home.
—-
I talked to myself the whole way here, whether it was calming myself down or processing what the hell happened or just making random comments. People would think I was crazy if they were in the car with me. Maybe I am crazy, but that's a different conversation to have in the car later.
My phone starts buzzing out of nowhere, startling me. Oh gracias a Dios, it's Robby. I pick up quickly.
"Park, thank goodness you're okay," Robby says from his end, sounding relieved. I've never wanted to hear his voice more.
"I'm glad you're okay. I'm so sorry I just took off without finding you guys. Did you guys make it back home okay? Is Sam alright?" I ask a little faster than I meant to. I feel awful, but I know neither of us would want the other to get caught by the police.
"We're fine, what about you, I've been really worried. The last thing I saw was you getting into your car with Miguel Diaz and that Hawk kid," he says. I can hear the concern in his voice. Oh shoot...
"I'm okay, I'm okay. I think their rides ditched them.. I owe Miguel's mom for helping me so much with my knee and I didn't feel right leaving either of them to the cops right before the first day of school. Everything was okay. I know you don't want to hear if.. but Miguel apologized to me a long time ago. Like, a week after the cafeteria ordeal... I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner or at all but I was afraid you would get mad at me and hate me and I couldn't lose you, and now I'm rambling but I feel like I had to tell you because I feel awful keeping it from you, and I had a point to this.. right! I wanted to reassure you that everything would be okay with him at least. And Hawk... it was definitely weird, but I wouldn't say.. awful. We kinda caught up about what happened between us and why and all that, and we also talked about what Demetri said at the party. It was strange, but we didn't try to kill each other the whole way there, so I mean.. kinda okay?" I explain. Very strange indeed. I still don't quite know how to feel about it.
"You're too nice Park. I'm glad you told me that he apologized to you. Makes me want to kick his ass a little bit less for what he did to you at the All Valley. And with.. the other guy... I'm glad nothing bad happened. You could really catch a break. Did everything go down okay when you went to talk to Sam? I saw you run off so I went to go check on her myself," Robby says then asks. My stomach sinks a little.
"I was trying to get her to stop drinking, but she just insisted that I needed to lighten up a little and essentially told me that I was the problem because I 'couldn't have any fun' or however you want to phrase it, and seeing her all drunk like that was hard enough, but then she goes, 'have fun with me, Parker, it's not like I'm your dad' and I just... had to get away... I should've came and gotten you, I'm sorry," I say, holding my head in my free hand. I'm so stupid.
"You don't have to apologize, it's okay. I get it," he says, "hey, do you think you could talk to Mr LaRusso or at least get him?"
"Sorry... I don't think I'll be able to do that..."
"What? Park where you?"
"Where are you, Robby?"
"Sam didn't want her parents to see her drunk," Robby says, "I'm at my dad's place."
"Yeah," I say, getting out of the car and clutching my phone, keys, and kubotan tightly, "I'm at my dad's place too."
• • •
A/N: ope-
Anyway, stay safe and take care of yourselves!