As people grows old they experience many things in life before their retirement as teen ager to became an adult and sees the world in their own perspective also surviving alone until you found someone better to settled with. But there is one thing that never old and that is love that we feel to someone, it's unstoppable rather inevitable to beat because of the genuine feeling that we had towards to this person especially when we were still young except to this person whose standing while presenting her report.
"Love is all fun, butterflies and excitement but for me it's nightmare." As Rhainelle ends her representation, everyone seems so curious why love is nightmare for her. Naiisip lang ni Rhainelle na isang kabuluhan lamang ang pag ibig lalo na kung gusto nito'y maging matagal even if it's toxic because you loved the person and yeah, you will accept the flaws of that person kahit na toxic na kasi nga mahal mo siya.
Love revolves around to word acceptance.
Ayan ang pananaw ni Rhainelle sa pag ibig at the age of seventeen and ironically speaking, she never entered a relationship but there is that one person na muntikan niyang pasukin, pasukin ang mundo ng isang tao at aralin kung paano ba ito mahalin.
Her adviser clap and "Okay, that's it for today and don't forget the reaction paper for Rhainelle's representation. You all can proceed for break time." May isang tao ang balak mag taas ng kamay ngunit naunahan ito ng kaniyang adviser "No question, Cher."
Nag sitayuan na ang mga kaklase niya bago tumunog ang bell ng kanilang school bilang pasabi na tapos na ang klase.
Habang inaayos ng mga kaklase niya ang mga gamit nila, nag ayos na rin si Rhainelle ng kaniyang gamit para hindi masayang ang oras niya sa katahimikang binigay lamang sakaniya nang mga taga pakinig.
Hinugot niya ang charger ng kaniyang laptop at pati na rin ang iba pang kable nang naka saksak sa kaniyang laptop kagaya ng projector at mouse.
Iniisip pa rin ni Rhainelle kung bakit gano'n ang reaksyon ng mga tao sakaniya kanina. "Alangan namang mag paliwanag pa ako like just take the hint." Bulong ni Rhainelle sa kaniyang sarili. Naka ramdam siya nang mahinang tapik sa balikat, napa irap nalang siya dahil kilala na niya kung sino ito.
"Ano na naman, Cher?" Iritang tanong nito. Nung una'y walang sumagot hanggang sa lumingon siya at nakitang naka ngiti lang si Cher sakaniya. "Ano nga?" Tanong niya ulit.
"I'm just curious why you said love is a nightmare for you." Napa tingin siya sa hawak ni Cher na notepad at ballpen, Isa kasing member ng Newspaper club si Cher kaya hindi na siya nagulat sa bitbit nito.
Pinag iisipan pa ni Rhainelle kung sasabihin niya ang dahilan sa kaniyang sinabi dahil hindi naman masyadong malalim ang kaniyang rason para hindi na maniwala sa pag ibig na yan.
"I will tell you but don't you dare published my behind story, okay?" Tumango naman ito at sinundan si Rhainelle papuntang canteen nila.
"Have you fallen in love to someone to the point you can labeled yourself as second choice? Because you are ready to risks it all just to be with that person?"
"Ang tanga naman kung gano'n." Sagot ni Cher habang si Rhainelle ay namimili ng kaniyang kakainin. maka lipas ng ilang minuto naka bili na siya pero si Cher nasa isang tabi lang inaantay siya matapos para maka hanap na din nang pwesto na pwedeng upuan, yung tahimik sana at liblib.
"Yeah, tanga talaga yung gano'ng tao. You can't blamed them though for being blinded by the truth in front of them, a person can risk all she or he can for one reason." Rhainelle starts to think what if's in her head because the regrets are overflowing again inside her system.
"Pwede naman sigurong umalis? Ika nga nila, always choose your peace and what makes you happy." Cher answered while Rhainelle mentally rolled her eyes.
"That is for brave and tough person but if you are soft hearted then it is a different case." She took a bite to her sandwich while waiting for Cher's another question at bago niya rin sabihin ang kaniyang istorya.
"Like?"
"This is based on my own experiences sa love life, funny to tell na I never commit to someone before but I already experienced all these things." Nag simula nang nag sulat si Cher sa kaniyang notepad, she even took out her recorder just in case she missed important details.
"Love can find you anywhere, young or not but if you are curious enough to know what is the definition of that word? It's not a feelings that we felt to someone because it is more than a feelings and butterflies and you entered a dangerous game to play." Tumigil siya sa pag sasalita para uminom ng tubig. Medyo umoonti na rin ang tao sa canteen at magandang senyales iyon para makapag focus.
"Nag simula kaming mag usap years ago prolly two or three years ago? I can't really remember and of course it started out all right, he makes me feel things that I've never experienced before and bring out the best in me because we both knows na it is for the better lalo na sa relationship naming dalawa. Hindi ko na namalayang I'm slowly falling in love to him and I'm afraid to confront my feelings because it will lead to something bad since bago palang ako sa mundo nang pag ibig na 'yan. Luckily he confessed first—" Naputol ang pag sasalita niya sa tunog ng cellphone ni Cher. Her face says sorry for disturbance.
"Wait, gotta answer this first." Paalam nito bago tumayo para sagutin ang tawag.
Napa tingin nalang si Rhainelle sa labas ng kanilang canteen dahil katapat nito ang mini garden ng kanilang University. The what if's are still overflowing inside her head, she thinking any possibilities regarding sa scenario before.
What if I prevented all of those?
What if I chose to run away?
What if I should have known better?
But those thoughts and possibilities were useless now, the damaged has been done and it is too late and over to start anew.
She's starting to think this is her karma in life not the life itself but the love life part. After dealing to someone before and her confused feelings also breaking hearts of other people who only wants to love her. She built her walls para hindi lang siya masaktan ng iba ngunit ang kapalit naman no'n ay siya naman ang nakaka sakit while she's playing safe.
But to this person, she got no chance to escape the reality na napa mahal na siya sa tao as time goes by. Ready na siya to commit and make things right with this person but the question is— Is this person also ready to commit with you through good and worst times?
"Where are we?" Rhainelle suddenly snapped out to reality nang nag salita si Cher, hindi niya namalayang naka balik na ito sa sobrang pag iisip niya.
"He confessed his feelings and yes, it was fun while it lasted not until I realized that maybe I'm not the person na iniisip niya araw araw. I heard about his past and that sucks na iniisip kong na hindi ako dapat yung kasama niya ngayon maybe the person he used to be with is the one." She smiled bitterly while looking outside the window to remembering the good times.
Cher felt sorry for her because she's too young to experienced that and hindi rin naman siya maka paniwala na kahit bata o matanda ka pa, pwede mo siyang maranasan anytime.
"Maybe you met a lot of people na parang open book and that is him, madali siyang basahin at intindihin pero kapag nasa point kang hindi mo na siya kayang intindihin pinipilit mo pa rin kasi gano'n mo siya kamahal, kaya mong isuko ang lahat para lang maka sama siya. Kaya mong gawin ang mga imposibleng bagay para sakaniya but risking it all was not enough to make him stay because if he still loves someone from his past, talo ka." She can feel her heart beating so fast and shredding into pieces again like the feelings she had before.
"I wanted to tell him if he still wants me or not, but it came out different. I told him that no matter what happens he can run to me anytime, I can be his second choice. That's how I loved and too soft to let him go because you know when to leave but you just can't." She sighed deeply.
"Because that is the love that I'm waiting for all this time, I learned to be tough and better because of him. He changed me for good and gave another meaning to my life but still it was fun, butterflies, falling apart while it lasted... I didn't end anything since wala namang matatawag na 'kami' during that time, I let time decide when I can leave or him." Rhainelle just smiled but she's falling apart inside.
Ang magagawa niya nalang ngayon ay mag moved on sa buhay, people come and go so what do you expect? All of them are temporary, kaya nilang pasayahin tayo at saktan pero ang lahat ng 'yon ay mag iisang lesson sa ating buhay to grow up as a person.
"The Rhainelle I used to know was cold hearted before but I didn't know love changed you." Natawa na lamang si Rhainelle sa sinabi ni Cher kasi halata namang hindi nito alam kung ano ang sasabihin matapos nang kaniyang kwento.
"You let yourself to learn what is really 'Love'." She shrugged.
"I can't publish this." Bahagyang napatawa si Cher dahil ang kwento nito ay masyadong pribado o siguro mapanakit na din sa mata ng ibang mang babasa. Naunang umalis si Cher dahil sa emergency call na natanggap niya kanina lamang.
Nag unat unat muna si Rhainelle bago tumayo at mag lakad papaalis ng canteen. It is all in the past pero nasasaktan pa rin siya sa nangyari.
Therefore that was the Love she's wishing and waiting for to come but unfortunately it is not for her.
— fin