CRASH!
The sound of glass shattering filled his ears.
His body being shattered hitting the pavement at warp speed.
His head hitting the ground four times before he went unconscious.
It was all a nightmare.
And he was now awake, but the nightmare was reality.
His hands clutched his bedspread as tears ran down his face.
He was shaken to the core.
And living with the constant reminder of the day he chose to be unknowingly suicidal.
Sometimes his mind played tricks on him.
Sometimes he had dull feelings in his legs, sometimes he had hope that he would walk again.
"O-h, God. P-please, help me. Help me, please," River's heartbroken sobs filled his empty room.
Nights like this, he felt hopeless, helpless, utterly unrepairable within.
But he knew it wasn't true.
He didn't know everything, but he did know that God could not lie, so the words of Jesus remained true even when.
Jesus was always with him.
He could call on Jesus and He would be with him through this hopeless night.
Before the accident, he was in need of no man. He was River Delgato, the man who had it all.
The world was at his fingertips and he only needed to speak and things would happen.
River Delgato was the Lord of his life, of his world.
And River Delgato was on a highway to hell.
Everything was different now, but he prayed for the day that he would be able to walk.
A simple thing taken for granted by all who were gifted in that manner.
He wasn't upset at people who could walk, he was only hopeful that it would again be him.
"God, take the vicious dreams away. Please, I don't know what I've done now, haven't You forgiven me? Is this punishment for my past? I hate the mockery I experience in the night when my mind tricks me into believing I can move without that stupid chair," He swiped away his tears and held a pillow to his face.
Not to hurt himself, but to breathe, to calm down, to remember his suffering was momentary.
God didn't leave him.
He needed hope.
Something showing the light of God's love for him.
A reminder.
He removed the pillow from his face and closed his eyes in prayer.
"Lord, help me overcome this torture. I know that You are with me and are keeping me. Remind me,"
The subtle sensation in his thighs began again suddenly.
His eyes remained closed as he fought to ignore it.
'No more false hope.'
"Help me to understand where I am, only relying on You for hope and not something that will let me down." His legs being in working condition wasn't going to keep him near Christ.
His hope being solidified in the truth of Christ being Lord of all things, situations, and more would keep him near.
At times he wondered if he would have ever thought of reading a Bible before the accident when he could exist without the knowledge of Christ's nearness and immovable sovereignty over all things.
The answer was no.
"Instill something deeper within me. I know that I can't keep going on without going further with You, knowing more, loving more, doing more, understanding more. You have taken my panicked heart and stilled it again, and I know that You'll do it tomorrow if I need You."
God was reliable.
The only reliable entity, anything in existence.
"I want to be a man like David, who knew he was nothing without You, and was everything he was only because of You. I want to fall at Your feet with heartache and sincere repentance when I fall, knowing that I've sinned against You, but that You will receive me again." He prayed earnestly his head bowed in humility.
And gratitude for the calm God's presence gave him.
"David wrote in Psalm 32, When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night, Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was drained away as with the fever that of summer." River lifted his head as he paused for the written Selah he memorized with the verse.
A moment to reflect and thank God.
"I acknowledged my sin to You and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, 'I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,' and Y-you forgave the guilt of my sin." Tears formed in the corner of his eyes as he spoke words written by David, but written in his own heart.
"Therefore, let everyone who is godly pray to You in a time when You may be found; Surely in a flood of great waters they will not reach him." He took a breath and let his tears flow. The hope in his heart strengthened as he spoke every word.
"You are my hiding place; You preserve me from trouble; You surround me with songs of deliverance." A chuckle of gladness left his shaky lips.
He took hold of his Bible that never strayed too far from his reach and opened it to find Psalm 32.
He hadn't memorized it entirely.
And he felt that there was something more in the Word for him to catch.
God's Word never failed to speak a better Word, Jesus was the Word, and He spoke life, newness, and hope.
All that River needed. And he was not ashamed to need Him.
When he looked down at the Word, it was on Psalm 51.
He never turned down the Word, whether he chose to be there or God led him there, he would read it.
His eyes scanned the chapter but lingered on a familiar verse.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit." His mouth went slack at the next verse.
A slap in the face of the timely instruction.
He prayed for something deeper.
"Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will be converted to You."
River turned his gaze to the ceiling and motioned to the open Bible.
"Is this what You want me to do?"
It didn't scare him. It didn't unsettle him.
He couldn't find it in himself to feel unworthy of the appointment.
He only wanted to receive it, whatever it was, whatever it meant.
He would do it.
"You got my 'yes', I trust that You'll handle the how and where," He murmured with a yawn.
His disruptive nightmare brought about something he never expected but was more than grateful for.
He turned the lamp off and closed his Bible.
His heart was settled, his mind was calmed, the sensation in his thighs died down, and his hope was anchored securely in Christ.
-
"Don't curse me out, but I got a favor to ask,"
Diego hesitantly said to River as they sat in the middle of Gethsemane having coffee.
River pressed his lips together to refrain from telling him how dumb he was.
'If he wants me to listen without a prepared no, he shouldn't have started that way,'
He motioned his hand to tell Diego to go on.
"Well, I've been praying on this for a while. Toiling for sure, I don't want the wrong choice, not that you'd be a wrong choice, I just want someone serious about God. Walking upright, you know," Diego rambled and chuckled at his ongoing yap. He knew River was annoyed. "Gethsemane has been getting a lot more foot traffic in the day, people who don't know Christ, but really want to and to walk in His way. We don't have anything for those people to join, something constant for the support and wisdom needed as a baby in the faith, like a beginner's course to knowing Christ," He explained and noted the attentive gaze River maintained.
It meant he was listening.
The wheels were turning in his head, Diego could see it.
"I want you to teach a class, seminar, whatever you want to call it. I would do it myself, but the Lord impressed it in my heart to have you lead it. You've been doing wonders with the Kids for Christ, and I know that you can do this. It would be held in the evening, I know that you like having your midday to yourself. No rush for an answer, start date, nothing like that, I only ask that you pray about it." Diego let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding in.
River was his best friend, but still River.
It was intimidating to spring up the idea, but it was what God wanted.
And all the while, River was settled.
He did not need to pray before answering Diego. Last night was prayer enough.
God showed him what He wanted. River was going to obey wholeheartedly.
"I'll do it."
Diego opened his mouth to try to convince River to agree, but his lips were sealed as he realized what River said.
"You what?"
River chuckled. "Yeah, I know. It's not like me to agree so easily, but last night," He sighed and pointed to his Bible. "I woke up from a nightmare, and after God calmed me, I quoted Psalm 32 in prayer, a portion, and when I went to Psalm 32 to read the rest, but God sent me here." He opened his Bible to Psalm 51.
Diego watched excitedly, but quietly. He didn't want to interrupt River's flow.
It made him glad to see River's faithfulness to God and His Word.
"Create in me a clean heart, O, God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence. And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners will be converted to You."
When River lifted his eyes from the Word, Diego's mouth was slack, just as his was last night.
"Um, what?" Diego said baffled. "God literally told you what to do, and here I am asking you to do this," He shook his head in awe. "That's the Mighty and Amazing God we serve,"
River nodded in agreement. "I didn't see this coming, but I am truly all for it. I don't want to say it helps me feel like I'm pulling the weight to show that I've changed, but in a way it does. I didn't feel unworthy, I didn't feel afraid, I was only eager to do whatever He wanted." He explained honestly.
He could do that with Diego. They were honest no matter what.
"Wow, I mean, I understand. That's how I felt when God told me to open Gethsemane. That's how I feel every time the Kids for Christ come, when we host events that bring people together for Christ's sake. It's a beautiful thing," Diego shook his head again, just amazed at God.
"You know me, so I'm still growing and understanding how not to curse people out for staring too long. I grumble more than I should, sometimes I lose hope, but I'm serious. Christ has anchored me in His love, something undeserving, but the greatest gift of all. My agreement to this doesn't give proof that I deserve or will His grace, it only shows my gratitude and heart for others to be resurrected as I was. As we all are when we come to Christ," River had no shame about the faults he dealt with, he would overcome them with Christ.
Diego could only shake his head again.
River was like a beanstalk in his growth. A mustard seed.
"You make me proud to call you my best friend," Diego thanked God for a friend like River.
Authentic.
River waved his hand. "Hush with the mushy stuff,"
Diego chuckled but agreed. "Fine. Tell me how the meeting with Cree went,"
River rolled his eyes at the memory.
But he also thought of the beautiful woman.
She was with a man, but she was watching him.
"It went." River said simply and looked at the time.
4:50 pm.
"I need to get back to my painting," He mumbled. "I have to go, but we'll talk soon about the class or whatever, and I'll be here for Kids for Christ."
Diego's eyes lit up. "The kids are always excited to have you," He stood and followed River's lead.
His Bible was settled on his lap and he wheeled to the door. "I'm just glad you didn't need me to cover for you with them," River said honestly.
Kids weren't his thing. They were too energetic for him to keep up with.
"If I ever need someone, I know who to call." Diego winked jokingly and patted his back. "Drive safely."
River nodded. "Always." He promised.
Diego walked back to their table and got back to studying the Word.
River opened the door and wheeled out.
"Catch the door!" A man holding three books and bottled water called out as River exited.
River held the door and the man nodded at him gratefully.
"Come on, Claudia," David called behind him.
Claudia hurried to catch up with her father without dropping her Bible.
River held the door and his heart sped up at the sight of the woman from the Country Club.
As she walked up to the door, Claudia locked eyes with him.
The man who turned her into a sweet potato.
River's mind drew blank as he held her gaze.
Not completely blank.
'She is stunning,'
"Thanks, man," David turned to the River and looked at Claudia.
"Come on, Sweet Potato," He teased his red-cheeked daughter as she stared at the man.
Claudia's eyes widened and she signed, 'Thank you!' to River before hurrying behind her embarrassing father.
River's heart lurched at the motion.
'She did it again,'
And he was a sucker for the beautiful woman who blew him a kiss for the second time.
And he didn't mind having to stare into her kind eyes.
Those eyes, though they only held a gaze for moments, weren't judgmental, but warm.
As he wheeled to his truck, he murmured to God. "You gotta do something about this. I don't know nothing about getting this woman and man thing right with Christ, I don't know a thing about her, but I want to without a doubt. I'm admittedly a fool,"
A fool willing to learn how to do things the proper way.
"But somehow her eyes spoke to me and she didn't even say a word."
-
Author's Note
I'm tired, this will be short.
I liked this chapter a lot, also happy belated Memorial Day.
River's experience with God is something I always want to show. How he needs God, why he understands he needs God to simply exist. He knows something that a lot of people don't.
And now he'll teach others how to do the same. I initially wanted him to be a preacher or teacher, it didn't end up working the way I wanted, but God really worked it wonderfully. This is smooth.
Claudia was in the chapter briefly with her dad. What're they doing at Gethsemane? And how cute is it that she blushes every time she sees River?
I'm tired.
Goodnight, morning, afternoon, evening, whatever time it is for you.
It's after 12 for me.
Bye!