I can hear the sound of a heartbeat before it goes out
Won't ever leave my memory of bloodshed all around
And I can see a tear on my father's face before it falls out
Oh, my enemy, how could I have ever let you down?
Goodbye (Epic Version) by Samuel Kim (atlantis ❀ playlist on Spotify)
"Isabel!" My eyes widened when I felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind the moment Kyla and I had reached the makeshift medical site. A small gasp escaped my lips at the sound of the girl's voice, relief flooding through me at the fact she was still alive. The Dragons leader excused herself to leave me alone with Stacy, who held on to me tightly for a few extra moments before moving into my line of vision. "You're alive! There was talk about one of the Elementals..." Her eyes flooded with tears and I felt her embrace me a second time. "I don't know what I would've done."
"I've been better, I can't lie to you- oh..." My voice trailed off as my eyes scanned over her face. Stacy had always been on the paler side, especially after her powers had taken hold, but the girl looked like a ghost. Her white hair, visibly brittle, had turned grey from the surrounding smoke and dust. The uniform that previously sat nice and fitted on her body was baggy. Stacy's cheeks looked sunken, but worst of all was the makeshift eyepatch that went over the right side of her face. I reached my hand up to touch the long cut that extended beyond the torn fabric, but she flinched away before I made contact. "Stace..."
"I don't think it'll heal," she stopped me, and I immediately felt sick. "I mean, it was for a moment... I stopped paying attention during the final part of the fight. Once everything ended... Skyla said I passed out. She's one of the Dragons, I think you'd like- I'm rambling, sorry, my powers aren't working. It has to be because I'm tired, right? They'll come back in maybe a few hours?"
"Help!" There was no time for me to explain to the girl what had happened before the cry. A boy around twenty ran up to me, his face flushed. His hands were covered in fresh blood. "You have to heal him; I didn't know it was this bad!"
"I..." I stammered, frazzled, but the soldier wasted no time. My hand was pulled, and I couldn't even say goodbye to Stacy before I was raced off to one of the medical tents. A twelve-year-old boy was convulsing in several of the Dragons' hands, blood lacing the edges of his mouth as he struggled to breathe. "Where is it coming from?"
"He broke a rib during the battle, we think it might have pierced a lung," one of the soldiers told me desperately. "He doesn't have much time." I knelt down beside the younger boy, whose eyes latched on to me for help. I felt frozen in place. Healing others had been Thomas's thing. He would've known what to do. What had I been thinking when I said yes? What if I had doomed this boy to die?
"Thomas is gone. You have to deal with that fact now," my Elemental self said harshly. "Find the power you need to do this, or this boy's blood will be on your hands. How many more need to die in your war?"
"Please," the older boy begged me. His voice pulled me out of my stupor, and my eyes flicked up to him. "I promised I would keep him safe. Ben's all I got left." Ben, the bleeding boy in front of me, gave a pained whimper as he tried to breathe. I could hear his panicked heartbeat as I placed a hand on his chest and the other around the back of his neck. My stained fingers pressed into the skin, trying to make as best of a connection as possible.
With an exhale, I closed my eyes and pushed my power through him. I had no clue if what I was doing was right at all, but it was all I could try. I felt it course through his body, the essence of it, wrapping around anything out of place. The boy gave a shudder when I reached the rib, my power jolting it back into place and healing the punctured lung simultaneously. I waited nervously to open my eyes until I heard his first full breath and the gasps of relief. The boy who had retrieved me lunged to wrap his arms around his brother, and I backed away to allow the group some privacy.
I don't know what I had expected to feel upon saving the boy's life. Maybe some form of excitement using a part of my powers I had never used before? What excitement was there to gain anyways; learning my full potential meant nothing anymore. No, there was no proud feeling about this at all. It all felt numb... just panic and nothingness.
I heard Kyla calling for me, but as I stood up, the ground gave a sicking squelching noise under my feet. I regretted the instant I looked down to the sight of dark red mud, a mixture of blood and dirt. The heavier trail of it was coming from my right, and my eyes followed it to the slowly growing pile of bodies. Many were dismembered in various ways and none of them looked above the age of twenty-five. One of the Dragons soldiers walked past me to the mound while I stood frozen in place, and once she had backed away, I was able to see the new addition.
The girl was small, perhaps the smallest one I had seen the entire day, with thin vines wrapped so tightly around her throat that you'd have to cut the skin to release them. Her bloody nose had dried to the gross brown, the last trail ending right above the small dragon tattoo on her upper neck. No, it wasn't even a tattoo. It was a shaky drawing done with a permanent marker, maybe before she had left her home base. My mouth suddenly tasted of bile. I shoved the urge to throw up down, not wanting to make a spectacle of myself.
"She was going to turn eight in a few days." I looked over my shoulder at the soldier who had dropped the girl off in the pile, and I immediately wanted to shrink from the glare I was receiving. Her blonde hair was falling apart from the braid it had been previously held in, strands sticking to the sweat-covered soldier's face. "It won't matter that she died, or anyone here. The only important person we'll hear about these next few days is you."
I flinched at the girl's words, stumbling back a step as the soldier approached me bitterly. "This is all your fault," she seethed, prodding my chest with an accusing finger. "These people were my family. We followed you blindly, and look what good it did us. You get to go home to your precious Avengers and sleep in your rich, comfy world. Where do we go? Hawkes destroyed our homes because he wanted you. What kind of hero will the media portray you as now, huh? The world's newest savior? A martyr?"
The hatred and anger in her eyes were immeasurable, and I knew she meant every word. My lips parted slightly to try and say something, anything at all, but no sound came out. I couldn't speak a word. My silence only seemed to enrage the girl more, who thrust her two hands into my chest and shoved me.
"What kind of a superhero even are you?!"
"Skyla!" Kyla's voice rang sharp and piercing throughout the air, and the soldier flinched as her superior raced to intervene. The Dragons leader's eyes were narrow, but they carried such authority. "This is enough. Take yourself elsewhere." Skyla's head jerked back in my direction, her gaze flitting over me in disdain.
"I guess this is why they say to never meet your heroes," the soldier said curtly. She spat in the direction of my shoes, shaking her head. "Atlantis... what a joke." Kyla said nothing, but the other girl walked off. My eyes were burning, and I knew it wasn't long before my tears would betray me. I refused to let them; showing such emotion wasn't going to help anything. The Dragons leader hung her head and sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose tiredly.
"Zane's gonna stay," she told me. "Said he's better with slings and stitches than he is a healer, but that he'll take your place." I gave the girl a small nod, but she wasn't finished. "Amy's staying too. She's holding her end of the bargain we made, so... yeah." Kyla extended her hand out to me for a handshake. I didn't move mine to meet it, and the girl hummed in exasperation. "Listen, kid... it's fine if I call you kid, right?"
I didn't respond to that, but Kyla continued on. "I remember when I was your age. I didn't have the same responsibilities or... or weight on my shoulders, but I know that look on your face too well. When you lead people, there's always the chance that you'll lose them in the process. It doesn't make our joke any easier, but you'll learn how to step forward. I know you will."
Kyla pushed her hand a few inches closer to me, and with a deep breath, I shook it. "When this is over, you're gonna receive a list of all the names today. I want them shared. This world needs a reminder that their children helped to save it." She gave my hand a final squeeze before releasing it, lifting her's up in a mock salute. "Farewell, Isabel Stark." With that, the Dragons leader took her leave.
I stole a final glance at the pile of bodies beside me before starting my trek back to the Quinjet. Sure enough, there were no Elementals there to greet me at the entrance. If there were any goodbyes they had wanted to say, they would've stayed... yet it was quiet. My last words to them had been my request to be alone... and they were granted in the harshest way.
My shoes felt heavy as I walked up the loading ramp and past Thomas's wrapped body, setting myself down in the pilot's seat. The aircraft was quick to start under my fingers, and the soft glow from the cockpit's electronic board lit up my reflection in the glass. My eyes immediately caught on to the dried bloody handprint the Earth Elemental had given me. Some parts had flaked off, but it remained intact.
Thomas's head turned in my direction with a smile on his face, but his eyelids fluttered and his legs gave out. I caught him before he hit the ground, red droplets of blood starting to coat his lips as he tried to breathe air in.
"Greetings, Miss Stark," the AI OCTAVIA started as she rebooted, and I looked away from the reflection hurriedly. "The craft will take off in forty seconds exactly. Please make sure all loose items are strapped down." I glanced back at the wrapped tarp behind me and then to the closing landing ramp. "I've alerted your father about our estimated arrival time. It should be a quick thirty-minute flight." I shrunk down in the pilot's seat, pulling my legs up and resting my head on my knees. "... oh, and do get some rest."
______________________________
The reporters didn't even try to attempt a quiet greeting.
I could hear their voices outside the Quinjet walls, all anxiously awaiting a glimpse of a returning Avenger. The metal aircraft did little to muffle the crowd, and I considered just hiding inside until they would hopefully leave. Still, I knew waiting would just make the sick feeling in my stomach grow. Once I'd get past them, I would have the compound all to myself. All I had to do was open the door...
I looked down at Thomas's wrapped body, shame coming over me in an instant. Some of his blood had soaked through the tarp, blood that never would have stained it if our roles had been reversed. Carefully, I bent down and slid my arms under the thick cloth. The Earth Elemental's body was stiff as I picked him up, my muscles shaking slightly from the weight. I adjusted it in my hands and allowed some of my power to flow through, taking control of the blood inside of him and manipulating it to lift him up easier. As I turned toward the Quinjet's exit, I flicked my pinkie finger out at the button to lower the ramp. It was time.
The second it had gone low enough for my face to be revealed, I was blinded by flashing cameras. I squinted my eyes, unable to see much, but I began my walk out of the aircraft. The photographers began to slow with taking their photos, and the reporters hushed for the first time. Their jaws were dropped in horror at the sight of blood covering my body and the dirty tarp held in my hands, the outline of a body easy enough to make out. I just stood at the edge of the ramp, looking into each person's eyes before moving on to the next. They didn't see the great Atlantis they had been waiting for. Standing in her place was a disheveled fifteen-year-old girl with a corpse in her hands.
"What kind of hero will the media portray you as now, huh?" Skyla's harsh words were echoing in my head. "The world's newest savior?" I returned my gaze forward and continued to walk toward the compound. As I approached the gathered reporters in front of me, I didn't receive a microphone in front of my face. Instead, they split, creating a path while staring at me with their wide eyes. One cameraman took an extra second to move, and I realized that he was broadcasting everything. "A martyr?"
"Where are the other Elementals?" My head spun in the other direction as I searched for the person who had asked the question. It seemed that all the reporters needed was for one person to speak up, because the next thing I knew, the path they had previously formed for me crashed back together.
"Is Anthony Hawkes dead?"
"Why are you alone?"
"Who's under the tarp?"
"Miss Stark-"
"Alright, enough!" The sound of my father's voice wasn't enough to stop my shaking, my arms trembling as I pulled Thomas's wrapped body under my chest. There were hands grabbing at the tarp, and every time I turned away, new ones reached out. "Show's over!" I didn't know where the older Stark was, nor could I attempt to push through the crowd. Fortunately, someone else didn't worry about that.
"Kid!" Happy Hogan's voice was clear, and I spun around to see the man squeezing his way through the reporters. He wasn't particularly frazzled by the situation, most likely dealing with worse after years of working with my father. Once he was by my side, I felt Thomas's body move from my arms to his. The passing of the body caused his face to pale slightly, but I knew the Earth Elemental would be safer with him. "Tony!" the man shouted over his shoulder. "I got her!"
I stayed close to the bodyguard, almost stepping on his shoes as he cleared a path out. It wasn't long before we reached the line of security surrounding the compound, two men holding my father back as his head swiveled in a desperate search to find us. The line split briefly for us to pass through, creating a safe space between the newscasters and reporters.
"I could have you fired, my daughter- oh, baby..." There was no time for me to react when the older Stark was let go by the two guards, his arms wrapping around me protectively as I was pulled into his chest. He was shaking too, his hand moving up from my back to cradle the back of my head. "Earl's on standby, we didn't know when you'd be back until we got the signal."
"Tony-"
"One second, Happy."
"Tony, I have a dead kid in my hands." Happy's voice cracked halfway through, and my father's hold on me lessened slightly as he glanced over at Thomas's body. "We need to go inside... now." I lifted my head and caught the older Stark's eyes-
My father was kneeling in front of me, staring up into my eyes while Hawkes's dark smoke circled around us. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, ready for me to send my powers into him for the final fatal blow.
Those same dark brown eyes were staring at me once more, and I couldn't stand it. I knew that pitying look all too well along with the way it made my skin crawl. He had only met my gaze for a second, but it was enough. I didn't deserve pity. I didn't deserve anything.
"Okay... okay," my father agreed after his brief pause, the voices of the reporters growing louder. He released me from the hug, but one arm stayed wrapped around me as the three of us went inside. "We're gonna figure this out, don't worry. Happy, get the kid on ice or... or whatever we need to do."
"Tony, this isn't my level of expertise here..."
"Well, we gotta find someone who has that then!" The older Stark left my side to convene with the other man, and I stood alone in the compound's foyer. The air was cold, and I crossed my arms across my chest with a slight shiver. I watched as my father thought out loud, pacing back and forth and gesturing with his hands. "Let's put the compound on a lock-down; we don't know if everything's over yet. Ross will call at any minute, we'll need to delay..."
His voice grew faint to me as I began to walk slowly in the direction of my room at the compound, my head lowered as I escaped. It wasn't what he deserved, but I didn't want to deal with questions. I didn't want to talk to anyone, nor did I think I could. It felt like a lump had formed in my throat, blocking any form of noise, and I didn't know when it would leave.
It only took a few hallways and turning of corners to reach my destination, and I managed to lock the door before my knees buckled. I fell on my hands, and that's when my tears truly decided to release. It was as if they had been building from the very moment I saw the pile of bodies out on the field, waiting for the proper moment to let go. I was choking on my own emotions, my gasps for air almost painful as my tears burned down my face.
I was finally free from Hawkes, but at the cost of thousands, many by my hand. Every Elemental soldier I had killed in self-defense was another son or daughter a family would never see again. Thomas was dead. Zane and Amy were gone. Stacy was never going to properly see again. The moment we met my first day at Midtown Tech, I had doomed her. She had already suffered so much torture because of me, been kept away from her family... my fault. Everything was my fault.
There were two chilling cracks, similar to the sound of breaking bones, as Amy's wings were snapped off of her back. The girl howled in excruciating pain before breaking into sobs, blood pouring down her back while Colin Hawkes dragged the feathered pieces against the ground.
I managed to crawl to the side of my bed, resting my back against it as I rocked back and forth. The lack of air was causing my vision to grow cloudy, and my Elemental force would turn the room blue to my eyes to keep me from passing out. I was teetering on the edge, but there was no desire to save myself from falling. The battle was won, but it kept playing in my head over and over again. I saw Thomas clutching Anthony Hawkes's corrupted heart, felt the Elemental soldiers burning my skin with their unstable powers. I was still on that field, and I didn't know when I was going to leave.
In the middle of my sobbing, I looked over to the full-length mirror in the corner of my bedroom, taking in my splotchy face and red eyes. The handprint the Earth Elemental had left on my face had streaks going through it from my tears, a faint red that slid down my neck and disappeared into the suit I wore. I watched my reflection as my left hand shakily reached up to touch the mark, allowing myself to touch the skin this time. As I pulled it back, I looked down at the blood coating my blued fingertips. It wasn't the only blood on my hands; I could see it coated under my fingernails and stuck in the lines on my palm. The skin looked warped from burns, pink and puffy.
My spears snapped in half in Hawkes's hands, and my mouth gaped open as I felt a sharp piercing pain on the left side of my lower torso. I looked down at the broken end sticking inside of me, the sight of my blood causing my vision to go blurry.
I looked down at where I had been stabbed, fabric missing where the suit had been punctured. The skin was stained with my blue-ish blood, healed over but with a small indention of a scar. I didn't want to think about everywhere else that had been mutilated. I let myself just lay on my side on the floor as I continued to cry, my face nuzzling into the carpet.
A foolish part of me wanted to believe that I could just fall asleep and wake up to a completely normal morning of just peace and quiet, but I knew that couldn't be farther from the truth. The reporters would be back, and the battle would reach the news channels. Kayla would most likely send the list of the fallen soldiers, and I'd be reminded of who died in my place. Thomas needed to be buried... no. No, I wasn't ready.
"I see my sister..." Thomas's lips were still parted as he took his last breath, not even finishing his sentence. His eyes grew dull as his life left him, slumping even more in my arms.
I scrunched my legs up to my chest, curling in a ball as my breaths grew more panicked. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a raspy wail, one scream of pent-up anger and grief. It was long and shaky, and it made my cries louder. I didn't care. All I wanted was to not feel at all.