Apollo;
And I never left.
When the sun rose, her rays glaring into our eyes, I was still there. When my alarm buzzed for the hundredth time, I was still there. And when Lyra's phone rang repeatedly, I was still there, with Lyra in my arms.
She happens to be a deep sleeper, so all the noise our phones made did not stir her a bit. Add that to my selfish desire to keep her in my arms for the greatest time I could, making me snooze my alarms and mute her phone so I could have another minute of studying every crater, dent, and blemish on her face.
Whatever spell she has me under, I want to feel it forever.
Her breaths came out even and steady, her lips slightly opened letting air in and out. She had a small freckle on the end of her jaw and her nose had a small bump on the slope. Small things I haven't before about her were suddenly more prominent to me. Her hair, consisting of dark brown soft ringlets, was laid all around her.
I moved a small wavy strand of hair away from her eyes, making them slowly flutter open. Her brown irises met mine. The edge of her lips quirked up in a faint smile. "Good morning," Her morning voice was like her voice when she gets a cold like her vocal cords are still not awake yet.
"Morning." My thumb continued tracing her cheeks.
Lyra slowly sat up and leaned on my bed's headboard, ruffling my bed hair with her hand in the process.
"I would offer to make you breakfast, but I already planned for us to grab it along the way to the hill." I sat up from my bed and walked over to my closet. I picked out a sweater and a pair of sweatpants that Lyra would fit in, being close to my height, and threw them towards her.
She yelped when they landed on her face, "Hey! I wasn't prepared!"
"I thought you had 'killer reflexes." I chuckled at her stunned expression. "Come on, get ready. I'm going to pack our books."
I left my room and searched around my dorm for the books we would need to study, then packed them in a bag of mine. Lyra got out of my room and walked towards me with what I noticed was my guitar case and my lyric book in her hands.
I raised my brow and pointed at my belongings. "I thought you'd get motivated to write your music under the jasmine tree." She winked at me as she left my dorm. I shook my head with a chuckle and followed her out of the door.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Romanticizing your life.
A prospect that has always wandered through my mind always felt so appealing. Only for it to seem damaging in the end. I've watched the sunrise, sat under the stars, listened to hummingbirds sing, and felt like my life was complete.
It wasn't.
I was busy making my life seem more mesmerizing than it is, even to my imaginary audience. I thought that if I made my life look okay, then it would inexplicably become okay. I thought it was a form of comfort I brought to myself but turns out, it was a means for me to cope and handle all I've been through.
A very beautiful girl, with brown eyes and curly black hair, once told me that we live for the sake of others around us, sometimes. Not for our own sake. She once made a promise with me and then told me that our burdens, no matter how major or small, are still burdens. That we should not indifference our loads because someone out there has it worse than us.
'Promise me, no matter who leaves you or who you lose, you're going to stand still and burn bright. Just like a star.'
'I promise you, Lyra. Promise me that you won't either.'
'I promise you, Apollo.'
What brought this thought up? One of Lyra's exams is circled around Romanticism and stoicism. Two very similar concepts that have the same purpose: look at life in a positive note. But Lyra, who should join the debate club, is very adamant in explaining to me why these two concepts are unhealthy.
Which lead to my previous thoughts.
"Objection! What good would it do you if you ignored all the bad things that have happened to you? Even if you can't control them, neglecting them won't solve them, or make you feel any better." Lyra was on the verge of ripping her textbook into shreds.
"Maybe it's a form of self-preservation or a way to keep these people from losing their minds because of something way out of their control. Think about it, you can't change anything. Isn't it better to keep your emotions intact?" I dragged a hand down my face.
"Bottle it, heap it, pile it. These are all good options!" Lyra remarked sarcastically. I groaned and shook my head.
She grabbed a blank paper from her bag and started drawing stickmen. "For an art major, I thought you would've done better than that." I pointed at her paper.
"that's not my priority right now. Look, you see these two? One guy follows stoicism and romanticism, the other doesn't." she labeled the former guy 'idiot'.
"Both their lives are equally difficult, but the way they decide to deal with these difficulties has its own effect. Something happens to them that they can't control, like getting fired. They both feel sad and desperate, but they respond to those emotions differently." She draws 'clouds' of sad emotions over both guys.
"The idiot will follow the principles of stoicism and romanticism. He will make his despair look more aesthetic to his imaginary audience, so it's romanticized enough. He 'tries' to look for a positive side to a situation with no sides. He may think that it's better he lost his job and has no source of income anymore because he must look at the positive side." She drew a turd emoji and put stars around it.
"What does the poop have to do with this?" I raised a brow.
"His life is shit and he put some glitter on it." She shrugged, "anyway, this guy realizes he can't control that he got fired so he thinks there's no need to get emotional about it. So, his emotions are ignored, and he acts like everything is fine. This puts a toll on his mental health." She draws medicine bottles littered around the 'idiot' stick man.
"The other guy, the genius, realizes that his life right now is a piece of shit, and he doesn't hide that. He becomes in touch with his emotions and accepts that it's normal to feel sad and hopeless at that point. He tells people close to him about his emotions and shares his worries. He feels better that he shared, and his friends can help him find a solution because they now know his worries." She draws a rainbow and flowers around the genius guy.
"So, this is your way of telling me that you're against romanticism and stoicism? And that you're going to write all that in your exam?"
"Yes, to the first question and no to the second."
"Then why do you do exactly what romanticism and stoicism preach?"
Her brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"You act like you're feeling okay, don't tell us about your emotions because your sadness is your personal responsibly, and neglect your emotions." I saw her eyes dart everywhere but my way.
"Lyra, you have to know that I'm always here. I can listen to your problems no matter how small they are. You can always tell me." I pulled her side closer to mine, both of us still sitting against the tree.
A comfortable silence engulfed us and was broken by Lyra's voice. "It's not because of my lack of trust; or love for you, because God knows they're there. It's because I was afraid of how I felt and if it's right to feel that way. Turns out I might have to tell you to figure that out." She sighed.
Lyra rested her head on my shoulder, and I continued drinking the coffee I got this morning on our way here. "Spring break is next week; my mom wants to come visit. She called that day when I was in the arcade, she gave me bad news and mildly bad news." She looked back up at me, waiting for confirmation. I smiled at her encouragingly.
"She told me that my uncle has passed the night before. How my cousin kept promising him she'll make him proud."
I turned to face her and looked at her face. She was silent with a sad smile gracing her face. "Oh, Lyra. You should've told us; we would've been there to hear you." I pulled her in an embrace, resting her head on my torso.
She hummed. "Yeah, I know. It's okay though, you unintentionally comforted me about that by distracting me from my emotions."
"Wait, how did I distract you from them?"
"By being ho- I mean by doing this with me. It helps me stop myself from thinking about it too much." she tapped on her temple.
I smirked, "What?" she asked.
I turned away. "Nothing." My grin got wider.
"Anyway, she also told me that she'd be visiting with my family during spring break. My family and I's relationship isn't perfect perse. I love my parents, I really do, but they can be controlling. They want me to get good grades, they expect me to, but when I study and get good grades, they don't care. Make it make sense!" she groans.
"I can tell your relationship is complicated..." I ruffled her hair.
"Yeah, it is. Sometimes I expect them to treat me differently, which is weird because I'm not a great daughter. They don't understand my personality, which was influenced by theirs. Right now, I'm in a dilemma of finding my own personality or succumbing to their traits." She leaned back against the tree and closed her eyes.
"I'm so sorry, I don't know when to stop sharing."
"Hey, I told you I would listen. I'm quiet so you can spill it all out. Go on." I flicked her forehead and smiled at her.
"Thank you, Apollo." She smiled back. "The thing is, we all share common traits; anger issues and hypocrisy. I reached a point where I'm so self-aware that we have them, that my brain thinks it's normal now." Lyra frowned.
"And it feels so selfish of me to expect more of them than I ever give them. But isn't that almost like human nature? To want more?" she scoffs at herself.
"No, actually, it's not selfish to expect more for yourself, but it's selfish to not give back what you take." she grabbed my hand and started tracing meaningless figures with her fingers.
"Yeah..." she hummed
I looked down at her and saw her lashes fluttering. Sensing me watching her, she looked up and met my eyes. She raised a brow and looked at me with a 'what is it now?' expression
"I could write lyrics about your eyelashes, you know?" she looked at me silently then erupted in fits of laughter.
"If I didn't know better, I would think you were flirting with me. Now come on! Write those lyrics about the cilia on my eyes," She put my lyric book in front of me then turned to grab her sketchbook and started a new piece, "While I draw the next Mona Lisa."
I wish she didn't know better.
I felt my pocket buzz with the sound of my phone ringing. it out, I saw Faith's contact calling me.
"Hey Apollo." Faith's voice rang on the other end.
"Hey, is there something?" I asked.
"Yeah, I need you to come take Aleah home, Lyra's phone isn't picking up and Mariah left her with me an hour ago. I need to go somewhere...without her." She let out an awkward laugh.
"Yeah, of course, we'll come get her. But 'somewhere' where and with who? Just in case we need to pick you up and to make sure you're safe."
"I'm going to a café near campus with Max." I could practically hear the smile in her voice. I chuckled, catching Lyra's attention. I mouthed 'Faith' to her.
"Like a date?" I teased.
"No, like a friends meet up, don't get any ideas!" she warned me.
"I'm just guessing because I would have never thought. You guys are opposites. You're so serious and he's so mischiev-" she cut me off with a groan.
"I told you, it isn't a date! Come get your demon cat!" I laughed even more as she hung up.
Lyra hummed, waiting for me to fill her up. "Faith is going on a not-date with Max."
Her face morphed so quickly into a grinning expression. "I knew it!"
"How?" I raised a brow.
"They always looked so interested when the other is speaking, and besides, opposites attract." I just shook my head with a grin on my face.
"Come on, we need to get Aleah back home, Mariah left her with Faith." I started packing my things in my bag, Lyra following my lead. I gave her a hand and helped her get up.
"Did you get any ideas for your eyelash lyrics?" she asked once we started walking back.
"Yeah, I think I have some in my mind." I smiled.
I needed lyrics to show how beautiful the lashes that wrap around her eyes truly are; so, the world can worship them. Worship her. and I think I have them.
♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
Hello there!
Notice how this chapter is quite long? (at least it's double my usual chapters) It's because we are slowly, but surely, reaching the end of the story, the part I want to write the most, so my creative juices are flowing. Lyra and Apollo's relationship is slowly growing to a different path ;)
I will also be adding a music playlist soon so if you think you know a song that matches the book or its events or characters, make sure to Dm me or reply to this with a comment!
Most of the information I have on Romanticism and stoicism mentioned in this chapter is from oliSUNvia's video on Romanticism "everything wrong w/ "romanticize your life": eurocentrism, hedonism, unrealistic, etc." So, credits to her! I truly love her content <333
Love, Mariecurie023 Author of 'Under the jasmine tree'