There's so much crystal in this place that I'm afraid if I make one wrong move, the entire restaurant will shatter into a million pieces. White tablecloths adorn the round tables with large red flower arrangements as centerpieces. The chairs, too, are draped in white. I just hope there aren't any messy foods on the menu tonight.
Our group arrives at the party about twenty minutes before it's set to start. The restaurant is already packed with nearly a hundred people. My original belief of it being a close-knit gathering was incorrect.
We wander around the restaurant in search of our place cards. The building is swarming with unfamiliar faces. We have to squeeze passed guests who are busy standing and chatting with people at other tables.
Eventually, we come across an empty table and locate our names. We sit down in our assigned seats, and Gyeongtaek inspects who else will be joining us. He observes that Youngmi, Jaehwa, and Seoyun are sitting here too. Because of the crowd, we didn't notice that we have been placed at the head table.
No pressure though.
The closer it draws to eight o'clock, the more the tables fill up. The table directly beside us becomes the only one that's left empty. Being the nosy person I am, I walk over to it, sneaking a peek at the place cards to see if I would happen to know who will be sitting there.
The names are written in a small, cursive font. I'm not wearing my glasses, so I'm forced to pick up a place card. Squinting at it, I finally discern the name of one of our neighbors.
Kim Seokjin (BTS).
Boy, I hope there's another Kim Seokjin here who, by a whacky twist of fate, happens to be a part of a group called BTS.
But, of course, that's not how the world works, and the members enter the restaurant at 7:55. Every person stops what they are doing to bow to them as they walk by. I guess I'm accustomed to fan culture now or something because I was expecting loud cheers from the attendees. However, this is an upscale restaurant. It would be inappropriate if they hooted and hollered for the band.
The esteemed guests reciprocate the greetings, bowing respectively to attendees while they head to their table. Their eyes lock on me when they spot that our group is right next to their own. The boys' discomfort becomes evident. Their complexions run pale and a few of them nervously adjust their ties.
To avoid being the odd one out, I rise to my feet and bow to them. The others at my table shortly follow. The members return the formality before taking a seat in their chairs.
As I'm sitting down again, Misun grabs my hand and exclaims, "You didn't tell me BTS was gonna be here!"
I shrug. "You didn't ask."
Her expression drops in annoyance. "Seriously?"
"I mean, I work for them. So is it really a surprise?"
"Yes! A huge one!"
Gyeongtaek laughs. "Youngmi is the style director at Big Hit. She's been styling BTS since the beginning."
"They've been friends for years," Sungmin adds.
"I almost passed out when I saw them in concert," she imparts. "How am I gonna get through a dinner with them sitting right there?"
"Just pretend they're a nobody like us," I suggest.
"I can try, but no promises."
My phone then dings with a text. I remove my hand from Misun's in order to retrieve it from my clutch. The message was sent in the group chat for all the members to see.
Tae: Remember. No canoodling ;)
Since everyone is busy engaging in their own conversations, I glance over to their table and mouth an apology. Taehyung gives me the OK hand sign as a gesture of forgiveness. And while I may not be in trouble this time, from now on, I'm going to watch every move I make. I don't want them thinking anything nefarious is going on.
"Sorry I'm late, everyone," Seoyun utters. "But from the looks of it, the lovebirds are late too."
"Jae probably refused to let Youngmi do their hair and she had to chase them down to fix it," jests Gyeongtaek.
"The usual," he acknowledges.
Around 8:15 p.m., the couple makes their grand entrance. We clap for them, the guests hooting and hollering the way I thought they would for BTS. Maybe I was wrong and a restaurant's reputation has no merit when it comes to how you should act. Or, the more likely scenario, is that the attendees were too starstruck in the moment to cheer.
Jaehwa and Youngmi's fingers are intertwined as they strut down the aisle. When they arrive at our table, the pair bow deeply to their guests. A handsome waiter then hands Youngmi a mic.
"First," she begins in Korean, "I want to thank you all for coming to celebrate my and Jae's five-year anniversary!"
The crowd claps and cheers for the couple again. Although Youngmi's giving her speech entirely in Korean, I'm able to piece together known phrases and keep up with what she's saying relatively well. If I happen to miss anything, I'll just ask one of my friends for a translation afterward.
"I have a few exciting things to share with you before dinner is served," Youngmi continues. "Big Hit, the entertainment company Jae and I work for, has recently announced that they will be lifting the dating ban. That means our marriage can finally be recognized. Well, at Big Hit anyway. The Republic of Korea is still telling us no."
Guests laugh at her little joke. I laugh too, but on the inside, it saddens me. It's great that they can be open about their relationship now. Though in the nation's eyes, their marriage still isn't recognized, as Youngmi said. We can only wish that one day Korea views gay marriage the same way it does straight marriages.
Youngmi passes the mic to Jaehwa for them to speak. "I guess she's giving me the honor of announcing the special performance of the evening."
I have a strange feeling I know what's coming next.
"After dinner," Jaehwa carries on, "our amazingly talented friends, BTS, will be performing."
Again, the crowd goes wild. First, they get free food, and now, a free concert to go along with it. You practically won the lottery by being in attendance tonight.
"I'll quit talking because I'm sure you're all very hungry," Jaehwa chuckles. "I hope you enjoy your meals and, more importantly, the bottomless drinks. I know I will."
Youngmi shakes her head at them, giggling. The couple then sits down and they each order a drink. Once their glasses are filled with red wine, Youngmi takes a sip and turns her attention to me. "I'm sorry everything was in Korean. Could you understand okay?"
"I could!" I reply. "I impressed myself."
"Good!" she smiles. "You're actually the only foreigner here."
I chuckle. "Yeah, I noticed."
As we're waiting for dinner to be served to our table, Youngmi asks me if I will accompany her to the bathroom so she can check her makeup. I let Misun know I'll be right back, and I follow Youngmi to the women's room.
She pulls a compact out of her clutch before laying the bag on top of the counter. Youngmi presses the puff into the powder, but she doesn't apply it to her face. Instead, she looks at me in the mirror. "So that's the lucky person, huh?"
"Misun?"
She nods.
"Yeah, that's them," I mutter.
Finally, Youngmi pats the puff on the tip of her nose. "If I'm being honest, they weren't who I was expecting."
"Who did you expect?"
"The truth?"
This time, I nod, anxiously biting my bottom lip.
She places the puff back inside the compact and then turns around to lock eyes with me. "I was expecting you to show up with BTS."
"That's crazy," I feign a laugh. "Why would we come together? I'm not on the clock."
"Look, Audaire," she begins, treading lightly, "I know I said I'd mind my own business, but I consider you a good friend of Jae and I now and we just wanna know you. We want to know the real you."
I open my mouth to speak, yet nothing comes out.
Youngmi takes my hands in hers. "You can trust us."
"Okay," I breathe.
The time has come.
"I've been lying to you and Jae. I feel awful about it, and I never meant for it to go this far." Tears brim the corners of my eyes. "Misun and I taught English together at my old job. We were friends with benefits at the time. And when I asked her to be my girlfriend, she rejected me. We were at a BTS concert that night, and after it was over and she left, I ran into Yoongi by accident. I started hanging out with the members from then on." I dab my tears using my knuckle in an effort to not smudge the makeup I'd worked so hard on. Twice. "The rest is sorta history."
"You love them, don't you?"
Them.
She knows.
"So much."
"Then you should be here with the ones you love."
"We're not ready to tell the world yet. We haven't even told our parents."
"I'm not saying you have to tell the world today. But I think you should be spending the evening with them by your side."
"That'd be nice, wouldn't it?" I chuckle dryly. "I can't take the chance on someone snapping a picture though and selling it to Dispatch."
"Nobody invited tonight would do that," Youngmi imparts. "I know there are a lot of people here, but Jae and I just found out about the dating ban being lifted right before the party started. They wouldn't say anything, Audaire. I promise you."
"How do you trust a hundred people?" I wonder with a sad, forced giggle.
"We both come from big families," she replies. "Only a portion of the people here aren't family."
"That's a rarity in Korea."
"Who do you think is keeping the birth rates up?" Youngmi laughs.
I laugh too. Genuinely, this time.
"You're smiling," she points out. "I like seeing you smile."
"It's 'cause you're funny."
"Well, that's true," she agrees, dramatically flipping her hair. Youngmi then pulls a tissue out of her clutch and cleans up the mascara under my eyes. "In all seriousness, I think you have the prettiest smile. I'm sure you'd be smiling the whole night if you spent it with the members."
"I spend every night with them," I quip. "We live together."
"Ah, so that's why you never let me or Jae drive you home."
"Yeah," I confess. "I can't be with them this evening though. I can't abandon Misun. She'd probably feel super uncomfortable."
"She? Misun isn't non-binary?" Youngmi queries as she throws the Kleenex away.
"No. She was just pretending to be. It's fucked up, I know, but I used they/them pronouns when I told Jae I met the guys at a concert. They assumed the members were non-binary because of that and I went with it."
Speaking of the devil, I receive a text from them.
JK: Are you alright, Noona? You two have been gone a while.
I'm okay :)
Youngmi and I are just talking.
I have a question for you all though.
Jin: What's up?
Would you be mad if I told Youngmi about us?
Yoongi: I have a feeling you already did.
Technically, she guessed.
Joon: Did she already know or something?
I think so.
Jimin: I'm not mad, D.
Hobi: Yeah, none of us are. It's okay.
Tae: We're starting to tell our parents, right?
Tae: It's only natural to start telling our friends too.
"Are they wondering where we are?" asks Youngmi.
"Mhm," I hum.
She links her arm with mine. "Let's go before they get too worried."
***
"There you guys are," says Jaehwa. "Your food's getting cold."
Youngmi waves it off. "Oh, you know how we are. Once we start talking, we can't stop." She then raises her hand to get the attention of a waiter. "Jogiyo!"
A tall woman in a black vest and tie comes to her side. "Nae?"
She points to both our table and BTS', inquiring if we can combine the two. The server tells her we can and calls another waiter over for assistance. The woman asks the members if they could please stand so that they can put the tables together. They're a little confused at first, but agree anyway.
Misun leans in and whispers, "BTS is joining us?"
"Yeah," I respond. "Here, scoot closer to me so they have room."
"Fuck, I'm gonna faint," she imparts as she scooches her chair.
"Remember, tonight, they're nobodies."
"Nobodies," Misun repeats. "Right."
After the tables are combined, I switch seats with Misun so she isn't directly beside Jimin. I recall him being her bias and I really don't need her freaking out more than she already is.
"It's nice seeing you again, Audaire-ssi," Jimin smirks.
"As it is you, Mr. Park."
"This is how it should be," Youngmi comments abruptly. "Surrounded by the people you love most."
"And who loves you just as much," Jaehwa adds, kissing their wife's cheek. They then raise their glass for a toast. "To love, for years to come."
***
Following our large steak dinner and chocolate cake dessert, the members make their way to an empty area of the restaurant for their performance. The guests clap for the seven men, welcoming them as they set up.
"We want to dedicate this to Jae and Youngmi," Namjoon prefaces. "Their love for one another is so beautiful and so refreshing to see. We had long hoped for a relationship like theirs. One that brought us immense happiness the way it did them." A smile adorns his lips. "We were lucky enough to finally receive that gift." The leader then stares right at me. "Thank you for showing us what true love really is."
Though he's technically speaking to the couple, I know his words are meant for me.
Mikrokosmos begins to play, Jungkook's sweet voice soon filling the room. Youngmi immediately starts to tear up. Jaehwa reaches out to hold her hand in solace, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.
Not once do the members break eye contact with me throughout the duration of the song. My heart flutters with every note sung. Soft sobs escape me; however, this time, I'm crying for good, happy reasons. I'm no longer crying out of guilt.
Because tonight, we're living our truth.
The boys receive a standing ovation for their performance. It was well-deserved. Some guests were even wiping their tears away as they clapped. It appears that BTS has made an emotional impact on many people this evening—not just on me, Jaehwa, and Youngmi alone.
They bow as a thank you to the attendees. And afterward, when the members are talking to a waiter to order more drinks, Misun says to me, "It sounded like BTS were implying they're in a relationship."
Youngmi glances in my direction. I look at her too and she nods. I understand what she's trying to tell me. I then divulge to Misun, "They are in a relationship."
"Do you know who they're dating? Like, have you seen a girlfriend or anything around?"
"I see her every day," I giggle.
"Oh, my god!" she squeals. "I bet she's super pretty!"
"She's stunning," Youngmi chimes in, shooting me a wink.
"Oh, my god," Misun states again, yet without the enthusiasm. Her lips part as she gazes into my soul. "It's you."
"Yeah," I mutter. "It's me."
"You made the rapper thing up then."
"Yes. But it was only to protect them."
"You didn't have to lie to me, Audaire. I would've kept your secret."
"Audaire wanted to tell you," Sungmin interjects, "but the company wouldn't let her."
When he peers behind us, I realize the members are standing there. I then get to my feet and throw my arms around Namjoon. In the moment, I wasn't entirely sure why I did it. Perhaps, though, the answer was quite simple—I was overwhelmed. With everything.
My lies. Their confession. The song.
All of it.
My face is buried in his chest and I can feel everyone's eyes on me. But I don't allow myself to cry. I hold it in. I think my action was dramatic enough.
A hand is placed on my shoulder. I remove myself from Namjoon's comforting embrace and turn around. Misun now stands in front of me with an apologetic countenance. "Audaire..."
"I'm sorry I put you through this tonight."
She shakes her head. "No. I understand why you did."
"But I wasn't being fair to you," I articulate. "I did a horrible thing."
"Please don't blame yourself," she entreats. "You couldn't tell me and I get it. They're the biggest boy band in the world. I'm a fan who's happy because they're happy. But I know not everyone will think the same as me. You need to protect yourself, and you need to protect them and their careers."
"Thank you, Misun."
"I'll keep your secret. I promise."
I flash her a smile and then face Jaehwa and Youngmi. "I'm sorry to you two as well. I hope I didn't ruin your special evening."
"Are you kidding?" Jaehwa scoffs jokingly. "It was dinner, a show, and an encore all in one night."
"If that's what you wanna call it," I laugh. "I would hate for you to end the night on such a sour note though."
"Then let's liven things up again, shall we?" Youngmi smirks. Instead of getting the mic, she just yells out to the guests. "Hey, everyone! How 'bout some dancing? There's a club just a few doors down!"
***
I spend a few hours at the club dancing and drinking with my favorite people. Afterward, Sungmin drops Misun off at her apartment, and then he and Gyeongtaek take me home. The members are waiting up for me when I enter the house.
"Young men, why aren't you in bed yet?" I jest, my hand on my hip.
"Oorineun neo bogo siposseo," Taehyung chuckles. "Babo."
I giggle. "Jinjjayo?"
"Mm," he nods.
"Jigeum hangukmal hago sipeo?" asks Yoongi.
"Aniyo," I shake my head firmly. "English, please. Korean makes me tired."
"No, English is exhausting," states Seokjin. "We only speak it because we love you."
"Well, since I love you too, I'll try to use Korean more so you're comfortable."
"You better study then," he chides.
"Okay, dad," I tease. "You can give me a Korean lesson soon if you want to."
"Appa," he corrects me. "Aigooo. We have a lot of work to do."
"Alright, that's enough," Namjoon laughs. "How are you feeling, D?"
"I'm okay, I think," I reply. "It was just a long night."
"I hope we didn't upset you with the surprise performance," he mentions. "I hope my speech didn't upset you either. It was off the cuff, so I wasn't able to tell you first."
"I thought your speech was excellent, Joon. It came from the heart. And yeah, I didn't expect the performance, but I thought it was great too."
"If word happens to get out to the public because of Namjoon's speech," Hoseok begins, "will you be mad?"
"Not at all," I vow. "Youngmi told me no one there would say anything, but if they do...it's alright."
I believe I'm finally in the position to accept the possible scenario. If it happens, it happens; I'm okay with it. And if it doesn't, that's okay too. As long as I have the boys by my side, there's nothing to fear.
"I just want to be done with the lies," I carry on. "They've been eating away at me."
"I can imagine," says Taehyung. "You're not used to keeping your personal life so private. But we are. People don't see what we do behind the camera unless we choose to post about it or the media does without our consent."
"Does it ever bother you? Having to be so secretive all the time?"
"In the beginning it was tough," Jimin discloses. "But like Taehyungie said, we're used to it now."
"I wish you guys could do whatever you wanted without an article coming out and making a big deal of it."
"I think even when the day comes that we stop performing, we'll still be a headline every week."
Jungkook agrees with him. "It will never end."
"That's terrible," I affirm. "It shouldn't be that way. You deserve to go about your lives normally like everyone else."
"We chose this lifestyle though."
"But you didn't choose to be under the microscope."
Namjoon pats the spot next to him on the sofa for me to sit down. He then slings his arm over my shoulder. "This isn't something we want you to be concerned about. It's our burden to deal with. So please, don't let it cause you stress."
"Your burdens are my burdens too. You shouldn't go through them alone."
He presses a kiss to my temple. "We appreciate you for that. We just can't bear to see you hurting because of an idol-world issue."
"Will you come to me with idol-world issues if they're bothering you?" I entreat. "I'll listen so you don't have to carry the weight of them on your own."
"Of course," he pledges.
"Good," I sigh in contentment. "I'm gonna hop in the shower. I feel gross."
"From clubbing?"
"Not entirely."
"What else is it, Noona?" Jungkook inquires.
"Honestly," I commence, "I felt like I was cheating on you guys with Misun tonight." I start to pick at the skin around my nail. "It makes me feel grosser than the clubbing sweat."
Namjoon places his hand on top of mine to prevent me from picking any further. He chuckles at my little joke. "Honey, you didn't cheat. We were in on the whole plan."
"Plus, when we weren't with you, Sungmin hyung was," says Yoongi. "He would've scolded you first and then told us if you had."
"Exactly," Hoseok chips in. "And we know you'd never cheat, D. Especially after..." His words trail off, not wanting to finish his sentence.
I finish it for him. "My dad?"
His lips pull into a line as he nods.
"Yeah," I acknowledge, my tone quiet. "He's the reason I'm terrified of cheating."
"You cheating or being cheated on?"
"Both."
"We know you'd never cheat," Hoseok restates his earlier remark, guaranteeing that it's ingrained in my mind.
"I fear it's partially my fault too that you worry so much about cheating," Yoongi divulges, gazing down at the floor.
"No," I firmly respond. "We've been over this. I forgave you a long time ago."
"How though? How were you able to forgive me?" he wonders. "I still haven't forgiven myself."
"I was really angry when I found out. I had promised myself I would never stay with a cheater. But the way you spoke about Hobi made me throw that promise out the window. I heard and felt how deeply you loved him." I begin to play with the hem of my dress. "My father didn't love Mandy the way you love Hoseok. I guess he just got...bored with my mom. I think it was only after the divorce that he started to actually love Mandy. Probably because she's all he had left. A lot of people cut him off when they found out about his affair. Rightfully so," I laugh dryly. "Anyway, I knew I couldn't stop you from loving Hobi. I didn't want to stop you. I'd hate myself for the rest of my life if I was the one who had prevented you from loving him."
Yoongi leans forward, positioning his elbows on his knees. "Can I ask why you kissed me after I told you what I did? Because if I were you, I would've killed me."
"Oh, believe me. I wanted to," I reveal. "I'm not completely sure why I did either. Maybe I just needed you in that moment—needed to know you were still there and wanted me like you wanted him."
"Of course I wanted you, D. I couldn't endure the thought of losing you. Even now I can't."
"I'm sorry for the pain we caused," Hoseok suddenly conveys. "I was the one who told him not to say anything."
"Hobi, I forgave you a long time ago too," I maintain. "I don't hold a grudge against the two of you."
"Look," Seokjin interposes, "we all have regrets; there are things in life we cannot change. But we have to acknowledge those mistakes, mend what was broken, and move on."
"What they did was wrong. I'm not denying it in the slightest. Although if it weren't for that night in LA, would we all be together now?" Jungkook adds.
Hoseok chuckles. "That's what I said to Yoongi hyung when we were arguing at the lake."
"Well, you were right," I assert. "Everything turned out okay."
"Are you okay though?" he queries. "That's what matters most to me."
I nod. "I'm happy with the way things ended up."
"Me too," Taehyung utters. "I can't imagine my life without all of you."
[AN] So they discussed the whole cheating incident again. Should this have been the time for Yoongi and Hobi to confess everything they had done in LA? Or do you believe the two of them should continue to keep it on the down-low and move on like Jin said? Tell me what you think!
Translations:
우리는 너 보고 싶었어 (Oorineun neo bogo siposseo): We wanted to see you (can also be translated as "we missed you").
바보 (babo): silly( in this case), but it has additional meanings such as stupid, fool, dummy, etc.
지금 한국말 하고 싶어 (Jigeum hangukmal hago sipeo)?: Do you want to speak in Korean now?