Jack is standing the doorway to the family room surveying the sight in front of him.
I'm on the sofa, with dried baby puke on my shoulder, still in my pyjamas.
Esme is, as standard screaming and Mia is naked and covered in calamine lotion. There's also a big pink puddle of it on the rug, next to the hardened dry mess of weetabix that Mia demanded she wanted then cried as soon as I gave it to her, because she actually wanted readybrek, but didn't know what it was called, and it ended up on the floor. That was an hour ago and let's not even start with why I gave her breakfast food at 3pm.
It's 4.30pm Jack is standing there in his champions league training gear, hand on his head. "Right, wot d'ya need me to do first?"
I look down at a red faced Esme "she needs feeding, she's been fussing all day, but she won't latch properly while Mia is being so distracting and clingy and -"
" - ok, so take her in the other room then an' I'll deal with Mia moo and tidy in 'ere" he falls to his knees with his arms out and Mia runs straight to him, her little hands rubbing over her spotty belly.
"Nah moo don' scratch come here baby" he hugs her as she wraps her arms around his neck.
"It's so scratchy daddy!" She wails.
"I know baby, I remember havin' chicken pox when I was little, me uncle Kev and auntie Kie all had at the same time, do ya wanna come have a bath to make it feel betta?"
"The big bath?" She means our big double bath, a luxury I never knew we needed until we had it.
"Yeah" he grins
"With daddy too?"
He's clearly showered at training, but kisses her head "yeah if ya want, you want the bath paints?"
"Yay yay yay!!! Bath paints! Mamma daddy said we can use the bath paints!!" She's jumping up and down, like he's just offered to take her the zoo, not just a bath.
"But first, Mia listen to daddy" he talks firmly looking her in the eye getting her attention back.
"Mommy's gonna go in the other room to feed Esme an' I'm gonna go and make mommy a cup of tea, ok?" Mia nods solemnly.
"And while I'm in the kitchen I need you to put all your toys back in the toybox ok? And then me an' you will go and play in the bath with ya bath paints"
She pouts slightly.
Mia suddenly looks horrified.
"I can't clear that up daddy it's yucky!!" She points to the Weetabix and lotion mess on the floor.
"No, I don't mean that, just put your toys in the toy box ok?"
She nods and turns to her toys.
Jack stands holding out a hand to me "right you two, go in the lounge an' I'll bring you a cuppa" he says hauling my fat arse up off the sofa.
"Thank you, how was training?" I'm trying so hard to make more effort.
He smiles.
It feels like we are almost us again since Sunday night and I know that's dumb, because it isn't just about sex. But it's like we've re-aligned and I'm determined to not be such a mean, mouthy little bitch to him.
"It was good, really good. Lemme get ya tea an' I'll talk to ya"
He brings me the promised cup of tea, which honestly feels like the holy grail to me right now. He perches on the footstool in front of me placing my tea down along with a sandwich he's quickly made from left over tuna mayo in the fridge "figured ya wouldn't have eaten much...."
"No I haven't, thank you"
I answer quietly and look to a peaceful Esme who has finally latched properly, hoping it will remind Jack to lower his voice too.
It works, because when he next speaks it's soft.
"Mia's tidied, she's glued to Bluey so I'll give her a minute" he watches Esme at my breast, her eyes finally fluttering to a contented sleep.
"Training was good, I'm probably not playin' tomorrow but I'm likely for Saturday" with so many important games close together, Pep had basically split the team up into FA cup and league games, and Champions league teams. Jack seemed to be on the FA cup and league team.
"We're leaving at eleven tomorrow, so I'll hafta leave here at ten, sorry bab"
Oh, I thought it would be a lot later.
"Can't be helped" I try to hide my disappointment.
"Chels, listen bab" he licks his lips and scratches the side of his face. "I rang me mom while I was in the kitchen"
oh here we go, of course he fucking did.
He ignores my face that must show my annoyance and continues.
"She's happy to come up 'ere tomorrow an' stay until either I'm back or ya all go to wembley, chicken pox situation depending" he rubs my leg.
"She said she'll bring Hollie, y'know Hols' will keep Mia busy, it'll stop her bloody scratching" he half smiles.
I'm not smiling.
"You don't think I can cope?" I say loud enough to startle Esme.
He frowns "nah! I know you can cope, I'm just very aware that ya still a bit sore, ya still a couple of weeks from bein' totally back to yaself and all healed, an' Esme is all colicky an' on top of that Mia's got fuckin' chicken pox"
My brain doesn't fully engage and I snap "I can manage Jack, I'm not the first mother of two to have a toddler with chicken pox!"
He rolls his eyes.
"Bab ya sez as soon as I got in ya hadn't been able to get Esme to feed properly because Mia's bein' loud, there's Weetabix and that pink shit all ova the floor, an' ya hadn't eaten, ya've not even got dressed! I'm worried how ya gonna manage with me gone for 3 nights!"
His eyes are wide and his jaw clenched.
"Exactly, you think I can't cope!"
He stands, shaking his head, his hair falling around his face.
"Oh just fuck off Jack, give Mia the bath you promised" I spit.
He turns and starts to leave the room without another word.
"Jack?" I call as he reaches the door.
He turns, his face blank. But I know he's totally pissed off and exasperated with me.
"Clean up the fucking bath paints if you use them!"
"Ah get fucked Chels, I'm tryna help ya! Do it on ya own! But don't call me when ya cryin' an' shut in the bathroom cos ya dunno wot to deal with first again an' expect me to leave training early an' run home to ya!" He's actually furious with me.
But that was a low blow, bringing up the one time I called the CFA reception in floods of hysteric tears, begging them to get a message to Jack to come home as soon as possible. He rushed home thinking someone was hurt, or ill, yet by the time he got in, I'd recovered from the panic and actually had both girls napping. I can't even recall now what the actual issue had been. But it had felt big at the time....
He disapears down the hall and obviously I start to fucking cry at how pathetic and useless I am.