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WARNING: MENTIONS OF SWERCIDE!
𝐎𝐦𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭
𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐠𝐨 𝐈𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐢𝐬
𝐉𝐚𝐧𝐮𝐚𝐫𝐲 7, 2021
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Dayvon sat in his living room with smoke lingering around his apartment.
His head was leant back on the couch as he looked at his ceiling, for the past few days he's been thinking about his actions and the way that they affected the females who decided to deal with him.
Was he sorry? No.
He was unable to feel remorse and as much as he hates to blame it on his mental health, that was the problem.
He had NPD; Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Instead of thinking emotionally he thinks logically, Narcissists are unable to feel remorse.
Can they? Yes
But as soon as they do they automatically reverse the blame back onto the victim.
I wouldn't have done that if they wouldn't have gave me that power over them.
The thing about a Narcissist is that they can genuinely like someone, like genuinely like them.
But there's a light switch in their heads, when it's on? you're the only person in the world to them.
They show you Love, Compassion and do everything that you ask for.
The scary thing about that is, they mimic you.
They take your good characteristics and everything you describe as an ideal boyfriend or girlfriend and give you that.
It hooks you in.
And after you're hooked? then they'll show you the real them.
They'll make you feel as if you have to give them all of you just to get a piece of them.
Once the light switch cut off they're done with the image of you and become bored of you.
Scary right?
It's uncontrollable for them in a way but they can get help for it.
Was he aware of his behavior? Fully aware.
He just couldn't find it in him to take the blame or feel sorry for the things that he made them do.
But deep down he did feel remorse for Saija.
She was the one that he at least tried for.
But it was too much for one person to handle.
She was so beautiful to him— to a lot of people, she was a soft spoken but loud gentle human who wanted nothing but the best for people.
The way she cared for people was something you would depend on your mother for; She was home to him.
When they met he was in his prime mentally breaking any and every woman who thought they could handle him.
And she just so happened to catch his eye.
Tragically.
Her brown skin shined in the summer heat and and her white teeth was on display to show her happiness, her hair was down that day.
Her natural healthy hair rested against her shoulders with her baby hair slicked making the hairstyle shape her small chubby face.
Her figure wasn't too thick but she wasn't skinny, her stomach had a small pudge but it was cute; he loved how she was shaped it was perfect for him.
She always smelled like baked goods like cookies or strawberry shortcake.
Not everybody knew her but once they did they fell in love with her warm personality.
He couldn't help but think of that day.
Hearing humming coming from the kitchen Dayvon slowly got up from the shared bed of his and Saija's room and stretched sighing in relief.
"Feeling insecure, Claiming that you ain't doing enough claiming that they need more. " He heard her soft voice sing along to Summer Walkers new album that had just came out yesterday.
Yes she did memorized the whole album because it was just that good.
"Want you on your last breath, Your last sweat, Your last dime. Outta your fucking mind, can't you see i'm fucking trying?" She swayed cleaning up as she went through the process of cooking breakfast.
She was always the type to make a big breakfast because she was raised into a big family.
She also knew that Dayvon's friends would be over in a little while so they could get them something to eat as well.
See? always caring for others.
That would be her demise.
Von smiled at her small figure dancing along to the music as she bounced around the kitchen.
"Who hurt you?"He said finally making his presence known wrapping his arms around her waist.
"You." She playfully rebutted.
"Can we talk about what happened yesterday?" Von sighed taking a step back from his current interest.
"What bro? We was just having a good day." He dragged his tatted hands down his face in frustration.
He couldn't understand why she would start an argument that he thought was done yesterday.
But in reality it wasn't which is a habit of a Narcissist.
"I know but you said that you didn't love me?" Her country accent shown through.
"I don't." He nonchalantly admitted.
Sadly he was discarding her and placing her in the basket with the rest of the women he used.
This was his game.
Girl meets boy, Boy's perfect man.
Tricks them into hitting licks with him using them as a decoy so it makes the lick easier.
Sometimes he uses the girls to rob niggas but Saija was different.
It was hard for him to discard her and that made him angry a lot of times.
Because he never could figure out the reason why he couldn't.
"Von you said you did not even a week ago, i'm confused." She sighed turning off the stovetop leaning against the counter.
The downfall of Saija was that she had bad abandonment issues and she was easily manipulated.
Von could easily make her cry and he loved it because it fed his ego.
The downfall of her character fed his ego.
"That was then, this is now and i'm telling you I don't love you." He chuckled walking to the fridge.
"You can leave i'm not holding you back." He lied knowing he was going to keep tabs on the girl and flaunt his new relationships in her face or on her feed since they knew mutual people.
"I can't do this anymore." She whispered to herself.
"Then leave! The fuck? Ain't nobody holding you hostage!" He shouted becoming angry.
Not knowing he was feeding in her urges.
Before they met Saija was recovering from Suicidal thoughts.
Just because she was raised in a big family it never stops a person from being broken.
But she fixed herself and blossomed into her own person.
Before she met Von.
"Von. Stop. Please." She begged lowly feeling her heartbeat pick up from the thought of loosing somebody.
Being alone was one of her worst fears.
"No! Get the fuck out Saija!" He knew what he was doing and he felt good while doing it.
Only in the future did he hate himself for what he did.
He knew how much she hated being alone and how bad her abandonment issues was.
But his lack of empathy didn't let him care for the tears running down her face.
I'm fact he loved it.
He held in his laughs watching the girl grab her keys and medication heading out as fast as she could.
She had Depression, she took antidepressants and he knew.
It was because of him that she even had to take them.
—
Saija sat in the parking lot of the shared apartment of her and Von.
She fiddled with the pill bottle tossing it from one hand to the other staring at nothing in particular as Love on the brain by Rhianna.
Pouring as much as her hand could fit she looked down at the amount of pills she held debating with her inner voice.
It keeps curing my name
Not matter what I do
I'm no good without you
And I can't get enough
Must be love on the.. Brain
—
Von woke up the next morning feeling something off , looking around the room he smacked his teeth at the absence of Saija.
Yeah they had an argument but usually she came back that same night and everything would be okay.
Picking up his phone he looked at the message Saija sent at 1:11am.
Saija❤️
i forgive you.
Read 1:11pm
He shook his head calling the girl frowning his face up at the continued ringing in his ear, usually she picked up at the first ring.
He looked out the window smacking his teeth at her car sitting in the parking lot, car running.
He jogged out the house and to her car.
For some reason he felt the need to rush.
He knocked on the window seeing the girl slumped over in her drivers seat.
This girl done fell asleep inna car.
Getting the door open with his spare car key she gave him for emergencies he gently nudged her arm.
He paused at the temperature of her body, she was cold.
It was summer in Chicago.
"Saija." He shook her body he huffed at the unresponsive girl.
"Saija man quit playing get up!" He shouted.
He glanced at the opened pill bottle in the cup holder, he picked fhe bottle up and seen that majority of the pills was gone which was weird because she had them refilled yesterday.
"Bro! Saija?!" He quickly got her out of the car and placed her in his lap sitting on the pavement.
Putting his fingers down her throat he tried to make her throw the pills back up but she was still unresponsive.
"Somebody help! Please bro!" He cried aggressively wiping his tears trying his best to wake her up.
"I'm sorry Saija! please wake up! Saija!" His next door neighbors and those around him tried helping and called the ambulance.
But it was no use.
She was gone.
So Von spent another afternoon in his livingroom reliving that day over and over again.
Still living in the same apartment.
—
So! y'all said y'all wanted to know who she was!
NPD is a rare ass diagnosis I got half of my knowledge from books and this man who has it on youtube.
How was this chapter?
this was different for me the writing style i'm not used to writing such sad things but i kinda like it.