Emmanuelle
My whole body was in turmoil. Dimitri left me wanting, no— needy for more. Yet, soon after an intense feeling of regret mixed with guilt washed over me. Spending time with him and being so close to him had let me lose sight of why I was back in Seattle in the first place.
The roaring sound coming from my stomach snapped me out of my thoughts. I was hungry, but at the same time I felt so damn tired. I knew Dom would come looking for me once he reached home which is why I tried to avoid falling asleep.
But it was so hard to stay awake that I kept falling asleep and waking up. In my mind only a few minutes had gone by until I checked my phone and saw the time.
I got out of bed and sprinted to the bathroom, anxious that someone would walk into the room. I once again stood in front of the mirror where I was having a conversation about this very situation with myself just a day prior to this one.
I splashed water onto my face and pushed my hair back, wetting it. Then I stepped into the shower to get rid of the stickiness between my legs. Touching myself caused flashes of Dimitri to cross my mind, I hated it.
I hated it, because I knew I had to get rid of the sexual excitement that he brought me in order to stop my imagination from running as wild as it was; a game that was far too dangerous to take part in, considering that I only had about three days left before I would leave again.
I quickly changed into more comfortable clothes and headed downstairs, hoping that Marissa and Dom were already home. The place was quiet, too quiet for Dom to be home or so I thought until I found the three of them in the backyard. Dom and Dimitri were in the pool whilst Marissa sat on one of the pool chairs, reading a magazine and snacking on macarons.
As soon as she noticed me, she put the magazine down, "Hope it's okay that Dom's in the pool, he really wanted to swim." She carefully said.
"As long as he's safe."
"Of course, were you able to rest? Mattia told me you guys had a busy morning."
"Yeah. It was— quite busy." I gulped.
"Mummy," Dom who was in Dimitri's arms called out to me which made Dimitri swim to the side of the pool. He lifted Dom out of the water, who then ran towards me.
"Aren't you cold?"
He shook his head, even though he was shivering.
"Okay, come on. You're shivering." I walked him to Marissa who held out a towel ready for him. "Did you have fun today?"
"Yes." He spoke with a mouthful of the sweet cookie since he had shoved it into his mouth all at once. "I played games. And— and there was this other boy."
"Did you play together?" His storytelling put a smile on my face.
"Uhhu." He answered, leaving his story with an abrupt ending as his attention was now solely focused on the colorful cookies.
I took one for myself and as I bit into it, I noticed Dimitri get out of the pool. I watched him from the corner of my eye, discretely and cautiously. He looked like he was sculpted, not to perfection but definitely damn near it. This man had a certain hold on me that made me blush like a teenager.
"How are you feeling?" He stopped in front of us, his words directed at me.
"I'm alright."
"Hungry? You haven't eaten anything all day." He licked his lips in a seductive manner. Especially when he tried to hold back a naughty smile.
"You kept her busy all day and did not get her anything to eat?" Marissa looked up from the article she was reading. "I'll see what we have in the fridge." She put the magazine down, side-eyeing him as she walked past him.
Meanwhile, I was still stuck on Dimitri's observation. However, I decided to ignore it.
"Let's get you into warm clothes. You're shivering." I turned towards Dom.
"It's not cold." He shook his head, innocently.
"Okay, big guy. Come on." I held my hand out to him. I was standing with my back towards Dimitri, but I could feel his eyes burn into my skin. Surprisingly, Dom did not throw a fit about cutting his swimming time short. He grabbed my hand after taking two more macarons to go.
He was yawning all the way to the room, but once again dismissively shook his head when I asked him if he was tired. He ate his last cookie whilst he climbed into bed and as soon as his head hit the pillow, he dozed off which happened within the two seconds that I was busy gathering him a fresh set of clothes.
I still changed him out of his wet clothes and then let him stay down for a quick nap. Afterwards I ran back downstairs to the kitchen in search for food.
There, Marissa was cutting up cucumbers and tomatoes. Dimitri on the other hand was mixing something in a bowl. I stood unnoticed in the door opening for a while, totally bewildered.
How was it that these two people who refused to do anything themselves were suddenly capable of preparing a meal?
"What are we making?"
"A salad with everything that can be used to make a salad." Marissa motioned towards the different items in front of her. "Which is also just everything we have right now."
"Hhmm. And we've made this before?" My eyebrows hugged out of curiosity.
"First time for everything."
"I appreciate the effort." I climbed into the stool, watching them in their habitat— it was not a natural one for them and it sure as heck was laughable seeing them struggle to do the simplest things.
"Oh, I have to do the taste test?" I looked at the finish product that was placed in front of me. Both stood patiently waiting for my reaction. It was like an episode of a cooking show, and I was the judge. I took a small bite which was not as bad as I feared that it would be. "Good for a first time." I announced with a small smile.
Their reaction was priceless and for some reason this affected my initial reaction.
"Wait, what's wrong?" Marissa asked when she noticed the sudden change in the way I looked at them.
"Nothing. The food is fine." I moved a piece of tomato with my fork.
"But?"
"Just a thought that crossed my mind." I replied, unable to shake the feeling off.
"One you would like to share?" She leaned forward, taking a bite from the food.
"This— all of this. You spending time with Dom, you guys working together on this. It's nice and I appreciate it. I just wondered how different things would've been if we had put this much effort in getting along from the start." I gulped.
Marissa froze, evidently deeply affected by my thoughts. Dimitri on the other hand looked worried, first he looked at Marissa after that his eyes met mine.
"I—" Her lips parted. "I know that a lot has happened," Her voice became small.
"I'm not looking for an explanation,"
"I'm sorry,"
"I'm not looking for an apology, either. Marissa, really. It's fine."
Perhaps, cutting her off from finishing whatever she wanted to say was a bigger mistake than sharing my thoughts in the first place since doing this caused an emotional reaction within her. She silently walked away right as I wanted to continue speaking.
"Marissa," I called out to her, sadly with no luck of her stopping or turning around. I sat back down, realizing that I had just spoiled a moment that was going so well.
A moment I should have been grateful for, because we did not have a lot of good ones to talk about. Dimitri stood still, watching everything happen in silence. "Are you going to tell me how wrong that was?" I could feel his judgement.
He shook his head, "You're entitled to your feelings, Emmanuelle. So, no."
"Right." I scoffed.
"I'm serious. I'm all for pretending like this is some great reunion and I understand that it isn't," He moved closer towards me. "But whether you decide to stay longer or leave at the end of the week, it doesn't hurt to try and make the most of it. Besides, nothing that we do or say could change the past. Nothing is going to bring Marco back or— fix the way Marissa treated you." He paused for a moment. "If there was a way to change the past then you would've been here with us—" he gulped. "You would've been here with me for the last five years. Both of you."
Within a blink of the eye, I was sitting alone. I did not try to stop Dimitri like I did with Marissa. Maybe because I knew that I could not continue the conversation, not after what he said.
In need of someone to talk to, someone I trusted and could always confide in, I went to go see Tia. Lorna was just about to head out when I walked in. Apparently, she had to run a personal errand but was planning on coming back as soon as she was done. I waited until she left before I sat down next to Tia.
Her eyes were closed, and I knew she would not talk back to me. I did not do much talking either, but the warm, motherly feeling that I had missed during the years that we spent apart made its return when I took her hand in mine. I felt a little squeeze that did not last long but was enough to start my waterworks.
When it was dinner time, Lorna, Marissa, Dom and I gathered around the dinner table. Dimitri was absent and though I wanted to ask where he was, I read the room and did not. Marissa forced herself to act fine, however I could still tell that something bothered her.
The many empty chairs reminded me of how many people we had lost. And the one Tia sat in reminded me that we were losing her as well. Christoph joined us later on whilst Emillio was also absent since he was still out of town.
"Can you drive me home after you drop Lorna off?" Marissa asked Christoph.
"Aren't you staying over tonight?"
"No, I have an early morning tomorrow and I left my work stuff at home. But I'll come by tomorrow."
Hearing her refer to a place other than the house she had lived in her entire life as her home felt unnatural to me.
"Okay. Is Dimitri home?" I finally asked when the idea of being home alone with Dom and Tia came up in me.
"I think he's in his room. I'm not sure."
After cleaning up and making sure the kitchen was tidy, the three of them were ready to leave.
"Tell Mattia, Alma already took this," Lorna handed me a bottle of pills. "This one. Two of it, maybe in an hour, almost two— okay?" She handed me another, smaller bottle of tinier pills.
I nodded, walked them out and waved them goodbye with Dom on my hip. "What do you want to do?" I asked once we were alone.
He shrugged his shoulders.
"Okay, let's go upstairs." I sighed, looking at the huge, empty inside of the house.
Dom and I got cozy on the couch, watching a children's movie. Halfway through the movie he fell asleep, and I transferred him into bed. After changing into my pajamas and doing my routine which consists off brushing my hair, teeth and following some steps of my skincare routine, I also slipped into bed. Only, to stare at the high ceiling since my overthinking kept me awake.
Acting on an impulse, I got out of bed and my feet moved into the direction of Dimitri's bedroom. I knocked on his door which he answered in his towel and though I would normally be gawking my eyes out, I could not this time. Before he got the chance to say anything, my arms wrapped around his torso.
At first, he hesitated to hug me back but within a few seconds I felt his arms hold me, providing me with the comfort and peace my soul was in need off.