note: hindi ko rin alam kung ano 'to. gusto ko lang naman ng fluff kaso parang ayaw ni lord so ito yung kinalabasan. pasensya na kayo mga, mhie.
p.s yung timeline ko ay messy, wala na po tayong time mag research. wala na po tayong ibubuga. sorry na. emz. :)
pss. medyo mahaba, medyo walang kwenta. :)
2013
Back then when she first entered the congress, wala siya masyadong kilala. Baguhan ika nga. She knew a few people by name but in a sense, wala talaga siyang kilala. However, she remembers watching her one time. She was fascinated, to say the least. Unlike her, she knew a lot of people. She remembers watching her jumping from one group to the other. She wasn't loud, unlike some of the politicians she was able to talk with. She seems soft and yet there was this air of defiance and fierceness in her, kaya rin siguro nakuha nito ang atensyon niya. Added bonus na rin siguro yung ang ganda ganda niyang tatawa o kaya ngingiti.
She remembers being roped in one of their group conversations, wala rin siya masyadong kakilala sa grupong 'yon yet she stayed. She stayed because again, she was there. She really wasn't paying attention to what was being said, rather she was busy watching her. She watches as she nods emphatically, kitang-kita mo talagang nakikinig siya. Watches as she laughs at a joke, or smile at a colleague. A few times people would approach them, just to greet her. It also didn't escape her attention that oftentimes it was a colleague of theirs trying to "catch" her attention. Even then, nakakatawa siya panoorin since she can tell how hard she was trying not to roll her eyes as she politely brushes them off.
One politician approached her, inadvertently cutting off one of their kabaros from speaking. The obnoxious politician greeted her to which she responded with a polite smile. The man pushed his luck by trying to extend it to a beso but Risa wasn't having it. Instead, she forcefully shook hands with him. The man was stunned at the obvious refusal, looking slightly embarrassed and pissed. She couldn't help but let out a chuckle at that which of course, caught the attention of everyone. Including the guy in question. She disguised it as a cough then. The man excused himself but not before giving her and Risa a glare.
She looked at her and saw that she was biting her lip to stop herself from laughing. When their eyes met, they lost it and started laughing out loud. They became fast friends since then.
She didn't stop though. Still, she would watch her. They don't see each other a lot but whenever she'd get the opportunity, she would track her with her eyes. Glance at her every now and then.
Watching her quickly became a hobby of hers. Fascinating naman kasi talaga. She sees it as one strong and independent woman admiring another or at least that's what she thought back then.
2016-2018
She didn't see it coming, her running for the second-highest position in the country. It was sudden and unexpected. Maging siya nagulat when they asked her to be Sen. Roxas' running mate. It wasn't an easy decision to make, especially since she has her tres marias to consider, but eventually, they saw that it was for the greater good. For the people, for their Papa and so, here they are now in the middle of a campaign season.
She wasn't used to these things -- sorties, rallies, and speaking engagements. Not that she wasn't exposed to it. May experience naman siya, what with her late husband being a mayor. However, it wasn't this big. Local election is one thing, but national? It was a completely different beast. Pakiramdam niya lalamunin siya ng lupa. It didn't help that she was running against those with big names already. It was mortifying. Sometimes she couldn't help but doubt herself. She has no funds, and can barely even fill the venues they go to. Nakakapagod, minsan nakakawala ng pag-asa, but then she would see her. Clapping along the sidelines, cheering for her.
Besides her tres marias, she has her. During the 90-day campaign period, she would often look forward to sorties/events where all of them were in attendance. At first, she thought it was because it meant she wouldn't be alone, but later on, she realized it was because of her. Because it meant, she'd get to spend time with her.
During the campaign period, they became closer. Usually, they would find themselves seated beside each other, talking about anything and everything. Madalas nga hindi na sila nakikinig sa program. Besides being smart, she quickly realized they have a lot in common lalo na pagdating sa personal na buhay. From talking about politics and current events, their conversations shifted to their favorite books, the music they listen to, hobbies, their adventures as solo parents, and eventually what their kids were up to.
It was also during this campaign that their kids got to know each other. Their panganays got along immediately, both serious about their role as the eldest of the family. Tricia, Issa, and Ianna formed a group of their own while Jillian and Sinta bonded over bands and their love for Math and Science. It was nice seeing them, an extended family of sorts. She felt like her tres marias needed it and she was glad that they found it in Risa and her kids.
Throughout the campaign, their bond became tighter. Mas naging close talaga sila, sila at pati na rin yung mga bata. Their kids even called them, Tita VP and Tita Sen. It was something they coined, telling them that it was their way of "manifesting" their wins.
When they flew to Hongkong, they decided to share a room. After all, they were friends. The trip to Hongkong gave them a breather. Despite it being a formal engagement, it still gave them the time to take a break from the rigorous campaigning they were doing. Iba rin kasi talaga ang pangangampanya sa Manila, sa Pilipinas.
On their last day, they decided to go out. The whole team, together with their staff. It was a small group. After dinner, they went to a bar nearby and got seated in a secluded area. The whole night, they were seated together.
She quickly found out that she likes beer and that she's extra affectionate when she's drunk or as she would like to say, "tipsy lang". The whole night, she nursed a bottle of her own while she was already in her third bottle. They were a little bit loud that night, a lot looser than they would normally behave. Maiingay at puro kalokohan as they exchange stories about colleagues and their experiences in politics.
She was listening to one of Sen. Mar's stories when she felt her head resting on her shoulder. She looked at her and sure enough, nakahilig na nga ito sa kanya, flushed and smiling widely. Hala sige inom pa.
"Okay ka lang, Sa?" She whispered. It was always Sen Risa and VP Leni with other people, but when it was just the two of them, they were Sasa and Leon. She only got an affirmative hum as a response.
Risa was about to drink from her bottle again when she stopped her, gently prying the bottle away from her. Risa looked up at her then, their faces millimeters apart. She couldn't help but let out a small gasp. Nanlaki ang mga mata niya. She knew she was beautiful, but up close, it didn't do her justice. Ang ganda. Ang ganda ganda, she thought.
Risa was pouting at her "Bakit mo kinuha? Umiinom pa ako." Her breath ghosted around her face as she speaks. Bakit ba ang lapit-lapit mo? She couldn't help the shivers that ran through her as Risa's hot breath fanned out. It didn't help that Risa's voice became more malambing.
Ang tanong, why is she feeling this way? Bakit parang kinukuryente siya? When she didn't reply, Risa bumped the side of her face with her nose, affectionately trying to hide her face in her neck, "Leon, I'm still drinking. Give me back my drink." She whispered in that malambing voice of her.
"Tama ka na, Sa. Lasing ka na. Tara na, mauna na siguro tayo." They were in their own bubble, buti nalang din at busy ang kanilang mga kaibigan. Plus, they were used to this. Risa and Leni having their own little world.
"But Leooon.." Risa whined, gripping her knee under the table. She placed her hand on top of hers, "Lasing ka na. Lika na." She helped her up, and the boys offered to escort them back to the hotel, but she declined.
"Okay na. Kaya ko na 'to." She said, wrapping an arm around Risa's waist to help keep her upright. Di pa naman ito ganoon kalasing, but still. This would steady them both as they walk. Buti nalang din at walking distance lang sila from the hotel they were staying at. They bid them goodbye or more like she did since Risa wasn't responding na.
When they were walking, Risa slung an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. Their sides flushed against each other.
"Sa, ano ba yan. Paano tayo maglalakad niyan when we're literally tied at the hip? Ayos ka na dali." She tried to shake her a bit but Risa only rested her head on top of hers.
"Antok na ko, Leon." Risa mumbled.
"Alam ko kaya nga uuwi na tayo. Dali na, Sa. The quicker you walk, the quicker we'll get to our room." She tried bumping her sides with her, instead, Risa shifted and pulled her in a tight hug. Effectively tucking her under her chin.
"I can sleep here. Nandito ka naman eh. For some reason, I feel safe and at peace whenever you are around, Leon." That stopped her right there and then because that's what this feels like. Peace. With Risa, everything seems a little quieter, calmer, and peaceful. This, with her, inside the cocoon of her arms -- feels like coming home.
That gave her a pause. It scared her because how could she feel this way with someone else? It felt like she was betraying him.
"You feel like home. Iuwi na kaya kita?" She heard Risa whisper and that made her all the more scared because she felt her heart racing, and she knew that if she asked, seriously asked her, she might just say yes.
She pushed her away then, making Risa lose her footing in the process. She steadied her by grasping her arm and waist. Making Risa laugh since medyo ticklish din pala siya when she's drunk.
Risa tried swatting her hand away but she held on tighter, "Halika na uwi na tayo kung anu-ano na ang pinagsasasabi mo, Sa."
"Uuwi na tayo? Uuwi na kita? Sama ka?" Risa asked, smiling widely at her.
She couldn't help but smile at her too, hindi mo naman 'to maaalala bukas, so just for the heck of it bakit hindi ko sagutin diba?
"Oo, sasama ako." That made Risa giggle, parang bata. Napailing na lang siya as they continued walking. If only it were that easy.
The next morning Risa woke up with a headache and no recollection whatsoever of what happened on their way back to their room. Hindi niya alam if she should be disappointed or relieved. After all, it gave them a free pass from the conversation they had, but a part of her wants her to remember it. Dali na, Sa. Alalahanin mo. Tell me why I make you feel that way.
She never brought it up. How could she when the only other person present in that conversation couldn't even remember it and so she let it be. Filed it under "things they would never talk about".
Election night came, and it was her who stayed up all night with her, watching as the numbers climb up. It was her who called at 3 in the morning to congratulate her when she took over the first place.
She remembered that call, right after she answered she heard her whisper scream, "Ahhhhhh I'm so happy for you, Leon! You did it! It's official, you're VP Leni na! Proud ako sa'yo. Grabe you did it."
She couldn't help but smile at that, "Salamat, Sa... or should I call you Sen. Risa? Hindi ko naman kakayanin kung wala ka... I mean kayo. You all made it possible and congratulations din!"
They were silent after that, both riding high from their wins, "I guess I'll see you soon, VP?" Risa asked.
"I'll see you soon, Sen." With that, they ended their call.
However, it was easier said than done. After they took their oaths, sobrang daming naging trabaho. They tried to keep in touch. Text here and then. Minsan sa Twitter, they would interact. The closest thing they'd get as bonding of sorts was during seminars or conferences where both of them were guest speakers, sa SONAs, and mostly during work meetings. It was always in a workplace setting.
Hindi man niya aminin, she welcomed the distance. It calmed her a bit. Buti na rin 'yon, she thought. It made her feel a little less guilty, for looking at her, for somehow liking her. Like na nga ba niya?
It was like that for a while, seeing her in passing, in meetings until everything shifted because, after then, they'd always see each other around. Sa mall, sa church. It was weird like that. From quick hi-hellos to 2-3-hour lunch breaks, late-night dinners, or coffee pick-me-ups.
It wasn't hard, closing that distance. Parang walang nangyari, parang hindi dalawang taon ang nakalipas since the campaign and their oathtaking, na para bang hindi sila nawalan ng contact sa isa't isa. It was as if they were thrown back to their 2016 selves, during the campaign season where she would let her lean on her shoulder and no one would bat an eye about it because they were so used to seeing it, or how Risa would casually rest her hand on her knees or thighs as she speaks since she's affectionate like that. They were once again, Sasa and Leon of 2016. Affectionate and attentive to each other's needs.
Just like how quickly they fell back into those roles, ganoon din naging kabilis bumalik ang pagpintig ng puso niya whenever she was around. She thought the distance helped, but it turns out it made her heart grow fonder. Parang mas naging doble o baka nga triple pa ang pagkabog nito whenever she was around, mas naging aware rin siya sa presence nito, and it seemed that the electricity? spark? or tension? -- whatever it was between them is much more palpable. Mas dama niya ito, nararamdaman din kaya niya?
Her question was quickly answered when they went out for a late dinner. More like a midnight snack na nga since it was a late drive. Risa called her to tell her she was craving peach mango pie and asked if she wanted to join her for her peach mango pie hunt. She thought it was a joke at first considering it was already nearing 12:00 am. However, she was surprised when she called again and told her to come down already.
Luckily, they found a 24/7 branch. They bought a bunch of "comfort" food and parked their car under a lampost.
They were silent for a while, enjoying their treats, when she finally asked what brought this on, "Okay ka lang ba, Sa?"
Risa glanced at her, "Oo naman. Namiss ko lang bigla."
"Alin? Yung peach mango pie o ako?" She asked jokingly. Hindi niya rin talaga alam saan galing 'yon o yung lakas ng loob niya para itanong 'yon. Risa looked at her then. Really looked at her and she felt like melting on the spot. Bakit ka naman ganyan makatingin, Sa? She looked away then, fiddling with her necklace instead.
"You know, I'm going to be completely honest with you, Leon.. you've been giving me these mixed signals.. Hindi naman ako dense. I can feel it, you know? Pag sinusundan mo ako ng tingin. Nararamdaman ko 'yon. Then we got closer during the 2016 campaign.. and the look.. it got more frequent and intense.. I.. I.. I guess gusto ko lang malaman ano ba talaga tayo?" Ano nga ba talaga sila? She couldn't say na magkaibigan because that would belittle whatever relationship they have, hindi rin naman niya puwedeng sabihin na sila? because how could she? when she can barely even figure it out herself. All she knows is that she likes spending time with her and yes, she still feels safe and at peace whenever she's around. She still feels like home.
And there it was again. That overwhelming sense of guilt.
She was so confused that she decided to downplay it, "Magkaibigan, Risa. We're friends, aren't we? Ano ka ba and what do you mean with I'm giving you mixed signals? May ganon ba? Parang wala naman. Ikaw talaga kung anu-anong napapansin mo." She let out an awkward chuckle, trying to let it slide as a joke, but when she looked up and saw the hurt on Risa's face, she knew she fcked up.
Risa nodded at that, looking down at her now melted chocolate sundae, "Sabi ko nga, magkaibigan... Uh, tara na uwi na tayo. Mag-aalas dos na rin baka mag-alala pa sila sayo." She was about to argue that they weren't done eating but before she could even speak, Risa's already backing away. She dropped her off in front of her building and unlike before when it would take them forever to say their goodbyes, Risa just drove off. Wala man lang ingat ka o kaya goodnight. But then, bakit nga ba? Magkaibigan lang naman sila.
She chose this, didn't she? She boxed them in those friends only label when she could have at least recognized whatever it was that they have -- because they have this unspoken thing between them. Parang sila pero hindi.
2020
She heard from one of their common friends that she went through a recent breakup. Narinig na niya before, around 2019 pa, that she was seeing someone. If she was being honest with herself then, she would say that it hurt. May kirot when she first heard the news about her being in a relationship. But then naalala niya wala naman siyang karapatang masaktan. Magkaibigan lang naman sila diba? Even that, medyo malabo na since after that night, Risa distanced herself from her.
Again, it was as if destiny's playing with her because she saw her in one of her go-to coffee places. It has been a while since she last visited the place but their coffees and cakes were to die for and she suddenly had a craving for it today. So, she decided to visit, feel niya deserve naman niya ito after the day she had. But as her luck would have it nandito rin siya. She couldn't help but curse under her breath. She already placed her usual order. Alangan namang iwan niya diba?
"Coffee for Leni?" The barista announced, she noticed her looking up from whatever it was that she was reading. Their eyes met and she gave her a tentative smile. Unsure of whether she would return the greeting. To her surprise, she smiled at her, giving her an enthusiastic wave. Cute, she thought.
Risa pointed at the chair in front of her, "Okay lang?" She asked to which she replied with an affirmative nod.
"Go lang. Sit. Wala naman akong kasama."
It was tense and awkward for a while. Anong pag-uusapan nila? They haven't been talking since that night. Yes, they do interact pero during work meetings lang.
"Madalas ka rito?" She asked.
"Hindi.. ngayon lang. I think Tricia was the one who recommended this place. Noon pa. Ngayon ko lang ulit naalala when I passed by. I thought why not diba? For a change lang. Ikaw? Madalas ka rito?
"Oo, pero ngayon nalang ulit nakabalik. Namiss ko yung kape at yung pastries nila. Nag-crave tuloy ako kaya dinayo ko na." Risa nodded at that. Ganoon pa rin siya, masugid na nakikinig sa mga kausap niya.
There was a lull in their conversation. Siyempre ano ba namang pag-uusapan nila when they haven't been around each other's lives for 2 years now. It would be weird to bring up work since mukhang nandito sila pareho to unwind.
So, she went with, "Kumusta ka na?"
Risa let out a deep sigh, "Ito... okay naman." She gave her a small smile after, though she could tell that it wasn't her genuine smile.
"That's.. good." Then it was radio silence again. Ganito ba talaga ka-awkward dapat?
From time to time, she would glance at her and she could see that she was eyeing her chocolate cake. Risa and her love for dessert talaga. Healthy buhay pero nakakalimutan pagdating sa sweets. She pushed the plate closer to her, a tentative peace offering.
Risa looked up at her, she gave her an encouraging nod, "Sige na.. you can have it. Feel ko magugustuhan mo."
"Sure ka? We can share it naman. Besides sabi mo namiss mo yung pastries nila."
"Namiss ko nga pero mas namiss kita." She replied and she couldn't help but notice the blush that crept up Risa's cheeks.
"Yan ka na naman eh. You and your.. ewan ko sayo. Kumain ka na nga lang diyan." Risa was about to hand her the fork but she caught her hand instead.
They both looked at each other, gone was the awkwardness and the playfulness from their banter earlier, "Namiss kita, Sa." She said giving her hand a light squeeze.
Risa smiled at her then and this time it was her genuine smile. The one that makes her weak in the knees, "Namiss din kita, Leon."
They were inseparable since then.
LATE 2021 - EARLY 2022
When she finally decided to run for president, after her conversation with her daughters, she was the first one she called.
"Will you be my Vice President?" She asked as soon as she picked up the line.
"Anong pinagsasasabi mo, Leon? What do you mean?" She can hear the rustling of papers. Nasa office pa siguro ito.
"I finally decided to run... gusto ko sana ikaw ang bise ko. Gusto ko ikaw ang kasama ko. Please, Sa. Please think about it."
"Leon, alam mo namang susuportahan kita sa lahat ng bagay diba? Sa tingin ko hindi pa ako handa. I think I still have a lot of work to do in the senate. Marami pa akong kailangang tapusin doon. Kaya sa ngayon, hindi na muna." They were silent after that. Naiintindihahan naman niya where she was coming from. Hindi niya rin naman ito puwedeng pilitin. But still, she had to ask. If there's one person, she would like to do this with, it's her.
"Leon? You do know lagi akong nasa likod mo, right? Even if I'm not running as your VP, I will always support you, cheer for you. Alam mo naman 'yon diba?" She couldn't help but smile at that, remembering the times when she would see her clapping for her, cheering for her. Madalas nga kahit mag-isa, ginagawa pa rin niya.
"Alam ko, Sa. Sana alam at nararamdaman mo rin na ganoon ako sayo." '
"Alam ko at nararamdaman ko. I'll be rooting for you, my President. Goodnight and I'm glad you called."
"Mas masaya akong sumagot ka at narinig ko ang boses mo. Sige na, goodnight. I heard your papers earlier nasa office ka pa ata. It's already late. Uwi na please. Rest na, my Senator. We have an uphill battle ahead of us." She heard her let out a chuckle before ending the line. At least she has her. Hindi man bilang pangalawang pangulo, but knowing she has her support was enough.
Throughout the campaign period, she'd still watch her whenever she can. It doesn't matter if they were in a room full of people, in a crowded place, during sorties, rallies, or speaking engagements. She would always look for her. Lilingon at lilingon talaga siya. She couldn't help it. She is her source of strength, her peace -- her constant.
She still doesn't know whatever this is, however, she'd like to spend the rest of her life figuring it out with her.
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uwi ka na malens baka ikaw yung makakapag pabalik nung fluff era ko charing.