You trudged into your home aimlessly as you chucked Taehyung’s keys into the tray, completely drained. Not physically at all, but mentally, emotionally. You’d decided to tuck Taehyung’s gift away into the housekeepers’ closet, knowing he would have no reason to go there.
You dragged your feet lazily to the main area, plopping down onto a large Leather Italia sofa, laying yourself across with an arm draped over your tired eyes, mind utterly storming.
You didn’t know Jimin’s words could leak so deeply into the crevices of your doubtful mind, leaving you with a near headache and entirely rethinking your relationship with Taehyung.
You’d realize now how utterly blind you were, how in fact, much of what you did for Taehyung never stemmed from impressing some cameras or bettering an image, it all felt.. innate to do them with Taehyung.
You did them because you voluntarily desired to, felt those feelings from the bottom of your heart. You truly desired to be there whenever he felt alone, desired to help him whenever he needed it, desired to be his solace in a world where his life was so demanding, so busy and mentally draining.
You wholly desired to do things for Taehyung.
Not to mention Jimin was right to point out your jealousy, which funnily enough could be worse than Taehyung’s. You’d often disregard the ugly emotion for your own good, but couldn’t leave it unaddressed any longer.
Hell, the first time you two made out was the result of you growing jealous over women gawking at him, and even caused a messy fight solely because you grew wildly envious at another woman touching and being alone with him.
Better yet, now that you thought about it, you hated the idea of another woman making advances on him that wasn’t you. Your reason was fair; the very thought aggravated the low self-esteem issues you’ve always had whenever it came to him, thinking you could never match up to a man of Taehyung’s caliber, that other women could be better for him anyway.
Despite that thought, however, you always considered you truly never wanted to see him with anybody else except you, no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself you two were only forced together.
Even the gift you’d planned for him was another telltale sign.
You desired to gift him the camera not only as repayment for all the things he’s done and given you, but because you secretly wanted to see the way his expression would light up upon receiving it, especially considering it was a meaningful, special gift nobody has ever given him before.
It was in fact true you did research for the camera, secretly canvassed his photos when he wasn’t home to study the photos he took. He indeed took some shots in black and white, though you remembered Taehyung telling you he felt as though photography was like his way of seeing the world through his own lens, and judging by the beautiful photos he took of scenery, the outside world, the people he loved, colour is what stood out to you the most.
And so you chose the coloured version of the Leica camera film, even noticed as handsome as he is in all black looks and shades, he tended to lean towards lighter, warm colours; silvers, greys, whites, beiges and browns, and so you even chose the silver chrome colour for the camera.
These whimsical thoughts made you acknowledge all the information you’d come to store about him, whether it was intentional or not, directly or indirectly. You’d come to notice that you learned such trivial, little things about him as a person that helped you understand him, even cater to his specific likes and preferences. That you enjoyed seeing him smile as a result, wanting to always provide him with reasons to be happy.
Then came the storm of Jimin’s harsher words, realizing Taehyung actually, funnily enough, did the same for you too. Jimin was right, you were wrong and quite frankly, rude to assume everything Taehyung did was only fake and for the cameras. Especially once contemplating his personal disregard for publicity, and everything he’s done for you behind closed doors.
His overflowing consideration for you during your sexual activities, knowing what Kiseok did to you? His innate sense to protect you? Defend you? You never asked Taehyung to be your saviour, to be your knight and shining armour, and yet he happened to be just those things whenever you needed it most, all without overstepping or impeding.
And that sense of protection you’ve now realized, came from his own care for others, from Taehyung’s warm, kind character, his altruistic heart and soul, and so did many other things.
Calling you his princess? Holding you out on the balcony and telling you you deserve an entire universe? Calming you down whenever your emotions grew frantic? Staying up late and picking you up from a bar when you were near wasted? Letting you intoxicatingly cry on him for hours when you couldn’t bear any of your pain anymore?
Why did this all slip your mind before, and most importantly, how could you have so blatantly ignored how it all made you feel? How much you’d grown used to his attention and care while neglecting the way it brightened up all the darkest parts inside you?
How could you not see how important Taehyung was to your life?
Your life had in fact changed drastically ever since you met him, and you could no longer ignore the fuzziness you felt in your chest whenever he touched you, whenever you found his eyes already looking your way or simply listened to his comforting, low voice. The way your heart flutters every time he calls you endearingly by your pet names, every time you feel the warmth of his protective hands, treats you softly and gently, becomes teasing and suggestive until you’re craving to feel his sinful touch, to have him ruin you in ways you desired.
But the most prominent feeling of all, was how less lonely you felt with Taehyung, how you felt as though maybe your life didn’t have to be doomed to one of solitude, don’t have to pretend to put on a brave face and take on the world as though you’re invincible. He was by your side, and he’d proven countless times he would be there if you ever faltered.
That’s when the realization dawned on you as blatantly as possible.
I can’t live without Taehyung.
Even if you were afraid of falling in love after Kiseok, even if you felt as though you’re unworthy of love ever since your mother, it felt easy to feel so strongly for Taehyung you couldn’t even contain it within yourself anymore, to feel your heart smile at the very thought of him.
To feel like you were falling for him everyday, and couldn’t stop even if you tried.
Your world was then flipped upside down, so in shock at the abysmal storm in your mind you smacked your hands over your heated face, kicking at the couch in denial. You felt your chest bleed, fill with that one perfectly imperfect emotion you never thought possible with Taehyung before.
Love.
You wanted to bonk yourself on the head, you can’t be feeling this way about Taehyung, right? You can’t have feelings for him. It’s impossible, absurd, not when your marriage is just a gigantic publicity stunt. Your marriage is fake, your feelings are fake, this entire thing is fake so you can’t feel something, right?
Right?
Just when you were going to scream into a pillow you suddenly heard the front door knob shuffling, instantly shooting up thinking the housekeepers were busying themselves odd places in the house.
You watched the door open to surprisingly reveal Taehyung, who was home far earlier than he should’ve been. His face was almost entirely hidden behind his plaid scarf, eyes following him unusually lumber into the foyer after shutting the door behind himself.
You immediately propped off the sofa, prodding your away over to him as you inquired. “Hey, baby, you’re home early today?” You grimaced instantly, reprimanding yourself for naturally using a pet name.
You don’t have feelings for Taehyung, stop it.
“Yeah..” Taehyung responded oddly weak, listlessly removing his shoes as he set down his briefcase.
You noticed his eyes seemed tired, his actions sluggish and strangely unbalanced. “Taehyung, is everything alright?”
You watched him sway on his feet, though quickly catch himself. “Yeah.. I’m fine.”
But he didn’t sound like it, and your concern skyrocketed, stepping towards him with worry. You watched him drearily struggle to untie his scarf, immediately reaching for his hands to unravel the muffler yourself. His eyes were half-lidded, appearing much too exhausted and it only spiked your concern.
Though once you’d remove the scarf, however, mountainous worry overrode your system finding Taehyung’s face extremely flushed, a light sheen of sweat littering his skin as he seemed to breathe irregularly, harshly. You smelled no alcohol from him, subsequent trepidation sinking into your stomach.
“Taehyung, are you okay? Did-”
“Of course.. why wouldn’t I be?” He cut you off, leaning down to nab his briefcase. He attempted moving past you, but you swiftly blocked his path, latching onto his arm as you brought the back of your hand to Taehyung’s forehead.
And your eyes immediately went wide.
Holy fuck, he’s burning.
“Taehyung, oh my God, I think you have a fever.” You began gently feeling his face, the heat and light sweat alarming you.
“I’m fine, Princess, I have some work to do since I left early, anyway.” He tried dismissing and walking past you again, though his weakened state allowed you to stop him in his tracks, gripping him urgently. “Taehyung, no, you have a fever, you can’t work-”
“I don’t get fevers, or sick, okay? I’m fine.” Taehyung was evidently in some sort of denial, attempting to step away but you weren’t having any of it.
“Hey, listen to me.” You became authoritative, halting him once again. “You’re not well, Tae. You need to go to bed, you can’t work like this.”
“I said I’m-” Taehyung would’ve finished if he didn’t suddenly wince, losing balance and unexpectedly faltering. You caught him worriedly, the heat radiating off his weak body sending you into panic. His briefcase fell from his hand, his breaths scarily laboured.
“Oh my God, Taehyung, Taehyung!” You couldn’t even move him to look at his face, only felt him unable to stand upright, your heart speeding up rapidly.
“Mrs. Choi! Mrs. Seo! Come down quickly, please!” You called alarmingly, holding Taehyung up as you listened to him senselessly murmur that he was okay, and didn’t need your help.
You silenced him right away, holding onto him securely. “Taehyung, stop. You’re not okay.” Your hand came up to worriedly clutch the back of his head, trying to stabilize your shaky voice. “I’ll take care of you, okay? I’ll take care of you, I promise.”
The housekeepers came rushing to you in seconds, frantically addressing the situation as helpfully as they could. They explained Taehyung rarely gets sick, and so even they were panicked on what to do.
Mrs. Choi helped you carry Taehyung up the stairs while Mrs. Seo began preparing supplies under your instruction, Taehyung himself wearily trying to deny everyone’s help while you constantly reminded him otherwise.
You managed to get Taehyung into your room, asking Mrs. Choi to help Mrs. Seo with the supplies and bring them to you urgently. They both requested they could take care of Taehyung though you insisted you’d do it, far too worried for him.
There was no way in hell you’d abandon Taehyung right now.
He sat feebly on your bed, chest rising and falling too unevenly as he seemed to be in distress. You tried removing his jacket, peeling off the lapels until he resisted you.
“Taehyung, hey, c’mon, let’s change your clothes before you lay down” You said softly, but he grumbled near incoherently. “Princess, I don’t need.. I’m fine..”
You leveled yourself to his height, speaking persuasively. “Taehyung, you’re not okay, alright? I’m right here, so let me take care of you, please?” You insisted, and even though Taehyung wanted to deny you, he oddly found security in your presence, replying weakly.
“Okay..”
You quickly removed his jackets and worked his tie off him, unbuttoning his shirt, his balance faltering a few times from dreariness. You moved even quicker to get him changed, shredding off his shirt and nearly feeling the sheer heat radiating off his body, though Taehyung appeared to simultaneously shiver.
You let him rest on the sheets of the bed as you searched for a pajama set of his, quickly nabbing it and settling before him. “Taehyung, I need you to stand up for me, okay?”
He made some sort of noise that sounded like agreeance, his entire condition so weakened it nearly brought tears to your eyes. You shook the feeling away, helping him onto his feet as you lightly instructed him through changing his clothes with you.
His pajama bottoms eventually settled around his hips, softly requesting him to weave his arms through the sleeves of his night button up. He seemed calmer wearing fresh clothes, guiding him onto the bed and under the covers. You readjusted his pillows to his liking and rested his body, though he still visibly breathed through his mouth, producing sweat with a heightened temperature.
You found a seat by his edge of the bed, smoothing over his arm as you inquired. “Taehyung, tell me, what do you feel right now?” His external symptoms were tangible to you, but you needed his internal ones for reference in case of a doctor, already on overdrive contemplating that scenario.
He groaned slightly as he brought his palm over his eyes, evidently trying to endure some sort of pain instead of responding to you. Your concern only grew tenfold, despising the fact that he’s so distressed.
“Taehyung, baby, please tell me what you’re feeling. I can take care of you better that way, describe it to me.” You encouraged him.
Taehyung visibly winced again before bringing himself to speak, weak and entirely drained in sound. “My head.. I have the worst headache.” He started, drifting in and out of the present world. “I feel.. hot on the outside but cold, I’m shivering.” He informed, to which you casted the blanket all the way up to his neck, even acquiring an extra throw to drape over him. “What else? How does your body feel?”
“All my muscles just hurt.. fuck, I feel really weak.” He complained, wrapping the blanket tighter around himself and you lightly tucked it around his body, Mrs. Choi and Seo entering the room.
“Mrs. Kim, we have the things you’ll need.”
“Thank you, you can set them down here.” You quickly motioned towards the night table, Mrs. Seo bringing forth a chair. “This is for you, Mrs. Kim. Please let us know if you’ll need anything.”
“Thank you, I’ll be just fine.” You tried to smile, but your low spirits wouldn’t allow it.
They both bowed politely and exited the room, leaving you to set up your chair next to Taehyung’s side of the bed. You picked up the cloth drenched in cold water and wrung out the excess, bringing it towards a closed-eyed, uneasy Taehyung.
You lightly removed his hair from his forehead to place the cloth on his near burning skin, watching him settle down at the cool touch. You gained comfort seeing him relax, his voice suddenly sounding out.
“Ari.. you don’t.. you shouldn’t have to take care of me.” His breaths were still harsh, forcing his eyes open to peer at you, lips hidden behind the blanket you’d pulled even higher for him. His look was reminiscent of sheer guilt, regret, as if him being ill was some sort of terrible thing on his part.
And your heart grew three times its original size.
“Taehyung,” You called him softly, bringing your cold, anemic hands to his warm cheeks. “I’ll always want to take care of you, okay? I’m really worried, and I can’t do anything else knowing you’re not well.” You gave him a smile, watching him visibly settle under your cold hands, his eyes fluttering nearly shut.
You grinned at the sight, glad the contrast between his warmth and your coldness coming in handy for once. “Did you eat something today, Taehyung?”
He nodded lightly. “Mm, I had lunch.”
You took a sigh of relief, heart easing up. “That’s good, take some medication and sleep for me, okay? You need rest, and I’ll be here if you need anything.” You offered supportively, to which he again nodded, his eyes telling of exhaustion.
You’d managed to help him up and down some medication for his fever, dabbing a clean cloth to his skin and replenishing the press for his forehead, fixing him into a more comfortable position. You gently told him to sleep, lightly caressing his hair as you attempted to quell any of the trifling worries he spoke of, especially concerning work.
Your chest still felt heavy seeing Taehyung in such an ill state, but settled watching him eventually doze off soundlessly, his pretty eyelashes fluttering shut as the sound of his breathing fell into a peaceful rhythm.
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So i thought to update early before i forget. Well i am still in my bed and haven't moved so... Good morning.
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