"Thank you so much for dinner, Iz! And the necklaces they're so cute I love them so much." Allie squealed out of excitement.
I smiled and formed a little heart with my hands. "I hope you had a good birthday."
"I did." She said. "You sure know how to make up for your fuck ups."
"Stop!" I exclaimed. "I already feel bad enough."
She laughed while she put on her coat and wrapped her scarf around her neck. "Fine, I'll stop just because you paid for dinner."
I rolled my eyes. "You're a pain in my ass."
"You love it."
For Allie's birthday we went to an Italian place in the city. The food was absolutely delicious and the restaurant was very nicely decorated. We spent the past 2 hours chatting shit about everything and everyone while absolutely devouring our food. There were many moment where I considered telling her about Ms. Porter and my feelings towards her but I ended up staying quiet. I knew my feelings were one sided and it would be delusional to think that there might actually be something there. I didn't want to hear that confirmation by telling Allie. I'd rather spend a little longer stuck in my own delusion without someone else telling me what I already know.
—
"Julian?" I frowned. "What are you doing here?"
He laughed and pulled me in for a hug. "Hello to you too, Izzie."
"Get fucked." I giggled. "Since when are you in this class?"
"My teacher thinks I'm not functioning well enough in his class and he think if I attend Ms. Porter her classes I will behave better or some bullshit like that."
"Oi, such a bad boy you are." I replied.
He laughed and softly pushed my back. "Now you're stuck with me."
"Gladly so. Wanna sit together?"
"That would be an honor."
I rolled my eyes and signed to Chelsea that I was sitting next to Julian today. She nodded and sat down next to Yasmin, one of her other friends.
I caught a glimpse of Ms. Porter walking in but only looked at her for a split second before turning my attention back to Julian.
"So how is everything with you?" I asked him. "It's been a while since I saw you and you suck at texting."
"Everything is good. The people are really nice, most of them at least. How about you?"
"Good! Everything is fine. I met some really cool people so it's been good."
"Got a girlfriend yet?" Julian asked. "Since you didn't want me."
"Ohhh, fuck off." I said maybe a little too loud. "Even if I was straight you wouldn't stand a chance."
"Ouch, Iz! You're hurting my feelings." He laughed.
I rolled my eyes but smiled. "But no, no girlfriend for me."
"Give it some time, you're too pretty to be single."
"God, you're such a man." I said. "It's unbelievable."
"Izzie, quiet please." Ms. Porter called from across the room. I hadn't even noticed that class already started.
"Sorry." I mumbled.
—
After class I grabbed my stuff and made my way outside trying to avoid everyone. I didn't feel like being around people after class. I just wanted to get my book and read outside in the fresh air. It was peculiar how much I enjoyed being outside, even during the cold months. There was just something about being in nature. It made me feel at ease.
As I was sitting down against the tree I couldn't help but think about how not too long ago I was in this exact spot wrapped in Ms. Porter her arms. It had been something that was constantly on my mind. Even after a week I hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. There were no words to describe how safe I felt. I wanted to be able to choose that exact moment and experience it all over again.
I had felt nervous when she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me closer. I wondered if she could feel my heart beating through my chest. I wondered if she could feel it skip a beat the moment my head touched her shoulder. I was hesitant to rest my head on her shoulder but I did it and it was so beautifully tense in a way. It was intimate. Too intimate for a student and a teacher and I think we both realized that.
But I didn't mind, and she didn't seem to either. We just sat there, waiting for one of us break the silence.
It messed with my head thinking about it. I couldn't put in words how intimate it felt. It felt so intense that at times I was convinced we were committing a crime.
I sighed and tried to focus on my book. Thinking about her confused me. It confused me because even though I know she would never have romantic feelings for me, even though I know this is all in my head, there was no denying the tension between us when I was alone with her, wrapped in her arms, in the dark, in middle of the night. That was real.
Ms. Porter POV
The day dragged on slowly and I could feel my head pounding. I loved teaching but after hours of repeating the same things over and over again I got tired of it. My pencil was hovering over the papers I had to grade but my eyes were drifting off to the tree outside of the window.
I was tired. I had been for a while. Besides teaching, my personal life was rough. The situation between me and my ex-boyfriend was messier than I dared to admit. What started off as innocent fights and discussion now turned into threatening and harassing. I tried to ignore most of it, not taking anything too serious yet. I tried to lay low, do my job and not worry anyone around me. So far it had worked but it took a toll on me emotionally. I didn't want to have to deal with this.
I was still staring out of the window when I noticed someone had sat down against the tree. I couldn't really see who it was from here but as soon as I saw the bag that was placed next to the person sitting down I knew who it was. It was Izzie. It always seemed to be Izzie, wherever I went.
I didn't mind having her around so much. It always felt unusual to form a closer relationship with students outside of the classroom. It was something I avoided and never really did, but Izzie seemed to somehow have squeezed her way in very slowly.
And I let her. I let her get close to me and sometimes even reached out to her myself. I could tell she found some sort of comfort in me and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel the same. Talking to her made me smile. It made me forget about my own personal life for a bit. It felt like whenever we were alone the world paused for a minute and the world was reserved for just us. It was a feeling I didn't understand and couldn't stand to think too much about. I didn't allow myself to think it through because I was afraid of what might come to the surface, what feelings might be brought to light within my own comfortable space.
I watched as she reached over to her bag and grab a book. I giggled. It was freezing cold outside and there she still was outside reading a book. I wanted to walk over there and wrap a blanket around her but I knew she couldn't care less about the cold. It reminded me of last week when I wrapped my arms around her in attempt to keep her warm. I wondered if she could feel my heartbeat. I wondered if she could feel it speed up everytime her hair tickled my cheek. If anyone would've seen us that night it would've been a problem. I would've raised suspicion, but I didn't seem to think about the consequences then, or maybe I just didn't care.
Even in class today I couldn't help but notice how she seemed so bubbly and happy today. No matter how many times I told her off, she didn't seem to pay much attention to me and just continued laughing with the guy next to her. I had felt annoyed at her but I wasn't sure if it was for the right reasons. I wanted to give her detention but I didn't want to purposefully be alone with her.
I had to shake myself awake from my thoughts. I couldn't possibly be going down this road. I felt disgusted with myself. Disgusted about the fact that it didn't feel disgusted.
The sun had already set and Izzie was still sat outside on the cold grass. She had pulled out her phone to use as a flashlight. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why she would voluntarily sit outside in this weather but I secretly found it endearing.
Against my own advice I decided to go up to her. I knew better than to try to get her to go back up to her room so I brought her a cup of hot chocolate hoping it'd offer some sort of warmth.
"You are an insane woman, do you know that?"
Her head tilted and she looked up a little confused but as soon as she saw me she smiled. "Well, hello to you too."
"Why are you alone in the freezing cold in the dark reading a book? Go upstairs!"
"I like it here, let me be." She giggled.
"I figured." I rolled my eyes. "At least take this." I handed her a cup of hot chocolate. "Maybe that will warm you up."
"Is that for me?" She asked genuinely surprised.
"Yes. I couldn't stand watching you freeze to death."
"So dramatic, but thank you." She took the cup from my hands. "That's nice."
"You're welcome, although I wish you went inside."
"Not gonna happen."
"You're so annoying."
"Were you stalking me or something?" She laughed.
Even though it was a joke I still felt uneasy, like I had been caught doing something wrong. I shuffled a little before answering.
"No, but I could see you from my window and it was hard to watch you suffer."
"I'm not suffering." She laughed. "You are so dramatic Adrianna."
My stomach did a little twist when I heard her calling me by my name. "Finally calling me by name."
"I figured I'd switch it up every now and then."
"As long as you don't pull funny stuff during class." I said.
She pretended to lock her lips and threw away the key. "It's our little secret."
I giggled. "I wouldn't call it a secret, but I'll take it."
"Want to join me?" Izzie asked while patting down next to her.
"You are crazy. I was just checking to see if you're still alive, I'm going back to my comfortable, warm room."
"Boring." She rolled her eyes.
"Happily so."
"I'm kidding of course, wouldn't want to hurt your feelings."
"That's no way to talk to your teacher."
"My sincere apologies, Ms. Porter." She grinned.
I rolled my eyes again but I couldn't help but smile a little, hoping she wouldn't be able to notice in the dark. "So, how are you?"
"I'm really good." She smiled. "How are you?"
"Good to hear! I'm good." I lied, not wanting to rant about my personal life to my student.
"That's good." She smiled.
"Well, I'm going back inside, but please don't stay outside for too long. It's really cold."
"No worries. I will soon."
"Bye, see you tomorrow." I said.
"Bye, miss." She replied and turned her head back to her book.
I walked back inside and sighed. I didn't want to feel this way. I couldn't.
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A/N: hi guys!! i hope we like the Ms. Porter POV, a little longer this time :) thank you for reading and comments and likes are always veeeeery appreciated it motivates me so much more <3
ps: i just wanted to say, english isn't my first language so i'm sorry if there are any mistakes lol, feel free to correct me though, happy to learn from my mistakes!